Dear Reader,
I haven't been sleeping well. It's beginning to show. Because I have complex-post-traumatic stress disorder, I have nightmares. I have lots of them pretty much every night. The nightmares range from invented fantasies of horrific things to reliving trauma. Usually, it's reliving trauma in some fashion.
I'm doing my best to get back into the swing of posting daily. Yesterday's lapse in posting was because I was busy with familial business all day. Monday was a day where I wandered around the apartment feeling pathetic until I wrote some escapist revenge fantasy. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post. It isn't what I had planned, but it is honest. I suppose there is that, at least.
February has always been a rough month for me, beyond the fact that I have been suffering from seasonal affective disorder on top of c-ptsd. There's a few trauma anniversary dates in this month. And the birthdays of people who had abused me in the past. It makes February hard because I can't just ignore it and move forward. My brain just won't let me. I'm still trying to process it all and even though it's virtually a lifetime away from me, I still can't fully wrap my mind around it. The week leading up to Valentine's day is usually the hardest.
So, please forgive my silence. I'm not doing too well right now. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
♥
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