Searching for answers.

Dear Reader,

I have decided to re-read the Opera Omnia in an effort to answer some questions that have come up in my regular reading of the Clear Recital. I've cross referenced all the editions I have on a number of quotes, there are some variations in how the things that bewilder me are phrased but nothing more to clarify the sections that keep me asking questions.

So, I am going to chew my way through the Opera Omnia again to specifically look for answers to my questions. I suspect that there will be nothing satisfactory. I, however, am in a gloomy mood and Déa will provide guidance.

As I meditate and pray, I will be working on my latest design for embroidery. It is a quote from the Clear Recital (can be found in all versions). I am not satisfied with how my lettering came out so uneven, but writing on fabric is hard. The color I'm using for the lettering is DMC's 798.
 

What is the place of chronic illness in Filianism/Déanism

 Dear Reader,

This is something I have been struggling with for months. I've been swinging between depressive episodes and mixed episodes for the last three months. Working with my care professionals, there's some changes going on in my treatment and they seem to be leading to greater stability and health. I really should have said something sooner. (If you are struggling with illness or malaise of any sort, seek out help. It really isn't necessary to struggle when there is help available for most any manner of illness. I was a fool to wait this long.)

Among the questions troubling me was what was the place of chronic illness, more specifically mental illness, within the faith system of Filianism and Déanism.  This question nagged at me even as the medication change lifted the other persistent questions of self-worth from my awareness. If we consider the matter from one perspective, chronic illness is a manifestation of the fragility of all things due to khear. There are many who consider khear synonymous with sin and argue that we who suffer with chronic illness are somehow more flawed than those who do not have such an affliction. I would be so bold as to contend that this argument is grievously flawed and uncompassionate.

A much more reasonable argument is that chronic illness is part of the conditions of living within this world. Life includes suffering for many reasons, most of them hard to define. As beings that are incarnate, we suffer the afflictions that come attendant upon existing in this world. Each form of misfortune that befalls us, be it the failure of our health or our fortunes, is a part of this world being flawed. It is fixed wyrd that causes chronic illness by way of events we can not influence.

I would not dare to say that these events are karmic payment for past life errors. This would be as bad as saying that those who suffer chronic illness are more filled with khear than others and this is an outward manifestation of it. Cruelty does not begin to describe this position. It must be rejected for the same reasons as the other. Thus we cycle back to the question of what is the role of fixed wyrd.

Fixed wyrd, as best I can tell, are life circumstances that are in place to shape a person into what they are supposed to be according to the larger scheme of life. They are crucial events that we are unable to avoid no matter what other choices we make in our lifetime prior to or after these events. Some elements of fixed wyrd may be pleasant. Others are less so. Generally, however, they are morally neutral and simply an event of consequence. The key to this statement is the phrase 'morally neutral'. They are neither morally good nor morally evil. They are events that simply happen, however tragic they may be.

As best I can figure it, the place of chronic illness in Filianism and Déanism is the afflicted are people who require compassion and care as certainly as anyone else. The afflicted are people who have as much capacity to embody good as anyone else. And, the afflicted are people who are at times in closer tune with the suffering of Our Lady. They can not escape their conditions and struggle mightily to live within the constraints placed upon them. As such, perhaps they who struggle with chronic illness might have a hope of beginning to understand the sorrows of Our Lady. 

For, when Our Lady entered into this world, we do not know if she came into it hale and filled with vigor or if she was carrying the burden of some manner of chronic condition that made her frail despite the power within her. The holy teachings tell us that she is with us at all times even as she reigns in Avala. It is possible that among they who suffer from chronic illness, there is a masked presence of Our Lady moving through the world to see how all fares.

I, however, am a madwoman who lives a life that is somewhat isolated and stranger than others. Perhaps another with deeper knowledge may illuminate this with their wisdom. This is simply my attempt to understand my place in things and the place of others like myself. I stubbornly refuse to accept the argument that we are fundamentally the embodiment of how far we have fallen from perfection. I stubbornly refuse to accept the argument that we are to be shunned for such reasons. Far too many people live in suffering from chronic illness and things that they can not change for me to accept the implied argument that we have embrace khear and this is an outward manifestation of it.

From Consideration to Contemplation: A Process.

 Dear Reader,

When one is confronted with holy mysteries, it is easy to gloss over them when you cannot see their connection to daily life. Sometimes, we just shrug and say "It's a mystery and beyond our ability to comprehend." Other times, we proverbially cover our eyes and whistle past them, trying not to be unsettled by what they might mean if we looked directly at them. It is an easy path to acknowledge holy mysteries but not reflect upon their role within our faith, whatever that faith might be.

It is when we move from considering them on the holy days to contemplating them through out our days that we move deeper into faith. We begin by considering their meaning at the times that are fitting. For a Wiccan, the holy mystery of the Great Rite may become a topic of thought around the time of the Full Moon, when that faith typically celebrates it. For a Filianic or Déanic believer, the holy mystery of the Daughter's death and resurrection may become a topic of thought around the time of high holy day of Eastre. For a Christian, the holy mystery of the birth of Jesus of Nazereth may become a topic of thought around the time of their high holy day of Christmas. Regardless of your faith, there are mysteries associated with days and seasons. It is easier to consider them during those days and seasons because there are reminders about us.

More challenging is to consider the holy mysteries when there are fewer reminders immediately present. Still, with discipline and practice, one can build up a habit of thinking about the holy mysteries in relationship to their own life. One can recognize the cycles of the holy mysteries reflected in their lives and become a participant in those mysteries. For some, this is done by way of ritual prayer such as the rosary. For others, this is done by way of devotional reading and journalwork. Yet still others move along a path that blends both together.

Consideration is the act of observing the mystery and how it moves in your world. Contemplation is built upon a foundation of consideration. Contemplation is the act of engaging the mystery and how you move within it. It is changing the frame of reference from external to internal, from an event to a personal experience. As life is ever changing, the process of contemplation of the same mystery at different times evokes different experiences. Most people are comfortable with consideration. It is a depth of relationship with the Divine that allows them to percieve greater independence from the Divine. This is a socially encouraged attitude within the U.S. because our overculture places great emphasis upon "rugged individuality". Contemplation, however, opens one up to see that they are connected with the Divine through the holy mysteries and connected with the world through the same mysteries. This can be uncomfortable and it can make life complicated.

There is, however, a unique reward to engaging in contemplation. The deeper relationship that one has with the Divine, the more that relationship becomes a two-way relationship. The contemplative relationship enables one to see where the Divine is manifest in the world and the gifts offered by the Divine to the devotee. This is the first step upon the path of the mystic. A mystic is not some elevated being wrapped in human flesh. They are but a person engaged in a deeply personal and powerful relationship with the Divine. While not everyone can have the relationship that a mystic does because it runs counter to their temperment, they can still build a personal relationship with the Divine that brings them comfort and strength during times of difficulty. All it takes is contemplation.

Work in Progress.

 Dear Reader,

I was unable to wait until my hardcopy of the New Celestial Union Version of the Clear Recital arrived to start reading the Eastminster Critical Edition of the Clear Recital and of the Oxonian Rite. The ECE is just so pretty, I couldn't help myself. I was astonished to find how much that The Gospel of Our Mother God left out. I recognize that they are seeking to condense a great deal of material down to an easier to digest level for the general practitioner of that sect of Filianism/Déanism. At the same time, I can't help but find it intellectually dishonest that they left out things like the primary guidance for conduct and behavior (The Crystal Tablet) and edited the wisdom texts to leave out details that make them more suited to personal reflection.

