Prayer habits are hard.

Dear gentle Reader,

My good and faithful friend, I must be honest with you. Prayer is very hard to do when you are not well. Depression lies and tells me that all is hopeless. Anxiety tells me that if I don't pray in the correct fashion, the gods will be offended and my luck will turn worse. Exhaustion and brain fog makes it hard to remember to write in my prayer journals or bide my beads. It's just very hard to pray these days.

Which makes it all the more important to at least try. Sometimes, what I manage is a line or two in one of my prayer journals. Other times, I just hold my prayer beads and silently as the gods to just help me make it through the day and help me meet my responsibilities. My most common prayer of late is simply "Please help me." I cast it out to any of the household gods that may hear me with great desperation at times. Attempting to sleep when I'm struggling with panic and such, I tend to ask Freyr and Loki to help me. That's all I ask for, help. Sometimes that help comes by way of feeling their presence at my side. Sometimes that help comes by way of them talking me through a grounding exercise or reminding me to take a medication I forgot.

The hardest thing right now in my prayer life is remembering that I can take time to pray and it is ok. It is a form of self care that I struggle with, because I'm not very good at self care. Interestingly enough, the form of 'active' prayer that I have been strongly encouraged to engage in from the gods are all self care activities. Like Freyr asking me to spend some time with him doing exercise and yoga (he especially enjoys taking walks with me when the weather is nice) or Loki telling me I should eat good healthy food that I enjoy and take showers when I need them.

Godspousery means there is a more direct relationship, even when depression makes me feel isolated from them. Thus, they make a point of things like very strongly encouraging me to take a nap when I have a migrane coming on or will offer encouragement when I am doing something difficult. And that exchange is kinda what prayer is about. It's a discussion between you and the gods. Sometimes, that discussion is "Hey, it's time to take your medication and go to bed" if you're open to it.