Well, it is the day before the Full Sap Moon and the total lunar eclipse (which is happening so late at night tomorrow evening that I can't observe it with the kids). I have been busy with housework and scheduling things for family that I had quite forgotten about writing here. On the plus side, I have found the desk, paid the bills, and found a good portion of the living room floor. On the minus side, I forgot about writing stuff and my goals to be more social. However, because Déa grants us all grace, I can forgive myself like she does and work to do better.
I have been doing my best to approach my efforts to improve myself like I would teaching my kids how to do something. I manage to have more patience with them than I do with myself. The focus when a mistake happens isn't on punishment of an error, but rather on teaching them how to self correct and make reparations for whatever damage is caused by the mistake. Most of all, I do my best to be kind in my approach towards it all, even when I am frustrated. (Being kind when you feel kinda mad is pretty hard but worth it.)
In attempting to extend that measure of grace and kindness towards myself, I have learned that I am repeating the harsh way I was raised in my self talk. I confess, I was rather horrified when I realized how deep the roots of my negative self image was due to this. The habit of cruelty toward myself has been a very hard one to break. I haven't succeeded yet but I am going to keep trying.
Beloved told me at one point in time that I should treat myself like one of the kids to get better at being more self compassionate. It has made a big difference. As long as I continue to be relentless about my efforts, I think I will eventually find success in this endeavor. I know that I am imitating Our Lady in this (which is always a good idea). Anna is the image of the best of Marya's children and she embodies all things healthy. Healthy looks different for different people, which is why Anna appears differently to each of us, but the fact that she is reaching out to help us reach our full potential in life is universal.
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