I have realized that what I have been doing in the light of the lack of information was establishing another sect of Filianism. I'm realizing that my critical analysis of the available texts and work on putting them into context with what I practice is going to result in yet another version of the Clear Recital. My view on the Clear Recital is that it is like a crystal with many facets. Each sect of the Filianic and Déanic faiths are a facet of this crystal given to us by Déa. It is our job as scholars and theologians within our respective sects to polish the facet facing us so that it might most clearly reflect and show forth the light of Déa.

It is a holy document filled with good guidance and great wisdom for the children of Déa. I believe it is inspired by Déa and it must be interpreted through the human lens of faith and wisdom to reach the core truths. Déa is infailable and complex. We, however, are failure prone and lack the vision of Déa to see the core truths where they can be applied universally. Thus, we must review and consider the holy texts carefully, we must consult with each other and share what we have learned so that we may dive deep into the holy texts and find the jewels of wisdom and beauty contained therein.

Baby steps: Formalizing the Practice.

 Dear Reader,

I came to the realization that I was accidentally creating another sect of Filianism through my practices. As such, I have been going through my notes and research in an attempt to put it into words. It will be an open tradition, which means any one can join regardless of their background. I will be taking the same liberty that other traditions have and developing a version of the sacred teachings that is aligned with the universal truth of the Clear Recital while at the same time addressing the truths of this world that are impacted by this tradition.

I haven't a formal name for it. I haven't formal rituals for what I have been doing, or at least nothing written down as a formal ritual. I'm pretty sure that it is going to take some time to organize all of this. At the core of this tradition is the following beliefs:

1. Déa is the prime mover and ultimate sorce of all existence.

2. Other deities exist as children of Déa who serve her will and help with the management of existence.

3. These other deities are not the "highest of the High Ones" and in the celestial hierarcy would rank equal to the greater Janyati.

4. The greater Janyati are both eminations of Déa and 'faces' of her. The other deities are mirrors of Déa's light and share dominion over elements of creation with the greater Janyati. Some could say they are eminations of Déa, this would be the 'soft' polytheist approach here. The 'hard' polytheist approach is that they are separate from Déa but share traits with her as they are her children.*

5. The other deities chose to remain with the mortal children of Déa when creation 'fell' to protect them from the influence of evil. They differentiated as the mortal children of Déa differentiated to better serve and protect them from the Dark Queen.

6. These deities are bound to the manifest world because of their decision to remain with the mortal children of Déa, thus are subject to the cycle of life, death, and rebirth (albeit in much longer terms). They will be liberated from this cycle with the Sacrifice of the Daughter. They are not, however, tainted with khear. Khear, however, can distort their appearance and relationship with the manifest world.

7. The realms of the deities are the subtle realms between creation and Avala. I believe that they're a web through out the sub-lunar realm (aka the astral realm) and these individual realms of deities will interact with each other. They are not entirely equal to the Daughter as Queen of Heaven, but their relationships with her are that of foreign dignitaries visiting another monarch's realm. Thus, Odin as the King of Asgard accords Our Lady the respect of another monarch of a distant land, for example. In someways, Our Lady is the Empress of the sub-lunar realm but she allows them to rule their respective realms in their own fashion until the time comes that all will fall apart. Then she comes as a salvific figure for all of creation and guides the other deities back to their true place in Déa's presence. (I.E. Ragnarok is the in-breathing of Creation by the Dark Mother and the Daughter guides the deities back to the Bright Mother so they might take their place with the greater Janyati once again.)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

* It is my argument that the children of gods are gods as well, lest their lineage is commingled with that of the mortal children of Déa, from which comes demi-gods and legendary heroes.

Cosmology of an Unorthodox Sort.

 Dear Reader,

Here's a tale for you. In the beginning there was nothing but Déa. She parted the waters where she might rest her feet. The music of the waves moved her to dance and she laughed with delight. From her first peal of laughter came the greater Janyati. From her second peal of laughter came the primordial gods of humanity. From her third peal of laughter came the lesser janyati and from her fourth came the spirits of the world. Déa saw her first children and laughed with greater joy. She danced the realms of existence into reality with her children dancing with her, for they were part of her light and will.

Déa cast her gaze upon the waters and saw her reflection there. Again she laughed with delight. She drew the image from the waters upon the land and the first of her mortal children was born. Déa let her child run laughing through the worlds, naming all they encountered and celebrating all the cherished life there was. The primordial gods of humanity watched the child and celebrated the child, for they were the completion of their joy.

All of the realms of creation were beautiful and filled with Déa's light. The primordial gods were pure mirrors of Déa's light and reflected it over even places that lay in shadow. There was, however, a place where there was no light. Not even the primordial gods could reflect Déa's light into this place. It moved between realms and all that existed. It had weight and was the absence of all light. The darkness had existed alongside Déa and hated her for the light she had created and the realms fashioned. It was the Snake and it moved among the children of Déa until it found the weakest of them, the first daughter.

The Snake coiled itself about the first daughter and spoke. "Child of the holy Mother, you have run through realms uncounted. You have danced in the footsteps of your Mother and the elder kin. You know much of this world but there are things that you do not know," the Snake said. The first daughter of Déa looked at the Snake with wonder. She had not seen this being in her travels, though it followed her through the realms and spied upon her.

"What would you teach me, oh Snake?" she asked cautiously.

"You do not know of the peace of rest, child," the Snake said, "Or the wonders of dreams within it."

"What manner of thing are dreams?" the first daughter asked. The Snake coiled tighter about her and lifted its head to see her more clearly.

"You must know the peace of rest before you may know the realm of dreams," the Snake answered.

"How might I know rest?" the first daughter asked.

"But embrace me and I shall give you a gift that may bring that knowledge to you," the Snake answered.

The first daughter held out her arms towards the Snake. The Snake wrapped its coils about her until the first daughter was well and truly bound. She wrapped her arms about the Snake and something of her essence and strength flowed into the Snake. As this happened the Snake's form changed until it looked to be like the first daughter. The new form of the Snake was barren, for it hadn't the light of Déa within it. As the first daughter sagged in the arms of the transformed Snake, she asked, "What of this pleasure of rest you spoke so sweetly of?"

"For you to rest, ask your Mother for there to be a time of darkness," the Snake said. The elder kin who bore the light of Déa within them drew near to the first daughter, sensing great danger. The Snake, in it transformation, robbed the first daughter of her sight of the elder kin and the high ones. The first daughter called to Déa asking her for there to be darkness as the Snake laid her upon the ground.

Déa allowed there to be a period of darkness so that her weakened child might rest. The Snake called to the waters. "Rise and return again. Let all be as it was before in nothingness," it said. The elder kin heard the Snake's words and gathered around the first daughter as the waters rose and began to flood the realms of reality, protecting the child from the waters that washed away many creatures and beings.

Déa beheld the rising waters and the Snake. She set her heel upon the Snake's head, crushing it into the ground. She cast the waters into the sky and thus came the first rain. The rain drops awakened the sleeping child of Déa. With the light of day, the raindrops split the light into wondrous colors. Déa set the great Janyati in governance of the colored rays of light and their powers. Where the world had be beautiful in perfection, it was now colored in every hue but in imperfection.

The elder kin parted, though the first child of Déa could not see her guardians she felt their presence. Déa approached her daughter. "What you have done can not be undone for it has been done in My Spirit. Henceforth, time shall be divided into day and night that you may rest. But I shall keep watch o'er you in the heavens by night and there shall be a silver light that there may never be complete darkness. By this shall I govern the waters so that the earth may never be flooded. The golden light of day will bring great goodness but shall be too great to look upon. The silver light of night, you may look upon."

