I am a few days late on this post. It has been just how things turned out over the last week, so I am not terribly surprised. It was hard to get to the computer and do much of anything because my eldest son was sick with strep throat. In the midst of helping him through that and running to the doctor appointment, I realized that this kind of active work in supporting my family and being Mom has been the theme for the last two weeks. It was something of a proverbial light bulb moment when that happened.
I was feeling a bit guilty because I was having sugary things unintentionally. When I get stressed out, I go right for the sweets. It's a habit that I am really struggling with breaking. I've been attempting to replace it with popcorn, but that hasn't been terribly effective. I had the boys help me out with a bunch of cleaning this week. We would have gotten the majority of the apartment swept (we had an electric sweeper, it worked fairly well and the kids weren't afraid of it.) but the equipment had a catastrophic failure. Not so bad that it was smoking or something like that, but the motor in it is non-functional despite my and my husband's efforts. The boys, however, dusted everything they could reach. I had to make sure they didn't dust my plants, they were that excited.
I have been looking at the closet and seriously thinking about going through my wardrobe again. It is less a matter of wanting to be stylish and more trying to figure out how to make the clothing style I want to wear easier to do. I am most comfortable in what could be considered 'traditional' women's clothes. While I wear jeans and such, I don't feel as 'me' as I do in a skirt or a dress. All this cold weather, however, has made that difficult to do because, honestly, it is really hard to stay warm in a skirt. I don't have petticoats or a flannel slip, or I would be doing that right now.
My effort to address my wardrobe is part of a resolution I made a while back. I decided that I was going to be as authentic with myself as I possibly could be. As a result, I started wearing clothes I felt comfortable and beautiful in. I started eating foods that I enjoyed more (and healthy ones to boot). And I have been growing my hair out again. (I had it cut really, really short a few years back in a fit of frustration in high summer.) I have been wearing headcoverings when I go out of the house as part of this effort to be authentic as well.
For the month of Moura, I have been wearing the blue ones that I made. I keep looking for the blue silky scarf I have and I can't find it. I suppose it is a sign that I shouldn't be wearing it right now. I have found the cloths that I will use at Kala to cover the icons of the Daughter that I have. I put them in a safe place last year and made sure it was one I could get to again. They're just simple crochet. I made them from a dark, almost indigo blue soft acrylic yarn. At some point, I hope to get or make ones that shade in silk. It may be a bit expansive to do so, but I feel that it is important to have really good quality cloths for this.
The full moon just passed and I took some time to pour out an offering to the gods. I couldn't do a full ritual because the kids were causing chaos. I am at something of a loss for how to make religion easier for them to understand. Right now, they're still working out things like how to tie their shoes and who gets to have the blue cup. (I have no idea why they fight over that cup, but it happens often. I would get another one but that style has been discontinued for the last year.) They've started showing some interest in the old stories about the Norse gods. That may be where I start with everything.
Honestly, though, I wonder if it was wise to lead off with the one where Thor, Loki, and Thafi went into Utgard. They've been running around with their toy hammers to smash 'bad giants.' They get a bit carried away with it. Fortunately, they haven't decided that I or their father is the bad giant. Mainly, it has been their stuffed teddy bears. I never thought I'd be telling them not to swing hammers at each other because they're not Thor and it's not mjolnir. The things you don't think of until after the fact, I suppose.
Med Moura was a quiet day. I didn't realize it was Med Moura until the day was just about finished, actually. I was just so busy trying to take care of things around the house that it slipped my mind. I did, however, after I realized it was Med Moura, allow myself to have some ice cream. I managed to with out diving into that for most of the week so I suppose it sortof counts, right? But, this is where things stand right now.
Halfway through the season of Moura, and all is still quiet from Dea. A part of me fears that I have displeased her in some fashion and that this silence is an indication of it. I know, however, that seasons of silence come when in any sort of relationship. It is simply silence, and nothing more insidious then that. I strive to maintain hope that I will feel her presence or hear her voice again.