Vintage Veiling: Lacy Fascinator

Dear Reader,

I'm attempting this pattern again. My last attempts are documented somewhere in the posts from the last year. I tried recreating it using sport weight yarn. I got something that was better suited to be a shawl (which I eventually did turn into a shawl but that's a different story). This time, I'm going to go with a finer weight yarn to see if I can get this 'lace' effect that I'm supposed to. No amount of blocking opened up the 'lace' for this thing. So, I'm going down a notch or two on the yarn weight and I'm going to try it again with size 2 sport weight yarn instead of size 4.

I'll post my notes and a picture of the finished result when I get it done.The picture to the right is what it was supposed to look like. The picture below is how my final result came out in my last attempt.

No amount of blocking opened it up. I didn't put the tassels on because I was running low on yarn. This time, I have a whole heap of yarn and I expect I'll have some left over to possibly make another project when I get done with this. (I won some lovely peach colored sport weight size 2 yarn at spinning guild's silent auction last year. I now finally know what I'm going to do with it.)

Spinning Magic (2/3)

Me and my current spinning project.

In my previous post, I gave a quick overview of spinning magic. Today, I will give some examples of how I use spinning in my magical work. As I mentioned, the process of spinning intention into your thread is rather simple. Just focus on your intention and do your spinning as you envision the intention's energy being drawn into the thread along with the kinetic energy of the spindle's motion. This drawing in of energy adds twist to your fiber and keeps it from coming apart.

After adding twist to your fiber and making your single thread, you wind it off into skein. This is another opportunity to add another layer of intention. The skein is then soaked with water and weighted to set the twist. Yep, as you may have guessed, you can soak intention into the single with your water if you have blessed it or are using some water that you have magically charged. After this, you allow your skein to dry out and if you choose you can use it as it is. Or, you can wind it up into a ball and twist it together with another ball of yarn in a process called plying. Add more intention in the plying process, repeat the wetting and drying process with more intention, and in the end you have a very magically potent yarn.

This yarn can then be used to make magically charged items. If you are making a poppet of someone and you are going through the whole process of spinning yarn that you then knit or crochet into a doll, you can include a length of their hair in the spinning to incorporate their energy into your work. You can also make what most spinners would term 'art yarn' with things like feathers, crystal beads, and shells included in it. It is a labor intensive process, but it makes for a witch's ladder that is unlike the braided variety.

I don't make 'art yarn' because I find it difficult with a drop spindle. I'm not yet brave enough to try it on my spinning wheel because I'm still learning to use the thing. That said, I have used magically charged yarn to make wedding cords for marriages I have officiated which help bind the pair getting married together. I have used magically charged yarns to make bags to hold charmed objects and spell components. I have used magically charged yarns to make prayer shawls for healing as well.

Moura Accountability post no. 2

Dear Reader,

I have been super busy with housework. I suppose this is a good thing as it is part of my goals for Moura to get this place cleaned up in preparation for Eastre and Spring. The last week has been just busy because the kids had break from school. As a result, I was juggling keeping them entertained and keeping peace in the household when they got bored. It cut into my plan to do more meditation and writing. Still, I got some journal work done every day of the week. It was hard, but I accomplished it. I tried to meditate before bed and just wound up falling asleep.

Today, I have cleaned up almost the entire kitchen. I just have the stove to wash up and the microwave. The table has a clean tablecloth on it and the place mats got washed up yesterday. All of that happened because an excited child accidentally spilled a full glass of milk on the table. Fortunately, none of the important papers had any milk get on them. This lead to my sorting and filing a heap of papers that I kept forgetting about over the last two weeks. Yesterday was a day that I got a whole lot done.

Today has been as much of a challenge because the kids had a snow day due to this winter storm that blew through. My plan for tomorrow is to finish up the batch cooking that I was going to do today but didn't really have access to the table (my youngest was making masterpieces, I couldn't interrupt an artist at work). I am pleased to report that I wrote six devotional poems Friday. Yesterday, I wrote one. I'm going to try to write three today. If I can manage to do it, I want to try to write at least one devotional poem a day for the whole of Moura.

