I have been struggling with depression. It makes me feel like my brain is gelatinous and I'm trying to think through mud. One may ask, how does depression impact spiritual activity? It's a good question and I'll try to answer it. It is like being wrapped up in a wet wool blanket that covers your face and ears along with everything else. You can sort of perceive what is going on but it is difficult and the information is garbled.
For this reason, I put of doing tarot readings for myself when I am in this state because I just stare at the pretty pictures and wonder why I am not getting anything from the cards. If the depression is mild, I can still read for other people with relatively high accuracy. But for myself or a situation that I am close to (like how to move forward after abandoning Keen's platform) is really difficult because the impressions are clouded and colored by my depression. I tend to take a fatalistic approach to the reading, or I just get gibberish.
If I am in a state of panic, all bets are off. I am too caught up in my anxiety to think clearly about mundane things never mind anything mystical. Combine panic with depression and my brain chemistry soup is toxic. It is just a bad time in my head because I can't get out of the past trauma that plays on repeat in a loop of flashbacks. It's bitterly ironic that severe depression is a trigger for my PTSD. If I'm at that place, I'm useless for anything magical or spiritual because I'm locked into a fight/flight state. At best, I can accomplish a prayer to Deity to help me get out of that state.
I'm not as bad as I used to be because I have a great psychiatrist who works with me. He has helped me avoid the really bad depressive episodes that trigger my PTSD hard core. He also doesn't judge me on my spirituality or anything else like that. Having a support like that is beyond worth its weight in gold. A good support system when you are depressed is like a good support system when you're sick in any other way. Having caring people who try to understand and help you through your period of weakness is pure magic. People who remind you to do the mundane self-care things that you might forget in the fog of illness and can do little tasks like help out with the dishes once in a while is enormously helpful. Virtual support networks from friends on-line are just as helpful. They can give you that extra push to go to therapy on the day where you're honestly not sure if you have the spoons for it. They can listen and give good advice on how to resolve the brain fog related problems that pop up (like staring into your fridge for about 10 minutes wondering how on earth you're going to make dinner when you have sandwich fixings).
And, don't forget, you also have your spiritual support network as well. Brain fog may have eaten where you put your car keys but the Good Folk that have taken a shine to you may put them in the most obvious place ever for you to literally trip over them. Gods can do wondrous things but sometimes the biggest miracle of the day is them granting you the endurance to get through when you are at the end of your rope.
No comments:
Post a Comment