The daughter grew uneasy with the Mother's words. "The Snake shall keep the form you have given it and you shall be set in governance over it. Remember, though, that it will ever attempt to beguile and destroy you as it has this night. I shall not remain as close to you as I was before, but I will still pour blessings upon you, and you may give me gifts - not in every moment as before, for you now tire, but my light shall give you guidance in this."

And then the Mistress of All Things withdrew herself into the sky until she seemed but a slender crescent of light. And the first daughter of creation fell upon her knees and wept. And these were the first tears shed upon the whole of the earth, much to the grief of the elder kin.

A meditation on suffering.

 Dear Reader,

The following is an excerpt from my meditation journal. May it be helpful and a source of hope.

~*~*~*~*~*~

There are cycles within cycles - epicycles if you will. There is the great cycles of the Ages. Within these cycles there are cycles of birth, growth, and decay. Currently, we are witnessing a transition point within a cycle. There are parties working to interrupt and, ultimately, end a cycle of systemic abuse that is deeply entrenched in the collective consciousness of the United States. For some this process represents a destructive force and it evokes great fear in them. For others, this is a step in a healing and growth process and it evokes determination and hope.

The epicycle of social reform moves of its own accord but the pattern can be seen as we look back into the history of the nation. It comes with growth pains and struggle. This is because all periods of growth are the fruit of struggle and pain. It is a natural law of this plane of existence we inhabit. This natural law can be taken as a sign of how far we are removed from Déa. It is tempting to make this argument but it begs the question if the one that is in greater relative pain to the other farther removed from Déa?

It is uncharitable to argue that they who suffer are farther from Déa than they who do not. The fact that life is burdened with pain is a sign of how far this realm as a whole has fallen from our Celestial Mother's presence. The uneven distribution of sufferig in this realm is a sign of how it is flawed, partially. It is also an indicatior of the complex interplay between personal wyrd, collective wyrd (also known as orlog), and the wyrd of the entire realm. 

It is far too simplistic and cruel to say that suffering is the price of past transgressions or to say that our souls have chosen the path of suffering. While these are distinct possibilities, it is far more llikely that our wyrd in this life has fixed points of suffering where by we may have a window into the suffering of Our Lady and her Mother. Our Lady descended into the manifest world and she had to suffer the agony of the absence of her Mother. She became afflicted with the weaknesses and pains of this world for she had become mortal. Her descent into the Nethereworld brought greater pain and suffering.

Our Lady's pains were not the fruit of a transgression. They were due to the fallen nature of the realms she travled. So too are our pains. Because of wyrd, our pains move in cycles. Becaue of Our Lady's sacrifice, there will come a time when our pains and suffering shall be relieved. Our souls shall ascend through the rarified realms above until we reach Avala and then move beyond to the embrace of the Dark Mother, where we shall rest in her arms until it is time for the great cycle of existence to begin again.

Virtual Worship Space 2/3

As I mentioned in my last post, virtual worship spaces are a legitimate thing. Through a combination of focused visualization and the expenditure of a bit of spiritual energy, one may create a simulacra of a physical location for worship. While using a visualization of a place one is familiar with is a good starting point for this practice, it is also possible to generate a unique location that is tailored specifically to your needs.

Below are a number of meditations that one may use to create a space within the theater of the mind that is connected to the spiritual realms that is useful for worship or meditation. For the purposes of this post, I presume that you are familiar with trance induction and the process of navigating trance state.

The Garden

Envision yourself at a hedgerow with a gate before you. You hold the key to this gate in your hand. As you unlock it, you know that this is a place of sanctuary and safety. You pass within the gate and shut it behind you, locking it again and placing the key in your pocket, preserving the safety of this place within yourself. When you turn from facing the gate of this garden, you see a path that leads through the garden.

Along the path are many flowers and ornamental plants. The scent of them is calming and refreshing. As you begin to stroll leisurely along the path, you recognize that these plants represent your thoughts and dreams. Some are fully developed and gloriously in bloom. Others are still growing. In some places, there are plants growing in disarray, for these are the thoughts that trouble you from time to time. They are, still, plants that make this garden a wonder to behold.

The path begins to gently slope upward and soon you find yourself before a small shrine with a bench where you might rest after your stroll. The shrine is one that fits entirely within your garden's aesthetic and is a place of deep peace and healing. You sit upon the bench near the shrine and regard it. Note the structure of it and its beauty. Note the icon(s) within it and how well made they are. As you contemplate the icon(s), recognize that this is a sacred place that will allow you to connect with the Divine. Here, at the center of the garden, you have found a spark of the Divine within you. Take a moment to commune with this essence of the Holy and take comfort in their presence. When you feel ready, follow the path out of the garden.

As you reach the gate, you are filled with peace and healing. You feel refreshed and ready to face the world. You unlock the gate and exit the garden. With gratitude for the Holy presence you have met in this sacred place and appreciation for the beauty within you, you lock the gate to keep the sacred safe.


The Temple

You stand before the gates of a temple. A great wall surrounds it and the entrance is locked securely against all who would defile the sacred ground. You hold the key to the gates and unlock them, knowing this is a place of safety and security. As you cross into the temple grounds, you know that this place is a holy place of sanctuary that is dedicated to the Divine. You lock the temple gate behind you and walk along a path to the temple proper.

As you walk towards the building, you see that there is a garden before it with a wide array of plants in bloom. These plants represent your thoughts and dreams. Some of them are fully developed and gloriously in bloom. Others are still bursting from seed. Here, there are also some plants growing in disarray which are the thoughts that trouble you from time to time. Their presence, however, is harmonious because they are a part of you that is cherished by the Divine.

At the doors of the temple, you find an ewer filled with water and a basin. You wash your hands and your face in the water, cleansing away the spiritual adhesions from the 'mundane' world that make it hard for you to connect with the Divine. You enter the temple and are immediately struck by its majesty and beauty. Light streams in from windows and burns from candles about the space. At the center of the temple is an icon of the Divine. As you approach the icon, you are filled with peace and the troubles of your heart are soothed.

You sit down on a bench near by and contemplate the icon. Sitting here, you feel something of the presence of the Divine and know that you are never alone for the Divine is always with you. When you feel ready, you leave the temple and pass through the garden to the wall. At the gate, you unlock it and exit with the full knowledge that this sacred place is secure against any who would profane it. You lock the gate and put the key into your pocket, knowing you can come to this place at any time with but a thought.

The Grove

You find yourself on a path that leads into a forest. The day is warm and the weather is mild if not pleasant. You walk along the path and hear the quiet noises of the forest. Soon the path begins to slope upward slightly. You emerge from the trees into a circular clearing. At the center of the clearing stands a stone weathered by time but etched with holy symbols that are still visible. As you approach the stone, it is clear that this is a place where you can feel the presence of the Divine.

Flowers grow about you in the meadow. Some are familiar and others less so. All of them, however, represent your thoughts and dreams. Just about the stone is a space of soft grass where you might sit or lie upon the ground. You settle in the center of the meadow near the holy stone and contemplate the symbols you see inscribed there. As you do so, you feel that the Divine is close to you and your heart is set at ease. You sit in the presence of the Divine in this hidden grove with a profound sense of peace and well being. You commune with the Divine through your heart and keen awareness of their presence.

When you are ready, you rise and find the path back to the place where you began. As you walk, you note that it is a path that winds around the hill with others leading off from it. You know that this labyrinth through the forest is what keeps the grove secret and safe. As you exit the forest, you are refreshed and reinvigorated from your walk and ready to resume your day.

