Dear Reader,
I have multiple virtual worship spaces. Some of them are tied to physical locations and others are not. Multiple virtual worship spaces are useful for polytheists because it gives you individual locations for interaction with individual deities. It's really helpful if you are working with deities that canonically don't get along very well. (Heimdall and Loki comes to mind, the kinda loathe each other for various reasons that have been lost to history.)
I am going to share with you one of my virtual worship spaces. This is for Déa. It is patterned after Gothic era cathedrals. It is one that I have worked with in dreamscapes and in meditation/prayer. It is a relatively solid construct and one that I am making open to others to participate in.
The Chapel
A modest sized gothic styled chapel stands before you in a large expanse of grass surrounded by a forest. As you approach the chapel, you note that the exterior is unusually plain for this style of building. There are no statues or gargoyles. In its place, there are floral designs and the exterior supports of the stone walls look like stone trees reaching to the walls. As you draw close to the doorway, you see that it is engraved with a peaceful forest scene. Where the trees of the scene end is a meadow. The doors split at the center of this meadow in the scene.
You push one of the doors inward and it opens. You are standing at one end of a aisle down the center of two rows of pews. At the opposite end of the aisle is an altar. On the left side of the altar is a row of candles in various states of size. It is clear that these candles are offerings or prayers. On the right side of the altar is another set of candles, waiting to be lit for this purpose. Behind the altar is a statue of a veiled young woman. A crown of stars is about her that glow with light. You realize that they are tiny gemstone windows set into the stone of the alcove that the statue sits within. The young woman has a peaceful expression on her face and holds her arms open, as if ready to embrace you. A blue cloak is upon the statue and the gown is painted to be white. A silver girdle is about the gown and looks to have tassels on the ends that hang down. One foot is hidden beneath the gown, the other is positioned as though the young woman is stepping forward and it has a humble sandal upon it.
In the space between the altar and the statue, there is a place where one might approach the icon and lay offerings. You see a bouquet of flowers there from some other soul that has come to this holy place. On the altar is a silver bowl sitting upon a silver platter. It is clearly another place for offerings to be laid. The altar itself is covered with a white cloth with no design upon it. The stone beneath the white cloth is plain except for a seven rayed star in the center facing towards where the pews are. As you turn your attention to the pews, you see that they are padded and look to be a comfortable place where one might sit for a time. Where the pews meet the exterior walls, there are narrow arched windows. These windows are pieced stained glass that make up a rainbow on both sides of the building.
You walk to a pew that looks particularly comfortable and sit down. From outside, you can hear the birds singing and the hushed noises of wildlife in the meadow. As you sit, a sense of peace and serenity fills you. You know that this is a holy place where you are safe from all things. You are comforted by the cozy quality of the building and the faint scent incense that comes from somewhere near by. When you feel ready, you rise and walk out of the chapel. You cross the meadow and find your path back to waking consciousness, still carrying that sense of peace and safety with you.
Wednesday, May 27, 2020
Monday, May 25, 2020
Godspousery notes: Listen!
Dear Reader,
I was in a grump for a bit of last week. I was frustrated with everything and feeling rather malcontent with life in general. That was when Loki told me to stop and listen. I was irritated but intrigued, so I stopped and I listened. I heard birds singing. I heard small animals making noises in the trees and the field out behind the house. I heard crickets making a chorus of noise. I heard the neighbors a few doors down mowing their lawn. I heard the trains over at the rail yard across the way making noise with the cars they were moving around. I listened intently to all of this and couldn't decipher a pattern to it all. My attention kept returning back to the wildlife because it was closer and louder.
I said to Loki, "I give up, what am I listening to or for?"
That's when Loki grinned and said, "That's the sound of everything desperately trying to get laid."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes and scoff. He was right, except for the sounds of the lawnmower and the trains. He just grinned at me. He knew and I knew that part of the reason why I was snappish and short tempered was frustration with intimacy due to hormonal shifts going on with this perimenopause business. I suppose he was letting me know that I wasn't alone in my frustration.
He was decidedly smug about it all. I was doing my best to ignore my sexual frustration and focus on stuff that I could actually do something about. He apparently felt it important to remind me about it. But, I suppose, it goes to show, when gods tell you "Hey, LISTEN UP!" it is not always something earth shattering. Sometimes it is a bit of a jest. It's important to keep a sense of humor when you're in an intimate relationship, especially with deities.
