VIdeo No. 22: I haz a Fever

Hi folks,

This is not a transcript. This is a rough approximation of what I said. I'm feverish. I have a cold that's kicking my butt. I wanted to post while I could, because it has been a full season and a half since I posted a video. I'm currently struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Have been since about mid-July. It's just something that's slowly getting worse as the amount of sunlight in my day becomes less. It's exhausting. It is zero fun and makes life a lot harder than it rightly should be.

My spirituality acts like a rope to help me hang on when S.A.D. (worst acronym ever) starts to really kick my ass. I pray. I meditate. I burn candles and incense. It sort of helps. I also keep myself busy with projects (My latest scarf for charity is a fashion disaster, I'll post pics when it is done so you can see it in full glory.) so that I don't perseverate on things that I worry about, my phobias, and all of the other psychological garbage that gets dredged up with S.A.D. symptoms. This may not work for everyone. It's not working too great for me right now. I'm going to be investing in a light box soon, hopefully it will help me like it has many other people.

S.A.D. and other forms of depression and mental illness are nothing to be ashamed of. It's like having this stupid cold. You're sick and you need to take care of yourself so it doesn't get worse. (Again, like my stupid cold which I thing is trying to turn into a sinus infection. Don't be like me, go to the doctor when you catch the virus making everyone else in your house miserable.) If you're suffering from depression or something else in the long list of mental illness, and it is making your life unbearable, get help. Reach out to people around you to help out with things that are too much.

I've been having ptsd flashbacks over housework. I reached out to my husband to help with that stuff beyond what he usually does. His handling the dishes has helped me not panic that I'm going to screw them up and have to wash every single dish in the apartment multiple times in scalding hot water. (A lot of my trauma revolves around stuff like housework for various reasons. That is a story for another time.)