Godspousery Notes: Have a cookie!

Dear Reader,

Life has been really stressful and challenging of late. I was venting about this elsewhere when I was told by Loki that I should have a cookie and a cup of tea, just a bit of a treat to relax. Being in a mixed episode, I was half ready to start and argument about how a cookie was the last thing I needed because my blood sugar has been high due to all of this stress. Then I stopped and thought about it for a minute. I really hadn't had a chance to sit and relax for at least a week. So, I had a small cookie (no frosting at all for me) and a cup of tea.

Sure enough, I felt a bit better after that. I still found myself spoiling for an argument, but I wasn't quite ready to sharpen my proverbial claws for that argument yet. As I was meditating and doing my best to ground myself a bit later, Loki showed up again. He just sat with me and reminded me to concentrate on my breathing as my kids rather loudly debated as to if I was asleep or meditating right in front of me.

He's been around in the odd moments when the little things that the kids do would have made me flip my lid and pointed out the humor in it so that I was laughing instead of screaming. Tomorrow is the last day of Spring Break. I think we might all survive this intact. Thanks to Loki pointing out that kids are just as funny as they are exasperating. (And at least the boys weren't saying that I was dead when I was meditating.)

Pagan Parenting: Demigods?

Photo by Mat Brown from Pexels

Dear Reader,

My boys have some interesting ideas about the divine. They call out to gods from a pretty wide range of pantheons for a rather wide range of reasons. When there was a fire at a garage a block away from us, my eldest called on every single storm deity he could think of to help put that fire out and keep people safe. He made a special point of calling on Zeus first and a few more times in the prayer. He's come to the conclusion that Zeus is a god who supports heroic professions, such as fire fighters because of how Zeus stood boldly against chaos in the beginning of all things (as per the book of mythology we have here that I read him the old stories out of). Zeus is a hero and therefore must be a god of heroes, that's how Cuddle Bear explains it.

(Interesting side note about that fire, it was a pretty severe fire. When the structure began to collapse, there were people inside. As the firefighters described it, the building paused for a moment long enough for them to get out. Considering the timing of it all and when we heard the building collapse, which was terrifying for Cuddle Bear, I'm pretty sure that his prayer was being answered by the firefighters getting out with minor injuries.)

They have also come up with alternate names for the powers that manage things when they can't remember the names given to them from the myths. The one that stands out strongest in my mind is how they have decided that in the Norse pantheon there is a deity named Windia (pronounced wind-dia) who is female and directs the winds. They have called out to her to help make the weather better for them to play outside. Interestingly, they argue that Windia is a helper to all the Norse/Germanic storm deities. That her job is just to move the wind in the right direction.

I've tried explaining to them that Njord is the god of the winds, but they insist she is his helper. I'm not sure, but I think this is how demigods happen. I've done divination on the matter, fortunately, the gods find the children adorable on this and think that having a being to delegate tasks to is always helpful. So, I guess there's a new household demigod here.

Pagan Parenting: Daily Offerings.

Gentle Reader,

My eldest child has developed a deep and abiding affection for Zeus. He admires him greatly and I suspect that the affection is returned from the King of the Greek pantheon. Every time he's asked for rain, it's happened. Though, if a harpy eagle shows up, I'm chasing it off with a stick because my boy is 10 and no where near ready for a grand adventure like that. Still, I have encouraged this relationship because I am of the mind that personal relationships with deities can be good and healthy things.

We've graduated from talking to Zeus and learning the old stories about him to giving daily offerings. We started out with something simple, a cup of water and a chocolate chip cookie. (I asked why the cookie and Cuddle Bear insisted that it was because chocolate chip cookies are awesome and why wouldn't Zeus want one? Hard to argue with that logic.) Small daily offerings are expressions of appreciation and honor for the deities and spirit companions we have.

The boys regularly talk to Mani in the evening asking him to help them have good dreams. They get excited when they see the sun and the moon, calling out hello to Sunna and Mani. I'm going to start introducing them to the other gods of the Greek pantheon. So, Mani and Sunna's joyful greetings may also be joined with greetings to Selene and Helios.