Friday, May 22, 2020
Spiritual Fatigue.
Dear Reader,
When we are under high stress for an extended period of time, we begin to suffer fatigue. It is more than merely being tired at the end of a long day. It is a sense of exhaustion that manages to sap the light out of a sunny day. Fatigue can manifest in a number of different ways. One of the most common is a persistent feeling of weariness or numbness. This sensation is your body, spirit, and mind crying out for a rest from the source of stress.
Managing spiritual fatigue is challenging. It is often accompanied by depression and a general sense of despair. Some people draw strength from reading and reciting the holy texts of their faith. Others find renewal in the wonders of nature. For yet other people, the act of connecting with like minded souls is a refreshing experience that helps lift the shadow off of their shoulders for a moment. Some methods of ameliorating spiritual fatigue are easily accessible:
When we are under high stress for an extended period of time, we begin to suffer fatigue. It is more than merely being tired at the end of a long day. It is a sense of exhaustion that manages to sap the light out of a sunny day. Fatigue can manifest in a number of different ways. One of the most common is a persistent feeling of weariness or numbness. This sensation is your body, spirit, and mind crying out for a rest from the source of stress.
Managing spiritual fatigue is challenging. It is often accompanied by depression and a general sense of despair. Some people draw strength from reading and reciting the holy texts of their faith. Others find renewal in the wonders of nature. For yet other people, the act of connecting with like minded souls is a refreshing experience that helps lift the shadow off of their shoulders for a moment. Some methods of ameliorating spiritual fatigue are easily accessible:
- Prayers to the Divine
- Meditation
- Gratitude journaling
- Practicing personal rituals of devotion
Other methods of relieving spiritual fatigue are more challenging right now in the light of the COVID-19 pandemic:
- Gathering with your faith community
- Community service
- Visiting holy places
- Collective prayer practices and rituals of devotion
Virtual worship spaces (as discussed in previous posts) are possible. Digital shrines to the Divine are relatively common. Message boards, social groups, and email lists where one may communicate with their faith community and coordinate timed prayer sessions are an option for connection when face to face connection is not possible. While the digital connection with your faith community might not be as satisfying as gathering together in the same physical location, it is maintaining the community and support network for the community members.
It is important to remember that spiritual fatigue will pass. It may feel endless but renewal always arrives like the spring after a long and trying winter. If you are suffering from the additional burdens of depression or other forms of illness, seek out help. Getting relief for these conditions can help bring relief for spiritual fatigue. Do not let your spiritual fatigue stop you from caring for yourself and those around you who depend on you. Reach out to the Divine, to your community, and your spiritual helpers for support. They will lift you up and help you carry on through the storm that you are weathering.
Monday, May 18, 2020
On Déa's Love.
Dear Reader,
It's been a particularly trying two weeks at my place. My youngest child has really been pushing limits and making some stunningly bad judgment calls. Throw on top of this the frustration of distance learning, the fact that his brother has been needing a bit of extra help with school work, and other familial stress, it's been rough. As my husband and I do our best to navigate the challenges that have come up, I find myself thinking about my role models for how to handles such things.
I was not raised by the most benevolent and kind mother. She was a harsh woman with a cruel streak a country mile wide. I am currently estranged from my parents due to their continued shenanigans. My grandmother was a kind woman who did her best to provide support for my dreams and for my well being. When I think of good Christians, my grandmother and my grandfather are the people who come to mind. When I hit challenges in child rearing I have this internal conflict between the way I was raised by my mother, the examples I was shown by my grandmother, and my own ethos.
Lately, as I face the challenges of parenting preteens, I have been reflecting on Déa. Déa is not a cruel mother. She is not lax in her parenting either. Déa instructs us through the natural consequences of our actions, which is the most effective parenting tool that I have witnessed in action. She is loving and sends us support and aid during our times of difficulty. Sometimes, we may not be cognizant of that support. When you're eyeballs deep in alligators, it's hard to see how many handbags you've made let alone the fact that someone is keeping them back so you can make those handbags with out getting eaten.
Déa loves us and wants us to be healthy and well. She provides for us the means to make that happen with the infinite possibilities that are laid out before us. She provides for us allies and confidants who can help us reach our dreams, some of them coming from the most unlikely of places. Déa is not a cruel, petty mother who wants to abase her children to make herself look more powerful. She has no need of that business because she is sufficient within herself. Déa is not a miserly, mean spirited mother who denies her children good things because she desires to hoard them for herself. She gives all away to her children with the desire that they are well and find their way back to the place of wholeness that is being with her.
