Moura 2025 CE: Day 9

 I apologize for not posting over the last few days. Life here has been somewhat chaotic. My father-in-law died Wednesday night in his sleep. The kids are still in a state of shock. Beloved is working very hard to make sure that his late father's wishes are respected in death by the extended family. (There's a few people trying to big foot it and assume charge over matters in complete ignorance of what the man wanted.) Beloved's siblings are working just as hard and all three of them are doing their best to support their mother, who is beside herself with grief.

I didn't sleep well last night. The concept of Beloved dying and being no longer physically present in my life disturbed me deeply. The only reason I got to thinking about that was because my parents-in-law met as children and were married almost 55 years. While Beloved is in relatively good health (as am I when all things are considered), the thought of this person I adore suddenly being gone from my life is heartbreaking. Given my very vivid imagination, the nightmares were rather realistic and tragic.

While typically, Beloved's snoring is a bit annoying, I am relieved and thankful to hear it right now. It grounds me in reality where I still have my little family and that we're all ok.

Moura 2025 CE: Day 2

 Moura Day, which was yesterday, had me busy with minding tasks to keep my household on an even keel. With the death of our beloved pet fish named Snap (he was a betta that lived a long life), the kids are disappointed but hoping that our next betta fish lives longer. Today, I will be cleaning out the tank and doing a ton of dishes because I went on a cooking binge on Wednesday. The entire pan of brownies that I made are gone, except for two. But the neighbors and their kids helped with that. It was a big pan of brownies that I thought was going to last longer than two days. I was wrong.

By pure coincidence, I spent Moura Day in meditation on the subject of death. It happened that the fish died that day and that my father in law, who has been living with liver failure, is actively dying now. I don't know how things are going to go on that front. The hospital said he may have a few days or a few weeks. Today is the man's birthday and I believe he's still alive but in pain and miserable. It's an awful way to have your birthday pass. Amity Day came and went with him in the hospital for a fall. That was when they discovered his liver enzymes were high. He decided that he was done with treatment for his liver failure and that's when life got complicated (Tuesday).

To say the least, the kids are upset that their grandfather is dying. They have a close relationship with him. I am doing my best to support them, Beloved, his siblings, and his mother. There isn't really much I can do but hold space and be a shoulder for people to cry on as needed. I have been praying with gratitude that I came out of the year long depressive episode in time to be of assistance. I truly believe that was a blessing.

My altar is coated in dust and spiderwebs. (The apartment has a dust problem due to the paint that was used and it has always driven me batty.) So, if I can today, I will be cleaning everything up there. I still have the earth tones colored altar cloth on it that I use for the season of Moura. It will, quite obviously, need cleaned as well. I know that Déa is merciful and forgiving, as well as understanding of the challenges that have lead me to neglect the altar. I still feel badly that it is in the state it is in.

I have no great conclusions on the topic of death. Except that death is complicated and simple at the same time, much like life. I suspect that I will be looking at this topic through the lens of what is happening in my family. I have been praying that Déa will be kind and that Sai Kala will come for my father in law soon. The man is suffering and, as much as I dislike him, I don't think that is a good death. A death with pain and agony is ill fated, regardless of what happens to the soul after it has shuffled off the mortal coil. I don't wish that on any living being. I recognize it happens very often, but that does not make it good. It only makes it common.