No video today, but something to think about.

Dear Reader,

My blog is about being a witch who veils. For various reasons over the last year, I have been veiling less. Almost all of them come down to anxiety issues and not having the stamina to do so when I go out of the house. This makes me very sad. I know that being bipolar and having complex post-traumatic stress disorder (with a dash of social phobia) makes it hard for me to do these things. I didn't realize how much of a problem it was for me until recently.

Several of the other folks I know who veil were finding that their hair was thinning due to how much they were covering and different styles causing more problem than others. So, when I realized that my hair was not only starting to go white but also thinning, my first thought was Is it the style of veil I use? and then I remembered I was covering about once a month at best for most of the last year. That was when I felt really sad about it all.

I have been examining the anxieties that keep me from veiling and they all boil down to a fear of violence against myself or my family for how I look. Now, I live in a small community. There are relatively few instances of blatant xenophobia that go beyond comments. This fact should, theoretically, make me feel a little safer. Instead, I feel like I'm playing chicken with a semi truck loaded with firecrackers that is burning and hurling towards me at 65 miles per hour and a rabid sack of weasles behind the wheel. (Yes, I have a very vivid imagination. This was not the first illustration of how I felt that came to mind but it was the least triggering of them.)

So, I'm going to face down my fears. It's going to take some effort and a little encouragement. My weekly video posts are going to be filmed at home and possibly around town. I will be attempting to veil more frequently and in a style that I find most comfortable. I am also going to stop saving the pretty veils for a special occasion because life is a special occasion and I am not going to live a life where I say 'I wish I wore this thing more often.' when I'm on my deathbed.

My posts are going to include some discussion about style and clothing as I adjust my wardrobe. Part of this is because my tastes have changed over the years and I'm exploring what truly makes me happy. Part of this is because I recognize that I need to offer more than technical discussions of magic and such. Don't be put off by anything that seems a little rough or a tad maudlin. My moods cycle and it colors just about everything. Rest assured, I'll come back to cheerful soon enough.

In the meantime, I'm going to debate how much of my hair I'm going to trim and color. I've been in the negotiation process with Freyr about that taboo. I'll share what ever the final result of that is when it comes along. Either way, I have a feeling it is going to be interesting.