I am making good progress on my editing of my latest text. I am close to ready to ordering proof copies. It is my hope that it still reads well when I get it done. I feel like I am cutting out a lot of deadwood but I don't think that is a problem. It also has made clear to me that I have a few other things I need to fix and clean up as I go along. So, probably in the next two weeks I will be ready to work on proofs.

An unexpected story.

Dear Reader,

I'm a story teller by trade. It's part of what I do and part of my magical lineage. The night of Moura Eve, I was awakened with the feeling of someone sitting and watching me. I sat up somewhat disturbed by this sensation. That was when I saw Ganesha sitting on a lotus throne. He held his head on one of his left hands (Lord Ganesha had four arms in this vision) and where the blood sprang from his severed neck, lilies grew. He then set his head upon his neck and told me the following story.

The First Winter of Alfheim

It was time for the third harvest. The wheat and barley was green in the field, withering from the roots up. The fruit in the trees did not ripen fully. Famine was upon the land for the fruits of the first and second harvest had been consumed for want of the fruit of the third. Such was the quantity of death in Alfheim that Hel herself came from Helheim to collect them.

Freyr and Gerða entertained Hel at their hall, as befitting a visiting ruler. Solemn Hel ate no bread, had no meat, nor drank any wine or mead. She merely sat at their table engaged in conversation in the evening after spending her day gathering her dead from the people and beasts down to the last blade of grass and withered leaf of the day. Freyr asked Hel what they might do to appease her desire for his people.

She answered that the greatest among them should give up their greatest treasure for a season. Many came to appeal, bringing treasures and wonders in great quantity such that would ransom a king. Hel turned them away, saying that was not what she had come for. Freyr went to his mother, Nerthus to hold council and learn what the wise Queen of Vanaheim would do. As he laid eyes on his mother, sudden knowledge came to him. Nerthus looked on him and asked if he knew what he must do. He looked to Gerða and the certainty of the solution settled into his breast. He asked his mother for help.

They went to Alfheim. They went to a barley field where the plants were green yet withering from the roots. Nerthus embraced her noble son tenderly. She then cut his wrist with a sickle for gathering herbs. Freyr laughed at the sharpness of the cut as he sat in Gerða's arms. As his blood flowed into a bowl, a few drops fell out into the field to grow up as poppies. Cornflowers grew where Gerða's tears fell for her beloved's sacrifice. Hel witnessed the rite with a solemn nod of approval.

Freyr was attired in kingly garb and laid within a strong barrow with all the goods he would need on his journey to Helheim. As this was done, Gerða began to bleed and she lost the child she carried before it had limbs and form in the womb. As the mingled life essence of mother and child fell to the parched earth, they became water. As Freyr's life essence was sprinkled over the fields, rain began to fall.

The skies grew black and the rain was cold. This was a sign of things to come. It was not long after Freyr arrived at Helheim that winter came to Alfheim for the first time. Gerða guided them through that hard season. There was a good queen.

Moura Accountability Post No. 1

Dear Reader,

I know that several people in the Filianic blogosphere and social networks are going quiet for Moura. I'm doing something different because I'm struggling to stay focused and this is going to help. So, for each day of Moura, I am posting an assessment of how I am doing on my goals.

My goals for Moura:
1. Journal daily
2. Exercise daily
3. Abstain from diet soda and sweets
4. Get the apartment deep cleaned for spring

Yesterday, I spent my day out of the house running errands and bringing my eldest son to a dentist appointment. In my progress of doing so, I got in a little over 30 minutes walking. I didn't have any sweets or diet soda. (I can't say that I'm abstaining from sugar for Moura when I have diabetes and pretty much have to do it anyways.) I didn't get much done on the cleaning front because of all the running around yesterday. I did get some journal work done, though not as much as I would like to have.

Today, I have cleaned about a third of the kitchen. I did my morning yoga. I have part of my journal work done. I am planning on getting some mending done for a shirt and two child sized aprons. I am also planning on finishing cleaning up the kitchen and getting my plants watered. I'll try to post later this evening, well update this post... Anyways, I'll try to come back and note what I have accomplished today.

