My First Question that the Opera Omnia couldn't answer.

 Dear Reader,

I have spent months reading, researching, and attempting to make sense of a single line from the teaching in the Clear Recital : The Three Loves. I have discovered this teaching is missing from the Gospel of Our Mother God. I have found that it is present in all other versions of the Clear Recital, including the one I was head editor on. At the time I was working on the Children of Déa version of the Clear Recital, I was focused on improving language and format. I and my team did our very best to include as much of our research into the book. 

One can imagine my surprise as I was reading the CDV's version of the Three Loves and I came upon this line.

And rightfully it has been said that your soul shall be placed in the balance against a feather, and if the beam tip even by a fraction are you condemned. CDV: The Three Loves, Verse46; Page 104, lines 4-8

I immediately sought my other copies of the Clear Recital. Word for word, this line was present in each copy except for the Gospel of Our Mother God. I then turned to the Opera Omina for some form of exposition upon this line. I found nothing to help me interpret it in either volume. This was a large disappointment. I then began looking through the digital library of the Society for Filianic Studies via the Wayback Machine internet archive. I found a great deal of discourse about politics but little about theology and nothing to clarify this line.

Thus I was forced to sit in contemplation and try to puzzle out the answer to the questions that arose from this line. These questions are:

1. Who places our souls in this scale?
   
2. Which direction of the beam tipping are we facing damnation?
   
3. Who judges this scale?
   
4. How does this condemnation/damnation effect our eternal rescue from Khear by the Daughter?

I have thought long and hard on these questions. I chose the word damnation in this post because, to be honest it is a very functional synonym for what is expressed here. I have no answers for these questions. I have prayed over this line for many days and all I find is a sloppy connection to ancient Egyptian mythos and the weighing of the heart. The feather belongs to Maat, the goddess of justice. Anubis, the god of the dead presided over the weighing. And Thoth recorded the results. If the heart was filled with good the scales would be equal. If the heart was filled with evil, the scale would tip towards the heart. And the soul would be given to Ammut, who would eat them, for they were not the blessed (good) dead who would go to live with Osiris in paradise.

This requires deeper thought and raises more questions. Like why did the foremothers of the faith choose this connection when there had already been an established system for what happens when you die.

Terrestrial Janyati?

 Dear Reader,

It seems I've put a bee into a few bonnets with my mention of terrestrial janyati. This is not some fanciful thing that a bunch of idle minds put together over some tea. In a letter discussing Lady Athene, Sr. Angelina notes that she is a janya that is upon the terrestrial plane. Sr. Angelina further goes on in her letter to state that she does not know how many other janyati have chosen to come to the terrestrial plane to give guidance and aid to Déa's children.

I would love to provide a link to this letter but it has gone missing from the archives that I had found it in. I assume that a technological error has lead to this happening, because the letter is quite valuable in helping us to understand our relationship with the janyati. Lady Athene (alternately spelled Lady Athena) is well known as a goddess of the Hellenic pantheon. It stands to reason that the other deities of the Hellenic (and other pantheons) are janyati that have chosen to come into the world to provide guidance, assistance, and protection for the children of Déa. There is no other reason why they would have deific power if they were not in some fashion beings that embodied Déa's will.

There are some who would be quick to argue that my stance here is overly simplistic and false. I ask them, quite simply, where is the difference between the high ones who performed miracles and intervened in antiquity during the era before the ascension of Christianity and the janyati who perform miracles and intervene? Gender presentation is a foolish argument. Déa comes to us as we may best understand her. If she chooses to appear to us in a form that resembles a masculine one, that is her will and that is her reaching us at the level we might comprehend the teachings she is giving us.

Ultimately, Déa is beyond gender. I know that I am going to anger some with that statement. But gender is a social construct. Physical sex characteristics are an accident of birth. The Divine contains within all potential manifestation. The Divine can present in any manner of method to get our attention. To argue that the Divine is limited to a specific form of manifestation is the ultimate act of hubris. One can not say that an individual rivulet is divorced from the river it flows from simply because it flows in a different direction. Ultimately, all of the janyati lead us back to Déa.

From Consideration to Contemplation: A Process.

 Dear Reader,

When one is confronted with holy mysteries, it is easy to gloss over them when you cannot see their connection to daily life. Sometimes, we just shrug and say "It's a mystery and beyond our ability to comprehend." Other times, we proverbially cover our eyes and whistle past them, trying not to be unsettled by what they might mean if we looked directly at them. It is an easy path to acknowledge holy mysteries but not reflect upon their role within our faith, whatever that faith might be.

It is when we move from considering them on the holy days to contemplating them through out our days that we move deeper into faith. We begin by considering their meaning at the times that are fitting. For a Wiccan, the holy mystery of the Great Rite may become a topic of thought around the time of the Full Moon, when that faith typically celebrates it. For a Filianic or Déanic believer, the holy mystery of the Daughter's death and resurrection may become a topic of thought around the time of high holy day of Eastre. For a Christian, the holy mystery of the birth of Jesus of Nazereth may become a topic of thought around the time of their high holy day of Christmas. Regardless of your faith, there are mysteries associated with days and seasons. It is easier to consider them during those days and seasons because there are reminders about us.

More challenging is to consider the holy mysteries when there are fewer reminders immediately present. Still, with discipline and practice, one can build up a habit of thinking about the holy mysteries in relationship to their own life. One can recognize the cycles of the holy mysteries reflected in their lives and become a participant in those mysteries. For some, this is done by way of ritual prayer such as the rosary. For others, this is done by way of devotional reading and journalwork. Yet still others move along a path that blends both together.

Consideration is the act of observing the mystery and how it moves in your world. Contemplation is built upon a foundation of consideration. Contemplation is the act of engaging the mystery and how you move within it. It is changing the frame of reference from external to internal, from an event to a personal experience. As life is ever changing, the process of contemplation of the same mystery at different times evokes different experiences. Most people are comfortable with consideration. It is a depth of relationship with the Divine that allows them to percieve greater independence from the Divine. This is a socially encouraged attitude within the U.S. because our overculture places great emphasis upon "rugged individuality". Contemplation, however, opens one up to see that they are connected with the Divine through the holy mysteries and connected with the world through the same mysteries. This can be uncomfortable and it can make life complicated.

