Thoughts, lessons, and theology from an eclectic witch from a varied background.

Monday, June 18, 2018

Personal Post.

Dear Reader,

I lack the words to adequately express my gratitude for your patience during my present time of illness. I have been deeply depressed over the last several months. I still am, but I am attempting to reach out. I am despondent over things happening in my country. I am deeply distressed by my on going difficulties getting my blood sugar under control and the way all of this food stuff is triggering my post-traumatic stress disorder. I will be bringing this up with my doctors when I see them later this week and next week. It is just a matter of holding on to hope until I get in to see them. It is difficult to do right now.

But, my posting here is a sign that I do continue to have hope. Please forgive my silence. I have struggled to find words for even this post. Depression lies to me and tells me that all is vanity and useless. Prayer helps some, but I know that this is a biological crisis less than a spiritual crisis. Thus, I am going to my doctor.

Still, prayers and good will would be appreciated.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Video Post 13: Veiling & Practicality.

I apologize, there is no transcript for this post. I do have some additional thoughts to share.

It has been my experience that people have a difficult time accepting when someone changes their ways for any reason. When they change for spiritual reasons, it really makes people uncomfortable in my experience. The thing I've noticed is that when you make a big change for spiritual reasons, there is a lot of pressure to go back to your previous 'normal' behavior. Spirituality is a thing that tends to get swept under the rug or politely ignored in my area unless it is made obvious. And that there are times and places for one to be obvious about their spirituality (i.e. at church) and one must do it in the correct way (i.e. in a manner that is acceptable to the person in question).

Thankfully, my family has been extremely supportive (though at times a bit baffled by it all). There are neighbors and people in my community who are more uncomfortable when I am wearing my fancy scarves. Some people have made comments. Other people have gotten personally offended when I've worn anything that looks too much like hijab for their comfort. It's awkward when that happens in the community.

I'm not a major community figure but I am one of the more identifiable people in our neighborhood because of the fact that I veil and have hobbies that confuse them. (I have lost count how many times people have just stared gobsmacked at the fact that I'm spinning. I also am the only person in town who uses a bright read parasol in the middle of summer. If they want sunburn, that's on them.) By being consistent and firm in my statements that I am doing this because it is my normal activities, people tend to back down from potential confrontation. Presenting this as it is a typical daily thing not only makes them uncomfortable because there is no way for them to change your normal, it gives you confidence because it is your normal and their opinion doesn't matter.

So, if someone decides to make a snarky comment in your direction about your choice of head covering or implies that you're being stuck up because you're not showing everyone your hair, try responding with the approach that this is what you do every day and "That's your opinion and your opinion doesn't matter." Because, in the end, their opinion doesn't matter unless you want it to. (By the way, that statement is the one I gave my boys to use with the school yard bully who has been getting snippy with them on the bus. The other kid doesn't know how to process it and is highly offended that his opinion doesn't matter. I encourage them to reiterate the reply when the other boy decides to argue he is right or something else equally questionable. It is wonderfully effective and entirely truthful.)

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Video Post No. 12: Persistence.

I don't have an exact transcript. This one was off the cuff and a bit more of a rambling monologue. I talked about the fact that being persistent and challenging one's limits can actually be a good thing. (Plus a very minor rant about my 8 year old son's persistence vs. transformers, with some praise for the glorious thing that is super glue.)

Basically, I have been dealing with a lot of challenges. My therapist asked me earlier this week how I kept going. I don't recall what exactly I said. It boiled down to "I'm too stubborn to tell when I should give up." I confess, this trait is why I tend to do things the hard way most of the time. Once I start doing something a certain way, unless you can persuade me, I'm going to continue doing it that way.

But, life throws you curve balls and things can force you to change. (Oh, well, hello there, diabetes.)  Persistence doesn't always mean being set in your ways. It can also mean pushing to do what must be done despite the challenges in front of you.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Update on the Blog Front.

Dear Reader,

I am in the process of preparing for Camp NaNoWriMo. It looks like it is going to be a challenging year for writing. I have set my bar at finishing projects instead of creating something new whole cloth. Among the projects I am going to be focusing on finishing is the handbook to divination that I started a few years ago. It is about a third of the way done. It was another Camp NaNoWriMo project that just never got completed. I'll be doing two projects at once, actually. I'm going to be working on the handbook and working on finishing book seven of a fantasy series that I have been writing.

This month, I am working on getting ready for Camp NaNoWriMo. This includes finishing the manuscript that I have almost completed. (Seriously, a week of work and it will be done. Possibly less if I can get myself going on it.) I will attempt to get myself into the habit of serious writing again through blog posting. I need some help and input from you, however. I have a poll going. Please participate. This will help me to determine what topics you find most interesting and useful. The results will be tallied in two weeks.