Reading for the young Witch

From Here

People who are new to witchcraft often are intimidated by the vast body of literature available to them. They see the virtual sea of texts and despair of finding the right source. Or, worse yet, they pick a work that is not written to their skill level and become frustrated.

It is important to consider what one's goals are in practicing witchcraft. While some witches are religious, like myself, there are those who distinctly are not. Their secular witchcraft is no less valid then my religious practice. Indeed, it often has ties to the older roots of witchcraft that we will miss in contemporary readings.

For witches who are seeking to build a religious practice, it is important to start with the foundational materials. These teach where the concepts so popular in modern witchcraft originate. They also give the reader a grasp as to how these ideas can be worked with for maximum effect. For secular witches, the religious aspect of the information tends to be secondary to their interests, but it can be equally useful. Many of the earlier books on witchcraft included a great deal of information as to how the mechanics of the magical arts worked.

I highly recommend the following books on the basis of solid content on magical theory and theological considerations.

Title: The Spiral Dance  
Author: Starhawk

The Spiral Dance is one of the foundational books of American witchcraft. Starhawk very concisely and directly details the mythic history¹of witchcraft under the guise of Faery Wicca. She presents a very pro-LGBT vision of Wicca. Her treatment of the genders is a bit dated (as of the 10th anniversary version, which I have on my shelf) but when taken in the context of the era that produced the work, it is exemplary.

Her rituals are very easy to comprehend and enact. Her detailed instructions on magical theory are quite accessible to the neophyte witch. The exercises that she presents are truly exemplary and I have found great success in using them with students in the past.

Title: Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft  
Author: Raymond Buckland

Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft is a meaty text that covers virtually any aspect of Wicca you could think of. It shows elements of Gardenerian traditional witchcraft, which Buckland was trained in, and of his Seax tradition of witchcraft that he developed upon his arrival in the United States. His treatment of gender divisions is more hetero-normative then that of Starhawk.

There is also distinctly less political overtones in Buckland's work. At the same time, he provides a great deal of information on a broad area of subjects. The information he presents is not entirely all inclusive but it is a good springboard for a student witch to use  in determining what areas of the Craft they wish to study more deeply.

Title: A Witches' Bible
Author: Janet & Stewart Farrar

A Witches' Bible is a very through discussion of Gardenerian witchcraft. Janet and Stewart Farrar studied directly under Gardner (who is considered to be the father of British witchcraft and Wicca at large) like Buckland. Much of the information they present can cross correlate with Buckland's material.

At the same time, their treatment of matters of ritual procedure and the religious aspect of Wicca is far more complete then Buckland's. This is an excellent book for witches who are seeking for a more religious Wiccan experience.


There is the question of what of the witches who are not Wiccan, is there literature out there for them to read. There is of course material for non-Wiccan witches. I am not personally familiar with much of it, however. I can, though, direct you towards materials from other faiths that are useful to witches or any other person who is engaged in spiritual growth.

The writings of various Catholic Christian saints are the first thing that comes to mind. The works of St. Ignatius of Loyola, more specifically his spiritual exercises, can prove quite useful. When viewed as a series of intellectual and spiritual exercises that can be couched in the terms of what ever faith one follows, these simple and direct activities can help one harness significant mental and spiritual strength within themselves.

The works of St. Therese of Lisieux provides powerful instruction in spiritual growth. Her Little Way is exceptionally useful to both Christians and non-Christians alike. Her autobiography clearly illustrates how she implemented this practice and the influence it had upon her spiritual life.

The writings of the Protestant mystic Dame Julian of Norwich is both luminous in its spirituality and provides the reader with a strikingly clear path to developing a relationship with the divine. Her emphasis upon the maternal nature of the Divine and the loving relationship that can be established is one that is a refreshing contrast to the more patriarchal writings of the period.

Additionally, the work of the ever present age old author, anonymous, titled the Cloud of Unknowing can prove an extremely powerful tool in developing one's spiritual relationship with the divine. This text must be read within the cultural context of the era that produced it. Unlike the writings of St. Therese of Lisieux and Dame Julian of Norwich, the Cloud of Unknowing is much more difficult to translate to modern thought. Like the Zen koans, however, the Cloud of Unknowing can help one to experience the Divine by way of a juxtaposition of concepts.

~*~*~*~*~*~
1. I speak of the mythic history of Witchcraft because the history presented by Starhawk and various others is based in what evidence we have but can not be conclusively proven. As time has passed, the theories that had given rise to Starhawk's version of early history were called into question and I can not, with any academic integrity, state that this is a purely accurate factual portrayal of past events. Just because it is mythic, however, does not mean it is false.

Why I pray the way I do.

Gentle Reader,

It may seem odd that I pray in the fashion that I do. After all, I am not a monastic nun who is called to pray the hours of the day in some abbey in the middle of nowhere, living a life of contemplation and sacrifice. I am not a Catholic Christian who is working their way through seminary school and doing so for the requisite process of experience and discipline in order to become a priest.

Amusingly, however, I am an ordained priestess. It is through two different churches. In one case, I hold the title of Reverend and in one case, I hold the title of Priestess. I have yet to decide which one I will use for my correspondence. I am called to the level of discipline in worship that I exhibit by way of mystic experiences. I have been doing this manner of 'work' since in the mid '90s. (For the record, I am turning 40 this year, I'll let you do the math for how long I have been training and studying.)

While my prayer practices is informed by medieval practices, this is simply because it is a manner of organizing them that makes sense to me. I do have rules I live by. They are very simple. The primary rule that I mentioned earlier is pray daily. I strive to pray every hour of the day as per the medieval time system. My prayers may be simply a single "Hail and praise Dea." in the middle of the night as I shuffle from one room to the next in my insomnia or a "Thank you, Mother, for this day." as I am groggily trying to find matching socks when I wake up.

The nice thing is, it doesn't matter how complicated the prayer is. As long as it is sincere and timely. But, I pray often because something deep within me is called to this. The minor ritual of pausing and holding my rosary in the morning as I place out my offerings at the beginning of the day and saying a 'Hail Marya' is something comforting for me. As a person with anxiety disorders, comfort is necessary.

I will be making a little book of daily prayers in addition to Rose Petals focused upon the prayers of the hours of the day. It will include passages from the Gospel of Our Mother God to meditate on. And I will reference passages from Rose Petals to provide alternate prayers for the given hour. In addition to the hourly prayers, I also say a small prayer to the Janya/Angel of the day. This will be included in that text.

I'm well aware that my method of prayer is based upon a Christian method of prayer that revolves around the book of Psalms. It is why I have been sitting down with the book of Psalms and working my way through it as inspiration for prayers. This additional set of prayers/songs will be included in Rose Petals' next edition. I can not say when exactly that will be coming out because I'm only about 10 prayers in to 150. These Filianic oriented songs are mostly blank verse, like much of what is in Rose Petals. I am going to attempt to make some of these prayers into rhyming verse that one could sing with relative ease.

It is, however, slow going, just as is the transcription project of the Gospel of Our Mother God. As of right now, I am halfway through the Mythos of the Daughter. The slow and steady work of transcription has put me through a few pens because I'm doing it by hand, but I feel good about this work because my copy of the Gospel of Our Mother God is showing some wear. The binding in the book I'm transcribing into is far more sturdy. My only regret is that I'm not using archival ink for this.

Thoughts and Ponderings.

Hello dear Reader,

I have been unwell. I'm actually going to be calling my physician in a little bit to make an appointment to deal with a possible sinus infection. Other aspects of my health are not very well at the moment either. It is making quite a few things challenging.

