An Explanation of Sayings.

Dear Reader,

It gladdens my heart that many of you are finding A Year with Dea to be of use and comfort to you. There is a question that has arisen about the sayings that I have quoted that are not canonical. While I have included a reference to the text those sayings are contained in, I think it better that I tell you the story of them in addition to what you can find in Drowning in Light.

I have had visions of Dea since I was young. My experiences with her have been confusing at times but always a comfort. My first vision happened September of 1991. I went to the woods to meditate, for I was still learning this practice and the woods was where I could escape the distractions of my parents' house. A vision came over me. I was in a place of white light. The light emanated from something so bright it blinded me. I vaguely saw a female shape but the light was so brilliant that I couldn't look on it to see her features. A voice filled the air. It spoke my name and I felt like I was in a ringing bell. The air vibrated and I could feel the vibration from that voice fill me. When my vision returned, I was no longer sitting against the tree but rather laying flat on the ground as though I prostrated myself before something.

I didn't speak of my vision to anyone. I knew that my parents would be hostile towards me for it and accuse me of making things up. I was twelve and afraid of the reaction anyone would have had towards me for it. The household I grew up in did not consider the supernatural as more than anything for a laugh and cheap movie tricks, at best. A few weeks later, in late October, I was again in the woods behind my parents' house. A voice filled the air. It was a sweet sounding female voice. It called my name and I looked around to see who could possibly be there. Then, before I could call out to see if anyone was present, the voice said to me, "All who believe are kin." In that moment, I knew that I was having some kind of spiritual experience. For the voice that spoke had the same feeling of being within a bell as happened with my first vision of her. I ran home, frightened that I was in some manner of trouble for even having an experience that my upbringing had so firmly denied.

The statement echoed. It echoed in ways that did not make sense to me at that age, not knowing much of anything about anything religious at all. Still, I looked at the different faiths in the world and saw how they were all related. I saw how everyone who had faith were somehow kin to each other, including they who had nihilistic beliefs, for they had faith in their own beliefs. Somehow, I didn't understand it, but somehow the capacity for faith had made us all kin.

Recurring dreams of a woman of queenly bearing in white and blue happened for months. In these dreams, she held flowers and walked in a garden more lovely then I had ever seen on Earth. She was always dressed as a great queen of the high middle ages. I struggled to understand the fact I kept having this dream. At the same time, I was in the midst of my early spiritual training as a witch. Thus, meditation was a thing I practiced daily and I kept a detailed journal of what came of it, as I did of my dreams as well. I came to the conclusion that the Lady in my dreams was a goddess of some kind. (At this time, I was unfamiliar with Catholicism and only had a vague concept that Mary was revered by them. For all my fascination with the middle ages, I was more interested in the stories of knights wooing their loves than I was with the era. After all, I was twelve.)

It was in the midst of all of these dreams and my confusion that I had my second vision of Dea. It was late November. I had gone off to the woods with out my parent's permission and in secret (and rather recklessly, I confess now for it was at the beginning of hunting season) to meditate where I had my first vision. It was chilly and the poplar leaves were on the ground now instead of a few up in the trees still. I was in a garden filled with flowers. At the center of the garden there was a noble Lady. She held lilies in her right hand and roses in her left. A silver circlet was on her brow. She wore a white wimple and veil. Her gown was a dark blue, almost cobalt in color. She held out the flowers to me and said, “Come, my chosen daughter.”

When it had passed and I hastened home, my mother complained that I stank of roses, as though I had bathed in perfume. I hadn't any perfume and the distance from where I had been to my parents' kitchen should have been enough to have muted the scent just because of the wind blowing. I didn't say anything of the vision because my mother was already irate that I smelled as I did and I was fairly sure I was going to be punished if I said anything that sounded strange to her.

Over the years, through out my education and studies, I sought to find and know the Lady who had claimed me as I sat in a grove of winter-ready poplar trees on a hillside. It lead me through many different paths and many different ways. In the progress of it all, I discovered that the Lady was not the only deity out there who took interest in me. But, she was always there. Always. At one point, I thought perhaps I was to become Christian and that was the meaning of this all. Then I had the confusing "It's not you, it's me," conversation with Jesus, where he said I was very clearly not one of his people, though I was a very nice and good person.