The youngest is still very of the mind set to share toys on the altar (they go on the altar over night and then they get to have them back in the morning) but beginning to take interest in the stuff his brother is. I think it is about time to give my eldest child his own magical notebook. A part of me says it should be something fancy. The rest of me says I should get a straight forward sketch book that he can add drawings to and use it to keep his notes in. Either way, I want him to have something to record his own magical adventures in. I have a feeling in a few years, I'll be doing the same for the youngest.

Pagan Parenting: Passing down Lore.

Me with my eldest as an infant.

Family stories are important. You find quite a few people happily sharing stories of their childhoods with their children as they grow. In some cases, stories going back three generations are getting told. In the really lucky cases, stories go back farther. The family stories help children understand the culture of the family and their place in it.

Equally important is the stories that go with the family's religious inclinations. They help foster a sense of ethics in children and give them tools to better understand how the world works. In some families, this comes from the family bible and the church they are a part of. In other families, this comes from the tales of the gods and the temple they attend. All of this is informed by the faith community they are a part of. This can be a profoundly educational and enlightening experience.

It gets harder when you move into smaller religious practices. Suddenly, the population of people who are going to help you explain how the world works gets markedly smaller. What is a pagan parent to do when their six year old is asking them "Who takes care of the Sun at night?" as you are putting them to bed? You have a few different options. One is to fob the conversation off to another time (which is usually the best option when it is time for the wee one to be going to bed). A second is to give a "You don't worry about that, the Sun is just fine on the other side of the Earth." or something similar. An answer that is a non-answer. A third answer is to introduce them to the old tales of the gods or modern ones that speak of how they attend to the world.

[As an aside, when my boys became afraid of the solar eclipse, I told them that Sunna was letting Mani visit her. Something a lot more reassuring than the Sun being eaten by a wolf or a dragon. Also much closer to what their science teachers are going to be telling them. Makes for less arguments about what is true, because my eldest has hit that age of questioning.]

The biggest thing in answering such questions and sharing the wisdom of our ancestors with the younger generations is to remain consistent and clear. Equally important is to keep in mind what your children can understand. A six year old will have an easier time handling the idea that Sunna minds the Sun than the complicated matter of astrophysics and stellar dynamics. As children get older, the questions get more complicated. Somewhere, you're going to hit a wall. You're going to reach the question that you can't answer.

That's ok. This is where you encourage them to think about and explore the world. If they are asking questions about morality and you're not sure how to explain something, explore the topic together and work together to find the answers you need. The internet is a glorious tool for research and education. It is just as helpful and educational to go to the local library and seek out the aid of a librarian to find books on the topic in question. There are many holes in the knowledge we inherited. It is our job to fill them as best we can. In some cases, this may mean building new stories (Mani visiting Sunna for the eclipse) and in some cases, it may mean learning about difficult topics and working to find your own conclusions. And that's just fine because it is a living faith tradition that adapts and changes to the needs of the practitioners.

Pagan Parenting: Ritual with Children.

Left to right: Snuggle bug, me, Cuddle Bear. Pic from 11/?/16

I have two very busy boys. They get into everything. When they're not getting into things to see what it is and how it works, they are trying to add to things. The altar has become a place of fascination for my eldest as he is developing a devotional relationship with Zeus. We have a clay monster that Cuddle Bear made which lives on the altar now because it belongs to the gods. This was his first decision after he brought it home and showed it to me. The youngest, Snuggle Bug,  regularly talks to Máni.

High ritual just doesn't happen around here. Instead, we have small things we do like write notes to the gods in special notebooks. We give them gifts and share things with them. (The favorite toy to share with the gods are matchbox cars.) We tell the old stories and try to observe the holidays. Sometimes, ritual is just habitual things you do together. And that is ok.

Pagan Parenting: Shrines for Kids.