There is, however, a unique reward to engaging in contemplation. The deeper relationship that one has with the Divine, the more that relationship becomes a two-way relationship. The contemplative relationship enables one to see where the Divine is manifest in the world and the gifts offered by the Divine to the devotee. This is the first step upon the path of the mystic. A mystic is not some elevated being wrapped in human flesh. They are but a person engaged in a deeply personal and powerful relationship with the Divine. While not everyone can have the relationship that a mystic does because it runs counter to their temperment, they can still build a personal relationship with the Divine that brings them comfort and strength during times of difficulty. All it takes is contemplation.

Egregores vs. Deities: An experience. (part 3/3)

Part one of this series discussed the difference in the nature of egregores and deities. Part two of this series discussed the importance of discernment and gave some ideas on how to test the situation. In part three, I want to share with you my experience of the difference between an egregore that was supposed to be like a deity and the deity themself. As someone who is intimately involved with Loki, I tend to expect things to get weird with him. What I did not expect was for the egregore of Marvel!Loki to pop up on my spiritual radar.

At first, I thought it was Myth!Loki showing up under that guise to poke fun at it all. Marvel!Loki is a sassy and snarky character. That is something that is in common with Myth!Loki, to some extent. When Marvel!Loki refused to present as Myth!Loki typically does because it was distracting, I got suspicious. I pointedly asked Marvel!Loki what the name was given where we first met. Marvel!Loki attempted to tell me it didn't matter. Then Marvel!Loki began to tell me that I was a bad worshiper for questioning him. That sealed the deal, I knew it wasn't Myth!Loki that I was dealing with.

I banished the egregore and sealed my home against its return. Marvel!Loki is like a poltergeist and can cause things to get glitchy. That was the last thing I needed that day. Not too long after I did this, Myth!Loki showed up and asked me how I liked his counterpart. I informed Myth!Loki that Marvel!Loki was a dick, just like him. Where Marvel!Loki would have been outraged and threatened me for that blunt assessment, Myth!Loki laughed and asked if I meant Freyr with that comment.

Myth!Loki makes things glitchy to get your attention but Marvel!Loki just creates glitches where ever it goes. It's one of the defining traits of that egregore. Marvel!Loki is scripted in its responses. Myth!Loki is definitely not scripted. Marvel!Loki has the appearance of the character. Myth!Loki appears in so many different ways it's just this side of impossible to describe. Marvel!Loki is reported to be a shape shifter but never does so because the thought-form that generated Marvel!Loki is so heavily based in the iconic image portrayed in the movies that it is incapable of shifting form. Clothing may change, but face, build, and such don't.

A Message from the World-Breaker

Dear Reader,

As you may know, I am a godspouse to Loki. One of the kennings of this god is World-Breaker. The people who like to point at Loki as the "Norse Satan" like to thump on this kenning like it's a bad thing. They're likely going to take exception to what I'm about to post here. As I was up in the middle of the night, sleepless with anxiety, Loki spoke to me. What he said reassured me so that I could get some sleep. He wanted me to share it with you all. Preface made, let's move on, shall we?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am Chaos. To some I am misfortune and to some I am not. I am not malevolent towards humanity. I am the force of entropy that keeps the universe from collapsing into nothingness. COVID-19 is a plague upon the earth but it is not my work or the work of some other deity. It is wyrd. It was only a matter of time until another plague swept through humanity. Your faster methods of travel meant that it spread faster where once it would have been confined perhaps to a single continent.

No one knows the full extent of their wyrd. Frigg who knows the fates of all mankind sits and spins her clouds and speaks not upon it. It is just as well. For what would you do if you knew the exact date that you were to die? Would you flail about in despair or give up those cherished dreams?

I am Chaos. I am also a friend of humanity. Some say that I am fickle, and that may be. But I am as much in the random acts of kindness as I am in the random acts of cruelty. It is you who decides if it is kindness or cruelty. I am merely the seed of action, the way you perform is the flower, and the results of your deeds are the fruit.

Your world has grown stagnant in many places. Those structures are beginning to crumble. They have been in this position for quite some time. You can rebuild them or you can build new, better structures. This is an earthquake that would be a magnitude 20. Seek your shelter and then build your lives up out of the materials that have rained down for you to work with. I am in the creative urge as much as I destroy. After all, to plant seeds you must break the earth open.

Where are the gods? They're here with us.

Dear Reader,

Some of you may know that I have struggled with the question of divine mercy in the face of tragedy. It is hard to keep faith in it when you watch loved ones die. It is hard to keep faith in it when you thole your own sufferings. It is especially hard to keep faith in divine mercy when a tragedy as large as a pandemic is happening and the uncertainty as to if it will rob you or your loved ones of their lives.

We cry out to the gods "Why have you let this happen?" For too long have we been taught that the gods are not subject to wyrd. For too long have we been taught that they are all powerful. There is a reason why there are many gods of many different things. There is a reason why the gods can not escape their own fated interactions with other beings. (My friends in the Filianic and Déanic community, give me but a moment of your patience and I will explain what I am trying to express.)

Life flourishes when given the opportunity. Life on any scale will do so with the distinct lack of predators or natural checks to the point that it threatens the very environment in which it lives. The COVID-19 situation is the same as an invasive species destroying a waterway. It just happens that the destruction is to humans. We are desperately searching for a way to check COVID-19, just as the local community where I live is searching for a way to prevent the algae blooms on the lake, and restore parity to the system that is being decimated by the invasive species.

The gods have not abandoned us. They are here with us. They are at our bed sides as we fight with COVID-19 and its attendant complications. They are with the medical and safety professionals who risk their lives to help our communities. They are with the grocery store workers and countless other vital professionals who keep our communities alive while we are practicing social distancing.

The gods did not have a choice in which life flourishes and which life withers. That is wyrd. We may appeal to them to intervene somehow and put off when death comes for us. But they are as helpless to wyrd as we are. Even Déa, for the Daughter descended into the world and became subject to wyrd perpetually as part of Her sacrifice.

