Godspousery Notes: But * I * Don't Like IT.

Ever have an argument with your significant other about what you should have for dinner? Or, better yet, an argument with your child about what you should have for dinner? A suggestion gets made that is super healthy but you (or the small person in question) just don't want to have that. The more the disagreement extends out, the more entrenched it seems to become. Now imagine having such an argument with a deity. It doesn't work out too great.

I'm not saying they will force the issue. You have free will, after all, but they will make it unavoidable. So, Saturday evening, I had the equivalent of arguing over if I was going to eat my Lima beans with Loki and Freyr. They told me I needed to let go control over my various aspects to be more genuine and authentic. I argued that it made me extremely uncomfortable. Cut to the long list of various things that I have to do that are uncomfortable for my health and well being. And then the long list of things that I do that are uncomfortable but I do them for pleasure.

In the end, I was left with the fact that I was whining about not wanting to do something that was good for me because I didn't like doing it and it squicked me out. And both of them reminded me that needs are a higher priority than wants. As well as the truism that feelings are not facts. Thus, my desire to be in absolute control over myself all the time was of lower priority than my mental health. And my feelings that there was something wrong with me, thus I had to be in complete control all the time are incorrect and not facts.

The time after that is something of a blur. I remember writing something. I remember picking out a brand new notebook to write in for this. When I re-read what I wrote, it felt weird. It wasn't like writing when I'm eyeballs deep in the writing process. It was like reading someone else's writing, complete with some changes to my hand writing. It was uncomfortable. But, it is something I need to do on a regular basis, as per their very strong encouragement. Weirdly, afterwards, I slept better than I had in the last week. Like something that needed resolved started to have some progress on it or something.