Werdë's Day (a day late)

 Dear Reader,

It seems to be the theme, this year, of my writing posts about the Filianic holy days at least a day or two late because other stuff in my life keeps me from the desk. Werdë's day was a busy day of doing domestic tasks, seeing family, and actively biting my tongue in an effort to keep the peace. It was a challenging day. During what little downtime I had, I spent much of it fretting about the future. Specifically, I was worrying about how things were going to go with school starting again in a little less than a month.

Sai Maia has spun into my wyrd many interesting things but I'm not sure I enjoy them. Life that is hard lived is difficult to keep a tranquil heart in the face of further challenges. I know that I have the capacity to do that. Sai Maia has ensured this but I have a hard time staying on that path because I also have a great deal of tension spun into my life's thread that manifests as anxiety issues. As a spinner myself, I recognize that strong thread requires a good deal of tension both in the initial spinning and in the plying so that it does not drift apart or fray when put to work. Ah, but do I wish there was a little less tension. Still, that tension does also manifest as a great deal of energy and drive to do things. So, perhaps it is not so bad after all. My feelings on it are mixed, like the results.

Sai Werdë has thrown the shuttle through the tapestry and I know not where I go but forward. I have passed through times of great difficulty in the past. I know that COVID-19 is but another part of a time of great difficulty for the world at large and that it is part of the tapestry. I take comfort to some extent that this will eventually pass. That we shall adapt to the challenges and find ways to be healthy and take care of each other. I worry at times that my diminished capacity for some things means that I am the weak thread in the tapestry and among the first to unravel before it is due. I recognize that the grand tapestry of the universe is not dependent upon me to so great an extent, but the smaller one of my family is. Thus I worry about such things. I try to lay my worries in Déa's hands, but it is difficult to let them go because I fear to be a burden upon She who holds the whole of creation in existence. I blame my upbringing for that anxiety and I work daily to set it aside.

Sai Kala has helped me in many ways. She has helped me end toxic cycles of abuse. She has helped me let go of people who are harmful to me and my family. Sai Kala has brought the end of a lifetime of denial that I was unwell. From that ending, new beginnings have come. This epicycle of growth moves me forward upon my life path. It makes me think that Sai Kala is as much a part of the weaving of the tapestry as Sai Werdë. Where the tapestry is uneven and undesireable bits stick out, it is a practice to run a sharp blade over it to cut away those bits to restore harmony to the work at large.

I know not what the next year holds for my wyrd. I only know that wyrd goes as it will and we can only follow along. The collective wyrd of the world at large will wend its way on past COVID-19 and we shall continue to survive. I take hope in that despite the current disaster unfurling. Déa is good and she will see to it that her children survive this disaster, just as we have survived others in the past.