I try to take my parenting cues from Déa and from the benevolent maternal figures that have influenced me over the years. Because I want my children to be healthy and well. I want them to be raised up to know that they are precious beyond words or any gifts one might give them. I want my children to have good things in life because I desire to have them know happiness in full measure. And it is my hope that I might lead them by example along the way to the true home of the spirit.
It's been a particularly trying two weeks at my place. My youngest child has really been pushing limits and making some stunningly bad judgment calls. Throw on top of this the frustration of distance learning, the fact that his brother has been needing a bit of extra help with school work, and other familial stress, it's been rough. As my husband and I do our best to navigate the challenges that have come up, I find myself thinking about my role models for how to handles such things.
I was not raised by the most benevolent and kind mother. She was a harsh woman with a cruel streak a country mile wide. I am currently estranged from my parents due to their continued shenanigans. My grandmother was a kind woman who did her best to provide support for my dreams and for my well being. When I think of good Christians, my grandmother and my grandfather are the people who come to mind. When I hit challenges in child rearing I have this internal conflict between the way I was raised by my mother, the examples I was shown by my grandmother, and my own ethos.
Lately, as I face the challenges of parenting preteens, I have been reflecting on Déa. Déa is not a cruel mother. She is not lax in her parenting either. Déa instructs us through the natural consequences of our actions, which is the most effective parenting tool that I have witnessed in action. She is loving and sends us support and aid during our times of difficulty. Sometimes, we may not be cognizant of that support. When you're eyeballs deep in alligators, it's hard to see how many handbags you've made let alone the fact that someone is keeping them back so you can make those handbags with out getting eaten.
Déa loves us and wants us to be healthy and well. She provides for us the means to make that happen with the infinite possibilities that are laid out before us. She provides for us allies and confidants who can help us reach our dreams, some of them coming from the most unlikely of places. Déa is not a cruel, petty mother who wants to abase her children to make herself look more powerful. She has no need of that business because she is sufficient within herself. Déa is not a miserly, mean spirited mother who denies her children good things because she desires to hoard them for herself. She gives all away to her children with the desire that they are well and find their way back to the place of wholeness that is being with her.
I try to take my parenting cues from Déa and from the benevolent maternal figures that have influenced me over the years. Because I want my children to be healthy and well. I want them to be raised up to know that they are precious beyond words or any gifts one might give them. I want my children to have good things in life because I desire to have them know happiness in full measure. And it is my hope that I might lead them by example along the way to the true home of the spirit.
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
Virtual Worship Space 2/3
As I mentioned in my last post, virtual worship spaces are a legitimate thing. Through a combination of focused visualization and the expenditure of a bit of spiritual energy, one may create a simulacra of a physical location for worship. While using a visualization of a place one is familiar with is a good starting point for this practice, it is also possible to generate a unique location that is tailored specifically to your needs.
Below are a number of meditations that one may use to create a space within the theater of the mind that is connected to the spiritual realms that is useful for worship or meditation. For the purposes of this post, I presume that you are familiar with trance induction and the process of navigating trance state.
The Garden
Envision yourself at a hedgerow with a gate before you. You hold the key to this gate in your hand. As you unlock it, you know that this is a place of sanctuary and safety. You pass within the gate and shut it behind you, locking it again and placing the key in your pocket, preserving the safety of this place within yourself. When you turn from facing the gate of this garden, you see a path that leads through the garden.
Along the path are many flowers and ornamental plants. The scent of them is calming and refreshing. As you begin to stroll leisurely along the path, you recognize that these plants represent your thoughts and dreams. Some are fully developed and gloriously in bloom. Others are still growing. In some places, there are plants growing in disarray, for these are the thoughts that trouble you from time to time. They are, still, plants that make this garden a wonder to behold.
The path begins to gently slope upward and soon you find yourself before a small shrine with a bench where you might rest after your stroll. The shrine is one that fits entirely within your garden's aesthetic and is a place of deep peace and healing. You sit upon the bench near the shrine and regard it. Note the structure of it and its beauty. Note the icon(s) within it and how well made they are. As you contemplate the icon(s), recognize that this is a sacred place that will allow you to connect with the Divine. Here, at the center of the garden, you have found a spark of the Divine within you. Take a moment to commune with this essence of the Holy and take comfort in their presence. When you feel ready, follow the path out of the garden.