Filianism made itself known to me in 2005. I was at a dark place in my life and said that it clearly couldn't be the right path. After all, I had all of these OTHER gods around me and I deal with spirits and the dead. I was a witch, how could I be of that faith and be one at the same time, right? Filianism continued to come up as a theme time and again. When I started this blog, I finally stopped avoiding what was right in front of me.

I am a seer. Dea or perhaps one of the other gods, I honestly don't know, has given me this gift. Sometimes it seems a curse because what I see is so tragic. Sometimes I feel as though I'm going crazy. For a time, I honestly thought that my spiritual experiences simply had to be my imagination running away with me or perhaps hallucinations. Until I started having hallucinations, which was horrific. My spiritual experiences didn't go away with the hallucinations. They became the lifeline that helped me endure them until I hit a point of absolute crisis.

I'm on medication now for my psychological illnesses. One would logically expect for these spiritual experiences to cease when they are on high doses of antipsychotic medication for an extended period of time. They have not. They continue with a good degree of regularity, waxing and waning with the seasons in some cases. In others, they're just random and daily. But the sayings in the book I published and that I referenced in my other book, they have been said to me by Dea and the angels.

I am humbled by them. I am guided by them. And, I live in some degree of holy awe of them. My relationships with Dea and the angels is different from my relationships with Loki and Freyr. Dea is my mother, my Lady, and the source of all wisdom. From her all of my other loves stem. But, Dea claimed me as her priestess an a cool autumn day when I was hiding from my parents and siblings, giving me a place of refuge for my spirit that I was desperately seeking.

Godspousery Notes: Why aren't you writing?

I had opportunities to write and blog over the last several days. Sure, it was five minutes here and five minutes there, but it was time. I, however, avoided it because I was anxious. Then, last night as I was staring at the computer consumed with the feeling that I was a complete fraud and everyone was going to realize I had no idea what I was doing, Loki popped up.

Now, this is typically Freyr's season. So, Loki showing up was a surprise. He just looked at me and said, "Why aren't you writing?"

I answered, "I don't feel like I'm good enough."

He retorted with "Why aren't you writing?"

We went back and forth for around a minute with my listing off my anxieties. Then he said to me, "You know, all of that is why you edit. You should be writing." And then he was off and away to go do something somewhere else. And I started writing. I still don't feel happy about what I'm writing, but he was correct in saying all of the problems I was worrying about are ones that get resolved in the editing process.

Gemstones and the Janyati

What I have been working on today. Compiling a list of stones and their associations with the janyati for use in beading devotional jewelry. My notes are all over the place and I've only a partial list. You will find that there are stones with meanings that overlap and stones that are shared between different janyati. I find it interesting how many are associated with Sai Raya and Sai Vikhë. This is the table I'm working on for the rosary book's section on how to construct one. This is but a partial list. I expect the table in the book to be larger. I will likely be reorganizing it by the names of the stones in alphabetical order. But, this is a work in progress.

Stone	Meaning & Janya
Quartz, clear	Calming, Sai Candre
Citrine	Warming, Sai Raya
Quartz, smokey	Grounding, Sai Rhavë
Diamond	Clarifying, Sai Raya, Sai Thamë
Quartz, rose	Love, Sai Thamë, Sai Sushuri
Hematite	Grounding and courage, Sai Rhavë, Sai Vikhë
Blood stone	Vitality, Sai Vikhë
Pearl	Peace, Sai Candre, Sai Sushuri
Agate	Protection, Sai Vikhë
Goldstone	Prosperity, Sai Raya
Onyx	Protection, Sai Vikhë, Sai Rhavë
Amythest	Clarity of thought, Sai Thamë, Sai Mati
Garnet	Courage, Sai Vikhë
Topaz	Wisdom, Sai Mati
Zircon	Spiritual growth, all janyati

Wednesday Rambling

Dear Reader,

This has been a busy week and it is only Wednesday! Some of the chaos has been my children having half days from school and now the rest of the week off. They are pros at distracting me. Some of the chaos has been running from appointment to appointment over the last few days. Today has been the first day that I got to sit down and just do nothing for a little while.