I woke up today with the hope that today would be the day things turned around. Instead, I found news reports about the massacre in Las Vegas and more details about transgender children being abused. Grief is a reasonable response to such things, especially when you do have a fundamental love for life. I am, however, numb. It is not a pleasant sense of ennui that has been romanticized by certain people.

It is the horrible numbness that comes when you are burned and for a brief moment you can't tell if you feel as though you are freezing or on fire. It is the numbness that comes when you have learned that someone you dearly love is dying and you are helpless to do anything to even bring them comfort. Or the numbness as you witness a tragedy so great it alters the lives of even the people who come in passing contact with it.

Some would have us say that we have seen evil and it lies in the hearts of humanity (some would say men specifically, I refuse to because all genders have this capacity). The faith of Filianism and Déanism tells us that evil is the fruit of that which is not of Dea. It tells us of the Dark Queen and her servants who function in much of the mythos as the Satan figure does within modern Christianity. We are told that we are fundamentally good, though flawed in our existence in this world because we are at some distance from Dea - who is the source of and the one who sustains all good.

When I take these things into my mind and contemplate the deeds of myself and others, I find myself troubled. The fundamental question as to the nature of evil gets more challenging when we move out of the rarified realms of pure philosophical thought. We find ourselves asking if the person who steals a loaf of bread is wrong? And if they continue to be wrong because they are doing so to feed themselves or another. The list of conditional modifiers that can be hung upon just one simple question makes the question of evil murky and hard to resolve, even when the simplest answer is that it is from that which is not of Dea.

I look to Loki, a much maligned god of the Norse pantheon who many would treat as the Asatrur version of the 'Devil'. His answer has always been that evil is only evil to they who are harmed by it. It is an answer that many would take great offense over. At one point, I did as well. Then I looked at the horrific things done for the sake of the equally nebulous concept of good. Murder is murder, regardless if it is done on the street over a pair of shoes or an imagined insult or upon the field of battle. When one kills another, it is murder. The value of the act comes from the context, which is more often than not defined by the mindset of the parties involved. (This is one of Loki's favorite arguments by the way that our perception of good and evil are relative.)

Thus, I find myself drawn to the mysteries of physics. Einstein had some fairly definite things to say about frames of reference and how they influenced everything. Such things could be applied to philosophical or theological questions. But, at what point do we find that we must say that the value judgments are meaningless because they have no direction they move in at the speed of light? It is a question that keeps coming to mind of late.

Is there good or evil? Well, yes. But they are only recognizable in context. That which is good to me may prove evil to you and entirely valueless to someone else. Thus, I question, is there some absolute value that good and evil can be calculated against. Some manner of spiritual equivalent to lumniferous aether or something else that we can gauge good and evil against. In my years of struggling with this question, I have no answer. It only brings up greater questions. And the biggest of them is why people do these horrible things.

The only answer I have been able to come up with is because they think it good and right and proper. And when considered from my frame of reference, they are insane. And the question about why the gods permit such things are even more difficult. It is, however, something to discuss on another day.

May there be healing for all who have been harmed this day.

Devotion when not feeling well.

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When you want to engage in daily devotional activity and everything is going well, it can be deceptively easy to do. Doing so when you are not well, overly stressed out, or stuck with such a busy schedule that you need to literally schedule when you take care of your daily activities of living (i.e.: sleeping, eating, showering, etc.), can be very difficult. Throw in something of a struggle because you want to do the very best (or at least do it as well as you do when everything is going smoothly) and you have a recipe for heartbreak.

It is important to remember that the Divine does not need our devotional activities. The Divine is vast, wonderful, and mysterious. The Divine is far larger than we can comprehend and our devotional acts, while pleasing and a source of comfort for us, are not what makes the Divine able to effect the world. It is something entirely separate from us and can continue (and will continue) to influence the world long after we have shuffled off this mortal coil. One would ask with a sense of nihilist morbidity, "What is the point to devotion then?"

The answer is simple. Devotion is an act of reaching out to the Divine and maintaining a relationship with them. The Divine is always there, reaching out to us. We simply need to return the gesture, which is what devotional activity is for. There is this idea that a person with a rich devotional life is constantly engaged in mystic prayer and somehow above the things that make our lives 'mundane' and what makes us human. This idea is false. It is possible to have a rich devotional life even when you feel too awful to engage in those comforting rituals.

Some days, when I am feeling truly horrid, I simply can't muster up the energy to do much more than the bare minimum required to be a parent and keep my home tidy (and there are days where I struggle with even that). Enter into the situation the feeling that I should be keeping my daily prayers going and doing all the little things I do to honor the gods, and I come away feeling pretty miserable.

But, there is one thing I can and always do. That is to simply tell the gods that I am struggling and that I care. Sometimes, just that simple admission of why I am having a hard time can help relieve the pressure I feel to do something for them. Other days, I still feel anxious and upset. Those days, I will sometimes spend time just communing with the gods by way of telling them my troubles and fears. Because they don't want you just when everything is going well. They want you as you are, troubles, fears, and insecurities and all.

So, you may not have it in you to light the candle and put out that offering. Looking at your shrine may make you feel even more exhausted because it is a bit dusty and in need of a bit of tender care. This does not mean you are failing. It just means that you are struggling. And when you say to the Divine 'Hey, I'm trying. I'm just really struggling here.' that can be more precious than a thousand fancy baubles offered up in some prestigious ritual done in absolute accuracy with ancient directions. Because you are opening your heart to them and showing your vulnerable side. And that is hard to do. Especially with the Divine because you can never say for certain just how that is going to work out.

But that sort of emotional rawness is precious. Don't give up when you're not feeling well. Just lower that bar you need to hurdle and give what you can.

Mother's Day as a Devotee of Dea.

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Today is celebrated as Mother's Day here in the U.S. and I think it is fair to say that it is rather inescapable. Advertising for this celebration of all things maternally related (even some sassy nods to the less glorious aspects of motherhood) starts immediately after the advertisements for the commercial aspect of Christian Easter leave the shelves. It is a day that some find bliss filled and others find painful. And there is a hefty amount of social pressure to celebrate in a certain manner that equates to a lot of consumerism.

On the whole, it is a very stressful holiday that has very little, if any holiness involved in it. It is a secular celebration at best or a day of guilt fueled spending of time and resources at worst. It is possible, however, to shift the focus from the social pressures and such to something more spiritual and kindly. Shifting my focus from the commercial celebration of the day to Dea (and the multitude of spiritual matrons I have) helps to soothe the pains that come with this celebration.

I did spend a good portion of my day focusing upon my little family and the blessings of my children. In doing so, I found myself drawn to gratitude to my spiritual mothers for their guidance and aid. I gave an offering of works through simple daily tasks that I did to care for my family and home. I gave an offering of food early in the morning as the cinnamon rolls I baked came out of the oven, as bread is perhaps one of my favorite food offerings to give. And, I gave an offering of a scented candle that has burned through the day. (I would have offered incense but my asthma is a problem right now due to allergies.)

I turned my attention to my spiritual mothers and found comfort there. I made a point of focusing upon the gratitude, love, and good will between myself and them. It was a relatively small shift in the day's focuses, but it brought me nourishment within my soul and comfort in my heart. And, it let me draw a little closer to them when I had been feeling hurt, lost, and unworthy. That closeness helps with those painful feelings as well as replaces them with a feeling of love, belonging, and of being precious to them.

May it be that today has brought you such feelings of love, belonging, and preciousness. For we are all loved, treasured, and part of Dea's family. (As well as loved and cared for by those deities whom you revere and honor.)

♥

Godspousery Notes: Stumbling exhaustion.