As you reach the gate, you are filled with peace and healing. You feel refreshed and ready to face the world. You unlock the gate and exit the garden. With gratitude for the Holy presence you have met in this sacred place and appreciation for the beauty within you, you lock the gate to keep the sacred safe.
The Temple
You stand before the gates of a temple. A great wall surrounds it and the entrance is locked securely against all who would defile the sacred ground. You hold the key to the gates and unlock them, knowing this is a place of safety and security. As you cross into the temple grounds, you know that this place is a holy place of sanctuary that is dedicated to the Divine. You lock the temple gate behind you and walk along a path to the temple proper.
As you walk towards the building, you see that there is a garden before it with a wide array of plants in bloom. These plants represent your thoughts and dreams. Some of them are fully developed and gloriously in bloom. Others are still bursting from seed. Here, there are also some plants growing in disarray which are the thoughts that trouble you from time to time. Their presence, however, is harmonious because they are a part of you that is cherished by the Divine.
At the doors of the temple, you find an ewer filled with water and a basin. You wash your hands and your face in the water, cleansing away the spiritual adhesions from the 'mundane' world that make it hard for you to connect with the Divine. You enter the temple and are immediately struck by its majesty and beauty. Light streams in from windows and burns from candles about the space. At the center of the temple is an icon of the Divine. As you approach the icon, you are filled with peace and the troubles of your heart are soothed.
You sit down on a bench near by and contemplate the icon. Sitting here, you feel something of the presence of the Divine and know that you are never alone for the Divine is always with you. When you feel ready, you leave the temple and pass through the garden to the wall. At the gate, you unlock it and exit with the full knowledge that this sacred place is secure against any who would profane it. You lock the gate and put the key into your pocket, knowing you can come to this place at any time with but a thought.
The Grove
You find yourself on a path that leads into a forest. The day is warm and the weather is mild if not pleasant. You walk along the path and hear the quiet noises of the forest. Soon the path begins to slope upward slightly. You emerge from the trees into a circular clearing. At the center of the clearing stands a stone weathered by time but etched with holy symbols that are still visible. As you approach the stone, it is clear that this is a place where you can feel the presence of the Divine.
Flowers grow about you in the meadow. Some are familiar and others less so. All of them, however, represent your thoughts and dreams. Just about the stone is a space of soft grass where you might sit or lie upon the ground. You settle in the center of the meadow near the holy stone and contemplate the symbols you see inscribed there. As you do so, you feel that the Divine is close to you and your heart is set at ease. You sit in the presence of the Divine in this hidden grove with a profound sense of peace and well being. You commune with the Divine through your heart and keen awareness of their presence.
When you are ready, you rise and find the path back to the place where you began. As you walk, you note that it is a path that winds around the hill with others leading off from it. You know that this labyrinth through the forest is what keeps the grove secret and safe. As you exit the forest, you are refreshed and reinvigorated from your walk and ready to resume your day.
Below are a number of meditations that one may use to create a space within the theater of the mind that is connected to the spiritual realms that is useful for worship or meditation. For the purposes of this post, I presume that you are familiar with trance induction and the process of navigating trance state.
The Garden
Envision yourself at a hedgerow with a gate before you. You hold the key to this gate in your hand. As you unlock it, you know that this is a place of sanctuary and safety. You pass within the gate and shut it behind you, locking it again and placing the key in your pocket, preserving the safety of this place within yourself. When you turn from facing the gate of this garden, you see a path that leads through the garden.
Along the path are many flowers and ornamental plants. The scent of them is calming and refreshing. As you begin to stroll leisurely along the path, you recognize that these plants represent your thoughts and dreams. Some are fully developed and gloriously in bloom. Others are still growing. In some places, there are plants growing in disarray, for these are the thoughts that trouble you from time to time. They are, still, plants that make this garden a wonder to behold.
The path begins to gently slope upward and soon you find yourself before a small shrine with a bench where you might rest after your stroll. The shrine is one that fits entirely within your garden's aesthetic and is a place of deep peace and healing. You sit upon the bench near the shrine and regard it. Note the structure of it and its beauty. Note the icon(s) within it and how well made they are. As you contemplate the icon(s), recognize that this is a sacred place that will allow you to connect with the Divine. Here, at the center of the garden, you have found a spark of the Divine within you. Take a moment to commune with this essence of the Holy and take comfort in their presence. When you feel ready, follow the path out of the garden.
