Belated greetings.

Dear Reader,

I am two days behind on observing the Filianic high holy day of the feast of the Exaultation of the Queen of Heaven. I am two days behind on observing the more commonly known holy day of Beltaine. And I've lost count how many days I am behind on posting on here.

The last two months have been exhausting and it looks like it will be the theme of the next several months. As we work to maintain this new 'normal' and keep the kids from panic or mischief, it has been very hard to find time to blog or write in my daily journal. I have taken to staying up an hour later than my usual bedtime just for some peace and quiet.

As some of you know, I live in New York state. I am in the western part of the state, technically the western edge of the Fingerlakes region. We haven't been hit hard by Covid-19 yet. But I monitor the news as I stay home and I pray for my husband (and everyone else who is needed to be working right now). I hear some wags say that this is all a power grab and that Covid-19 isn't really as bad as the media presents it. I hear others say that it's not as bad a polio and we should just toughen up. I've heard a lot of people downplaying it and demanding that we open the state back up for business as usual while offering no plan for how to keep people safe. It's distressing to be part of the high risk population and hear the people around you say that your concerns are just the effect of being overly anxious about things. Equally distressing is seeing how others will be so cavalier in their approach to the situation.

I mention this because it weighs on my heart and mind when I can't sleep at night. I pray but I feel like my prayers are not enough in the face of what is unfolding. I want to help others but I am powerless to do anything more than pray. The grim statistics of what is happening with Covid-19 and the emerging details about how bad it really is terrifies me. Loki assures me that we've seen worse and that we will weather this. It is hard to imagine things worse than this, but Loki says that when you're ass deep in alligators it is hard to count how many handbags you have made.

I do my best to keep in mind the message that he gave back towards the beginning of the month. I try to remember that I have a whole army of support in the spiritual realm between my ancestors and my allies. It doesn't lay to rest the fear that I or someone I love is going to die. But it can give me a little breathing room between moments of terror. As I posted elsewhere last week (I think), my shield arm is getting tired. I'm still keeping it up and pushing forward, my family needs me to do so. But I am weary of the constant vigilance and isolation for so many reasons, many relating to past trauma.

I'm one of the people who looks like they've got it together. Under the surface, I am a mess waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop and trying to plan for the disaster that will accompany it. Please, be kind to each other, especially the people who seem to stoically go about their day right now with a level of calm that is hard to grasp. We're not all right. We just have a really good game face and are focused on the immediate tasks at hand. When all of this blows over, we're probably going to be falling apart as everyone else we have been taking care of get on their feet. Please, if you can, be kind.