Moura 2025 CE: Day 24

 Shufflemancy has struck again. I am listening to random music on Spotify and the bot brought up Gary Jules' song Mad World. I was thinking about the state of the world right now and that song is a good way to describe it. Living here in the US isn't that great right now, despite what some people want to say. We have a president that is batshit crazy and congress is doing very little to oppose him and his administration. He took a pot shot at the judicial branch yesterday and it was met with very little hue and cry. This entire business has been a disaster for civil rights and I am afraid for the future.

I try not to talk about politics on here because I know that mixing politics and religion is a very bad thing. At the same time, however, the malarky happening right now in my country's government is a real and potent danger to people like myself and my family. And it is happening because a group of people practicing an extremely conservative version of Christianity has seized power. I am waiting for the day that the president rules by fiat that Christianity is the official religion of the country. I'm not looking forward to it but I'm waiting for it to happen.

To some extent, I can mask as a generic, secular oriented Christian of a nameless protestant version. My boys, however, can't do that. We raised them outside of a Christian denomination, much to the annoyance and outrage of some relatives. Neither myself or Beloved are Christians and we felt it was wrong to push them into being part of a religion from the cradle. We have made a point of educating the kids in a wide range of religions as best we can, including the lack there of. We have continually espoused that they are free to believe whatever they want as long as they are being decent people. 

It seems, however, that our standards for decency are different from those of others. Which worries me and makes me concerned that my boys will be targeted for harassment and assault by people who don't like them. We've already had a public threat made against one of them by a kid down the road who opposes the fact that they refuse to stand for the pledge of allegiance. And when I say a public threat, I mean that the kid stood up at a podium and gave a little speech about how he hates people who don't stand for the pledge, got lots of applause from the neighborhood as he stared at my kids. My boys ignored him but it was deeply worrisome that it happened.

The lack of tolerance and acceptance of differing views is egregious and troubling. I have had people start off hostile when I openly wear my headcoverings and my pendants that show that I'm not Christian. There's a knee jerk reaction to a pentacle in this country where people insist that you are a danger to others. Never mind the fact that if you're cold and in need, I'd give you the shirt off my back to make sure you are ok. The necklace that I'm wearing makes me a threat to them in their eyes.

I've had people threaten me behind my back as I was out shopping or in the general public. I almost always turn around and glare at them. They tend to quiet down when I look at them. But if they think I haven't noticed, they get vulgar and nasty for as long as they think they can get away with it. It's as bad as the bullying that I had to deal with as a kid. I am concerned that at some point it'll turn ugly and I don't have the spoons to rearrange somebody's face for spitting on me.

Moura 2025 CE: Day 10

 I was reading the meditation for today's date and it occurred to me that I have a fair amount to atone for. I have an anger problem and it leads me to say things that are sharp and biting. It doesn't matter if the cause of my anger is reasonable, my response to be acid tongued is not. Over the past year, while I wasn't well, I said a number of sharp things to Beloved. He graciously didn't take it personally, telling me "This is coming from a sick brain, I am not going to get mad." Looking back on it all, I feel about 3 inches tall for it and deeply ashamed that I was cruel to him. While being sick explains it and my anger also explains it, it does not justify it.

In my household, we have an expression. "Don't say you're sorry, just do better next time." The kids tend to apologize and then go right back to misbehavior. It is a microcosm of how the world at large operates. Which is why we encourage them to focus on deeds and restorative justice. If something is broken as a result of your actions, you try to fix it and if it can not be fixed, you try to replace it. When neither of these are possible, give a sincere apology and figure out with the owner of what had been broken is a fair compensation (which ranges from money to work on their behalf). As parents, we try to facilitate this process for our children.

I think restorative justice is more in line with Déa's will than punitive justice. Not all situations does the reasoning of how thamë was broken help to restore it. In fact, in many cases, explaining what your mindset was when things happened can just lead to more upset and a big fight. Teaching people to apologize by way of explaining themselves isn't that great. I've found it works better to give an expression of genuine contrition and focus on repairing the rift between oneself and the person(s) you've done wrong by.

