30 Days for Freyr, Day VII

When I don't feel well, I tend to be cranky and will bicker with people in my life. I try not to do it, but the words just pop out of my mouth before I can stop them. For a while, I argued with Freyr. He steadfastly had told me from the time of the summer solstice on that we were married. I argued that there had been no formal rite and that it couldn't be the case. It was a peevish argument, with Freyr generally sighing in exasperation when it happened. Other deities supported Freyr's argument, but I was bullheaded and insisted I was right. (Yes, I tend to have a habit of getting like this. I try not to but it happens from time to time.)

Then about a week ago, in the dreamscape, Freyr told me to come with him. He said that he had wanted to show me something. So, I followed him into a room that was cozy and just had all the perfect things that made it somewhere I would love to go and just relax away from the world. Standing in the center of that room, there was a dress form. On it was the gown that I had dreamed of wearing for my wedding to Beloved. A blood red gown in a medieval style with gold bands of embroidery at the neckline and on the sleeves, it really was a striking sight. There was a girdle of gold with garnets on it. The entire thing just about glowed in the light of the room. I felt a pang of regret for not having a gown like that for my wedding to Beloved and that was when Freyr said, "You need to get dressed."

I was a bit confused. He motioned towards the gown and I just stood there running my hand over the fabric. It was so, so soft. And the embroidery, it was so detailed that I just kept getting lost in the pattern of the vines and leaves. He smiled and removed the girdle. As he set it aside, I realized that I was supposed to actually wear the gown. I looked down at myself and discovered that my jeans and t-shirt turned into a leine that reached my ankles and stockings that were also that vivid red. As he helped me into the gown, I wanted to ask him what was going on but he looked so solemn that I didn't dare to. He handed me the girdle and I fastened it about my waist.

When I looked up, I saw that he was no longer in the jeans and flannel shirt of earlier. Instead, he was dressed in clothes of the same period as my gown, but of the Nordic styles rather than that of the English. He held out his hand. I took it and we walked out a set of french doors and into a garden. The whole garden was in bloom. Things that bloomed in different seasons were blooming alongside each other. The air was fragrant and everything was dazzlingly beautiful. I wanted to say something about how nice it was when he placed a finger over my lips.

We came to a little bridge over a stream. As we crossed it, I saw a gathering of people ahead of us. I thought it was some sort of party. When we were close enough to see what was going on, I found myself looking at the assembled body of the Aesir and the Vanir. I saw my ancestors with them and my spirit allies. Stargazer was there and beaming with delight. I turned to ask Freyr was was going on when Frigga and Freyja came forward, Frigga standing on the left with the Aesir and Freyja standing on the right with the Vanir.

When they both raised their hands high, I realized that they were each holding a spindle and the other was holding the end of the thread wound on it. Everything made sense in that moment. Freyr turned to me and asked me to walk with him over the threshold. I started to tear up but I nodded yes. I was about to step forward when he told me to wait a moment. Then he set a garland of flowers on my head. We  walked beneath the threads holding hands and in pace with each other. The whole company assembled cheered and applauded. Freyr embraced me and whispered, "Three times wedded. Third time's the charm. You'll remember this time."

I just held him and stared around myself with amazement. There was a feast afterwards but I only remember that it happened, nothing more. I know some people would say that dreams are wishes but this was something more. When I can think of that dress I yearned to wear and not feel heartbreak over it, I know it was true.

Devotional Polytheist Meme Question No. 20 & 21

Does your religion help you be a better human being?

I can say with all certainty that it does. When I find myself struggling to choose what is the proper action to take, what is the most compassionate of my choices, or what is the kindest of paths to follow, my faith guides me. It motivates me to assist others and to see the goodness in them. It encourages me to be an optimist, especially when life is at its hardest. My religion helps me to be courageous when I am struggling with terror. It helps me to be self reliant, but also willing to accept help when I am in need of it.

Most of all, my religion helps me along the path to self knowledge and self actualization. It encourages me to continue my quest to know the truth of the world and to be a force for positive change. I can see how I could do all these things on my own but my religion assists me in these actions and helps me to teach these positive things to my children. And I am firmly of the mind that I am here to leave the world a better place then it was when I was born, even if it is in some small way.

Have you ever had dreams or visions sent by the gods?

In a word, yes. At one point, someone described me as unhinged, but in a good way. God-bothered is a phrase that gets thrown around on a semi-regular basis. I have such dreams and visions on a regular basis. Some have brought me great comfort and others have challenged me significantly. And still others have confused me and left me wondering what their meaning might be.

Sometimes, I grow afraid of how much I am 'in tune' with the psychic elements of the world. I engage in reality testing to an almost vicious extent. I carefully examine my psychic input and probe its validity often. Some would say that I doubt this but it is less a case of doubt and more a matter of making certain that what I experience is truly psychic phenomena rather then wish fulfillment or signs of mental illness.

