Devotion when not feeling well.

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When you want to engage in daily devotional activity and everything is going well, it can be deceptively easy to do. Doing so when you are not well, overly stressed out, or stuck with such a busy schedule that you need to literally schedule when you take care of your daily activities of living (i.e.: sleeping, eating, showering, etc.), can be very difficult. Throw in something of a struggle because you want to do the very best (or at least do it as well as you do when everything is going smoothly) and you have a recipe for heartbreak.

It is important to remember that the Divine does not need our devotional activities. The Divine is vast, wonderful, and mysterious. The Divine is far larger than we can comprehend and our devotional acts, while pleasing and a source of comfort for us, are not what makes the Divine able to effect the world. It is something entirely separate from us and can continue (and will continue) to influence the world long after we have shuffled off this mortal coil. One would ask with a sense of nihilist morbidity, "What is the point to devotion then?"

The answer is simple. Devotion is an act of reaching out to the Divine and maintaining a relationship with them. The Divine is always there, reaching out to us. We simply need to return the gesture, which is what devotional activity is for. There is this idea that a person with a rich devotional life is constantly engaged in mystic prayer and somehow above the things that make our lives 'mundane' and what makes us human. This idea is false. It is possible to have a rich devotional life even when you feel too awful to engage in those comforting rituals.

Some days, when I am feeling truly horrid, I simply can't muster up the energy to do much more than the bare minimum required to be a parent and keep my home tidy (and there are days where I struggle with even that). Enter into the situation the feeling that I should be keeping my daily prayers going and doing all the little things I do to honor the gods, and I come away feeling pretty miserable.

But, there is one thing I can and always do. That is to simply tell the gods that I am struggling and that I care. Sometimes, just that simple admission of why I am having a hard time can help relieve the pressure I feel to do something for them. Other days, I still feel anxious and upset. Those days, I will sometimes spend time just communing with the gods by way of telling them my troubles and fears. Because they don't want you just when everything is going well. They want you as you are, troubles, fears, and insecurities and all.

So, you may not have it in you to light the candle and put out that offering. Looking at your shrine may make you feel even more exhausted because it is a bit dusty and in need of a bit of tender care. This does not mean you are failing. It just means that you are struggling. And when you say to the Divine 'Hey, I'm trying. I'm just really struggling here.' that can be more precious than a thousand fancy baubles offered up in some prestigious ritual done in absolute accuracy with ancient directions. Because you are opening your heart to them and showing your vulnerable side. And that is hard to do. Especially with the Divine because you can never say for certain just how that is going to work out.

But that sort of emotional rawness is precious. Don't give up when you're not feeling well. Just lower that bar you need to hurdle and give what you can.

Self-Publishing Frustrations.

Today has been a day of editing. It has not been the editing of the sort that is for content. I finished that sometime Tuesday. No, today I have been fighting to get my margins and page numbers just right for the printer. Each time I make changes and upload them, everything gets reset back to what it was before.

I am mildly irate over it all. I believe I have spent the last five hours (minus what was needed to mind the kids when the got off the bus and handle dinner) trying to get this fussy business to work properly. I am fairly sure that I am missing one crucial, small detail. I just can't place what I keep getting wrong here. I am sufficiently exasperated that I am just going to stop fighting with it for the day. I mean, five hours on minutia is pure torment when all of your work keeps getting reset back to what was initially wrong.

I may be giving customer service an ear full tomorrow. Or I may figure out the magic way to make this vexing thing work properly. I wanted to get this text out by Friday but it looks like it is happening next week. Unless a minor miracle happens and I can somehow make this work properly before noon tomorrow. (Granted, I will be powered by copious amounts of coffee, I am also going to be having the disadvantage of still adjusting to medication that makes me very sleepy. And handling a sick child. My eldest came down with what my youngest had last week, I figure this means I'm next and Beloved will have the sniffles at best.)

When I get to the point that I can get the book to cover creation, I will be posting a snapshot of what the cover is going to look like. I am going to continue on my roses theme, as was seen in the previous edition and in my other Filianic oriented book. Until then, I hope that you all find things are less vexing than I have been, and that your days are blessed with good fortune.

♥

An apology & update.