I have decided that for Moura, I am wearing the colors of Sai Rhavë and the Dark Mother. It is a silent act of devotion and a plea for their help for me to reestablish these healthier habits.

ETA:

I got a bit more of the kitchen cleaned. The stove and such are on my list for tomorrow. I haven't gotten to my mending because children happened. I'm still working on my journal work and trying to get back to my daily planner notes. Being sick last week messed with that. It is fairly late in the day, I think I am going to finish those two tasks and then rest a bit before prepping for tomorrow. I got 15 minutes of walking in by pacing around the apartment and 5 minutes of yoga before my back was really complaining. My goal tomorrow is 10 minutes of yoga and possibly some real exercise because pacing the hallway is terribly boring.

Blog post place holder.

Dear Reader,

As you may have noticed, I've been having difficulty posting lately. As my children are currently on break right now, it is extra challenging. I'm attempting to cue up topics for future material but I'm having difficulties. Check back in next Monday for new material. This week is going to be a time for working on things backstage and doing some research.

Thank you so much for your patience.

Vintage Veiling: Shaker Style Bonnet pattern review

I set out to make the Shaker Style Bonnet pattern from an online vintage crochet library. The pattern dates to the 1950s, as best I can tell. It wasn't entirely clear what kind of yarn it required in modern style yarn. The brand it referenced is off the market and I don't know what weight it was. I set out with my sport weight yarn and the size F hook it called for.

The end result was something that would have fit a toddler. The picture featured a grown adult. I ripped it out and started over again with some adjustments. I used a size H hook. My starting chain was 18 stitches long, not 9. I single crochet down the first side of the starting chain until I reached the last stitch. There, I worked five single crochet into that stitch and worked my way down the back of the chain. From this point on, I worked in rows. Row two was single crochet down to the first of the five stitches I made in the end, work an increase, work three stitches, work an increase, and then single crochet to the end of the row. Row three was single crochet down to the increase. Work another increase.

Work one single crochet, increase, single crochet, increase, another single crochet, followed by an increase in what would have been the increase on the opposite side of that turn. After this, I did single crochet down to the end of my row. Row four was single crochet two stitches, work an increase; then work two more single crochet in the next two stitches and followed by an increase in the third stitch around the whole row. I ended row four on a single crochet. After this, I worked rows of single crochet (21 more to be precise).

My edging was a stripe of single crochet in contrast color followed by a row of half double crochet. That was when I discovered that the whole affair required a bicycle clip style headband to keep it on. I didn't have one, so I ripped back my edging to make a single crochet row followed by a set of twenty chain stitches. I then made my edging in double crochet. I attached a button to the opposite end of the front and to wear, I pulled the strap I made under my chin and button it up.

The Right Side

The Left Side

The Back

Here's the pics of how it came out.

I was wearing it over a tichel. It was pretty comfortable. I wore it outside and it was ok. I think I may line it so that it has more wind resistance. But, for a hat with out any lining it was not too bad.

Spinning magic (1/3)

Dear Reader,

I am a hand spinner. I make yarn. I am also a witch. This means that I practice the ancient art of spinning with intent. The act of spinning yarn is the act of transforming a handful of fluff into something usable with a stick. Like almost all of the other fiber arts, spinning is a dying art because the labor of the practice is hard to fit into our busy daily lives. Hobbyist spinners and artisan spinners help keep this alive. I would be astounded if I found a number of them who spun their yarn with focused intent to transform a situation or a think. Some do so in the process of making prayer shawls. This is a form of spinning magic but it is fairly rare in the general population of spinners from what I can tell.

I work with a drop spindle and distaff quite regularly when the weather is fine. The neighbors will slow down as they're driving by trying to figure out what I'm doing as I am out taking my daily walk. I'm developing a reputation as the village weirdo between my scarves and my eccentric hobby. Meditation is the act of focusing your mind upon something. Magic is the act of focusing your mind and your will upon something you are attempting to change and directing your spiritual energy along that line of focus. Spinning lends itself well to both practices.