Did I do nothing? Nope, unless you count falling asleep for a half hour as doing nothing. Aside from that, I have been doing research on gemstones and their associations. I have been editing the book regarding the Filianic rosary that I wrote, and working on a fantasy novel, while trying to figure out the kinks of the transition between CreateSpace and Kindle Direct Publishing.

I have also been managing the kids, trying to get some housework done, and figure out what I can bring to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents-in-law's house tomorrow. It looks like I'll be making almond bread and some kind of zucchini dish. I'm kind of anxious about food because I am still figuring out what on earth I am doing with food as a diabetic. I'm sure that inspiration will hit and things will turn out well.

I'm just a ball of anxiety right now.

Video post no: 18 - Song 2

Because I know that many of you are curious how the new work for the next edition of Rose Petals: A Filianic Psalter is coming along, here's Song 2. If you decide to put this to music, please attribute the lyrics back to me and contact me. Because I'd like to collaborate with you to come up with some hymns. This is a copywrite protected piece but I wanted to share it with you. And because I'm the original creator, I get to do fun stuff like that. Share it with attribution, please.

Song 2

Glory, oh Glory to the Mother
Shining wonder of all wonders
The Mother sends her Light into all dark places
Oh lamp of liberation
All glory be upon the Daughter
Light born of Light
The Daughter is the breaker of our traces
Glory, oh Glory to Deam Mysterium
Gatherer of the light of heavens
Light beyond all light
Our home beyond all places

(copyright 2018)

No video this week.

Dear Reader,

I apologize for the lack of a video post this week. I've been so busy today working on book stuff that I completely forgot about making a video until just now. And, well, my son is home from school and eager to discuss everything with me. We're currently under a winter storm warning right now. The snow has just moved into the area. It's still pretty light. I'm not sure if we're going to get enough to bring down limbs, as some of the trees still have leaves on them. I'm hoping that won't be the case. But over the next day or two, we're projected to get up to a half foot of snow.

My joints are not super painful, which makes me optimistic that the weather won't be too harsh. Beloved calls me the human barometer (with nothing but affection and good hearted teasing) because of how my arthritis gets before serious weather moves in. My real concern is the possibility of ice. I just saw the first of the county snow plows go by dropping salt and sand. Hopefully, the real bulk of the weather will wait until after Beloved gets home from work. My youngest has been hoping, asking, and praying for a blizzard to get everyone a four day weekend. I don't think this will be it, but who knows.

Wednesday rambling.

Image from Pexels.com

Dear Reader,

It's been a busy couple of days. The weekend was spend focusing on chores. Today has been a day recovering from poor sleep last night. Monday the children had off from school, which made getting pretty much anything done hard. For some reason, they bicker more when their schedule gets disrupted. I'm sure there's a connection there.

I have completed another rough draft. This is the psychic's handbook that I was working on for the last three years. This makes two books finished during NaNoWriMo. True, I started them earlier, but they are completed now. This year is the year I am working on getting caught up on unfinished projects. With the demise of the desktop computer, I discovered that the second half of posts I had lined up earlier are just gone. So, I will be rewriting content, hopefully making something better than it was last time.

I am vexed with the fact that I have lost a good amount of content due to issues with back up storage. I am seriously considering investing in some form of storage device where I can keep copies of things like my books. I am also seriously contemplating burning books to CD in PDF format. This way if someone wants to purchase a copy of all of my Filianic writings in one shot, they can with out any screwy problems due to format issues with the publication process. I have to first learn how to burn stuff to CD with the laptop. It theoretically has this function, I have never used it.

As it gets closer to spring, I will be posting more excerpts from things that I will be releasing then. I have a few more irons in the fire right now. I am presently working on organizing the main blog so that there are index pages that will let you jump to the topic and entry you are looking for. I am going to be reworking some of my material, but I will be keeping the originals here as an archive.