Dear Readers,

I would like to apologize for my absence. I've been struggling with a number of things. Part of the challenges that I have been dealing with pertain to the work of running a household. It has been difficult work. I think, however, I am getting to the point where things may be ready for the end of the school year. I am in the process of lining up things for the boys to do when they are on break from school as well as shuffling my schedule to accommodate their days off. We're starting some new things that they have been doing at school. This includes a visual schedule for the day up on the wall. So, I suppose you could say that I have one more planner to work on.

I have also been working on my spring gardening. The boys have been helping out. So work is going a little slower than it would have otherwise. I am not yet at the point of planting things for food purposes yet. That is because I need to clean out and fix up my containers on the back deck and out front. I am hoping, however, that I can get some of the miniature varieties of plants that we like (such as carrots) growing in pots. I will be discussing things with my MIL as to what is going into the raised bed over at their place. You would not believe how excited the boys are. The thing they *really* want to grow right now are watermelons and pumpkins. I don't know how we're going to manage not to have them take over everything else.

I have had the chance to get some real work done on a few editing projects. I am almost finished editing the Southern Hemisphere edition of A Year With Dea. I expect to be sending that off to the printer by the end of this week. I have also been making significant progress on editing Drowning in Light. I expect to have that one finished in about two weeks, depending on if my boys manage not to catch the nasty viruses going around. (For the last week, I had my youngest home from school because he was sick with a virus that had him exhausted and experiencing a lot of stomach upset. Thankfully, he is much better today and at school.)

Long story short, I have been super busy over here with a lot of things that had very little to do with blogging. I am getting caught up on things, so I think I will have some posts up in the immediate future. Thank you so much for your patience.

Herbalism, Treasures, and Tools: Wands (part 1)

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Wand have been in use since antiquity. There is a little bit of confusion as to what they were
originally. Some argue that they are derived from the rods that ancient cultures used as their early measurement system. Others would say that they are derived from spears or similarly shaped tools. A few have opined that the wand is derived from long handled spoons. Each argument has its adherents and I am confident that there are more arguments that I'm not aware of, as these were ones that I became familiar with via casual conversation with a few people.

It is my personal belief that wands are derived from the rod that was used as a semi-standardized form of measurement in a given culture as well as a tool for punishment. A quick review of texts from antiquity and you will find that the term 'rod' is used to denote equipment for this purpose. It is also something that is associated with authority. The scepter of royalty is a direct descendant from the rod of measurement and the rods used as switches. It is my understanding that wands entered into popular consciousness during the era of the witchcraft trials (Inquisition era and a bit later), where the idea of occult practitioners attempting to usurp the trappings of power held by 'legitimate' authorities became rather prolific.

With the rise of 'fashionable' occultism during the Victorian Era, the concept that a wand was absolutely necessary for magical work was cemented in the popular culture of Europe and Western society. This shift in attitude is actually something that can be found in the different ways that occult work is portrayed in the arts. Older artwork that depicted such things typically didn't feature wands. This was something that slowly became more prominent as the idea of wands being used in witchcraft and occultism grew in popularity. Now, it is perhaps one of the most common trappings of witchcraft and occultism.

Mention the word 'magic' and the next thing to come to mind for most listeners in the US is 'wand'. Wands are exceptionally popular because they are considered crucial for control of magic. They are also tools that many find to be a pleasure to collect. They can be as simple as a twig or as ornate as something heavily jeweled and adorned with many accouterments. In my post next week, I will talk about what exactly are the defining characteristics of wands and the folklore associated with them.

Mother's Day as a Devotee of Dea.

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Today is celebrated as Mother's Day here in the U.S. and I think it is fair to say that it is rather inescapable. Advertising for this celebration of all things maternally related (even some sassy nods to the less glorious aspects of motherhood) starts immediately after the advertisements for the commercial aspect of Christian Easter leave the shelves. It is a day that some find bliss filled and others find painful. And there is a hefty amount of social pressure to celebrate in a certain manner that equates to a lot of consumerism.