Do not despair. The gods are with you. Turn to them and unburden your heart to them. Seek out their good will. Pour out offerings unto them if you are able, even if it is but a few drops of water. They will hear your cries. They will comfort you.

Loki's Rules of Engagement

1. Don't fight unless you know you can win.
2. Don't write checks your ass can't cash. If you do, fast talk your way into a lower payment.
3. Always keep receipts and a record, even if its in memory.
4. Don't fight "fair," fight efficiently.
5. Keep your eye on the prize, and one eye on your competition.
6. When running from danger, don't be the slowest one in the pack.
7. If you can't be a tank, set them up to run into the tank. (Thor is the tank.)
8. Always keep your wits about you.
9. Laugh in the face of everything, especially the scary things. Nothing takes the wind out of your foe's sails like laughing at their threats.
10. Don't accept a gift with out giving one in return. Never be indebted.
11. Don't give a gift with the expectation of one in return. Not everyone pays their debts.
12. Don't piss off your traveling companions, they WILL fuck with you back. 
13. Don't start a prank war but always end it gloriously.
14. Always be ready for a fight, be it words or otherwise. Do your best to force the fight to happen on your terms. Refer to rules no. 1, 2, & 4.
15. Don't get mad, get even.

All Gods Have A Mother.

Dear Reader,

I have been sitting on this for the last two years. It has partly been because I was under a taboo not to speak of it and partly because I was in dread of the reception it would get. Now that we are sitting here on the possible eve of world war three, my dread of being roasted by people in the comments doesn't look as terrifying. Additionally, I've been given permission by the deity who revealed this to me to share it.

First thing is first, this did not come from Loki or Loki wearing Frey's visage as a disguise. While Loki will pull stunts and play 'gotcha', this was a legit thing. Because he was right there beside Frey as he was explaining this, nodding his head like a bobble headed doll. Secondly, the message behind this goes farther than what the words say by themselves. Give it a read, think about it, and then read it again. Finally, this is not verbatim what Frey told me. There are parts of this that I am still not allowed to discuss.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

All gods have a mother. Those mothers have mothers going back until the beginning of ages. For many, the mother of gods has been forgotten. It is something that has been lost into antiquity because you no longer can read the signs of your ancestors for they have been worn away by wind, rain, and time. This, however, does not make this less valid.

There is some memory of this in the creation stories of the world's old religions. Even a trace of this memory is shown in the creation story of the Christians. The creation story of the Heathen faiths varies some in the telling and in the details of how it happened. It is a very old story and old stories grow with time.

Long ago, before all things were, there was a place where there was fire and there was ice. Between them stood a gap, vast and deep. The fire warmed the ice and the waters fell into the gap of nothingness. In this place, standing upon the ice was Audhumla, a cow of the ancient kind, wild and fearsome. Some say that Ymir was freed from the ice and they were the first present. These people would say that Ymir thirsted and waited for the fire to free Audhumla. She, however, was present before Ymir.

Aldhumla drank of the melt-waters and licked the salt of the ice of what became known as Nifheim. She warmed herself from the fires of what became known as Muspelheim. As the melt-waters diminished and the ice was licked away, Ymir was brought forth. Ymir bore their children as they slept after the nourishment from Aldhumla. As Ymir slept, Buri was brought forth from the ice. Nourished by Aldhumla, Buri waxed hale and found one of Ymir's daughter's fair. They had a son, Bor. Bor found a wife in one of Ymir's granddaughters, Bestla, and they had three famous sons, the eldest being most famous. His name is known even today among the world of Midgard when so many have been forgotten. I am not here to speak of that, however.

Aldhumla is the mother of gods in the creation story of the faith of followers of heathenry. For they were born from ice by her deeds. None speak of Aldhumla and the great good she had done for all life. Aldhumla has been forgotten in all but name. But the mother of gods can be found elsewhere for she has ten thousand names that are remembered and many, many more that have been forgotten.

One may ask, what did the mother of gods do when her children grew to no longer need her nourishment and nurturing? She watched them set out and engender themselves to discover their wyrd. And when the time of all things passes, the gods shall all return to her and be embraced. Aldhumla will welcome her children back and listen to their tales of their adventures and tragedies.

As apple trees bear apples and cherries their own fruit, gods are born of gods. Tread gently upon the faith of others, for those gods are distant kin to your own. If not for the sake of peace and frith, do so for the sake of the ancient mother of all gods. For she is your mother as well.

Goddess worship?

Dear Reader,

I have seen some consternation and deep concern that the Filianic and Déanic community is being overrun by "goddess worship" and a general complaint that there are people practicing Wiccan style worship. As one of those fringe people in the Independent Filianic community, I have a bit of bad news for these folks who are troubled by this. In all technicality, Filianism and Déanism is goddess worship. The Divine is worshiped as a feminine figure, this makes the worship practice goddess worship.

There are members of the community who would argue that I am demoting Déa by referring to her as a goddess because of some bad linguistics that was presented at one point stating that the term god came before the term goddess and that goddess is the inferior form of the term god. I have held my tongue on this piece because I did not want to kick up a hornet's nest. I think, however, it is time to put out there a few concepts that I have been operating under that are supported by actual linguistic history.

Point number one: the term god and goddess evolved parallel to each other within the English language. If you look at the ancient terms (from an English background), the term for goddess is Dis (the plural being Disir). The gods were identified as Tyr (before this became a singular name for a given deity, the pluralization of this has been lost). After that they were identified by tribe. The Aesir, the Vanir, and the Jotnar were a collective identification for each tribe. Tribal members were identified by their names or as a collective group.The names for masculine and feminine generic members of each tribe were different but related. Much like branches on a tree are related but part of the same tree.

Point number two: Dis is the elder of the identifications for deity as per what I have been able to find in my research regarding the early English language roots.

Point number three: In the post migration period of the Teutonic/Germanic/Norse peoples, the Disir came to include elevated female ancestors and spirits.