I am realizing that there is a lot of intersection between my personal life and what I have going on here with my blog goals. This is not a bad thing, but I need to filter the serious information material out so that you can tell what entries are my rambling about my life and what entries are about topics like theology. This is a project that is going to take me a couple of months. I hope to have it all sorted out by the beginning of February, if the holidays don't eat too much of my time.

High Holidays: Filianic

Eastre

Florimaia

Exaultation

Rosa Mundi

• Blessed Solstice & Rosa Mundi 2016

Chelayna

• Autumn:Harvest and Creation 2018

Cuviyana

• Autumn: Harvest and Creation 2018

Tamala

• Tamala/Samhain 2018
• A Shrine for the Beloved Dead 2014

Nativity

• Yuletide 2015
• Advent Begins 2015

Lucaid

Amity Day

• Love is Love is Love 2017

Moura Day

• The Season of Moura 2018
• Moura Day 2016
• Moura Eve 2016

Kala

• Eve of Kala Thoughts 2018

Hiatus

• Hiatus and Equinox 2017

This page will be updated as the relevant posts are collated and put here.

Spiritual Hygiene

Spiritual cleansing: Personal Cleansing

Spiritual cleansing: Items

Spiritual cleansing: Places

Divination: Runes

Introduction

Lesson 1: Intro part II

Lesson 2: History

Lesson 3: Reading Techniques

Meanings

Divination: Rune Meanings.

Runes are an ancient written language. As a divination system, history is unclear how they were used. Modern divination with runes really came to the fore in the 1980s with the success of Ralph Blum's The Book of the Runes. Countless websites propose different meanings for the runes. Given below is an abbreviated version that I use in my readings. One may find that the runes have different names if you look them up on different websites. The names used here are the variants that I was taught when I first started learning to read them.

There are different techniques for reading the runes. Those will be covered in my next divination post.

Rune	Meaning - Direct	Meaning – Reversed
Feho	Luck, possessions earned	Loss of wealth, poor luck
Ur	Courage, strength	Cowardice, weakness
Thorn	Tendency towards change	Danger, defenselessness
Ansuz	Blessings, power of speech	Misunderstanding, manipulation
Rad	Seeing a larger perspective	Irrationality, injustice
Cen	Passion, sexual vitality	Illusion of false hope
Gyfu	Gifts	N/A
Wynn	Comfort, pleasure	Loss of comfort and pleasure
Hagalaz	Crisis	N/A
Nyd	Delays, innovation	Distress, poverty
Isa	Mental block to progress	Treachery
Ger	Cycles of the universe	N/A
Eoh	Enlightenment, trustworthiness	Confusion, weakness
Poerdh	Knowledge of future things	Stagnation
Algiz	Follow your instincts	Hidden danger
Sowilu	Honor, success	Gullibility, false goals
Tyr	Willingness to self-sacrifice	Strife, conflict
Boerc	Love affair, new birth	Anxiety about a loved one
Ehwis	Movement for the better	Feeling restless
Manuz	Expect to receive assistance	Expect no help at this time
Laguz	Success in travel	Poor decisions, confusion
Ingwaz	Familial ties	N/A
Dagaz	Time to begin a new enterprise	N/A
Othala	Fundamental values	Ties that bind you

The chart above is an excerpt from a forthcoming book I have been working on. More details and excerpts from the book will be shared as I get closer to the release date next spring.

Recommendation: Internet edition.

Dear Reader,

If you haven't checked out the Internet Sacred Texts archive, you really should. There's tons of great information on pretty much every topic you can think of. Their digital occult library is fantastic. This is a site where you can do deep research on obscure things. Their digital reproduction of J.G. Frazer's The Golden Bough is excellent, for example. If you can't find what you're looking for elsewhere, check this site out. They've been around since the 90s and are 100% supported by donations. If you were looking for a good place to donate money to help preserve our cultural heritage, this is one of the ones I would recommend as well.

Video post delayed.

Dear Reader,

Video posts are delayed right now because I have caught a cold. Hopefully next week, I will have my voice back. In the meantime, I am drinking tea and writing tons of words on my current project. I am working on a handbook for psychics. It will cover multiple forms of being psychic as well as multiple forms of divination.Some of the divination content may look familiar because it has been addressed in previous blog posts. As I get a bit closer to the end of this project, I'll post up an excerpt for you to take a peek at.