My eldest has taken a shine to Zeus. He's fascinated by him. He offers prayers up to him in his own unique way. On the whole, he is in the process of becoming a very affectionate devotee. As such, I wanted him to have his own special little bit of altar like space for his devotions. At the same time, I needed something his brother couldn't exactly destroy.

This is where I returned to the concept of jar shrines. Jar shrines are essentially a shrine inside a jar. There may be a permanent offering inside it, like the one I saw for Freyja that had rose buds inside it. Or offerings may go near the jar. In some cases, I have even seen them made so that the offerings could go on top of the jar. In the case of the one I made for my son, I made a peg doll based statuette of Zeus. I then set it on top of a bit of cork that I colored green (to look like Mt. Olympus) and then put white sand (for clouds) around it. This was in the lid of an old olives jar (that had been cleaned and waiting for a use, amusingly they were kalamata olives) and everything has been glued together with Gorilla Glue. Then, I ran a bit of Gorilla Glue around the edge of the jar before screwing them together.

The jar set up acts like a bell jar, keeping the icon safe. I'm going to be giving him this as a gift for the Equinox. I am also in the process of setting up something that he can use to help keep track of his prayers. A bit more friendly version of a kid's prayer journal that I started doing with them back a few months ago. (We didn't get very far with this prayer journal stuff because life happened and I was having a hard time keeping on top of my own stuff.)

Pagan Parenting: Ethics (Pt. 1)

Image from Pexels.com

So, my wee heathens have hit the age that they are fascinated by weapons. My eldest has been learning about the Revolutionary War and the Civil War in school. My youngest has decided that Transformers are the greatest thing since sliced bread. And they have been toodling around the yard pretending that sticks are guns, cannons, and lasers ala Star Wars. And let us not forget the swords and lightsabers.

In typical kid logic, the boys have decided that one side is good and the other is evil. And that the good always wins. As well as the evil is ALWAYS wrong and bad. They have been talking about how they are going to fight in a war for our 'independence' and make all the bad guys stop by killing them. (My eldest somehow came up with the idea that striking bad guys aka criminals aka the enemy aka the British with a shovel would kill them, but only for a little while so he has to do it more than once to make sure they are really dead.) Now, where it would be easy to let them have this image in their heads about how the world works, neither Beloved or myself can do so. Because war is not a game. Weapons are not toys. And death is something permanent and you can't bring someone back from the dead.

As such, we have been very aggressive about explaining how they should and should not use their toy weapons. We also explained why. Given that we live across the street from the local gun club, the boys have an idea that guns are not very safe (but REALLY COOL). We have gone over things like what to do if they happen to find one (which is pretty unlikely because neither of us own a fire arm) and how to safely handle them. We've gone over the safe way to handle blades as well, because even a kitchen knife could be a weapon. Some of our concerns about gun and weapon safety are based in the fact that too many children have died as a result of confusion on that basis. (I mourned Tamir Rice and all of the other children who were killed for playing with realistic toys. I still have my heart break over the thought and the injustice of it all.) Some of our concerns are based in the question of when is it right to use violence (or by logical extension a weapon)?

We have insisted that violence should be the last resort. And that it should not be initiated lightly. The lessons that my father and grandfather taught me when I was a kid have been repeated several times here. "He who makes the first fist loses." and "Never start a fight but always finish one." They have a bit more explanation with it. We make a point of being sure that the boys understand they can defend themselves or someone who needs it, but they can not be the one starting a fight.

Because violence as a tool to coerce someone or force others to do as you want is something we can't approve in a blanket sense with any good conscience.

Pagan Parenting : Bedtime stories.

Image from Wikipedia

It was exciting this weekend to take the boys off to the Special Olympics. They competed and won medals. It was all in all, a very good day, even if the weather was chilly and raw.

A habit we have gotten into is on the nights when Beloved is out or not putting the kids to bed, I read them or tell the stories about the gods. Their favorite god to hear about is Thor, followed by Loki. Saturday night, my eldest son asked me to tell him a 'Thor Story' and I knew what the perfect one was.

The story about his merry jaunt off to Jotunheim and their contests. Both boys were impressed with the story. They also decided that Thor and company need to come participate in the Special Olympics so that the games are actually fair.