As you reach the gate, you are filled with peace and healing. You feel refreshed and ready to face the world. You unlock the gate and exit the garden. With gratitude for the Holy presence you have met in this sacred place and appreciation for the beauty within you, you lock the gate to keep the sacred safe.
The Temple
You stand before the gates of a temple. A great wall surrounds it and the entrance is locked securely against all who would defile the sacred ground. You hold the key to the gates and unlock them, knowing this is a place of safety and security. As you cross into the temple grounds, you know that this place is a holy place of sanctuary that is dedicated to the Divine. You lock the temple gate behind you and walk along a path to the temple proper.
As you walk towards the building, you see that there is a garden before it with a wide array of plants in bloom. These plants represent your thoughts and dreams. Some of them are fully developed and gloriously in bloom. Others are still bursting from seed. Here, there are also some plants growing in disarray which are the thoughts that trouble you from time to time. Their presence, however, is harmonious because they are a part of you that is cherished by the Divine.
At the doors of the temple, you find an ewer filled with water and a basin. You wash your hands and your face in the water, cleansing away the spiritual adhesions from the 'mundane' world that make it hard for you to connect with the Divine. You enter the temple and are immediately struck by its majesty and beauty. Light streams in from windows and burns from candles about the space. At the center of the temple is an icon of the Divine. As you approach the icon, you are filled with peace and the troubles of your heart are soothed.
You sit down on a bench near by and contemplate the icon. Sitting here, you feel something of the presence of the Divine and know that you are never alone for the Divine is always with you. When you feel ready, you leave the temple and pass through the garden to the wall. At the gate, you unlock it and exit with the full knowledge that this sacred place is secure against any who would profane it. You lock the gate and put the key into your pocket, knowing you can come to this place at any time with but a thought.
The Grove
You find yourself on a path that leads into a forest. The day is warm and the weather is mild if not pleasant. You walk along the path and hear the quiet noises of the forest. Soon the path begins to slope upward slightly. You emerge from the trees into a circular clearing. At the center of the clearing stands a stone weathered by time but etched with holy symbols that are still visible. As you approach the stone, it is clear that this is a place where you can feel the presence of the Divine.
Flowers grow about you in the meadow. Some are familiar and others less so. All of them, however, represent your thoughts and dreams. Just about the stone is a space of soft grass where you might sit or lie upon the ground. You settle in the center of the meadow near the holy stone and contemplate the symbols you see inscribed there. As you do so, you feel that the Divine is close to you and your heart is set at ease. You sit in the presence of the Divine in this hidden grove with a profound sense of peace and well being. You commune with the Divine through your heart and keen awareness of their presence.
When you are ready, you rise and find the path back to the place where you began. As you walk, you note that it is a path that winds around the hill with others leading off from it. You know that this labyrinth through the forest is what keeps the grove secret and safe. As you exit the forest, you are refreshed and reinvigorated from your walk and ready to resume your day.
Thursday, May 7, 2020
Virtual Worship Space 1/3
Dear Reader,
As a friend of mine noted, virtual worship spaces have existed for a significant time now. They've been used by members of worship communities that are separated by physical distance and scheduling problems. It is a modern construct that should be embraced, especially during the time of COVID-19. It is different in functionality and nature as each group that uses a virtual worship space can be.
In some ways, the use of a virtual worship space has been present for a longer time than the Internet. The theater of the mind allows us to reach out to and connect with the Divine. This is not the realm of pure imagination, though imagination has a place for setting the stage. We move through the realm of imagination into a place that is somewhere between within ourselves and without. In that liminal space of the soul, one might build constructs that have an impact upon reality for they resonate with the mind and body, just as one harp string plucked will resonate with other more distant strings on the instrument.
In previous posts, I have spoken of such constructs of a specific form. The Egregore and Servitor are constructs of this liminal space built for accomplishing deeds and creating changes in reality. There is another form of construct one may create. The spectral worship space that one may envision and focus their energy into bringing into being within that liminal place between within ourselves and without is the specific construct I wish to discuss.