The addition of god- to the word Dis came about to distinguish the most powerful Disir. The word god- was gender neutral up until the Christianization of region. Most gods were known by their name, their tribal identification, or their by-names. In many ways, in modern pagan belief systems this has been revived. In indigenous belief systems, the use of the term god and goddess is not found (and this has been something I've spoken to someone with intimate knowledge of the last existent indigenous European religion - the Sami culture, in case you were wondering).

The point of my argument here is that "goddess worship" is exactly what we are doing. Goddess is by no means a slur or a demotion of Déa. If anything, it is restoring dignity to the highest of the Disir. It is bitterly ironic to watch the argument that "goddess worship" is not proper, especially from the Orthodox community. The Orthodox community has lifted passages from ancient goddess worship texts (the Golden Ass for example) and claimed them as their heritage.

I ask, if a child of Isis, the All Mother, comes to Filianism or Déanism, will they find welcome or will they be turned away for their 'goddess worship' despite the fact that Filianism and Déanism is partly founded upon their sacred texts? I ask, if a devotee of Deva comes to Filianism or Déanism, will they find welcome or will they be turned away because they do not worship in the same fashion that the Orthodox community desires? I ask, if a devotee of Marya comes to Filianism or Déanism will they find welcome or will they be turned away because they worship in a fashion that looks suspiciously Christian in nature?

The Chapel of Our Mother God in its wisdom did not dictate that worship should happen in a given way at a given time. It was said that Filianism is a form of Déanism, Déanism is the worship of Déa the mother of all, the supreme creatrix.

Déa reveals herself to us in ways that we might more easily come to her. Hence the Daughter. Hence the Janyati. And, I would boldly argue, hence the plurality of many deities within the world's religions. All gods have a mother. That mother is Déa. She may choose to move through them to reveal mysteries. She may choose to move through people to reveal mysteries. She may choose to move through nature itself. Déa is powerful and benevolent. It would be helpful to remember she is not limited to the iconography of Filianism or Déanism. That was revealed to make it easier for us to reach up to her.

Godspousery Notes: Have a cookie!

Dear Reader,

Life has been really stressful and challenging of late. I was venting about this elsewhere when I was told by Loki that I should have a cookie and a cup of tea, just a bit of a treat to relax. Being in a mixed episode, I was half ready to start and argument about how a cookie was the last thing I needed because my blood sugar has been high due to all of this stress. Then I stopped and thought about it for a minute. I really hadn't had a chance to sit and relax for at least a week. So, I had a small cookie (no frosting at all for me) and a cup of tea.

Sure enough, I felt a bit better after that. I still found myself spoiling for an argument, but I wasn't quite ready to sharpen my proverbial claws for that argument yet. As I was meditating and doing my best to ground myself a bit later, Loki showed up again. He just sat with me and reminded me to concentrate on my breathing as my kids rather loudly debated as to if I was asleep or meditating right in front of me.

He's been around in the odd moments when the little things that the kids do would have made me flip my lid and pointed out the humor in it so that I was laughing instead of screaming. Tomorrow is the last day of Spring Break. I think we might all survive this intact. Thanks to Loki pointing out that kids are just as funny as they are exasperating. (And at least the boys weren't saying that I was dead when I was meditating.)

An unexpected story.

Dear Reader,

I'm a story teller by trade. It's part of what I do and part of my magical lineage. The night of Moura Eve, I was awakened with the feeling of someone sitting and watching me. I sat up somewhat disturbed by this sensation. That was when I saw Ganesha sitting on a lotus throne. He held his head on one of his left hands (Lord Ganesha had four arms in this vision) and where the blood sprang from his severed neck, lilies grew. He then set his head upon his neck and told me the following story.

The First Winter of Alfheim

It was time for the third harvest. The wheat and barley was green in the field, withering from the roots up. The fruit in the trees did not ripen fully. Famine was upon the land for the fruits of the first and second harvest had been consumed for want of the fruit of the third. Such was the quantity of death in Alfheim that Hel herself came from Helheim to collect them.

Freyr and Gerða entertained Hel at their hall, as befitting a visiting ruler. Solemn Hel ate no bread, had no meat, nor drank any wine or mead. She merely sat at their table engaged in conversation in the evening after spending her day gathering her dead from the people and beasts down to the last blade of grass and withered leaf of the day. Freyr asked Hel what they might do to appease her desire for his people.

She answered that the greatest among them should give up their greatest treasure for a season. Many came to appeal, bringing treasures and wonders in great quantity such that would ransom a king. Hel turned them away, saying that was not what she had come for. Freyr went to his mother, Nerthus to hold council and learn what the wise Queen of Vanaheim would do. As he laid eyes on his mother, sudden knowledge came to him. Nerthus looked on him and asked if he knew what he must do. He looked to Gerða and the certainty of the solution settled into his breast. He asked his mother for help.

They went to Alfheim. They went to a barley field where the plants were green yet withering from the roots. Nerthus embraced her noble son tenderly. She then cut his wrist with a sickle for gathering herbs. Freyr laughed at the sharpness of the cut as he sat in Gerða's arms. As his blood flowed into a bowl, a few drops fell out into the field to grow up as poppies. Cornflowers grew where Gerða's tears fell for her beloved's sacrifice. Hel witnessed the rite with a solemn nod of approval.

Freyr was attired in kingly garb and laid within a strong barrow with all the goods he would need on his journey to Helheim. As this was done, Gerða began to bleed and she lost the child she carried before it had limbs and form in the womb. As the mingled life essence of mother and child fell to the parched earth, they became water. As Freyr's life essence was sprinkled over the fields, rain began to fall.

The skies grew black and the rain was cold. This was a sign of things to come. It was not long after Freyr arrived at Helheim that winter came to Alfheim for the first time. Gerða guided them through that hard season. There was a good queen.

Godspousery Notes: How to talk about IT?

I was asked a very good question on a comment a few weeks ago. I've been mulling over how to reply to it and I turned to Freyr for advice. Honestly, I wasn't sure how to explain the relationships between different pantheons. It came perilously close to a taboo that I've been given and I just couldn't figure out a good way to parse things. Freyr, being a diplomat and ruler himself, had some interesting things to say.