I thought it was pretty awesome to see that kind of compassion extended towards a deity. Most people I know don't pause to consider that sort of thing. So, these bedtime stories about the adventures of the gods can make for great lessons about the world we live in.

I'm pretty sure that this is going to become a big thing moving forward. It has that sort of feeling to it, like when the kids lit up at the sight of a lawnmower for the first time.

Recommendations: Pampering Yourself.

If your life has been chaotic and stressful, it may be hard to take a breather and just do some self care. Now, some self care is challenging stuff. (Gods know that my doing yoga 6:30 am before I even have a cup of coffee has been difficult over the last few months, but it is good self-care so I am doing it.) Some self care doesn't look like self care to others because it means things like setting boundaries and doing other stuff that effects relationships and your time involving others. (That is also some really hard stuff to do. If you're struggling with it, don't give up. YOU are worth it!)

When a lot of people talk about self care on social media, they feature the cutesy things like taking a bubble bath, enjoying a glass of wine, or painting your toe nails (if you're into that stuff). There is a pretty strong push back against this image of self care because it is pretty incomplete and ableist. If you're someone who has problems with tachycardia, for example, that hot, relaxing bubble bath is going to be decidedly unpleasant pretty quickly. So, I am not going to promote those ideas, but I am going to encourage you to take some time to do what makes you happy.

We are all engaged in difficult times and dealing with life that just seems to become more challenging every day. It is pretty easy to get overwhelmed and just focus on what you need to do to survive. If you have people you are responsible for, it is even easier to just focus on what you need to do to meet those responsibilities and the bare minimum of what you need to do to survive. This is alright if you are in crisis mode but after a certain point, you are going to start suffering from burn out. That is just not good for you.

One of the things that helps with preventing burn out is proactive self care. It is like my doing my morning yoga routine. It helps keep my back problems under control, which lets me be more effective as a stay at home mom and a partner to my husband. Another thing, which those silly memes try to get into but fail pretty hard, is taking time to pamper yourself. This is not about being selfish in a bad way. This is about taking time to recharge your batteries, to rest and recover from all of that hard work you have been doing. Your self pampering is going to look different from mine (which is wonderful and good, everyone having different things that makes them happy is part of what makes the world a wonderful place). The goal, however, is the same.

Take some time to do something that brings you joy. This could be listening to some of your favorite music, having a nice cup of tea, or spending a blessed five minutes alone with out small children harrying you. (I confess, I will lock the bathroom door and pretend I'm not mom for a few minutes to give myself a breather.) Your goal is to seize that sweetness from life where you can find it. Some days it is going to be harder than others. Some days, it may just be that sweet feeling of release that comes when you kick off your shoes after a long day on your feet. Other days, it may be indulging in that bit of chocolate you have stashed inside the broccoli bag in the freezer so that your significant other doesn't eat it. (I don't do this, but another parent I know does it so that he can have his mini-Snickers bites when his wife isn't looking. To each their own!)

No matter what, take some time to do the things that help you feel more hopeful and happier about life. You matter too. Your happiness matters and your well being matters. So, I highly recommend taking sometime to attend to what gives you happiness and promotes your well being.

Have a wonderful day!

♥

Hiatus & Equinox.

Hiatus is the time of non-time in the Filianic calendar. At this time, the holy Daughter, who was slain on Kala (the day before, and the final day of the month of Moura), hangs upon the pillar that passes through all worlds. It could be likened to the time of mourning that Christians observe in honor of the time that Jesus hung upon the cross and then was laid in the tomb before his resurrection. This traditionally in the Filianic and Déanic communities is a time of deep reflection and a moment when all things come to a brief halt to await the resurrection of the Daughter. (This year, it comes on the day after the Equinox. Other years, it is the day of the Equinox, but it always falls on the 21st of March in the Northern Hemisphere and on the 21st of September in the Southern Hemisphere.)