Déa does not want us to suffer any more than necessary. As such, we're exhorted to act with love and kindness. Punitive justice has no love or kindness in it. It's based in a harsh eye-for-an-eye mindset. It takes the wrong doer and reduces them to a subhuman state which is used to justify inhumane treatment. It perpetuates a cycle of harm under a thin cloak of moral superiority. Both the wrong doer and the victim are harmed, and there is no resolution of the problem created. Also, there is no focus on addressing the root cause of the problem. It's awful and I am more than a little confident that Déa doesn't want that for us.

I have been working very hard to keep my anger and acid tongue in check. I have been striving to put kindness at the forefront of how I approach the world. If I can't help them, at the very least I can avoid hurting them more. It requires a lot of self questioning and careful consideration of how to act. But the alternative is just not right.

Dame Artemis and the Wild Hunt.

 Dear Reader,

I have spent the last few weeks contemplating Dame Artemis (not to be confused with the Grecian goddess) and her role in the spiritual architecture of Filianism and Déanism. In my contemplation, I saw a connection between this lesser known Janya and the Wild Hunt of Germanic and Nordic paganism (which has been adopted into wider groups of pagan religions). 

Their purpose is much the same. The Hunter goes out in search of the spiritual beings that have strayed from the Way and returns them to their proper places. Additionally, the Hunter seeks out malevolent forces to put down and return to their proper places. It is both a rescue operation and a cleansing.

For the Germanic and Nordic pagan community, the Wild Hunt is active for a season (typically winter). In the Filianic and Déanic community, Dame Artemis seeks her prey on a monthly basis. The fifth day after the new moon is hers. I have found no rites honoring her nor much in the way of lore that says why this day was chosen or describing her role in relationship to the other Janyati.

I use the term Dame instead of Lady, because a Dame is the feminine equivalent of a Knight. In my meditation and attempts to logically understand things, I've come to a few conclusions.

If we take a moment to look at Dame Artemis as the equivalent of a Knight, one may see that she is under the direction of Sai Vikhë. Her lunar aspect also puts her under the direction of Sai Candrë. Considering these things, one might say that Sai Vikhë is her commander and that Sai Candrë is her Lady, whom she holds in devotion and esteem and will align her works with Sai Candrë's desire when not acting on the command of Sai Vikhë.

Veiled Witch Video: The Conception of the Holy Daughter

 Dear Reader,

Tomorrow is the holiday commemorating and celebrating the conception of the Daughter of the Bright Mother. This week's video is a reading from the Clear Recital: Children of Déa Version of that event.

I am at a loss because of this post migraine nonsense.

Dear Reader,

I was going to come up with a divination related blog post for you today. The problem is I had a migraine last night as a front moved through and being post-migraine makes it hard for me to put together words in a way that actually conveys what I want to express. It is highly frustrating, as well as the lingering mild headache that makes my ears ring.

To my friends in the Filianic community what special plans do you have for Advent and the holy days of the month of Astrea. (Forgive any misspellings, I can't quite see right.) One of my big plans is cleaning as much of this apartment as I possibly can. This way we just might find room for a real Nativity tree.  We have a 1 ft. fake tree that we've been using for years and it is beginning to show it's age. If I have to find a tiny wee beastie of a treelike plant, I'm going to hunt down a rosemary bush. Or, maybe I will be lucky and find a sapling of a conifer species.

Today is the Full Moon (my family call it the Hunter's Moon because hunting season for big game happens this month). I hope that Déa will forgive my lack of bread and wine to offer. I do, however, have coffee and a delicious cookie. It a very lax version of the Rite of Sacrifice, but I am not feeling well. I am sure that Mother forgives all faults and understands my struggle.

May all of you be blessed.

The devotional Scripture embroidery project is complete!

 Dear Reader,

This embroidery project was a great way to meditate on the meaning of the quote. It also did a wonderful job of helping me keep my temper when my sons were stressing me out. On my Tumblr post, I described all the stitches and the thread I used. I will spare you that level of detail. 