1. It isn't my place to dictate how deities relate. What my experience of how deities interact is different from what others experience. All of which is different from how the deities interact with each other and their business with each other.

2. Being a hard polytheist didn't make me a bad follower of Dea. It may make me a confusing person for people who are soft polytheists and for monotheists, but it doesn't make my relationship with Dea bad. It just made it different, which is ok because everyone has different needs that Dea meets.

3. In an infinite universe of infinite possibilities, there is an infinite number of ways for deities to interact and they all happen simultaneously. Because of the limited scope of human comprehension, we can only be aware of a limited amount of this information. Every deity that has been worshiped, is being worshiped, and will be worshiped exists. All religions are valid because of infinite possibility. We're just limited because we can't comprehend it all.

Freyr then gently reminded me that a bunch of very smart physicists detailed this sort of thing when I was young and that it was silly of me to forget one of the reasons why I fell in love with theoretical physics does apply to theology.

He then told me not to worry about what other people thought about my relationships. It didn't matter if it looked 'normal' or 'proper' as long as it was healthy and it worked for me. All of my taboos focus on keeping me healthy and relatively sane. All of my devotional work focuses on health and well being.

The books I write come out of the place of health that I am encouraged to maintain. My daily prayer devotions all serve to give structure to my day, which helps keep me healthy. My daily rituals of devotion again serve to structure my day to help me stay grounded in the present and healthy. The writings are the fruit of that structure.

An Explanation of Sayings.

Dear Reader,

It gladdens my heart that many of you are finding A Year with Dea to be of use and comfort to you. There is a question that has arisen about the sayings that I have quoted that are not canonical. While I have included a reference to the text those sayings are contained in, I think it better that I tell you the story of them in addition to what you can find in Drowning in Light.

I have had visions of Dea since I was young. My experiences with her have been confusing at times but always a comfort. My first vision happened September of 1991. I went to the woods to meditate, for I was still learning this practice and the woods was where I could escape the distractions of my parents' house. A vision came over me. I was in a place of white light. The light emanated from something so bright it blinded me. I vaguely saw a female shape but the light was so brilliant that I couldn't look on it to see her features. A voice filled the air. It spoke my name and I felt like I was in a ringing bell. The air vibrated and I could feel the vibration from that voice fill me. When my vision returned, I was no longer sitting against the tree but rather laying flat on the ground as though I prostrated myself before something.

I didn't speak of my vision to anyone. I knew that my parents would be hostile towards me for it and accuse me of making things up. I was twelve and afraid of the reaction anyone would have had towards me for it. The household I grew up in did not consider the supernatural as more than anything for a laugh and cheap movie tricks, at best. A few weeks later, in late October, I was again in the woods behind my parents' house. A voice filled the air. It was a sweet sounding female voice. It called my name and I looked around to see who could possibly be there. Then, before I could call out to see if anyone was present, the voice said to me, "All who believe are kin." In that moment, I knew that I was having some kind of spiritual experience. For the voice that spoke had the same feeling of being within a bell as happened with my first vision of her. I ran home, frightened that I was in some manner of trouble for even having an experience that my upbringing had so firmly denied.

The statement echoed. It echoed in ways that did not make sense to me at that age, not knowing much of anything about anything religious at all. Still, I looked at the different faiths in the world and saw how they were all related. I saw how everyone who had faith were somehow kin to each other, including they who had nihilistic beliefs, for they had faith in their own beliefs. Somehow, I didn't understand it, but somehow the capacity for faith had made us all kin.

Recurring dreams of a woman of queenly bearing in white and blue happened for months. In these dreams, she held flowers and walked in a garden more lovely then I had ever seen on Earth. She was always dressed as a great queen of the high middle ages. I struggled to understand the fact I kept having this dream. At the same time, I was in the midst of my early spiritual training as a witch. Thus, meditation was a thing I practiced daily and I kept a detailed journal of what came of it, as I did of my dreams as well. I came to the conclusion that the Lady in my dreams was a goddess of some kind. (At this time, I was unfamiliar with Catholicism and only had a vague concept that Mary was revered by them. For all my fascination with the middle ages, I was more interested in the stories of knights wooing their loves than I was with the era. After all, I was twelve.)

It was in the midst of all of these dreams and my confusion that I had my second vision of Dea. It was late November. I had gone off to the woods with out my parent's permission and in secret (and rather recklessly, I confess now for it was at the beginning of hunting season) to meditate where I had my first vision. It was chilly and the poplar leaves were on the ground now instead of a few up in the trees still. I was in a garden filled with flowers. At the center of the garden there was a noble Lady. She held lilies in her right hand and roses in her left. A silver circlet was on her brow. She wore a white wimple and veil. Her gown was a dark blue, almost cobalt in color. She held out the flowers to me and said, “Come, my chosen daughter.”

When it had passed and I hastened home, my mother complained that I stank of roses, as though I had bathed in perfume. I hadn't any perfume and the distance from where I had been to my parents' kitchen should have been enough to have muted the scent just because of the wind blowing. I didn't say anything of the vision because my mother was already irate that I smelled as I did and I was fairly sure I was going to be punished if I said anything that sounded strange to her.

Over the years, through out my education and studies, I sought to find and know the Lady who had claimed me as I sat in a grove of winter-ready poplar trees on a hillside. It lead me through many different paths and many different ways. In the progress of it all, I discovered that the Lady was not the only deity out there who took interest in me. But, she was always there. Always. At one point, I thought perhaps I was to become Christian and that was the meaning of this all. Then I had the confusing "It's not you, it's me," conversation with Jesus, where he said I was very clearly not one of his people, though I was a very nice and good person.

Filianism made itself known to me in 2005. I was at a dark place in my life and said that it clearly couldn't be the right path. After all, I had all of these OTHER gods around me and I deal with spirits and the dead. I was a witch, how could I be of that faith and be one at the same time, right? Filianism continued to come up as a theme time and again. When I started this blog, I finally stopped avoiding what was right in front of me.