Thinking about the future and discussing future events is generally considered taboo in this religious tradition. As someone who practices a blended faith, I try to adhere to this taboo, but there are things that simply force me to break it. A fine example is the fact that I have mundane things such as doctor's appointments and bills that I need to address. This requires some future planning. So, I focus my efforts on attending to only matters that require my attention at this time, so if future planning is done it is only what is most essential. Like others of the Filianic faith tradition, I cover my icons of the Daughter with a veil. I use a dark blue cloth, as it is the color associated with Moura and mourning. Technically, this is a time for mourning the death of the Daughter. I also try to keep my clothing simple and I generally go with darker colors.

It is also the Equinox, which is celebrated in Wicca and much of the Norse/Germanic based faith traditions as Ostara. Rituals are done to honor Ostara, the goddess of Spring and fertility. It is also considered the time when Freyr returns to the lands of the living after having been slain at the time of the autumn harvest. From this perspective, today is an auspicious day. Though there is snow on the ground right now, the sap is running through the trees and I have heard robins out singing when I was taking a walk this morning.

I sit here pulled in two very different directions today. The blessing here is the fact that the celebration of Ostara is not tied to a specific date on the calendar and the astronomical equinox does not fall on the same date every year (because precession is a thing and such), so I am not bound by a hard and fast date to observe Ostara and the equinox. I am going to use this to my advantage this year. I am spending time today treating life as though seeds are germinating beneath the soil and I am in a sacred period of waiting. Tomorrow, when the Filianic celebration of Eastre comes, I will celebrate Ostara at the same time. I am going to give my children some sweets for the day. I got that ball started early today with some donuts. I will also be invoking blessings on my seeds and such.

Today, I am going to prepare my 'soil' and wait. I am going to do my best to focus on what I need right now and address that. While I had wanted to have a few projects done by today, I recognize that life chose otherwise. And today I must accept this. Tomorrow, things will begin anew. I will be renewed. So, today, I will tidy things up and do my best to be as focused on the present and my needs as I can be. This day is a day of necessity and addressing what I must let go to proceed forward into a healthy new year.

Regardless of what ever festivals you celebrate at this time, may your and yours be blessed with happiness and health.

♥

Pagan Parenting: Teachable Moments.

Image courtesy of Clipart Kid

As a parent, you are your child's first educator. Most people think of this in terms of teaching their children how to walk and other basic activities that go into a given day. We are, however, also the people who teach them lessons about ethics and values as well. In pagan households, it is a little more challenging to teach these lessons if you are somewhat isolated from a support network that can help reinforce those lessons (ie: the difference between a solitary pagan family and your local Christian parish).

Thus, you need to keep your eyes open for teachable moments. They come along with a great deal of regularity, however, so you are not left wanting for opportunities to teach. Just last night, for example, the boys and I had a pretty active conversation regarding the way that we get our food, the importance of taking care of our sources of food, and the importance of taking care of the environment.

My youngest was really upset that I was cutting up carrots for a salad. He was most displeased that I was making the carrot's 'dead'. This turned into a child-lead conversation where we talked about how everything that is alive feeds on something else that was once alive. When the kids started expressing sadness that our food sources had to feel pain and die, the conversation moved into a discussion about how it is best for us to make sure our food sources suffer as little as possible in their lives and in their eventual deaths. At which point my eldest asked about the Earth and why it was important to take care of the Earth.

By the end of the conversation, it was clear that the boys understood that empathy is a good thing; compassion and responsibility for their actions are vital; and that we are as dependent upon life around us for our survival as our pet fish Ghost is upon us for his survival. (This then turned into a discussion of what sort of new pet we should get when Ghost eventually dies. I had some challenges getting them to understand that we could not have a pet shark. The boy's reasoning was first that sharks are cool and, second, if we take care of the endangered fish, it will be safe and not become extinct. They did lament that it was unfortunate that they couldn't have a pet dinosaur.)