I haven't slept well in a few nights. I think it has been about two weeks, maybe a little longer. Some of this is the fact that I have had a cold for two and a half weeks. It is hard to sleep when you feel like you're drowning in congestion. It is even harder to sleep when you are having asthma attacks because of said congestion and a neighbor smoking in their apartment (against the rules, of course).

I was feeling upset and frustrated with how little progress I have been making on things like my writing commitments and my crafting work. As I was sitting here, slowly getting angrier with myself for the fact that all I had the mental cohesion for earlier was to just stare at FB and like what was basically silly memes and cat pictures, Loki piped up.

He said, "I'm proud of you. You should write that down."

I was confused by this. He then set a hand on my shoulder, which immediately began to relax and I wondered how I didn't realized I was so tense. He gave me that tender smile that he does when I am somehow managing to be adorable in my ignorance/confusion/derpyness. (Does 'derpy' change to 'derpi-' when you conjugate it? I honestly can't figure it out.) I started feeling somewhat annoyed with myself for not fully 'getting' what he was saying.

Loki ruffled my hair. Then he said, "You have been working so hard to be healthy, to meet your obligations, and to stand on your own more. All of the rest of this, it is icing on the cake. It is decoration and sweetness. But you and your work, that is the heart of it all and what is ... sustenance. You are doing so well. I'm proud of you."

I have been spending since the beginning of the month doing my best to do all the things that I need to with out letting my bipolar and c-PTSD stop me. It has been about as exhausting as the cold. I'm not at a very good headspace at the moment and I find myself wanting to argue that what I am doing isn't that big of a deal because 'everyone else has to do this kind of thing anyways.' He, however, just gives me a meaningful look and then tells me to go try to do some writing.

So, here I am, trying to do some writing at the tail end of a rather long day. (With tomorrow promising to be just as long and a household that needs some TLC from the cooking session last night and laundry waiting to be folded.) I don't feel like what I am doing is that big of a deal. I don't know if this is my not giving myself enough credit, my illness stopping me from really seeing things clearly, or if I am just tired. But, he is proud of me.

I can't be too upset if my spirit husband is proud of me. I'm pretty sure that if Loki is saying he is proud, Ingvi is going to have similar good things to say. Because they have similar feelings on this sort of thing when it comes to self improvement. (Hence the intervention that happened back at the beginning of the month, which was ... challenging but I'm working to meet what we agreed to.)

Matters of Conscience.

While my notes regarding the schedule of what to post for each day says that today is the day for recommendations, I felt the need to address something a bit different. As of the present moment, the USA is in the middle of a particularly ugly presidential election season. There are things happening in my country that evoke a deep sense of shame, anger, and horror. Police violence, insitutionalized abuse of the population, the ravaging of the natural resources for the sake of a quick buck, and the endless litany of small horrible deeds that people commit upon their neighbors is inescapeable in the media. Some people have taken it upon themselves to rail about how this is a sign of the end times and encourage divisiveness with an almost cultish glee.

In times like this, it is easy to get caught up in the tide of fear. It seems like no matter where you turn, something awful is happening and each time it strikes it is closer to your home. In just the last week, in my region, someone was murdered sitting out on their back deck in a sleepy small town. It is not a place where we are somewhat programmed (sadly) to expect violence, like in the inner city ghettos. If I sat down and made a casual effort to sift out all the bad news that is getting spread around, my time would be wholly consumed and I would be especially depressed and anxious by the end of it all. In the media, there is an axiom 'if it bleeds, it leads' that managed to rule how our news is presented to us. The bloodshed need not be literal, as the salacious and offensive remarks made by the Republican candidate in the past have cast a good deal of lurid offensiveness upon the news today. You could say that such things are like spiritual bloodshed or perhaps the injury to a sense of common decency. (It's a whole kettle of fish that I simply can not begin to unpackage right now and really isn't part of my main point here.)

We are faced with a question when horrible things make themselves apparent before us. That question is do we express approval or disapproval. This then leads into the question of how to do it. Many gentle souls within the Filianic/Déanic community express their disapproval of the horrid things that lurch into view by turning away from them. They quietly shun that which does not promote their beliefs and make a concerted effort to not participate in such things. This is a valid option and, for many people, it is the best option for them. It helps them avoid contentious situations and accidentally incurring some measure of the spiritual miasma that comes with such things. For these people, and many others, such as the Amish and the Mennonites, the quiet act of not participating and refraining from being immersed in the horror is what is best for their conscience.

For some people, they are moved to action. The water protectors at Standing Rock is perhaps the most ready example I can give you. They gather at their site. They peaceably protest with songs, prayers, and nonviolence. It is an act of engaging those who would continue the horrors of what the media keeps showing us and resisting them, pushing back against the concerted forces that care nothing for the welfare of the world The Black Lives Matter movement is another example of this. These people engage their opposition with their voices, deeds, and any other means they have accessible to them to fight against the harm that these others are causing. The water protectors at Standing Rock are perhaps the most peaceable end of the spectrum of response. At the other end, you have the people in Syria who are fighting to keep their families and neighbors safe from harm by way of active violence against those who are actively seeking to kill them.

Deciding to withdraw from the unacceptable things happening or to actively resist them, you are still taking a stand against them. It is important, however, to remember that choosing to ignore the unacceptable horrors in the world is not really a good option. Yes, there are a vast many things that we can not process and we can not actively do anything concrete about. I implore you, however, whatever choice you make, be deliberate. And when they who promote the horrible things try to say that they have your support, make your rejection of their ideology clear. Because choosing to ignore the problem and act like 'everything is fine' is giving silent assent to these awful things happening.

Act in accord with your conscience and what you know to be just, ethical, and most conducive to a world where there are less horrors happening. It is difficult. It may lead to some hard conversations, possible loss of associates, or some discomfort, if not worse. Do not bend in the face of this. The world needs you to act to help heal the great gaping injuries within it. Even working to maintain your own clear conscience and knowing that you have done your best helps. Because, at the very least, we should do no harm.

May Dea bless you. May the gods you follow and those of your ancestors bless you.

Prayer Beads: Chaplet of the Janyati (Part 2)

In my last post, I talked a bit about the origins of this chaplet. I also pointed out the similarities between the chaplet and the rosary. The structure of the chaplet is smaller than that of a rosary. Where the five decade rosary most frequently used has sixty beads, the chaplet has thirty three. They are used in a similar fashion. Many of the prayers used for the rosary can be used for the chaplet.

The most basic prayers are:

• Statement of faith (some call this the creed)
• Glory to Dea
• The Daughter Prayer
• Our Mother
• Hail Marya
• Hail Holy Queen

The orthodox Filianic prayers can be found at A Chapel of Our Mother God.

My rendition of these prayers can be found starting on page 127 of my book Rose Petals: A Filianic Psalter. I will also present them below if you don't have a copy on hand or easily accessible to you. They are recited in a specific order that leads the person who is praying into a mild state of entrancement which facilitates a sense of connection with Dea and aids in our efforts to communicate with her. Words flow less from the head and more from the heart at this point.

When one is in the midst of learning to pray the rosary, it is good not to place expectations for high and mighty things to happen. In the beginnings of engaging in this form of discipline, it is good to allow yourself to make mistakes and focus upon learning the simple ritual of this style of prayer. As you move from being able to recite the prayers by rote and then find yourself able to engage in contemplation, then you may be able to start the practice of meditating upon various sacred mysteries. Until you have met these two milestones, it is sufficient that you put in an honest effort to learn the prayers and spend time mindfully in Dea's presence.