I am a seer. Dea or perhaps one of the other gods, I honestly don't know, has given me this gift. Sometimes it seems a curse because what I see is so tragic. Sometimes I feel as though I'm going crazy. For a time, I honestly thought that my spiritual experiences simply had to be my imagination running away with me or perhaps hallucinations. Until I started having hallucinations, which was horrific. My spiritual experiences didn't go away with the hallucinations. They became the lifeline that helped me endure them until I hit a point of absolute crisis.

I'm on medication now for my psychological illnesses. One would logically expect for these spiritual experiences to cease when they are on high doses of antipsychotic medication for an extended period of time. They have not. They continue with a good degree of regularity, waxing and waning with the seasons in some cases. In others, they're just random and daily. But the sayings in the book I published and that I referenced in my other book, they have been said to me by Dea and the angels.

I am humbled by them. I am guided by them. And, I live in some degree of holy awe of them. My relationships with Dea and the angels is different from my relationships with Loki and Freyr. Dea is my mother, my Lady, and the source of all wisdom. From her all of my other loves stem. But, Dea claimed me as her priestess an a cool autumn day when I was hiding from my parents and siblings, giving me a place of refuge for my spirit that I was desperately seeking.

Scripture reading and a problem.

I have a side project that I've been working on for a few months now as I have the energy for it. I've been copying over the sacred scriptures of Filianism/Déanism into a hardbound notebook as a devotional practice and meditation. I am only partly through the Gospel of Our Mother God and one thing keeps standing out to me as I consider it all very carefully. That it does not address whom has any mantle of authority upon them by way of Dea's grace.

There are some who follow that if their ordination comes by way of an unbroken faith tradition (i.e. Christian, Buddhist, or Hindi) that it had the authority that would come from Dea as in antiquity (so claimed by scholars who have since been shown to be questionable sources). There are some who argue that their authority is given to them by way of divine grace and should be accepted upon the basis of their word. And then there are the more mercenary of those who would be clergy that argue that priesthood is recognized by humanity through pieces of paper and acquire ordination from unconventional but publicly recognized sources to support the ordination given by way of divine grace at an earlier time.

It is a question that I sit and try to make sense of on a regular basis. I look at myself in the mirror and ask how I can expect anyone to think I have the authority to speak on any of this? At the same time, I can not help but ask questions. Questions of myself and my own work as clergy, questions of the role of any clergy in society, and what exactly that relationship is. This has lead me to reading philosophical texts, instructional books, and the writings of many different faith systems (holy texts and those written by lay people of deep insight). In all of my reading, I have a general idea of how the concept of clergy is supposed to work for the Christian faith, for example, and the social contract that goes along with it. I struggle to suss out what that social contract is for clergy of other faiths, simply because they are not the dominant faith practiced in my region so it is harder to get information.

Three questions keep coming back. The first I just mentioned: how can we tell whom is clergy and has the mantle of authority upon the by way of Dea's grace? The second question is what are the responsibilities and duties of said clergy? And the third question is what is the scope of their authority? Are all clergy equal or is their a hierarchy we are not aware of? In many ways, the answers to the second question are parallel to those for when this question is applied to Christianity. But the first and third questions are far more fuzzy. It frustrates me because if one is clergy or somehow a vowed person (monk, nun, godspouse, spirit-spouse, child, etc.), the questions about how we relate to the rest of humanity is just as important as those about how we relate to deity.

Is there an abbey structure in place, for example, for nuns of Loki? Do they have a rule to follow and a Mother Superior to answer to? (From the pagan nuns I have been in contact with, there is not a Mother Superior and they instead have a council of sorts where decisions are made upon debate, discussion, and collective discernment of the will of deity. And these nuns are godspouses as well. Because I don't wish to have their arrangement be the model of what I am proposing, I will not elaborate on it.) And there are the people who would be like pagan anchorites in the world, living a life of solitude and meditation and communion with their gods. Who helps them? Because the Christian anchorites were supported by the faith community and under the direction of spiritual advisers who were trained in their faith's precepts to high degree (theoretically) and the needs they could not meet on their own were provided for them. (In antiquity, there were anchorites who lived in a walled chamber of a monastery with a small window whereby they could communicate with others and receive the necessities for life (such as food and drink) but otherwise were completely isolated from the world.)

These are important questions to find answers to. If we can not find answers, we must make them or happenstance and folly will make them for us. As a student of history, happenstance and folly are not the gentlest of teachers and can lead to utter ruin, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. So, I ask my friends who are clergy within the Filianic/Déanic community specifically, what are the answers to:

• What is the signs of spiritual authority? How do we recognize them?
• What are the responsibilities that come with spiritual authority? What are the duties required of clergy and they who are avowed to a devotional relationship with Dea?
• What are the things that are in this world they have authority over? What in the realm of spirit do they have authority over? Where are the limits of this authority?
• Are all clergy equal despite differing traditions/sects of worship? 

Recommendations: Take a Mental Health day!

There are a lot of 'take care of yourself' memes out there. Usually, they include things like take a bubble bath, treat yourself to your favorite coffee drink, and stuff that requires spending money. If your budget is tight, it's hard to do those things. Most of us are trying to burn the proverbial candle at both ends, which contributes to burn out on pretty much all levels. Exhaustion leads to depression, which just makes you feel like life isn't worth the effort. To prevent this, you need to take care of your mental health as well as your physical health.

If you can't take a full day out of your week to rest and recover from the effort of the week. That's ok, at least try to squeeze an hour of time out just for you. No work, no social engagements. Just taking some time for you to rest. Maybe take a nap. Maybe knit something. Or just watch some program that you enjoy as you put your feet up and drink a hot chocolate. It is vital to tend to your mental health for you to be healthy in other areas of your life.

Now, I understand that this is very difficult to do. We are socialized to say that we must be productive all the time in order to be considered valuable members of society. This is not correct. This is actually a great and horrible lie. Our value does not lay in what we can produce or how many people we can please. We are valuable just as we are. It's a hard lesson to learn. I personally struggle with it a lot as I am disabled and it makes it really hard to look in the mirror and say I'm still a worthwhile person because I'm not out earning a paycheck.

