Dear Reader,
I have been struggling to get things done and work on my writing. I realized that I'm in a mixed episode that falls more towards the depressed side of the ledger. I am having a hard time focusing and I'm super anxious. It is not something that encourages getting work done. I'm disabled due to mental illness and times like now I am forced to admit this is not something I can ignore and simply push through.
In an attempt to be brutally honest with you and myself, I must admit that keeping up with daily blog posts on multiple topics is too much of a strain right now. I'm struggling with stuff off-line like keeping up with the household chores at the moment because of how my brain chemistry is off kilter. I genuinely and sincerely wish that I wasn't feeling like a complete failure because I'm sick. It has me feeling like I should just delete this blog and give up all of my hopes and dreams of being a 'real' writer.
Depression and a laundry list of bad experiences come together to act as the exact opposite of a cheering section. It highlights all of the possible negative outcomes. It convinces me that everything is futile and all that I have accomplished thus far is simply luck and vanity.
Scumbag brain is a hell of a drug.
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