Within Filianism, this is known as the Temple of the Heart. The theology of Filianism places great importance upon the Temple of the Heart and stresses that it is difficult to reach for the untrained mind and soul. It is also stressed that it is difficult to reach because of the thorns of khear that separate us from the Holy One. However, also expressed in the theology of Filianism is that within us are vast spaces where we might build constructs for worship or other purposes.
This is not very different from what I was taught early on in my education in witchcraft. Through focused meditation, one might create within themselves something of an antechamber where they might encounter the Holy. It might be envisioned as a gothic cathedral, a forest grove, or something so fantastic that the world has not yet seen it. Through meditation we enter into this antechamber and may make ourselves known to the Holy. If the Temple of the Heart is the doorway into Déa's presence, this constructed place of worship is a window where we might look upon that doorway and see that it is ajar, waiting for us to arrive.
Rites and rituals conducted within this construct of the mind and spirit are as legitimate as rites and rituals conducted upon the physical plane. It is possible to celebrate a great many different forms of worship here, some that would be impossible in the physical plane. Keeping a journal of one's prayer experiences may allow one to identify themes in their worship patterns and a record of what their prayer life is like.
Through a collective group meditation upon such an antechamber of the Holy, one may experience the presence of others where the spiritual realms touch the mental ones in this liminal place. Doing so at a synchronized time with a recorded guide that allows all people to participate can make for a powerful experience.
As a friend of mine noted, virtual worship spaces have existed for a significant time now. They've been used by members of worship communities that are separated by physical distance and scheduling problems. It is a modern construct that should be embraced, especially during the time of COVID-19. It is different in functionality and nature as each group that uses a virtual worship space can be.
In some ways, the use of a virtual worship space has been present for a longer time than the Internet. The theater of the mind allows us to reach out to and connect with the Divine. This is not the realm of pure imagination, though imagination has a place for setting the stage. We move through the realm of imagination into a place that is somewhere between within ourselves and without. In that liminal space of the soul, one might build constructs that have an impact upon reality for they resonate with the mind and body, just as one harp string plucked will resonate with other more distant strings on the instrument.
In previous posts, I have spoken of such constructs of a specific form. The Egregore and Servitor are constructs of this liminal space built for accomplishing deeds and creating changes in reality. There is another form of construct one may create. The spectral worship space that one may envision and focus their energy into bringing into being within that liminal place between within ourselves and without is the specific construct I wish to discuss.
Within Filianism, this is known as the Temple of the Heart. The theology of Filianism places great importance upon the Temple of the Heart and stresses that it is difficult to reach for the untrained mind and soul. It is also stressed that it is difficult to reach because of the thorns of khear that separate us from the Holy One. However, also expressed in the theology of Filianism is that within us are vast spaces where we might build constructs for worship or other purposes.
This is not very different from what I was taught early on in my education in witchcraft. Through focused meditation, one might create within themselves something of an antechamber where they might encounter the Holy. It might be envisioned as a gothic cathedral, a forest grove, or something so fantastic that the world has not yet seen it. Through meditation we enter into this antechamber and may make ourselves known to the Holy. If the Temple of the Heart is the doorway into Déa's presence, this constructed place of worship is a window where we might look upon that doorway and see that it is ajar, waiting for us to arrive.
Rites and rituals conducted within this construct of the mind and spirit are as legitimate as rites and rituals conducted upon the physical plane. It is possible to celebrate a great many different forms of worship here, some that would be impossible in the physical plane. Keeping a journal of one's prayer experiences may allow one to identify themes in their worship patterns and a record of what their prayer life is like.
Through a collective group meditation upon such an antechamber of the Holy, one may experience the presence of others where the spiritual realms touch the mental ones in this liminal place. Doing so at a synchronized time with a recorded guide that allows all people to participate can make for a powerful experience.
Sunday, May 3, 2020
Belated greetings.
Dear Reader,
I am two days behind on observing the Filianic high holy day of the feast of the Exaultation of the Queen of Heaven. I am two days behind on observing the more commonly known holy day of Beltaine. And I've lost count how many days I am behind on posting on here.
The last two months have been exhausting and it looks like it will be the theme of the next several months. As we work to maintain this new 'normal' and keep the kids from panic or mischief, it has been very hard to find time to blog or write in my daily journal. I have taken to staying up an hour later than my usual bedtime just for some peace and quiet.