I believe this will be the first in a series of quotes that I will embroider. I have a habit of making samplers. This sort of came out like on with the different stitches used on different areas of the project. I think, however, I will make a legitimate sampler in an antique style for one of my quotes. 

Right now, I am busy working on gifts for Yule/Nativity. I knit so slowly, I worry if I'm going to get my eldest son's sweater done. And then there's the holiday baking to be done for the first time in years. I think I figured out some diabetic friendly cookie recipes.

Such a heavy text!

 Dear Reader,

I am on my third read through the entire Opera Omina of the Madrian Order. The text is so densely packed. It makes me think of the two volume set of the Norton Anthology of English. I think they might be comparable in size.

My youngest son picked up the book to move it and said, "Mom, you need to read lighter books."

On this read through, I am taking notes and, dare I say it, making notations in the books as well. I want to give a through analysis of each essay and bit that went into these two tomes. I am thankful that the type font is easy to read. I am grateful for all the work Race put into the layout to make it flow well and be easy on the eyes. That said, holy cow are these big books.

I fear if I dropped them on my foot at the same time, I'd lose a toe.

Ancestor Worship and Animism in Filianism?

 Dear Reader,

Some may consider the memento mori picture to be spooky, gruesome, or scary. Generally, a picture not entirely keeping with the theme of this blog. Honestly, I find it a healthy reminder that this life wanes and another waxes as we grow older (ideally). Many people see the Dark Mother as a mysterious, somewhat intimidating figure, like death, and have a low key fear of Her.

It is the Dark Mother who is present in all things, even the very bones left behind when we expire. We must not fear death for it brings us closer to our ancestors and the very spirits of the world. We transition from a life on one level of existence to another that brings us closer to Avala. We must not fear but rather celebrate the rebirth that comes with death. We should share joyfully our memories of the deceased even as we seek consolation in each other's arms for the fact that they are no longer corporeally with us.

Ancestor worship and animism are closely entwined in Filianism. There are spirits all around us. If you work with them, you can accomplish many things and grow to have many allies you can call on when Khear's shadow over falls you. The Helati (saints) and our beloved dead stand as close to you as the Janyati (angels) to guide and protect you from evil. Taking time out of your day to pour out a glass of water for these spiritual beings in offering of kinship, love, and respect is a small act that can reap great rewards. Plants, for example, have spirits variously known as dryads, fairies, and the hidden folk. In honoring them, you honor the Earth itself and encourage these spirits to look favorably on you. Earth spirits, such as those that are associated with plants, are very protective of their chosen location. Your houseplants will defend your home from the forces of evil that try to get in just as effectively, if not more so, than a spell for home defense. And they will help you along your path to Avala and Our Lady's blessed presence.

Video Post: An Update and some rambling: Did the Dark Queen Cause All Suffering?

 

Dear Reader,

I apologize for the blurriness of the video, a lot of light behind me and some stuff on the lens doesn't make for a great picture. I open this video with an explanation and an apology why I've been away for so long. It's been a rough year between my bipolar type 2 acting up and my seasonal affective disorder kicking me in the teeth roughly around a week after the solstice last year. I'm doing a bit better now, but it's utter chaos trying to pick up all the threads laying around and get the kids ready for school. Also, I have forgotten how to do algebra which is making tutoring my eldest son a nightmare. Between the two of us, I can't multiply with out a calculator and he can't divide with out one. It's been rough going.

I've been visiting with the local Jehovah's Witnesses for a little while. The gave me a tract and shared with me a video that presented the claim that the fall of the angels was due to Satan's questioning Jehovah about the possibility of a perfectly good world. And, as per their tract and video, the Jehovah's Witnesses argue that all suffering in this world is due to Satan, who has command of it.

This got me to thinking about the Dark Queen and her relationship to the world and suffering. I am of a position that suffering is a natural consequence of being in this world. It's not a punishment or the result of a sadistic anti-demiurge wanting to torture all of existence. The Dark Queen and her servants can cause mischief, mayhem, and misery but they are not the reason why I have bipolar type 2 or that my nieces have it as well. That's just flawed genetics which arises from being in an imperfect world.

