July for Loki: Post No. 7 - Sassy much?

Dear Reader,

The thing about "godphone" is you don't always have control over it. And Loki has OPINIONS on things that he shares with me regularly. And, because Loki is not generally a demure, delicate thing, those opinions get voiced with a hefty dose of sass and attitude. Some people like to describe Loki in the frame of 'sassy gay friend'. I think that those people are not really getting the big picture and just reducing Loki to a stereotype.

Loki speaks fluent sarcasm and his native language is CAPSLOCK. If he's thinking that you're doing something dumb, he'll let you know in a big way. Especially if you can hear him. If he has the idea that you're avoiding something important, same deal. Always quick with a wisecrack and quicker with a comeback, Loki is quite the conversationalist.

I'll admit it, I've had times where he's said "That's something so dumb that even I wouldn't do it to make Skadi laugh." I've had times where he's seriously questioned my fashion choices - "Why are you dressing so conservative? Are you going to a funeral?" (Loki the fashionista is a thing. Just ask around and you'll find out why Loki has the modern kenning Admiral Fabulous. It goes together with him dryly stating the thing that you're avoiding on a regular basis. Also Loki is the god of glitter. Full stop.)

Loki will make jokes and quips about stuff happening in life. When I am going through a period of being grumpy and miserable, he's been known to say that I need "vitamin D" to cheer up. When I've been struggling all day and I just feel like throwing in the towel, Loki comes along an will point out all the little ways that I accomplished things. He won't do it in a snide, sarcastic fashion but there is a bit of sass in how he does it (usually to get me out of my grumpy mood). 

He regularly says that my life needs more salt in it. Usually that's when I'm on social media and I'm getting annoyed with people. That's his way of telling me to go have the argument. He's a bit of an instigator at times. I have lost count the number of times he's told dirty jokes to me at times when I really need to be focused on something else (like helping my kids with math). He'll just air drop this colossally BAD joke on me and insist I share it with people. He is the King of Dad Jokes.

He will inspire me to harmless pranks on my family. The one that Beloved still chuckles about was the day I put in a card with "i believe in you" spelled out with an eyeball followed by words. I then, at Loki's urging, put googly eyes on stuff in his lunch box and put in a note asking him if he felt like he was being watched. Loki likes to get a laugh. He especially enjoys it if the laughter comes from word play and puns. 

For him flyting is as much about humor as it is about being a dick. He wouldn't insult you if he didn't like you. He'd just ignore you if he didn't like you. If he really didn't like you, he'd engineer a mousetrap like situation where you screw yourself over all because you were too proud to not do that one thing that sets it all into motion.

July for Loki: Post 6 - Godspousery? What?

Dear Reader,

As it may have been apparent through my random godspousery posts, I am intimately involved with Loki. This is not, as some may say, a bored housewife living an elaborate fantasy. It doesn't look like most typical relationships because it is with a noncorporeal being. (Though there was that time he showed up in physical manifestation, but that's a story for a different day. Let's just say it was during a very difficult time and he gave me comfort and advice. This was before the godspousery thing even was a gleam in his eye.) Think about the challenges of a long distance relationship. Now multiply them by some random large number and that's about what it's like.

I keep a prayer journal where I write letters to him. It's a hold-over from the days that my Beloved and I were doing the long distance relationship thing and I was writing him letters on a just about daily basis. (Ok, just to make something plain, Beloved and I are polyamorous. He is my primary partner and husband in this world. Our relationship is open but with agreed upon limitations, among them is that the primary relationship take precedent over any others. And, unlike some corporeal partners we've had in the past, Loki thinks this is a damn good thing and wants to see this relationship thrive, to the point of being willing to sacrifice the romantic involvement between him and I for the health of my marriage to Beloved.)

So, there's me writing him letters in a notebook. Sometimes life gets busy and I don't get to write in my notebook. Then I pray to him out loud or quietly. This is more like a phone call. Some days, he'll "pick up the phone" and I can "hear" his response. Hearing him is the equivalent of having a thought that isn't mine in my head. It takes a lot of practice and discernment to tell what is Loki's reply and what is my brain's random babblings. I don't get letters back. But I get signs from him that he's gotten my messages. Sometimes it is hearing him. Sometimes it is things like having something turn out exactly like I needed when all elements of the situation were tending against that result. And, sometimes, I get the phantom sensation of a hand on my shoulder or something similar.

Now, someone may look at this and say "This sounds alot like psychosis or self-delusion." Having experienced both, I can assure you they're entirely different. Psychosis is having your own thoughts get very loud and (in my case) take over your auditory processing center to the point where you are hearing things as if someone is physically there. It's terrifying to experience and I don't wish it on anyone. And self-delusion is something that I struggle with because I was so conditioned to believe that I was worthless as a child. As such, I default to deluded assumptions that I am defective or flawed in someway that makes me sub-human. To say that Loki has opinions on this is like saying that the Sun is kinda warm.

