I've been sick for the last two weeks (I think, my sense of time is a bit hazy because I've been sick.) and in that time I've been admonished for trying to do too much, scolded for forgetting to eat, and generally cared for and comforted. When I was feeling too tired and weak to go eat something at lunch time the other day, Loki said, "Ok, then, I'll help." He put a hand on my shoulder and this dizzying rush of energy filled me. I felt woozy but like I could do anything. I was firmly told to go eat lunch and not worry about dishes.
Silly me went to start doing dishes so I could cook myself something. That was when I went from having no appetite to feeling like I was starving. So, I made myself a peanut butter sandwich. All that energy drained right out of me and I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down on the couch. As I fell asleep with great frustration, Loki said, "Dishes will keep. You're sick and you need your rest." This pretty much has been the tone over the last week.
So, the housework has been piling up. I have been behind on my blogging. And just generally struggling to keep up with everything because I'm sick. Theoretically, I should be fine after today because today is my last dose of antibiotics. I haven't enjoyed taking these horse pill sized antibiotics but it's taken care of the sinus infection. Now I just am waiting for the lingering cough and sinus drainage to go away. And hoping that I'll have more energy to get stuff done.
I've been feeling discouraged about a number of things. Loki, Freyr, and Beloved all pointedly remind me that no one can demand anything more than my best. Extra emphasis on the 'no one' part and at one point each of the three has explicitly said that I can not demand more than my best out of any situation. It's been frustrating because I see work piling up and I can't do much about it. I keep being told to be patient with myself but that is one of the things I am positively the worst at doing, much to their exasperation.
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