Based on the results, I will adjust my posting format to emphasize the most popular topics. I am always open to suggestions and requests.

Thank you for participating in my poll and for reading my blog.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Community Discussion: Filianic Polytheism?

Dear Reader,

I am unsure how to begin today's post. Reading what is being discussed in the Déanic and Filianic communities, I find myself struggling to feel like I have a place there. I am a person who believes in many gods. The technical term for it is polytheist. I am one of those polytheists who believes that all gods are valid. I tend to view it like the multiple universe theory from physics. There is quite likely an infinite number of possible universes where all things can be possible in these different universes. With respect to the Divine, I believe that there is an infinite number of deities and it is possible for them to have an infinite number of relationships with the infinite number of universes.

Thus, my faith may not be your faith, but it is ok. Because yours is valid and worthy, especially if it give you comfort in times of distress and helps you to become the best person you can be. So, yes, I do believe in Dea. I also believe in other gods. (It is my personal belief that Dea is the mother of all pantheons.) This does not diminish my belief in Dea. I do not think my belief in Dea diminishes my belief in the other gods. My belief is rooted in my experience of them. These experiences are my proof that they are real and have an interest in my well being and that of my family. It is perhaps controversial that I take this position, but I am a mystic and we do this sort of thing.

I'm still working my way through some difficult stuff, but I know that the gods will be there for me. I just have times where I am too caught up in what I'm dealing with to be aware of their presence.And that happens to all of us at some point in time in all of our relationships. At some point, we get so caught up in something that we get confused or forget that others are there for us and that they care. Especially when what we are dealing with is hard and causing us distress. But, that passes and things improve, eventually. The ones who care will remain with us through the hard stuff, helping us as they can and as we let them.

Friday, June 1, 2018

Recommendations: old school pencil and compass.

Gentle Reader,

If you're of the persuasion to draw out your ritual plans, I highly recommend the old school pencil and compass tools. They allow you precision in drawing out circular shapes but as they are written in pencil, they can be erased and adapted. I would have posted a picture of mine with its nifty red box but I misplaced it, again. The dangers of putting things in a safe place that you theoretically will remember later strike again.

Hand drawn techniques for embellishing one's book of shadows or magical journal are fantastic ways to personalize your work. They are best done in pencil first so that you can make them as perfect as you want. Using the right tools are vital to success here. A compass ensures that circular and ovular shapes are the correct shape and is incredibly easy to use. If you're using a digital device for keeping your magical notes, don't go with a compass and pencil unless you plan on scanning something drawn on paper later. Sharp pointy things don't go together well with computers 958% of the time, trust me.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Place holder post for future content, or something.

Gentle Reader,

I deeply appreciate your patience with me. I am utterly exhausted from a long day of running errands and minding the household. The eldest having a dentist appointment wasn't too bad. It was driving home in rush hour traffic from the city that got to me. I forgot how much I hated it until I was gripping the steering wheel white knuckled praying to all the gods that the tractor trailer that was tailgate-ing me didn't then knock us off the road when he cut in front of me at 70 mph. Dinner was chaos but at least I had something started in the slow cooker, right?

I've been sitting here for the last hour and a half trying to come up with something witchy. Something more profound than what you see here, even. It has been a very trying week, to be honest. I have been struggling with my PTSD acting up due to neighbors fighting a LOT. I was in a depressive episode up until Saturday. That is when I transitioned into this mixed episode.

It has just been very hard for me to function. Food is still an issue because we haven't figured out this whole diabetes thing. It is profoundly distressing for me to be limiting my food intake because I was just this side of anorexic in my younger years. It triggers deep anxiety. And, unfortunately, it is also a trigger for some of my PTSD. (I lived through some horrible things that I just don't talk about. I'm not even sure why I'm talking about this, honestly.)

My home is a mess. Partly because the kids had three days off from school due to Memorial day and partly because I haven't had the spoons to stay on top of everything. It is not a disaster, just something that's going to take me most of tomorrow to clean up. I'm as much if not more of an emotional mess as the house is. My being disabled is a thing I resent and try to act like I'm fine when I'm not because I don't want to be disabled. I struggle with great feelings of shame over it.

I want to do more here. I want to do more on my other blogs. I just has been very hard to function in general, let alone be organized enough to get daily blog writing done for even one blog. I'm sorry. I try really hard to provide you interesting and useful content. Right now, I'm having a bad week and it is proving really difficult. In the interests of honesty, and honoring a request of one of the deities I'm involved in, I am making this post. I apologize if it is upsetting for you. It was not my intent, but merely to let you know what is going on in my life that I am so sporadic in my posting.