The gods, however, don't care about your bank account or just how many people you make happy on a given day. They care about YOU in all your aspects, phases, and moods. You are valuable to them for reasons we can't begin to fathom, among them is that intrinsic value you have for just being yourself. They'd want you to take care of yourself because you are important. You deserve love, tenderness, and caring for your needs.

♥

Pagan Parenting: Shrines for Kids.

My eldest has taken a shine to Zeus. He's fascinated by him. He offers prayers up to him in his own unique way. On the whole, he is in the process of becoming a very affectionate devotee. As such, I wanted him to have his own special little bit of altar like space for his devotions. At the same time, I needed something his brother couldn't exactly destroy.

This is where I returned to the concept of jar shrines. Jar shrines are essentially a shrine inside a jar. There may be a permanent offering inside it, like the one I saw for Freyja that had rose buds inside it. Or offerings may go near the jar. In some cases, I have even seen them made so that the offerings could go on top of the jar. In the case of the one I made for my son, I made a peg doll based statuette of Zeus. I then set it on top of a bit of cork that I colored green (to look like Mt. Olympus) and then put white sand (for clouds) around it. This was in the lid of an old olives jar (that had been cleaned and waiting for a use, amusingly they were kalamata olives) and everything has been glued together with Gorilla Glue. Then, I ran a bit of Gorilla Glue around the edge of the jar before screwing them together.

The jar set up acts like a bell jar, keeping the icon safe. I'm going to be giving him this as a gift for the Equinox. I am also in the process of setting up something that he can use to help keep track of his prayers. A bit more friendly version of a kid's prayer journal that I started doing with them back a few months ago. (We didn't get very far with this prayer journal stuff because life happened and I was having a hard time keeping on top of my own stuff.)

Pagan Parenting : Bedtime stories.

Image from Wikipedia

It was exciting this weekend to take the boys off to the Special Olympics. They competed and won medals. It was all in all, a very good day, even if the weather was chilly and raw.

A habit we have gotten into is on the nights when Beloved is out or not putting the kids to bed, I read them or tell the stories about the gods. Their favorite god to hear about is Thor, followed by Loki. Saturday night, my eldest son asked me to tell him a 'Thor Story' and I knew what the perfect one was.

The story about his merry jaunt off to Jotunheim and their contests. Both boys were impressed with the story. They also decided that Thor and company need to come participate in the Special Olympics so that the games are actually fair.

I thought it was pretty awesome to see that kind of compassion extended towards a deity. Most people I know don't pause to consider that sort of thing. So, these bedtime stories about the adventures of the gods can make for great lessons about the world we live in.

I'm pretty sure that this is going to become a big thing moving forward. It has that sort of feeling to it, like when the kids lit up at the sight of a lawnmower for the first time.

Community Discussion: Apolitical or not?

If you are in the United States, you are painfully aware of what has been unfurling over the course of the last few months. It is something that has been causing great consternation and upset for a good many people. And for good reason when you consider how closely the things being done parallel what happened in the Weimar Republic. When we consider things, a question arises: should a person of faith get involved with political happenings?

Christianity has the maxim of 'Render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar's. Render unto God, that which is God's.' and I have literally lost count of the number of places where I have seen it argued that the division between faith and politics must be absolute. Even within the Filianic and Deánic community, there is a strong pull towards staying out of politics. The concern that these things carry spiritual pollution is one that makes a good deal of sense when you see just how atrocious things get when politics are involved. In many cases, there are people who have chosen the path of pacificsm and abstaining from involvement in pretty much anything that looks like politics.

I am not going to argue that these people are irresponsible or something like that. I do, however, wish to note that silence in the face of horrible things happening can be taken as implied consent. People use it everyday to justify anything from child abuse to sexual assault, to racial hatred and truly horrific behavior. The expression 'the silent majority' is one that is bandied about as some sort of proof that silence equals consent and compliance with things that are happening. Please, if you choose silence and abstaining from action, make clear that you do not support that which is done supposedly in your name in some fashion.

Is there a division between church and state? Well, yes, historically there has been within the United States. That division, however, is breached when laws, legislation, and executive orders are set down to punish an undesirable faith under color of law. That division is breached when such things are set down to promote a specific faith. Sadly, it is not something that we can look away from and say 'These are the actions of crackpots. The republic will withstand this and all shall be well.'

As of right now, the people of the nation are in real danger. Threats are being made on multiple levels against people who do not fit the mold of the overculture. Threats are being made against the people who work to continue to keep the republic in good health by way of educating the populace and attending to their needs. When the EPA is put under a gag order and have their funding frozen, one must ask just what it is that the people in power are attempting to do here? When funding for things like Public Broadcasting is frozen and talk is being made of having one of the largest of free-to-public access points of information cut out of the picture, we must ask, what are the people in power attempting to hide?

Yes, we could argue all day how it is not 'spiritual' to roll up our sleeves and step into the mess to try to salvage the republic from these people's machinations. Sometimes spirituality and faith requires more than pretty prayers breathed in the peace of our personal sanctums. Sometimes we are called by the situation to step up and actively do things to enact our faith. Yes, some argue that this is the Kali Yuga and we are powerless to do anything about the atrocities that are unfurling and coming.

If you are of a mind to argue that all of this is simply fate and we're doomed, so why bother, please consider the following:

People said the same thing about the actions of oppressors repeatedly through out history. They who decided to throw up their hands and simply accept the evils done by those people generally did not survive or profit from it. And the oppressors were stopped by the people who rose up and said 'My conscience demands that I stand against this. I will not tolerate this happening.'

I, for one, can not tolerate what I see is unfurling. I am still trying to decide what it is I must do in resistance. It is my opinion that we are called to resist when evil begins to happen around us. Because in resisting, we are actively living out our respective faiths because we are choosing the act in accordance with what our faiths teach us.

The gods generally are ones to help they who help themselves. So, yes, continue your petitions for deliverance from evil. But do not tolerate it in your own life as well, because this shows the gods that you are working to change the situation. Help will come in unexpected ways. I am entirely sure that Dea's arrival to chase the beings who serve the Dark Queen was not expected, though I am sure that people begged for her aid.