The Dark Queen's power is diminished by the Daughter's Sacrifice and the Mother's Rescuing of her Daughter. The servants are as mist on the wind. They can give us a spiritual chill and make illusions dance before us in that mist, but they are powerless over us. Temptation to despair and give up hope are ultimately empty words from the Dark Queen's servants, no matter how beguiling they sound. Because in the end, they are forced to pass away from us and we see the light of Déa shining through the mist, banishing it to the place it arose from.

My First Question that the Opera Omnia couldn't answer.

 Dear Reader,

I have spent months reading, researching, and attempting to make sense of a single line from the teaching in the Clear Recital : The Three Loves. I have discovered this teaching is missing from the Gospel of Our Mother God. I have found that it is present in all other versions of the Clear Recital, including the one I was head editor on. At the time I was working on the Children of Déa version of the Clear Recital, I was focused on improving language and format. I and my team did our very best to include as much of our research into the book. 

One can imagine my surprise as I was reading the CDV's version of the Three Loves and I came upon this line.

And rightfully it has been said that your soul shall be placed in the balance against a feather, and if the beam tip even by a fraction are you condemned. CDV: The Three Loves, Verse46; Page 104, lines 4-8

I immediately sought my other copies of the Clear Recital. Word for word, this line was present in each copy except for the Gospel of Our Mother God. I then turned to the Opera Omina for some form of exposition upon this line. I found nothing to help me interpret it in either volume. This was a large disappointment. I then began looking through the digital library of the Society for Filianic Studies via the Wayback Machine internet archive. I found a great deal of discourse about politics but little about theology and nothing to clarify this line.

Thus I was forced to sit in contemplation and try to puzzle out the answer to the questions that arose from this line. These questions are:

1. Who places our souls in this scale?
   
2. Which direction of the beam tipping are we facing damnation?
   
3. Who judges this scale?
   
4. How does this condemnation/damnation effect our eternal rescue from Khear by the Daughter?

I have thought long and hard on these questions. I chose the word damnation in this post because, to be honest it is a very functional synonym for what is expressed here. I have no answers for these questions. I have prayed over this line for many days and all I find is a sloppy connection to ancient Egyptian mythos and the weighing of the heart. The feather belongs to Maat, the goddess of justice. Anubis, the god of the dead presided over the weighing. And Thoth recorded the results. If the heart was filled with good the scales would be equal. If the heart was filled with evil, the scale would tip towards the heart. And the soul would be given to Ammut, who would eat them, for they were not the blessed (good) dead who would go to live with Osiris in paradise.

This requires deeper thought and raises more questions. Like why did the foremothers of the faith choose this connection when there had already been an established system for what happens when you die.

The Opera Omnia wasn't as helpful as I had hoped.

 Dear Reader,

I chewed my way through the Opera Omina (both books) and came up with more questions than answers. Isn't it maddening when you sit down with source material and not only can't you find explanation of material in the other primary work you're reading but a laundry list of other questions pop up. In comparing the Opera Omnia to the Clear Recital (ECE edition because it is the most popular), I couldn't find clarification of a number of things that bothered me about some passages in the Clear Recital. I couldn't help but come to the conclusion that Filianism/Déanism have an incomplete theology. Honestly, the deeper I read into it, the more I find unclear where it is said to be simple.

I know some find satisfaction in the fact that there are deeper mysteries that can not be fully comprehended. But when a statement is presented as fact and there is no follow up or exposition to explain that fact, I'm left wondering what is missing, where do I find it, and how do I present it to prevent the confusion of others. I can't help a measure of grief that much of the sacred knowledge is hidden or lost. We have a portion of the wisdom of the elders and this grieves me, for I see a time coming that we shall have need of it.

Searching for answers.