Dea bless.

As seen on my Tumblr account

Photo by JUAN CARLOS LEVA from Pexels

Observe the Holy Child turns from the Mother towards the fallen. So it is that love flows outward from the very beginning of the Holy Child’s days. Blessed are we upon whom the Holy Child gazes upon with mercy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have been thinking about devotional lives. Not everyone is called to a life of solitude and prayer. But there are many who are called to devote themselves to their deities. I think that the deities turn towards us even as we turn towards them. That the devotional life is a life of communication and communion with the divine. And I think that is beautiful and should be embraced in all communities. Because the people who go to the divine come back to the community with wonders to share because of their special relationship.

Wednesday Ramblings.

Dear Reader,

I am in the process of finishing up projects right now. It is NaNoWriMo. This year, instead of starting a new project and trying to hit 50k words by the end of the month, my goal is to finish up books I have already started. I just finished the first draft of the rosary book (title is yet to be determined, but there have been some great suggestions). Also, I am working on a handbook for psychics. That's been a project in the works for about three years. I am about 10k words from finishing it. I hope to have that done within the next week.

I paused in writing poems and prayers for the updated version of Rose Petals to work on this stuff. If I can hit my goals before the thanksgiving break, I'll get back to that project. In the works on that one is a wider range of prayers, better organization of the prayers, and hopefully some songs that can be sung. I don't know how to write music, but I can sing to some extent. So, if I get to where I am writing songs, you will find I'm posting some youtube videos with my singing the lyrics I have written.

I'm going to try to base at least some of my lyrics on English, Irish, and American folk tunes. If I do accomplish that, I will note what folk song they are set to to make it easier to sing them. I got the idea from a Presbyterian Christian hymnal that had songs written based on other hymns in the book and at least one based on a folk song.

Exciting News!

Dear Reader,

I have been working on a book about the rosary for the last month. I just finished the first draft. I could use your help. I am at a loss for a title. Please, post your suggestions in the comments!

Dea bless.

Adoration of the Dark Mother.

Dear Reader,

Much has been written about adoration of the Bright Mother and her Daughter. The Dark Mother is equally worthy of adoration. Perhaps Deam Mysterium is not written about because she is mysterious and hard to describe. Perhaps the Absolute Deity is too intimidating to approach because of how vast she is. When one is in the ocean, one is surrounded by the ocean. This can be terrifying. And yet, the ocean remains surrounding the person regardless if they close their eyes to it or not.

It is not unnatural to be uneasy with that which surpasses us. It is a survival trait that has served humanity and the rest of life upon this planet quite well, hence why we still live. At the same time, as thinking beings, we have the capacity to transcend that discomfort and engage with the overwhelming things that surround us. If we did not, humanity would never have built boats to sail upon the ocean with, aircraft to soar the skies, or spacecraft to explore the stars.

Such daring can be brought to our love of Dea. Though the Dark Mother is the light that blinds us, we can still love in our blindness. A child within the womb is blind but surrounded by their mother's love regardless of the blindness. We can adore Deam Mysterium with the pure simplicity of a child's love. Through that love which the Dark Mother gives us in return, she is the darkness that reveals mysteries.

In all things, let us love Dea as she loves us. Unconditionally and simply.

Godspousery notes: Why aren't you writing...?

Dear Reader,

I was struggling with chores when Freyr popped up and asked me why I wasn't writing. I was about to say something about how I didn't have time. That was when he pointedly looked at the pile of dishes and said "They're not going anywhere. I'll make sure they don't escape you." I wasn't sure if I was going to laugh or be exasperated. When Freyr does deadpan, it's hard to tell. He's really good at it.

Godspousery Notes: Stop taking it so seriously.

Dear Reader,

I was having a crisis of confidence in my writing last week. I was working hard, I was being serious about it. And suddenly my play list changed. A nordic drinking song came on and completely derailed my train of thought. The message was clear, stop thinking so hard about everything. And get a drink.