As I have worked on my discernment and reality testing skills, Loki's been there to help me. At one point, when I was hospitalized due to suicidal depression with psychotic features, I was given a strong antipsychotic because the symptoms had become unbearable. I was doubting everything about my spirituality and life at that point. Loki said quietly to me, "Can you hear me now?" And for the first time since the psychotic symptoms had begun, I could hear him. There was silence in my head and I wasn't hallucinating, Loki truly was speaking to me. My gratitude was (and remains) profound.

Loki is a god of chaos. Mental illness is chaotic, or at least the grab bag of disorders that I have is. Every hospitalization, he's made his presence known and reminded me that I wasn't alone in there. Odin has done the same. Loki has been with me through some horrific stuff and regularly validates me when I have a mild flashback or memories surface. Just as Beloved has been a supportive and loving spouse (willing to call me out when I'm about to do something dumb or encouraging me when I'm chasing my dreams, he's always been there), so has Loki. Before the romantic entanglement, there was a long standing friendship, in both cases. It's part of the reason why the relationship works.

July for Loki: Post No. 5 - Giving Gifts

Dear Reader,

Gift giving is a big thing in the Norse culture, especially in the ancient culture. The words of wisdom attributed to Odin warns one is better off refusing a gift if they can not give one in return that it at least equal in weight, lest they be in debt to the giver. (Havamal, line 144) I give gifts daily to Loki and the other gods. In the morning, I put a cup of coffee on the altar for them. When events happen that bear his hand prints, such as strangely good fortune, I offer him alcohol. I've given him the gift of poetry. I've given him the gift of charitable donations made in his name. I've given Loki many gifts over the years.

In return, he has given many as well. He has brought myself and my family good fortune. He has warned us of danger and turned away disaster. For all the fickleness of his sense of humor, Loki has been a true and loyal care giver to myself and my family. Strange things may happen, like when my husband's lucky coin vanished for a week to reappear (after laundry had been done and many trips about had happened) in the exact zippered pocket he keeps it in. Loki is a friend of my family in ways that many people don't think a god can be.

That is because they have forgotten or were never taught that a gift freely given is a blessing and will be answered with an equal gift in due time. Loki has his days where he's grumpy and he's not "happy-fun-ball" Loki. But everyone has those days. When I can tell that his day is not going well, I try to give a little extra kindness to show that I love and support him just as he loves and supports me. I'm not sure how big of an influence it is on his day. He is a god who has a lot on his place as being an elemental force of reality ensouled. But, I try to bring him as much humor and care as he has brought me.

July for Loki: Post No. 4 - Liminal Spaces & Crossing Lines

Dear Reader,

Loki is a god that many point out occupies a difficult to fully comprehend position within the Norse pantheon. He is a god of transgression and reparations. He is a god who speaks truths that no one wants to hear and is well known for his lies. Loki is both part of the inner society of the Aesir and an outsider at the same time. To say that he is a god of contradictions is to over simplify things.

The Sky-Treader occupies a place where he is in between all these things. He is similar to Janus of the Roman pantheon, albeit only with respect to he is a god of liminal spaces. He is a god of places where transition happens. He is not exactly the one who draws the line in the sand as much as he is the one who stands right on it and says, "So, what are you going to do? I haven't crossed it with more than my toes."

Loki is a god that encourages us to grow past our self drawn limitations. For a time, I was phobic of spiders to the point that I would cry out and cover my eyes if I had even seen a little one. Loki made a point one year of making me face that phobia, that self drawn line in the sand (a subconscious line, but a line none the less). We were inundated with spiders. They were randomly dropping down out of the ceiling. They got into the pantry. They made massive, complex webs across the front porch and in the tree out front. They were, quite literally, unavoidable. I had to force myself to look at what the big deal with spiders was for me.

Through that experience of forced exposure therapy, I have come to where I don't panic at the sight of a spider now. I get uncomfortable and a bit anxious, but I don't panic. The limitation that I had placed on myself was that I had to avoid spiders to be safe. I was thrust over that line in the sand with a hearty push to realize that while I'm not comfortable with spiders, most of them in and around our home are safe. This is but one of the experiences like that which Loki has provided me in facing my fears.

The trick with crossing lines is knowing what the cost is and if it is worth it. And, in some cases, how to talk your way out of someone getting a bit extreme in their interpretation of the line. After all, Loki promised Brock and Sindri his head, not one inch of his neck, and he reminded them of it. Fast talk is one of his gifts, as is a keen wit. Put the two together, you can get out of just about any sticky situation.

July for Loki: Post No. 3 - UPG: He LOVES children.

Dear Reader,

It is my experience that Flame-Hair loves children. And, let's be honest, the little chaos engines are cute. He is actively involved in the lives of his children in the common gnosis of modern Lokeans. He is an affectionate father and, again, as per common gnosis of modern worshipers, he does his best to be an active presence in their lives. Some have argued on the basis of this gnosis that Loki, not Odin, would be the god of fatherhood (or motherhood in some cases, parenting in general?).

When I am at wits end and I am asking deity for help with my boys, Loki is one of the first I call out to. His solutions to problems are unconventional, inventive, and often work just right with my boisterous kids. Déa has solutions as well, and they do work, but Loki's perspective seems to fit better with my kids. (If a deity were to be described as having ADHD, I'd put my money on it being Loki.)