The first step in saying the rosary prayers or the chaplet using these basic prayers is to take the medallion in hand and declare your statement of faith. After this, you move to the next bead and recite the Glory to Dea and the Our Mother. If you are using a standard five decade rosary, there are three beads next. Upon these beads, recite the Hail Marya. After these three beads, there is the first Our Mother bead for the first decade. Here, you recite the Our Mother and declare the holy mystery you are meditating upon. With the chaplet, after the medallion (also known as the terminal) there is the single inviatory bead. Upon this bead, you would recite the Glory to Dea, the Our Mother, and Hail Marya.

The first Our Mother bead of the first group encountered, we then proceed to the Hail Marya beads. (On a Catholic Christian rosary, the Our Mother beads are known as the Paternoster beads and the Hail Marya beads as the Ave beads. Because the Paternoster beads derive their name from the Our Father prayer that is said upon them and the Ave beads derive their name from the Hail Mary prayers said upon them, which in Latin is Ave Maria.) For each of the ten beads in the decade, a Hail Marya is recited. On the chaplet, it would be upon each of the seven beads in the 'week.' When reaching the conclusion of the first grouping of beads, it is time to recite the Glory to Dea and the Daughter prayer. In many cases, these prayers are said holding the thread in the space between the Hail Marya beads and the Our Mother beads.

The next Mother bead starts the process of stating the Our Mother and then declare what mystery you are meditating on, if any. Proceed through the Hail beads in the same fashion as done for the first group. When you reach the end of the final group, you will recite the Glory to Dea and the Daughter prayer before moving to the medallion. On the medallion, you would pray the closing prayer. In most cases, if you are simply praying the basic rosary (be it upon the five decade rosary or the four week chaplet), that prayer would be Hail Holy Queen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*    The Prayers *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

1. Statement of Faith
   I believe in Dea; the Mother Marya, the Daughter Anna, and Deam Mysterium, three who are One and have no equal. I believe that my soul was create in the beginning and that I turned from grace^[1]. I believe that the virgin Daughter, born of the virgin Mother, lived, suffered unto death, and rose again by virtue of Her Mother's love. I believe that the Daughter shall save all souls and lead them into Heaven. I believe in Dea.


2. Glory to Dea
   Glory to the Mother, the Daughter, and Deam Mysterium, three who are one. Glory be upon You, as it was in the beginning and shall be at the end of all worlds.
   
   
3. Daughter Prayer
   Oh My Lady, forgive us our errors, rescue us from the harsh winds of werde. Lead all souls into Heaven, especially those in most need of Your mercy.


4. Our Mother
   Our Mother, who is in Heaven, holy is Your name. Your realm come. Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our errors as we forgive those who err against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.


5. Hail Marya
   Hail Marya, full of grace, blessed are You and blessed is your holy Daughter Anna. Holy Marya, Mother-God, stay with us now and at the hour of our death.


6. Hail Holy Queen
   Hail Holy Queen, Lady of Mercy. We call to You, poor lost children of Earth. To You we send our weeping, sighs, and laments in this world. Turn, most gracious Lady, Your eyes of mercy towards us and after our exile, show us into the garden of Your Mother's love. Most sweet, clement, and loving Anna, pray for us and make us worth of Your redemption.


7. Closing Prayer
   Oh Marya, whose virgin Daughter has by her life, death, and resurrection delivered us from eternal death, grant us, we beg, that by meditating upon the mysteries of the most holy rosary that we may imitate what they contain nad obtain that which they promise through Anna, our Lady.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

1. The turning from grace is a complex thing. In some Filianic/Déanic communities, it is something akin to the Christian doctrine of original sin. In others, it is an act in search of wisdom and greater knowledge. I ascribe to the second position. It is not a shameful thing as much as an act undertaken to learn more that had unforseen consequences. Errors made in ignorance and upon mistaken information are not shameful, which the turning from grace could be considered to be one. The exile that is referenced in many prayers to the Daughter is not one imposed by Dea but self-imposed by the soul that turned from grace.

Prayer Beads: Chaplet of the Janyati (part 1)

I have written a few previous posts about the Filianic/Déanic rosary. This is patterned after the Catholic rosary. Most practitioners pray the Filianic/Déanic rosary and meditate up on the Five Mysteries of the faith. From what I can tell, I appear to be the only one who also will pray an expanded version of this, focusing upon fifteen elements that comprise these Mysteries. This, however, is not the only version of prayer beads available to people who wish to pray in a fashion that encourages focus upon Dea.

In the latter portion of the 20^th century, another form of rosary was developed in the West. The Anglican chaplet (also known as the Anglican prayer beads or the Anglican rosary) came into practice in the Episcopal Diocese of Texas. It is a modification of the Catholic rosary and the Orthodox Christian prayer rope, wherein thirty three beads are divided up into five major groups. The first group is the terminal (which is a cross most often for the Anglican chaplet) and the inviatory bead. Upon these two beads, the opening prayers are recited. The next division encounter is the first cruciform bead and the first week, a group of seven beads. There are three other weeks with a cruciform bead dividing each group. The fourth week ends where it meets the first cruciform bead.

This style of prayer beads has become relatively popular through out the Protestant Christian communities that are inclined towards this style of worship. Where the Catholic rosary focuses upon the mysteries associated with the events of the life of Jesus and his mother, the Anglican chaplet is used as a tool for counting prayers. There has, not yet, arisen a liturgical structure to focus contemplation and meditation beyond this point. Individual focus whilst engaged in this exercise varies widely.

The Anglican chaplet style beads is also well suited for a devotee of Dea's use. The division of the seven beads in each 'week' of the chaplet lends itself naturally for contemplation of the seven Janyati. The cruciform beads not only connect to the Fora but also to the four regular seasons of the Filianic/Déanic calendar. The fifth season, Moura, can be counted on the inviatory bead or upon the first cruciform bead when it is reached again after the fourth week of beads is counted.

The most basic prayers of devotion¹ for this are identical to those of the rosary. On the terminal bead, for example, a declaration of one's creed would be made, followed by a recitation of the Our Mother prayer and the Gloria prayer. The cruciform beads would have similar prayers to the beads that divide the decades on the rosary. The week beads would have similar prayers to those said on the individual beads of each decade. Upon the conclusion of the final week, the prayers said at the conclusion of the rosary could be said as a way to finish the prayer session.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
1. The rosary prayers of Filianism/Déanism do have some variants between each sect. I will be posting my interpretation of the major prayers in another post soon. If you examine the prayers presented by A Chapel of Our Mother God, you will see the most basic format used.

The Gift of Tears.

One of my sources of inspiration are the accounts of medieval European lay piety. There are so many little myths of local saints (frequently unrecognized by the Catholic Church, but still adored by the people in that region) that it is really difficult to begin to organize them. In the 13th Century CE^[1], there was a sharp uptick in lay devotions and mysticism within Christianity. A cursory glance over the materials produced from that era and the stories that go back to this era, one finds that women were a very large part of this movement. One also finds that an enormous amount of this body of work focuses upon the establishment of a relationship between the individual and the divine.

Now, some may wonder what this has to do with what I titled this evening's post. Looking at the accounts of Margery Kempe, an English mystic who is honored within the Anglican faith but not in Catholicism (though she was a devout Catholic), there is much written of her frequent weeping for the mercy of her God and begging for his forgiveness of herself and others. This is not something that is only written within her autobiographical writings. It is also recorded to have been evident in female mystics in continental Europe during the era. This weeping was something called the 'gift of tears' by authors of that period.