On the whole, it is a very stressful holiday that has very little, if any holiness involved in it. It is a secular celebration at best or a day of guilt fueled spending of time and resources at worst. It is possible, however, to shift the focus from the social pressures and such to something more spiritual and kindly. Shifting my focus from the commercial celebration of the day to Dea (and the multitude of spiritual matrons I have) helps to soothe the pains that come with this celebration.

I did spend a good portion of my day focusing upon my little family and the blessings of my children. In doing so, I found myself drawn to gratitude to my spiritual mothers for their guidance and aid. I gave an offering of works through simple daily tasks that I did to care for my family and home. I gave an offering of food early in the morning as the cinnamon rolls I baked came out of the oven, as bread is perhaps one of my favorite food offerings to give. And, I gave an offering of a scented candle that has burned through the day. (I would have offered incense but my asthma is a problem right now due to allergies.)

I turned my attention to my spiritual mothers and found comfort there. I made a point of focusing upon the gratitude, love, and good will between myself and them. It was a relatively small shift in the day's focuses, but it brought me nourishment within my soul and comfort in my heart. And, it let me draw a little closer to them when I had been feeling hurt, lost, and unworthy. That closeness helps with those painful feelings as well as replaces them with a feeling of love, belonging, and of being precious to them.

May it be that today has brought you such feelings of love, belonging, and preciousness. For we are all loved, treasured, and part of Dea's family. (As well as loved and cared for by those deities whom you revere and honor.)

♥

Is it a SIGN or is it just ANXIETY?

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Dear Readers, thank you so much for holding out hope for me. It has been a really challenging time that I'm working through right now. What I'm posting about today is something that I personally struggle with on a fairly regular basis (as in just about everyday).

Sometimes, something precious gets misplaced or lost. When that happens, it is understandable to get  upset. precious things have a lot of emotions and other value attached to them. The problems come when you start attaching meanings that are not accurate to that item going missing. A ring splitting apart and the pieces getting lost in the garden can be really distressing if it was a wedding ring.

Throw in the coincidental timing of some communication difficulties and stress between the partners in the relationship and the broken ring suddenly rises up from a source of vexation to a potential omen of doom. This is a fine example of catastrophic. 99.5% of the time, the ring breaking is just an indicator it is worn out or was poorly constructed. And the bits getting lost in the garden is just a case of trying to find something small in a mass of muddy dirt. (There's a reason why prospectors used a screen to get their bits of gold, the dirt fell through the screen as the gold stayed on top. If you lose something small in fine, sandy soil, consider using your colandar for that. You'll have to wash it before you make your next bit pot of pasta, but you'll find locating your missing item is much easier.)

There are times when what seems to the diviner a sign of horrible doom incoming is actually a situation of just run of the mill annoyances from life. The trick to telling the difference is the degree of emotion attached to the prospective sign. Does the sign feed into some anxiety or fear you have? Does it mesh almost completely into that set of ideas that you worry about?

If so, there's a really good chance that it is not a sign as much as anxiety is trying to ring the alarm that something horrible is happening VERY SOON.

Anxiety is a subtle and difficult thing to matter. This is where the practice of reality testing things is invaluable. Check and recheck your information. And, if you still can't tell if it is accurate or just your troubles getting the better of you, call on a second person for a new perspective.

Have a lovely day, y'all.

♥

Pagan Parenting : Bedtime stories.

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It was exciting this weekend to take the boys off to the Special Olympics. They competed and won medals. It was all in all, a very good day, even if the weather was chilly and raw.

A habit we have gotten into is on the nights when Beloved is out or not putting the kids to bed, I read them or tell the stories about the gods. Their favorite god to hear about is Thor, followed by Loki. Saturday night, my eldest son asked me to tell him a 'Thor Story' and I knew what the perfect one was.

The story about his merry jaunt off to Jotunheim and their contests. Both boys were impressed with the story. They also decided that Thor and company need to come participate in the Special Olympics so that the games are actually fair.

I thought it was pretty awesome to see that kind of compassion extended towards a deity. Most people I know don't pause to consider that sort of thing. So, these bedtime stories about the adventures of the gods can make for great lessons about the world we live in.

I'm pretty sure that this is going to become a big thing moving forward. It has that sort of feeling to it, like when the kids lit up at the sight of a lawnmower for the first time.