Drawing the energy from your hand and into the yarn you are making even as you are drawing the fiber into the drafting triangle gives you a tactile sensation of pulling the energy out of yourself. Releasing the twist from the spindle into the yarn gives you a visual of the energy (both spiritual and physical) going into the yarn. Yarn that is spun with intention can be used for a wide range of magical uses. It can be used to make cords for knot magic, prayer shawls or squares, or bags for holding spell components.  It can also be ritually burned to release the energy.

It is my practice to take yarn that I have used to bless or work healing/protection magic with and fashion it into an object for the recipient to have. Yarn that I have used to work a curse or destructive magic with I will burn. This, however, is not the only way that spinning can be used in magic. It can be powerful for other forms of magic as well. This I will discuss in my next posts.

Filianism and Magic.

Dear Reader,

Some may wonder if Filianism or Déanism have a prohibition against the practice of magic. In my research, I have yet to find conclusive statements for or against the practice of magic. I would argue that the practice of magic is a non-issue here. As long as one refrains from demonic invocations and theurgy calling upon demonic beings, I think that one can practice magic within this belief system with out much difficulty.

It is my understanding that theurgy that calls upon the Janyati and Dea herself would be highly effective. This would differ from the theurgy of other faiths to some extent because the ritualistic elements are still being developed. Some established worship practices, such as praying the rosary, can be adapted to theurgy. The act of praying the rosary while meditating upon a goal is a form of theurgy. For example, I pray the rosary every Monday. Since learning of the existence of concentration camps within my country, I have been praying for the liberation of the people held within them and their reunion with their families. Instead of meditating upon the holy mysteries of the life of Our Lady, I meditate on this desired outcome and pray for it through the rosary prayers. This is a simple form of theurgy that is accessible to most anyone who knows the rosary.

Novenas and septenas are theurgy. They can be highly effective forms of theurgy. The trick to successful theurgy is the same as the trick to successful magical work of any school, focused intention and aligning your will with it. Once will and intention are focused and aligned, releasing the magical energy to do the work is all that is necessary. Repetitive prayers are just like chanting a spell. It builds magical energy with each repetition and when the chant is complete, that energy is released. Unlike other schools of magic, one leaves the direction of the magic for manifestation in the hands of Dea and the Janyati. Thus, once the prayer/spell session is complete, one need not do any additional work to focus the spell craft.

Godspousery Notes: It is not my job to judge myself.

Dear Reader,

I've been struggling with self confidence issues in pretty much all areas of my life. It's gotten to the point that I have started mentally kicking myself for the fact that I have been falling behind in things like blogging here and the manuscript that I have been working on. It's been just all around an awful time for me. It started with my PTSD getting triggered when someone decided to scream at my kids. I had about two weeks where I was pretty spaced out and running on autopilot with not much recollection of what I did.

Beloved, my mortal spouse, pointed out to me that I was falling back into my bad habit of judging and demanding too much out of myself. I felt terrible about it. I have been trying very hard not to be so judgmental about my disability making it so hard to do things and the month of chronic migraine level headaches making it hard for me to keep up with the things I had planned for January. Last night, I was very upset. I felt like my college degree was useless. I felt like my aborted career in education was a sign that I was a perpetual failure. It was a very dark night for me in many senses. That was when Beloved told me that I was doing it again. At about the same time, Loki reminded me that feelings are not facts.

In my dreams last night, I was struggling with trauma memories. I was struggling with nightmares of failure and disaster coming from it. As I was doing my therapy journal writing, Freyr had something to say about it all. He just said one thing. It isn't my job to judge myself. Growing up in a household where I had to monitor everything I did and attempt to anticipate the mercurial whims of others, I developed a habit of judging myself to check if it met with the day's mood. It was difficult and while those skills and habits helped me cope with the shifting sands of my earlier years, they have proven very unhelpful and I've been attempting to unlearn them.

Loki has suggested that my maladaptive coping mechanisms can be turned into advantages if I delve deeply enough into them to rewire how I use them. He's recommended that I work with Odin on this. I've been avoiding that because I'm afraid of disappointing the All-Father with how broken I am. Loki, Freyr, and Beloved all insist that I'm not broken but injured and I have made lots of progress in healing. I don't see it, I just see a wall of panic and anxiety that gets in my way on a regular basis.