July for Loki: Post No. 2 - Why Loki?

Dear Reader,

People with even a passing familiarity with Loki have asked me why I am devoted to him? It's a very simple answer, Loki's stuck by me through everything. I had a rough childhood and Loki was there pointing out the clever ways I could get myself out of the way and out of mind from the people who were intent on forcing me into being someone I was not. Loki helped me stay true to myself, even when I got all mixed up and wandered off into other random directions away from him. Loki stuck around and waited.

When I got to a point where my spiritual life was more settled, Loki made himself known more often. He has been my luck bringer for a long time. From the time that I was first aware of his presence to recent history, Loki has been an inspiration to grow, adapt, and change to my circumstances. Loki helped me in times of crisis even though the solutions he provided were not as gentle as some would have preferred. 

He is also a protector of my family. Where others have strange and unpleasant things happen, we generally have strange and beneficial (albeit confusing) things happen. He has brought us a great deal of happiness in all to weirdness that surrounds our home. And he has driven away problems before they could really manifest as a difficulty for us.

July for Loki: Post No. 1 - Sai Vikhë and Loki: Parallels

Dear Reader,

Within orthodox Filianism and Déanism, Sai Vikhë is the janya of discord and strife (among other things). Some find it difficult to reconcile Sai Vikhë's discordiant qualities with the fact that she is a Face of Déa. I offer the following in an attempt to show that Sai Vikhë is an engine of creation despite the fact that she is associated with destruction. I also offer the following to give a bit of a deeper view of what I see the relationship between Sai Vikhë and trickster/chaos deities. (Sai Mati is also a trickster, but I will be covering that in another post.)

On the surface of things, Sai Vikhë is a potentially malefic Face of Déa because her presence brings discord, strife, and general inconvenience. She is associated with the decline of the world from the perfection of the beginning, noted as the Janya who holds sway over the Age of Iron that is the nadir of the greater cycle of Ages where things are at their greatest distance from the perfection of Déa. This makes it pretty easy to see Sai Vikhë as a potential "bad guy" or "dangerous figure" when considering aspects of Déa to approach. This is because discord, strife, and all related topics have a connotation that is generally negative.

I say, however, that we forget the positive connotations of Sai Vikhë and other trickster/chaos figures when we focus in this fashion. Loki is more than a god of mischief. He is also a god of inventiveness and cleverness. Like Sai Vikhë, he is associated with discord, strife, and most of the related topics. Sai Vikhë and Loki, however, are the entropy that prevents the universe from collapsing into utter stillness and oblivion. In Filianic terms, Sai Vikhë is a manifestation of Our Lady's saving Love holding things in existence in the face of oblivion. Sai Vikhë is associated with fire and its heat. Loki is a fire deity (his birth is from lightning striking a pine needle if you read the names of his parents literally). Both are unpredictable.

Both are kindly inclined towards humanity. Where Sai Vikhë will defend Déa's children from the demonic servants and children of the Dark Queen, Loki assists Thor (the defender of Midgard, the realm of humanity) in his efforts in an on going series of battles with other jotnar who would do harm to Midgard. There is a tale, the Loka Tattur, that speaks of Loki saving a farmer's child when other gods are unable to do so through cunning and guile. It is my opinion that there are other such tales lost to history because of the complex political environment of the Christianization of the peoples who believed in the Germanic and Norse gods didn't promote a "good guy" chaos bringer.

If you take a survey of Loki's modern worshipers, you will find that they generally describe him as chaotic-good with a dash of chaotic-neutral in the mix. His worship has been shaped by the information that we have gleaned from the post-Christianization period where the work of preserving the tales was more like Jacob Grimm's efforts to save folk tales and adding his own twist to make them more interesting to readers of his period. Sai Vikhë does not have as rich of a body of literature surrounding her thus taking her measure from the writings of historical documents is challenging.

In my experience, I have found that Sai Vikhë is a bit of a fickle janya. She expresses Déa's love in ways that seem counter-intuitive. She is the one who brings the challenges that we must grow through to become our best selves. She is, at the same time, the one who guides us through these challenges. Sai Vikhë has a sense of humor that seems a bit odd at times and a touch grim because she views all things through the lens of her role within the pantheon. Sai Vikhë, as the janya of strife, is equipped to strike down the demons formed from khear. She may be joyous in her work or solemn. Her attitude is difficult to gauge because she is mercurial in her humor (a similarity she has with Sai Mati in her trickster aspect).

And where Loki is associated with Ragnarok (which I believe is a cyclical process where all things are destroyed to begin anew afterwards), Sai Vikhë is associated with the Age of Iron. I don't believe that either of these things make them 'evil' any more than we are evil for sweeping away a cobweb. Loki is the harbinger of change. Sai Vikhë is as well. They are also the essence of change, which is a chaotic and disruptive experience where we are shaken out of our familiar, cozy setting and set upon a new adventure by the Divine.