Godspousery Notes: Silence.

Silence happens in relationships. It can happen when partners are busy doing their own thing. It can happen when partners are hindered by challenges in communicating (i.e. distance). It can happen when partners just run out of things to talk about at the time. Some times, silence is used as a goad to get you to do something. Some times it is just a natural part of the moment and you can be together and quiet at the same time. And, some times, silence is used as a form of punishment or manipulation (this is different from the 'goad' comment because manipulation is a bit bigger and tends to have more negative connotations than 'goad').

Over the last week, things have been pretty silent between Loki and I. It isn't that I'm being ignored or that I'm getting the silent treatment over something. He's giving me space to handle things like familial obligations and such. At one point in time, Loki went radio silent for a long while. I couldn't make sense of it after years of daily contact (including stupid jokes, pranks, and commentary on what was going on). Finally, I asked someone who was in better contact with Flame-hair at the time to help me figure out what was going on.

That was when I was told that the silence was Loki pushing me to stand more on my own two feet. It made sense as they detailed how I had been leaning pretty hard on Loki for support over the few months prior instead of taking proactive measures to handle the problem. These days, when things get quiet between Loki and I, I stop and ask myself a few questions.

1. Am I handling my problems as best I can?
2. Am I looking to Loki to solve my problems for me?
3. Have I been getting enough 'real world' social contact?

If the answer to all three is yes, then it is most likely that the silence is either because Loki's really busy with something, giving me space to solve problems, or is just off somewhere sleeping. (Gods sleep. It happens.) If the answer to one of the above is no, I then work to address that.

Usually, Loki gets quiet to keep me from getting too distracted to work on things in my life. Being godbothered and having a laundry list of things on my plate at any given moment makes focus a challenge. Times like now, he's quiet so that I can get stuff done and be more efficient at my tasks as a wife and mother in this world.

Sometimes, Loki gets quiet when I am flailing around looking for somebody else to solve problems that I have the capacity to solve. I've come to realize, he gets exasperated with me when I get like that. It's a thing I'm working on. Handling situational overload with out getting into a tizzy is a growth process. Kinda like being in therapy.

And Loki will go quiet because he wants me to focus on my 'real' social contacts. It's his way of helping me with my social phobia.