Dear Reader,

I have decided to re-read the Opera Omnia in an effort to answer some questions that have come up in my regular reading of the Clear Recital. I've cross referenced all the editions I have on a number of quotes, there are some variations in how the things that bewilder me are phrased but nothing more to clarify the sections that keep me asking questions.

So, I am going to chew my way through the Opera Omnia again to specifically look for answers to my questions. I suspect that there will be nothing satisfactory. I, however, am in a gloomy mood and Déa will provide guidance.

As I meditate and pray, I will be working on my latest design for embroidery. It is a quote from the Clear Recital (can be found in all versions). I am not satisfied with how my lettering came out so uneven, but writing on fabric is hard. The color I'm using for the lettering is DMC's 798.
 

A prayer for Moura from my personal journal.

 Dear Friends,

I hope that this prayer brings you comfort and peace as we move through the final days of Moura.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Lady Anna,

I follow your footsteps in to the places of darkness within me. Help me resist the Kheres of despair and terror. Guide me over the frozen, broken ground of depression. Lead me through the maze of khere-thorns to the passage where I face my fear of mortality and the afflictions of the body. Especially help me with my fear of blindness. 

Let me follow you to the edge of the Abyss and cast into it that which is not of Déa. May it be that I hide in the shadows of the false Dark Queen's hall and bear witness to your heroic sacrifice. Let me weep as the heralds for your descent into oblivion.

For Love's sake, so mote it be.

What is the Rule of Our Lady? Pt.2

 In my last essay, I addressed the central rule of Our Lady. Let us expand our view a bit more. In the adapted Madrian rules for a harmonious life a great deal of emphasis is placed on obedience and maintaining the social order of the household. In the Aristasian rendition of these rules, the same emphasis is there but it is expanded to include a larger social hierarchy. With all of this focus on obedience, it is tempting to say it is a slavish, cult like mindset. I suppose one could say that, but what of the free will that Déa endowed all beings with.

Socrates is reputed have said on his death bed - The unexamined life is worthless. Our Lady appears to agree with this sentiment given how often we are called to self examination in the Book of Her Teachings. Between self examination and free will, obedience  becomes a decision based in critical thinking. One may decide to hold up the existing social structures by obeying the implicit rules of the unspoken social contract between the members who create that social structure. One may decide not to obey the social contract and undermine a given social structure. 

Either decision bears considerable weight and should be made from a place of love for oneself and others. If the social structure you find yourself in is doing harm, it is wise to reject it for the sake of your wellness and the wellness of those who depend on you. At the same time, your actions, may by necessity, imitate others who support this system of behavior and deed. Action that is coerced can not be held against you. Remember that before any other being, we are called to obey Our Lady. Her rule is love unto all, including ourselves and those that would scorn us.

Such loving is difficult, especially in the case of those who scorn us. It is wise to love such persons from a discreet distance to maintain your safety. We need not embrace that which is dangerous to ourselves or those who depend on us to prove our transpersonal love. Treating them with respect and courtesy is enough.

Postscript: I currently am operating with a massive migraine. I've had this post on deck for a little while now and then lost it among my children's school papers. When I found it this afternoon, I knew I had to post it before it got eaten by my desk. Please forgive any typos and grammatical errors you find in this. Migraines are horrid things.

What is the Rule of Our Lady? (pt. 1)

 Upon reading the teachings of Our Lady, I found many references to the first rule. Even in the adapted Madrian rules for a harmonious life, the first, universal rule comes up as the heart of all the other rules. This universal law is stated directly in The Clear Recital:CDV on page 105 in the second paragraph of The Way of Simplicity. Verse 5, line 4 we find the first rule of Our Lady stated explicitly: law of Universal Love. This is further clarified on page 109, Verse 38 of The Way of Simplicity:

Love every soul as you love your own self, and give forth freely of all good things of body and of soul.

We are called by Our Lady, all of us, from the least blade of grass to the highest of the janyati/angels to engage the world with love. This love stretches through out the whole of creation to the spheres of heaven and beyond. There is no exception to this rule.