They have faith in me though I have little in myself right now. So, I shall try to do as they have asked because of that faith. I have a wealth of supporters in the spirit realms and a strong support network in the physical one. I just have to summon up the courage to reach out to them. It is hard to have c-ptsd, bipolar, and seasonal affective disorder when all three are active at the same time. My depression is fairly mild. I still can manage the basics of my day, I just feel like I'm doing them all wrong because I am not doing them in the manner that I was raised to do so.

I have to keep in mind that I no longer have to monitor myself for fear of some authority figure sweeping in and destroying my life or otherwise punishing me in horrific fashion. It is not my job to judge myself. I must leave that to wyrd and the gods. I am terrified that I'm going to make a misstep and destroy my relationships with the gods because they remain so patient with me, even when exasperated. That patience is hard to bear when you grow up in a situation where patience wasn't extended to you all that much. When excellence is expected at all times on the first attempt and failure was punished, regardless of the fact that you tried your hardest, after years of this, you fall into the habit of expecting such things everywhere you turn.

Hence imposter syndrome and anxiety at almost all turns right now. Loki and Freyr are watching over me and nudging things into my path that helps me work towards a healthier self.

Veiled Witch Video 21: Imposter Syndrome

This is not a transcript. My video was very impromptu and my blurting out the best I could what I had to say before I lost my nerve. I have been struggling for the past month or so with imposter syndrome. My anxiety and other things mashed themselves together into a real whopper of a case of imposter syndrome. I hate imposter syndrome because it tells me that I'm not good enough, that I'm not smart enough, and that no matter how hard I work, it will never really count.

I am a person who has had the curious fortune of being in therapy for most of their adult life due to past trauma experienced. A good amount of that trauma leads me to question myself really hard about some of the dumbest things. I will have days where I question if I am a passable cook while I'm making instant macaroni and cheese. It's awkward and aggravating to have imposter syndrome to that degree. Fortunately, therapy has helped me develop some tools for coping with imposter syndrome.

First, keeping a journal has been really helpful. It allows me to record the doubts and other related thoughts that come up with imposter syndrome. Then I can go back and challenge them when I am feeling more centered and sure of myself.  Secondly, I can force myself through the relatively minor bouts of imposter syndrome by basically telling 'scumbag brain' to shut up and let me work. It's not the best solution but it can be just enough to keep the worst of it off long enough so I can finish something. Third, I keep evidence of my accomplishments around where I can see them. I've got a photo from my college graduation nearby. It reminds me that I am actually pretty smart. I have a list of affirmations that I came up with that reminds me I am competent.

If none of those work, it never hurts to say to someone you trust, "Look, I'm feeling pretty low and like I'm a fraud here. Can you help me figure out just how I am not awful?" Nine times out of ten, they'll be happy to give you examples and encouragement.

Recommendations: Sea salt.

Dear Reader,

It's not every week that I have a recommendation that can be used in cooking. Sea salt is more than just useful for cooking. It can be a vital component in ritual activities, a crucial spell ingredient, and a powerful tool in its own right. The majority of the salt that one can purchase is derived from salt that is mined from deep within the earth. This has a great deal of magical properties of good use, but sea salt combines the essential properties of mined salt with the energies of the ocean.

Sea salt is a magically potent thing. A little bit goes a long way. Just a few grains of salt in a cup of water imparts the blessings of the ocean into freshwater with out you having to add enough salt to make it fully saline. Sea salt is expensive compared to standard iodized table salt. It is worth the price, honestly, because of the purity of the salt is beyond compare. The best sea salt is known as 'fleur de sel' or the flower of salt. It is collected in salt marshes by hand. It is expensive but it is the purest grade sea salt you can acquire in the grocery store. It is to be used sparingly, just as you would saffron threads.

Lower grades of sea salt are less expensive and can be used more liberally than fleur de sel but I would save the crafting of a ritual circle of salt for the salt that is derived from rock salt just because it is more cost effective. (Side note, the rock salt used for melting ice can be very useful in magical working but should not be used in anything that will be consumed because there are often additives to it. Also, salt circles should be swept up and disposed of after magical work to limit the negative impact of salt on the environment.)