Taking that moment when the kids realize that everyday things have consequences and expanding their awareness to how they can be more fully engaged in the world, along with teaching them more about the traits that we are working to cultivate within them (and ourselves) is sometimes easier than others. Engaging them at their level and using evidence that is fairly concrete (or otherwise appropriate to grade level and their maturity) makes it easier for them to grasp difficult concepts. And, sometimes, kids can surprise you. When my eldest came out with that logical leap to taking care of the Earth and the environment is important, it was completely unprompted. And, you can take those moments and encourage them to explore the ideas. This often leads to them drawing conclusions that are along the lines of what you are teaching them if you make a point of presenting as much information as they can understand and helping them see what the logical answers to the implied questions are.

Pagan Parenting: Building Devotional Relationship

I am going to try to do a bi-monthly post on parenting in a pagan household. Please understand, much of this is a learning process for myself and what I am sharing with you is a combination of what I have learned from researching how others are approaching the spiritual education of their children and what I have cobbled together myself.

This week, I am going to share with you something that I have started doing with my boys. Up until this point, we have been very casual about devotional activities for the kids. They understand that the altar is a special space. They have learned that if they have something they want to give to the gods, they can set it there. They have also learned that if they have something they want to share with the gods, they can set it there. (Many matchbox cars and a few dinosaurs have been shared. A train or two as well, their favorite toys that they love are what they set up there to share. It is really sweet.)

The kids are curious and want to connect with pretty much any and everyone. This includes the gods and our ancestors. I was flailing around at a complete loss for what to do. Then I realized that I keep a prayer journal and they could perhaps keep one too. Where I post in my prayer journal on a daily basis, we are working with them to do so on a weekly basis (if we get organized enough for that). In the picture above is the working template that we're trying out.

I got the idea from looking at the pinterest pages of Christian folks who are homeschooling their children. As I saw the pages and worksheets that they had put together, I thought this was a great way to help them build their sense of connection with the gods. As such, I took the simplest elements of what I saw on these pages and put them together on to one.

The first element is addressing the deity they have chosen to write to and expressing gratitude for the good in their lives. It is such a simple thing and it helps a person to see just where things are going right for them. It works really well to help get a prayer session off on a good foot. Where the Christian folks have their prayer journals set up to address a single god, I left the line for the deity being addressed open. We're a polytheist household, so not the same god is going to be addressed every time.

The second element is asking the deity to help three people. I want to teach the kids that talking to the gods is not about asking for stuff. I want to help them understand that the value lies in other things, like establishing a sense of kindness and good will. As a result, I encourage them to think of three people that they would like to see helped out. This fosters in the kids a greater sense of empathy for others. It also helps them to look at the gods more as people they have a relationship with rather than ephemeral machines that dispense things if you put in enough tokens.

The final element is their own requests. I focused on the 'help' angle right now because the kids are very material oriented right now. It is positively maddening to have them asking me for new toys every time I turn around or they see an advertisement. As such, I am encouraging them to ask for help with things, to tell them something that they are proud of, and to share with the gods something that they thing is important. The distinction between things and goals is one that I think is going to serve them well down the road.

I feel that part of the objective here is to teach the boys that the process is often more important than the stuff that comes as a result. I am also working to teach them how to approach the gods as unique individuals. Right now, they have a great love for Sunna and Máni. They greet them every time they see the Sun and Moon. They tell them about their dreams and hold up toys for them to see.

Sometimes, the boys tell me about how they want to visit the gods. They talk about how they want to pet Sunna's horses and race Loki across the sky. They adore the idea that the gods take care of the world and everything there is. There is a little conflation of Sunna and Máni with the Sun and Moon, but they're slowly learning the distinction. They also are regularly excited by the idea that maybe they'll meet the gods wandering around in the world in disguise. Sometimes, they announce they are going to find the gods and bring them places that are special to them, like the park or the grocery store (which is special because that is where we get donuts, which are one of the best foods in the world according to my boys).

Giving them this platform to interact with the gods, I hope, will help them to feel more connected to them and foster a sense of love between them and the gods. The boys are so quick to love everyone to begin with, I think it will be wonderful if they learned to pick up on the care that the gods show them. And this is the first step in that process, I think.