Having experienced psychosis, there is a distinct difference in tone and content between what is illness and what is truly psychic insight. At the same time, I struggle with times where I question the validity of my experiences. These lapses of faith usually come when I am in the midst of deep depression and my faith in myself has been severely shaken. I have no words for how thankful I am that the depression lifts and I find myself more fully able to believe in what I experience.

It is my goal to cultivate my faith in myself and what I experience so that even when I am in the grips of deep depression and the unhealthy thinking that comes with it, I will still be able to keep some semblance of that faith. It is, however, an ongoing task that takes a great deal of effort.

Messages via Dreams.

From Here

I had this morning a dream that on the surface seemed a bit odd. I dreamt that my family and I were in Westminster Abby, prior to a ceremony wherein the Queen of England would restore to me noble title that was due to me by virtue of my lineage. The Queen was not an elderly woman, as she truly is, but rather she appeared as she did in her youth before the beginning of WWII. Throngs of people could be heard outside but inside the building was virtually empty except for the royal guard. This absence of people was not because it wasn't time for the ceremony as much as it was for the comfort of myself and my family.

I awoke from this dream convinced it had a deeper level of meaning. As I fixed myself something to eat, the realization struck me like a thunderbolt. This dream was Dea giving me back my dignity, which I had felt that I had lost with my most recent illness. The interesting thing about the dream was that it was never said that I had lost my title or that my family had done so. It was said that it was not properly recognized and removed from the record because of the error.

How does this compare to my dignity, one might ask. Well, I failed to recognize the dignity that I retained in the midst of my illness and, thereby, assumed it lost. This dream gently guided me back to seeing that dignity remains and gave me the external push to recognize it. One may be curious as to why in my dream Dea's messenger wore the face of Queen Elizabeth. The answer is fairly simple. In the Filianic faith, those women who are in positions of power can be considered living icons of Dea. They represent her goodness and sovereignty embodied. Queen Elizabeth is one of the rulers that I know has their power that exists in a fairly unbroken chain back to the founding of England. While the hands of those who held power transferred (in some cases quite bloodily, I might add), England has been a monarchy of some sort for a very, very long time. From a Filianic perspective, this history lends a weight of additional support to the claim of Queen Elizabeth to her throne.

Dreams can be random and strange. Sometimes they are nothing more then the brain's efforts to tell a story incorporating external stimuli that we receive and attempting to process the information of the day's events. Dreams can also be rich with symbolism wherein the unconscious mind speaks with the conscious mind, revealing that which we might not fully grasp during our waking hours. There are also dreams like the one I had that carry a spiritual element to them.

A strong understanding of the symbolic language that your mind uses to speak to you is useful in interpreting dreams and in practicing divination. Keeping a dream journal allows you to identify themes and symbols as you interpret them. I like to write my dreams up in a simple notebook with a few pages between them. After I have written them down, I wait a few hours before beginning to interpret them. My first level of interpretation is always what does the dream mean to me on a personal level.

Sometimes, I have dreams of fire. These are anxiety dreams, usually happening when I am in the midst of dealing with far too much stress in my life. I identified this theme after months of observing my dreams and recognizing the correlation between the content of my dreams and events unfolding in my life. If the dream I am having can be understood in the context of what is happening in my waking life, like the fire dreams, I will usually end my interpretation session there.

At times, I will have nightmares wherein I relive traumatic past events. These dreams require precious little in the way of interpretation. Generally, I treat them as memories. Then there are the dreams which at first seem very random but I recognize that the elements of the dream have larger meanings. Like the dream I described earlier in this post, the surface aspects seem odd. I have not been thinking of England of late nor has it featured in any respect in my daily life. When faced with a situation where a dream seems too strange to make sense of, I first attempt to examine the symbolic content of the dream.

Just as the fire dreams I have will speak of things regarding my mental state, the symbols can also communicate spiritual truths. This information is accessible to the unconscious mind because it is more intimately woven into the spiritual aspect of life then our conscious minds. Due to this closeness with the spiritual world, it is possible for information to not only pass from the spiritual aspect of the world to us it is possible for spiritual beings to contact us via this route.

Dreams of dead loved ones are commonly understood to be instances of the dead visiting the dreamer. A dream of angels may indeed be a visitation from those powerful beings. Sometimes, the divine uses symbolic language to express  messages in images that are not as clear as a direct vision of Isis, for example. A solid understanding of what different images and contexts mean to you is extremely helpful in interpreting dreams that have a message buried within them. An understanding of the cultural context and symbolic meanings of images presented to you is additionally helpful.

It is important, also, to remember that sometimes a dream has no deep symbolic meaning. A dream of a parrot may be just that, a dream of a parrot. If all attempts to make sense of the symbolism of the dream yields little to no success, consider the possibility that the dream is not a message from your unconscious or the spiritual aspects of reality. As Freud famously is attributed to saying, "Sometimes the cigar is just a cigar."