Godspousery Notes: Sometimes the Work is not what we expect.

Hi folks,

I've been quiet here for a few reasons. One is I am still trying to figure out what I am doing in the process of organizing my writing stuff (which is challenging because there are a lot of proverbial moving parts here), updating the appearance and functionality of this blog, and trying to get everything that I have here backed up. (I have precious few things backed up and this is a problem. I want you to be able to refer to everything here when you have need of it. So, I need to be able to put things back up when something goes wrong and technical errors happen.)

The other reason is because I am in the process of functionally completely changing my life. My religious life, my emotional life, my daily get stuff done life are all in a state of flux right now. This is not because I am abandoning things that have previously been important to me. It is because I came to the realization over the last few months that I have some pretty major problems doing what I need to to be healthy. Thus, Beloved is helping me fix that. And we are also working on helping me to accept core truths about myself. The biggest challenge I have been facing in this process is the questions of 'what if I am wrong? what if I am doing everything wrong? what if I am a bad person because of [insert defining characteristic or traumatic experience]?' These questions are not something that is healthy for me.

Freyr and Loki have been very ... firm in their rejection of those kinds of questions. The refrain around my house right now has been three things:

1. Needs trump opinions. Always.
2. Don't worry about 'right' or 'wrong'. Is it 'yes' or 'no'? (This one is all about stuff like what makes me happy and being allowed to have help and such.)
3. Everyone needs help. 

I have been struggling with these three truths. It's kinda funny in some darkly comedic way. I mean, I am super quick to help others, remind people they don't need to apologize for what and who they are, and always supportive of people doing what they need to for their own health and welfare. But, I am terrible about being so supportive and kind of myself. 

The other night, I was upset because I felt like I wasn't doing the spiritual work I thought I should be doing. This got a look of annoyance from Freyr and Loki said in pure sarcasm, "Because completely changing your life to be healthier is just a hobby, right?"

You can always count on Loki to cut right to the point with a single droll comment. So, that's what's been going on right now.

Godspousery Notes: What am I doing again?

Here is a more personal post. I don't talk about this aspect of my life very much. There are two reasons for this. One is because I honestly don't know how to talk about it. The other is the fact that I worry that I am doing this all wrong and I am going to face horrific reprisals for doing so. I have some things I tend to get a bit timid about. One of them is my romantic life. Still, I have two deities looking at me expectantly and wondering why I haven't really written much of anything before now. So, I am composing this post.

It was about three in the afternoon today when Freyr said to me, "Why don't you write about me? Not about what I do. Not about who I am 'officially' but me, as you know me?" I felt some chagrin over the fact that I had been so quiet about this. The circle of friends who know about this relationship is fairly small. And here I am posting this for the whole world to read, what can go wrong, eh? I don't discuss this much with Beloved (this is my mortal husband who has been by my side for over 30 years as best friend and partner in crime) because he is very ... hands off when it comes to deities. He is of the opinion that they can do their thing so long as he is not involved and it doesn't create problems between him, myself, and my ability to keep up with my responsibilities.

Polyamory is a bit of work. Polyamory involving deities and an incarnate spouse gets weird at times. I tend to be a ball of anxiety half the time, thus I worry that I am offending someone or being an inconvenience on a regular basis. It happens pretty regularly that someone takes a hold of me and scrapes me off of the proverbial ceiling by talking me out of my panic. Some people say that Freyr is kindly and gentle. He is quite often. But, he is also stern and harsh when it is necessary. Of late, there has been more sternness. I, however, have also not been thinking very clearly and needed that sense of direction fairly often.

I've had a few people ask me is he around all the time. It is something like around 70% during the 'off' season and closer to 40% during the 'on' season when agriculture is going full bore around here. Some people have wondered if the gods stay in a specific area or something like that when they are here. That is not something that happens. My home is open to them. It is theirs as well. Beloved grumbles a bit about how Loki is around damn near all the time. At the same time, they're not always here. Loki's around a lot, but it is frequently around the time when my whole family is here. (He finds the kids charming and entertaining. And he enjoys the opportunity to needle my husband when it arises.)

Freyr is here in the mornings and in the evenings. Sometimes he is here during the day, but he often seems to be multitasking when he does so. The 'off' season has him here more often and I get the distinct impression that he is resting some after a great deal of hard work. Which only makes sense considering how much work agriculture is and then all of the other things he manages on top of it. We take walks together, when I am well and the weather cooperates. He is always walking at my right side. When I am walking, I've noticed that people tend to avoid walking on my right side when Freyr's presence is particularly strong.

He appears in different guises over the seasons, and when the mood strikes him. Freyr most often is presenting in rather casual clothes, looking as though he is ready to go out and work in the fields or cut wood. I'm pretty sure it is more than just something he does to make me smile. He is always encouraging me to be as honest with myself as I can be, including up to how I choose to present myself to the world. He expresses a preference for me to be comfortable and happy, occasionally getting a bit annoyed when I worry about if I am fashionable. He is amused with my minor bit of vanity about my hair.

I worry about people saying that I'm a bored housewife who has become lost in fantasy and has an invisible boyfriend. They look at me when I bring up that worry and ask me if I have really decided that I am crazy now. Or they will give me very ... direct signs. Like the day where I was panicking that I was never going to really write anything worthwhile again and seriously considering giving up, basically convinced that all of this and my dreams and aspirations were just pure fiction and delusions. Cue my running into someone who looked pretty much identical to how Freyr did when he showed up earlier in the day, wearing a black t-shirt with white bold print that read: Are you really going to give up on your dreams?

I have days where I get anxious and I have a lot of mental noise in the way for how I connect with them. They find a way to reach through all of that and get my attention. I am thankful for it. Sometimes it is a rather dramatic thing. Usually it is something relatively small, but deeply meaningful. I am slowly getting the message that there is no 'correct' way to do this. All that they ask is that I love them, which I do a great deal, and that I treat myself well, and love my family. All the rest that comes along is icing on the cake.