As some of you know, I live in New York state. I am in the western part of the state, technically the western edge of the Fingerlakes region. We haven't been hit hard by Covid-19 yet. But I monitor the news as I stay home and I pray for my husband (and everyone else who is needed to be working right now). I hear some wags say that this is all a power grab and that Covid-19 isn't really as bad as the media presents it. I hear others say that it's not as bad a polio and we should just toughen up. I've heard a lot of people downplaying it and demanding that we open the state back up for business as usual while offering no plan for how to keep people safe. It's distressing to be part of the high risk population and hear the people around you say that your concerns are just the effect of being overly anxious about things. Equally distressing is seeing how others will be so cavalier in their approach to the situation.
I mention this because it weighs on my heart and mind when I can't sleep at night. I pray but I feel like my prayers are not enough in the face of what is unfolding. I want to help others but I am powerless to do anything more than pray. The grim statistics of what is happening with Covid-19 and the emerging details about how bad it really is terrifies me. Loki assures me that we've seen worse and that we will weather this. It is hard to imagine things worse than this, but Loki says that when you're ass deep in alligators it is hard to count how many handbags you have made.
I do my best to keep in mind the message that he gave back towards the beginning of the month. I try to remember that I have a whole army of support in the spiritual realm between my ancestors and my allies. It doesn't lay to rest the fear that I or someone I love is going to die. But it can give me a little breathing room between moments of terror. As I posted elsewhere last week (I think), my shield arm is getting tired. I'm still keeping it up and pushing forward, my family needs me to do so. But I am weary of the constant vigilance and isolation for so many reasons, many relating to past trauma.
I'm one of the people who looks like they've got it together. Under the surface, I am a mess waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop and trying to plan for the disaster that will accompany it. Please, be kind to each other, especially the people who seem to stoically go about their day right now with a level of calm that is hard to grasp. We're not all right. We just have a really good game face and are focused on the immediate tasks at hand. When all of this blows over, we're probably going to be falling apart as everyone else we have been taking care of get on their feet. Please, if you can, be kind.
I am two days behind on observing the Filianic high holy day of the feast of the Exaultation of the Queen of Heaven. I am two days behind on observing the more commonly known holy day of Beltaine. And I've lost count how many days I am behind on posting on here.
The last two months have been exhausting and it looks like it will be the theme of the next several months. As we work to maintain this new 'normal' and keep the kids from panic or mischief, it has been very hard to find time to blog or write in my daily journal. I have taken to staying up an hour later than my usual bedtime just for some peace and quiet.
As some of you know, I live in New York state. I am in the western part of the state, technically the western edge of the Fingerlakes region. We haven't been hit hard by Covid-19 yet. But I monitor the news as I stay home and I pray for my husband (and everyone else who is needed to be working right now). I hear some wags say that this is all a power grab and that Covid-19 isn't really as bad as the media presents it. I hear others say that it's not as bad a polio and we should just toughen up. I've heard a lot of people downplaying it and demanding that we open the state back up for business as usual while offering no plan for how to keep people safe. It's distressing to be part of the high risk population and hear the people around you say that your concerns are just the effect of being overly anxious about things. Equally distressing is seeing how others will be so cavalier in their approach to the situation.
I mention this because it weighs on my heart and mind when I can't sleep at night. I pray but I feel like my prayers are not enough in the face of what is unfolding. I want to help others but I am powerless to do anything more than pray. The grim statistics of what is happening with Covid-19 and the emerging details about how bad it really is terrifies me. Loki assures me that we've seen worse and that we will weather this. It is hard to imagine things worse than this, but Loki says that when you're ass deep in alligators it is hard to count how many handbags you have made.
I do my best to keep in mind the message that he gave back towards the beginning of the month. I try to remember that I have a whole army of support in the spiritual realm between my ancestors and my allies. It doesn't lay to rest the fear that I or someone I love is going to die. But it can give me a little breathing room between moments of terror. As I posted elsewhere last week (I think), my shield arm is getting tired. I'm still keeping it up and pushing forward, my family needs me to do so. But I am weary of the constant vigilance and isolation for so many reasons, many relating to past trauma.
I'm one of the people who looks like they've got it together. Under the surface, I am a mess waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop and trying to plan for the disaster that will accompany it. Please, be kind to each other, especially the people who seem to stoically go about their day right now with a level of calm that is hard to grasp. We're not all right. We just have a really good game face and are focused on the immediate tasks at hand. When all of this blows over, we're probably going to be falling apart as everyone else we have been taking care of get on their feet. Please, if you can, be kind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)