Godspousery: WTF is it?

 Dear Reader,

You may have heard of the term 'godspouse' and wondered what on earth it means. You may have seen some people refer to themselves as 'godspouses' and wondered if their grip on reality was slipping. You may have seen the numerous posts referring to godspouses as overly imaginative/obsessed fangirls of a certain deity. Being a godspouse myself, I can assure you that it is a real type of relationship one can have with deities. And that it doesn't mean that you have to give up an ounce of sanity nor that you are overly imaginative.

Before I get into the details about the relationship dynamic of godspousery, I need to address the overwhelming degree of loathing and disparaging commentary that gets directed at godspouses. There is a large sector of the community that has a problem with the concept of someone being married to a deity. Their arguments range from accusations of hubris (i.e. you're not that special, get over yourself) to accusations of mental instability (i.e. you're hallucinating all of this, you sicko) to even accusations of being deceived by malevolent entities (i.e. you are a puppet of the devil¹). The majority of the bias against godspouses comes out of the Christian over-culture. The only form of godspousery that is recognized within that context is that of Christian nuns and priests. Conveniently forgetting that there are monks who have this type of relationship. And even the Christian form of godspousery gets sneered at because they are described as not 'really' thinking that they're married to Jesus. This bias is most predominant in locations where the over-culture is very strongly Protestant Christian, typically of the evangelical/Dominionist variety.

There is plenty of historical records of godspousery across the world's religions. It is an established form of relationship with deity. Not all relationships with deity are going to be parent-child dynamics where the deity is the parent. There are going to be relationships where deity is the beloved and the human is the lover. That's godspousery in a nutshell. There are other dynamics that happen between deity and humanity, but they go beyond the scope of this post.

Godspousery is a very intimate relationship with the Divine. It passes through multiple stages, at times seemingly to move through them in a sequential order and at other times cycling through the stages at random. This is true of most any relationship. The fact that one is involved with a deity (or a spirit, but that's also another post for another day) is a lot like being in a long distance relationship with a mortal lover who's opportunities for communication are somewhat limited. There are challenges but the relationship can be maintained despite them if both parties are determined enough to make it work.

I mentioned earlier that there are stages to this sort of relationship. Here's a brief summary of them.

• Introduction - This is where both parties of the relationship are introduced to each other. This may be a case where the deity expresses their desire for a relationship via a medium. Or it may be the case of a person expressing their desire for a relationship to the deity.
  
  
• Courtship -  The courtship phase is not too different from the courtship phase of mortal relationships. There is mutual gift giving, mutual expressions of admiration, and mutual efforts to gain the affection of the beloved. The gifts given can be offerings to the deity, works done in their name, or artistic expression in the deities name by the mortal lover. On the deity side of the ledger, gifts given range wildly. It can be anything from a windfall of good fortune to random objects appearing. It can appear as a repeating theme in music that is randomly playing. (I call that Shufflemancy and I consider it a form of divination. I'll explain the basics of that next week.)
  
  
• Oaths of Fidelity - This is where both parties pledge their affection and loyalty to each other. The oath of fidelity can be for a set period of time (at first, my pledge to Freyr was for a year and a day) or they can be perpetual. It is customary for a gift to be exchanged at the time of the oath between the parties who are swearing it. Typically, it is a ring. In the case of a godspousery relationship, the mortal lover is picking out the rings with input from the deity. Or, the deity will direct their mortal lover towards a special item to wear as an outward sign of their devotion and of the oath between them. (In the case of my relationship with Freyr, it is a silver Greenman pendant that I wear all the time.) There are times, however, that a gift is not given. This does not mean that the oath is not important but that there is no means for a gift to be given. (This is the case with my relationship with Loki.)
  
  
• Establishment of 'household' - This is the phase of the relationship where both parties settle into their own routine of communicating and spending time with each other. It varies wildly from relationship to relationship how this manifests. This is true with human relationships as well. Compromises are made and discussions are had about how things should operate in the relationship. Occasionally, disagreements arise. (Ok, it may be a bit more often than occasionally but if it is a daily occurrence some form of relationship counseling is needed to assist in the communication breakdown causing this problem.) But, in this phase, all the bumps and lumps of the long term relationship are worked out.
  
  
• Relationship maintenance - In this state of the relationship, one is working to keep the entire thing running smoothly. It requires good communication and a solid understanding of what everyone's needs and expectations are in the relationship. When things are not going well, the problem is evaluated and the parties in the relationship work together to solve it. When things are going well, everyone in the relationship enjoys and finds fulfillment in the relationship and each other.

You will note, the phases of a godspousery relationship is pretty much identical to those of a human relationship. There will be something of a power dynamic here that is going to lean towards the deity's side of the relationship because of the deity having far more capacity and such than a human. If the relationship is healthy, however, the deity will take the human's frailties and vulnerabilities into account when taking actions. 

There is a relationship dynamic similar to godspousery but far more BDSM oriented known as being a god slave. The degree of autonomy of the mortal partner in that relationship is dependent upon the negotiated terms of the oath and the mortal partner's needs. This type of relationship also is an established form of relationship with deities through out the world's religions. It may not be called such but it can be found with a good deal of frequency within Catholic Christian mysticism. This relationship dynamic, however, is outside the scope of this piece. It may be discussed at some point in the future, if there is interest.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
1. The statement that I reference here is typically associated with the Christian mythological figure known as the devil and/or Satan. I could go into a long post about the relationship between paganism and this figure but, again, that's for another day.