What of the emotion hate, one might ask. Hate is not the opposite of love but rather an inversion of it, often due to a love betrayed. The opposite of love is indifference. They who are indifferent have no consideration good or ill towards the subject. 

Indifference can fly the flag of hatred and through doing so commit a great many evils. Indifference is opportunistic and can fly the flag of love if it serves its goals. There is no true love there but a skilled masquerade that is dropped as soon as the goals are met.

A perfect love is skilled in transmuting and healing the wounds of hate. A perfect love is unto all, even those who are abhorrent. It is not an easy path to walk in this complicated but it is the simplest and most courageous.

A gift for the Independent Filianist in your life.

 Dear Reader,

There's a growing number of Independent Filianists and Déanists in the community. They may find the language in the predominant orthodox texts frustrating or difficult to connect with. I humbly suggest they consider the Children of Déa Version of the Clear Recital. This was a project done by independent Filianists for independent Filianists. It has all of the classic wisdom texts updated for today's needs. It also has adjusted the language to be more inclusive to a larger range of people who may have been put off by the use of 'maid' in the other renditions of the Clear Recital.

This version of the Clear Recital also contains things that have been mystically revealed to members of the independent Filianist community over the last five years regarding the Holy Mythos of the Creation and the Holy Mythos of the Daughter. 

I had some difficulty with formatting this work's notation on the cover, I am not the sole author but I was the chief editor. The others who had worked on this project have chosen to remain anonymous. All of the proceeds from the purchase of this version of the Clear Recital go to charity. (Presently, I have been making preemie hats for the local NICU with yarn that has been funded by this work. I'm up to 60 hats at this time.)

Wishing you a blessed Feast of the Conception of the holy Daughter.

 

I happily have returned to making videos again. I am sharing with you the devotional poem from the Unabridged Filianic Calendar Devotional that is in honor of this holy day. I will try to get another video (or possibly two) up before the end of the Julian year. While it is late in the Filianic year, this is the traditional time of giving gifts. If you or someone you know is interested, this devotional may be a delightful gift as you move through the Filianic year. It is set up differently from A Year with Déa, as there is no correlation between the Julian calendar and the Filianic calendar, but the format focuses on daily devotionals and holidays, all of which are a bit movable because of the difference between the Julian calendar and the Filianic calendar.

All of my rambling aside, here's the poem and I hope it brings you joy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Upon the first holy Night
Upon the waves walked the Mother-Bright
Swathed in sea-foam white
She conceived a child of Light
Blessed is that holy Night
Blessed is the holy Mother-Bright

An update.

 Dear Reader,

The last several days have been super busy and I haven't had a chance to update the blog (or work on my NaNoWriMo project). Turkey day week is always chaotic. I always forget that fact. I will do my best to get back into my regular posting on various topics. If you are shopping for a Filianist in your life (or for yourself as a treat) I have several books out along that vein. You might want to start with the first one that I put out in 2014, Rose Petals: A Filianic Psalter. If you're shopping for a Heathen (or, more specifically a Lokean) in your life, I have a new book out. It is The Veiled Witch's Ritual Book, Vol. 2: A Lokean Devotional. The Lokean devotional gives detailed instructions for building a person relationship with Loki, the Norse God of Mischief.

I thank you for your consideration of possibly picking up a copy of something I have written. And I thank you for your continued readership. As we march forward into the holiday season, I hope that you all find great joy and many blessings. I'm going to do my best to keep up through the chaos of the holidays. Post may be a bit shorter than usual. I apologize for the brevity in advance. Finding time to write is getting a little hairy this time of year.

The Filianic migration away from Tumblr

 Dear Reader,

I may not have been very active over the last few weeks because my life has been difficult. I still have been watching the public spaces where the Filianic community interacts with each other and I have observed a migration away from Tumblr. Those who are leaving speak of going over to private Discord servers and functionally becoming a closed religious group because of the challenges they have been facing on Tumblr and other platforms.