Video Post. 17: Support your local witchy author

I have no transcript for the above video because it took me three tries to come up with content. It's not one of my best videos. I'd have maybe given it one more try except for the fact that one of the kids is home making tons of noise now. Because 'YAY! IT'S FRIDAY!'

That said, I posted an update on how the rosary book is coming. I'm half through my outline but I am not going to say that I am half through my text because I'm honestly not sure how long this will be. I am confident that it will be a novella length work, but it might be a novelette length.

I have works available for purchase through Lulu.com. The paperback books are of standard quality. The proof copies that I have are proving pretty sturdy and I go through them on a daily basis. The ebooks are Epub format on Lulu. I'm having technical difficulties getting them distributed through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other outlets because Lulu and those companies are having some kind of technical glitch they are working out. (I suspect this is somehow related to the CreateSpace and Kindle Direct Publishing merger, but it is possible I'm quite wrong.)

If you enjoy my work and my blog, please support me. You can do so by recommending my works to your associates and friends, or anyone you think might be interested. You can purchase my books. I am also making my books available via PDF for a donation. The way this will work is that you contact me at cydira13@yahoo.com and inform me which text you are looking for. Then you make a donation. Once the donation is processed through paypal (see the link on the sidebar for where you can donate), I will send you the PDF.

If you just want to donate, that would be exceptional. Any amount helps. It funds the process of producing these books, maintaining the altar that I keep for the gods, candles and other supplies required for ritual prayers on people's behalf, and magical supplies.

I do have a spell casting service and a spell writing service. (See the services offered page.) I also offer tarot readings, rune readings, and spiritual advice. All of this can be funded through paypal.

Tamala/Samhain

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger from Pexels

Dear Reader,

Please forgive my lack of posts over the last few days. I have been sick with a cold. I seem to be on the mend, thank the good gods for that. I'm going to make something of a personal post here about this holiday. Samhain (pronounces sow-en) has always been a special time of year for me. Partly because I love how it is one of the few pagan holidays embraced by the over culture (albeit in a very shallow and materialistic way). Partly because I find it easier to spend time with my beloved dead.

I keep a shrine for the dead and give them daily offerings (when life isn't too hectic and I remember). I talk with them regularly. It's like sitting down with them over a cup of coffee and just keeping them up to date about what is going on in my life. I treat them, in many ways, as though they are still alive and with me. Because, death is but stepping through a doorway into another room that we can not follow through in life.

In the last few years, the secular aspect of this holiday has begun to grate on my nerves. Perhaps it is because the weather's been poor and the kids didn't get to go trick-or-treating. (With young children, that equals a meltdown of epic proportions after a day of school getting them hyped up for the hunt for treats.) Perhaps it is because I want to do more formal observances but it is hard because I have young children. In either case, I've been feeling less joy and more curmudgeonly annoyance with it all.

As people around me focus on the 'spooky' elements, I get annoyed. Skeletons are cool and all, but the likelihood of them rising up from the grave is pretty small. Dragur are spiritual beings, not physical. The images of blood sucking vampires are laughable in their grotesqueness. But they don't mention anything about the fact that there are spiritual beings that are about this time of year that are pretty nasty. Some of the stories about how Samhain is the 'devil's night' hold a little bit of truth to them.

Haunted locations become more active. The spirit-bothered people get to deal with even more clamoring for attention. Strange things happen this time of year just because the energies are running weird compared to the off season. But, people get so focused on gorge themselves with candy and throw wild parties that they forget that randomly playing with magic is a bad idea. Those stories about the person who played with a ouija board and wound up with the thing getting haunted, at least 80% of them took place around Samhain. Because the veil between the physical and the spiritual world is thinner and pretty much anyone can move between them regardless of aptitude for such magic.

This is how people get spirited off by the fair folk. I'm absolutely sure that some of the missing people are off in another realm because they got lost. And their bodies, inhabited by changelings who wanted to see what human life was all about. So they're off living another life with out little if any recollection of their life before because they've been taken over by a spiritual being. I may get looked at as weird for this belief. I've seen enough weird stuff, however, this belief actually looks kinda logical.

♥