It is not something spoken of today. It is actually forgotten for the most part in the accounts of mystic experiences and viewed with similar disdain as was done by the more cynical of Margery Kempe's contemporaries. The idea that one could be moved to tears by the force of spiritual experiences is alien to most people today. The idea of mysticism as something other than a blissful experience is something often swept aside by many people who write about it today. (I'm looking squarely at you, David Wolfe.)

Some people within the more ecstatic oriented Christian faiths will admit to being moved to tears, but it is always described as being something done to them by the Holy Spirit. It is something that is viewed as external and imposed upon them. Which, considering the emphasis that sects such as the Pentecostals place upon one's submission to their God's will, is not really much of a surprise. The pagan community treats the gift of tears (which does happen within the mystics of pretty much any faith you can find and those which are emerging) as a shameful secret. It is viewed as some sort of weakness and a sign of hysterics or some kind of mental illness. (There are also vast swaths of the pagan community that views mysticism as identical to mental illness as well, but that is a topic for another day.)

The gift of tears is not something that is strictly motivated by the desire for divine forgiveness and mercy, though it is one of the reasons why a mystic may be moved to tears. It also comes with the emotions of joy, grief, frustration, and pretty much every aspect of how we are moved to tears elsewhere in our lives. The gift of tears is a bit different from that which arises due to the more 'mundane' elements of our lives. Where the stressors of our daily lives can bring us to tears, the gift of tears is something that comes with a very profound sense of the presence of the divine in our lives at the time it happens.

Like Margery Kempe, the mystic who is blessed with the gift of tears has their awareness overwhelmed by the divine. They are moved to weep by the sheer force of the gods. It is an ecstatic experience, though the ecstasy is not necessarily something blissful. It is, also, a very difficult thing to bear. Because, like Margery Kempe, the mystic who bears the gift of tears finds themselves alienated by their peers because it is so vastly different from what others experience and they will be in a position where their piety is challenged and possible accusations of mental illness or seeking dramatic attention are thrown about.

I can not claim that I have this gift. I have known people, however, who do have it. They are not the typical 'cry at the drop of a hat' people, and some of them never have teared up during a movie. Still, when they feel the presence of the divine, it is something that moves them so profoundly that they will weep. They are also people who have an awe inspiring depth of faith and adoration for their gods. When the thought of what their gods have endured and what they do for the world arises, these people do get a bit misty eyed because they can not help the force of emotion that arises from those thoughts.

We should all seek to attempt to emulate that level of faith and empathy for the divine. The heart road that is ruled by Sai Sushuri is a mystic path within Filianism (and related faiths) where the practitoner is urged to feel such love and compassion towards the divine and the world. The gift of tears, when viewed from this context, is perhaps one of the gentlest ways that the divine may lay their hand upon us. To be so overwhelmed by love that one has tears streaming down their face can be a profoundly beautiful experience for the person moved to tears and those witnessing them, think of the mother who weeps when her child is married and they're so filled with love and happiness for their child that they can not help it.

Tears for the sake of faith are not a sign of illness or weakness. They are a sign of strength in said faith and tenderness of the heart. Embrace them when they come to you, for I suspect that everyone at some point in their life will have this blessing come upon them. And recognize that they are truly a gift because they come with the full force of the divine's presence and blessing.

19. Let flow your tears, My children, for they are the beginning of joy. 20. For every tear of true repentance shall dissolve away a thorn, and it shall be as though it had not been.

The Temple of the Heart, The Gospel of Our Mother God^[2]

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1. CE designates Common Era, this is what I use in place of Anno Domni (AD).
2. This can be found online at the following link: http://theapedia.referata.com/wiki/The_Temple_of_the_Heart

Werde's Day & Other Thoughts.

Sai Werde's day was the 23rd of August, that would be Tuesday last week if you are keeping score. This is a day in the Filianic calendar that is for taking account of our lives and making resolutions for our future. Some have said this is like what most people do around secular New Year's Day. My day was spent feeling awful. I have been having some health problems and they have been making a great deal of things difficult. Least of which has been my writing on here, for which I do apologize.

On Sai Werde's day, I spent much of my time minding the children and quietly panicked over the vision problems I had developed due to a change in medication. As I was panicking and such, I came to the realization that I spend too much time expecting horrible things to happen. It was a sorrowful realization. I then turned my attention towards what I needed to do to prepare the household for the start of the school year (a wee bit over a week away from today). Still, that sadness lingered at the back of my mind.

It is hard to look forward to the future and anticipate good things happening when so much of your energy is invested in waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop and something horrible to happen. According to my therapist, this is a fairy common thing among people who have post-traumatic stress disorder and people who have anxiety disorders. I try to live with this attitude that I'm not afraid all the time. Sometimes, I can pull off that grand deception and fool myself into thinking that I am alright.

Sometimes, I have a day like today. I went out to go grocery shopping and had a panic attack in the store. In either case, that fear that something horrible is lurking still is hammering at the back of my mind. Once, someone described it as paranoia. I don't know what the right word for it is. I do know, however, that I tend to have contingency plans for when something awful happens and my contingency plans have contingency plans. I don't have them all written down, but they're always at the back of my mind. I'm trying to wean myself off of having to have a plan for every last little thing I do.

It is really hard to do that. I feel like I am standing at the edge of a great, yawning abyss. I am afraid that the ground is crumbling beneath my feet, but I can't tell if it truly is or not. I feel disoriented and dizzy in the face of the chasm. I don't know if the weight on me are my wings that will allow me to fly or chains that will only make my plummet to the ground hit terminal velocity faster and the impact harder. In the face of this, I do my best not to think about this feeling.

Because fear is what slowly kills us. I try to ignore it in the hope that I won't be eaten from the ankles up by it. I don't know if this is my werde or if it is wyrd. I don't know if it something entirely different. All I know is that I'm trying not to die a thousand deaths before my blood runs cold and my heart turns to stone in a clay cold corpse.

For Loki.

So many sing saccharine songs to and of him. So many forget the blood on his lips and the venom that burns his face. They forget the thread and threats that closed his lips for a time, and the mockery that came with it. Lovers blind their eyes to his ferocity. I'm sure he laughs at them. He laughs at me on a regular basis.

Still, the Cunning One will smile his beguiling smile and put on a fair form to bewitch our eyes so may be he proves true their assertions even though they are incomplete. The fox that arrives in the late hour that is somewhere between shadow, illusion, and reality manages to slip off with that golden goose when we are trying to figure out just what and where he is. But, this does not give me cause to shutter my heart against him.

The Mischief Worker has brought plenty of chaos in his wake as he dances along. Perhaps his glad heart is celebrating the tumult or perhaps his burning wrath is spreading with a wildfire's unpredictability. I will not turn away from him. At times, I may find myself ready to throw something at the one who laughs at my angry frustration just before he tips his hands and drops something wonderful into my lap. I know that my vexation with that sudden shift in the wind brings him joy, so I will not begrudge him it.

Oh, how his passion consumes. He burns with it and at times I find myself filled with passing pyrophobia due to it. Ah, but how his lips can be so sweet. His words rip me open and pull the hidden things from my hands. A rough whisper or a harsh challenge, still he beguiles me. Just when I think I am lost, he takes me by the hand and leads me deeper into the madness. I have no need to follow the Will o' Wisp. Sky Treader has brought me along hidden paths to places not seen by even the Fair Folk.

And yet, he carries me when I have no strength to go forward myself. He breathes life into my lungs when all breath fails me. And he feeds me words that illuminate the darkness so that I may know myself and be whole.

So it is, that I love and am loved in return. Mayhaps I am upon a strange path but I do not walk alone, nor am I lost. He walks with me and points the way towards home. Sly Fox is always one who knows the way into and out of trouble, after all.