I will not be leaving Tumblr or ceasing to blog. Nor am I dropping Filianism. It is a part of my life that brings me comfort and stability, which is a big deal for someone with c-ptsd and bipolar II. I'm still going to be practicing my weird version of Filianism and doing my best to provide general information to seekers. I don't know if sites like The Society for Filianic Studies are going to remain public or not. I have no idea honestly what direction things are going to take going forward.

I know that Filianism is experiencing growing pains. There's a growing number of independent Filianists who take a wide range of views on the core principles of the faith. This has caused friction and difficulty for a number of people in their efforts to present the Orthodox Filianic perspective. Hence their migration away from Tumblr (where there had been a bustling community of believers up until a few months ago). It is my belief that Orthodox Filianism will re-emerge after a period of time to heal their heart break and attempt to engage in discourse with the independent community again.

Like all faiths, there are schisms and divisions. I think, however, that we can all reconnect through our love of Déa. I think it will take some time and during the interim period independent Filianism is going to grow and develop deeper understanding of the holy mysteries of the faith. I think that when both groups come back to the table, we will find the discussion fulfilling and affirming.

As seen on Tumblr: Concerning the Mind

This was a text heavy post over on Tumblr that's gotten no traction. In an effort to engage the community in some serious discussion about the role of mental illness and similar conditions in our spirituality, I've decided to cross post it to my blogs. Below is the original post with all it's typos and such.

~*~*~*~*~ 

Concerning the Mind

“Thoughts of the mind neither pass away, nor vanish into air. For every thought is a builder in the subtle world that lies about you. Thoughts of beauty and of things of the Spirit refine and purify the soul, making them fair to look upon and graceful in their movements, uniting them with the universal music of eternity and gathering about them the servants of the angels. But harsh thoughts harden the soul; coarse thoughts coarsen the soul; thoughts bound only to material things load the soul with heavy chains.” - Teachings of the Daughter: The Thoughts of the Mind: verses 1 - 5, The Clear Recital, CDV

My friends, this lesson has been rattling around in my thoughts ever since I first read it in the AAV. There are minor differences in the two regarding the language. But the message is the same, regardless of which version of The Clear Recital you pick up. That message is in three parts:

1. You are responsible for your thoughts.

2. If you think about the correct things, you will draw closer to Déa.

3. If you think about the incorrect things, you will move farther from Déa.

This is generally all well and good for neurotypical people. But what of people who lack the ability to have the degree of control over their thoughts to prevent the incorrect thought patterns from emerging persistently, be it via immaturity (i.e. children), via a medical condition (i.e. dementia), or some other reason that can not be resolved at the time of the incorrect thought (i.e. distressful situations). I suppose the child could be taught and trained in mental discipline, this perhaps removes them from the list of persons unable to control their thoughts.

But what of persons like myself who suffer from an illness that impairs their ability to control their thoughts on a regular basis. With great willpower, we attempt to control our thoughts so that the undesired ones do not occur but it is not possible to eradicate them or mitigate the frequency of them. No matter what I do, what medication I am on, or how formidable my will might be, I can not help the anger and harshness that comes when I am in a mixed episode nor can I help the thoughts of suicide in a depressive episode. My brain just isn’t wired right, it’s got the wrong amounts of neurochemicals despite the best treatment.

I have given this a lot of thought while I have been in a range of mental states over the last few years. I’ve cycled through all of my mood states and this question of how does Déa regard my inability to control my mind keeps coming up. If we accept the premise that Déa is a merciful Mother and understands our failings, I think we must also accept the idea that Déa extends forgiveness to us when we can not meet a standard that is set. I think that we must accept the idea that Déa views us in our impaired state and sees that we are trying our best.

Thus, through Déa’s grace, even though we may struggle to think the correct thoughts, when we fail because we are unable to do otherwise, we are not moving farther from Déa. The thoughts we have when we are impaired or injured do not disfigure the soul, do harm to the subtle body that is referenced in this teaching of Our Lady, or prove something that makes us fundamentally repellant on all levels. I think that Déa sees my struggle and allows grace and mercy as long as I try my best.

Your thoughts, friends?

ETA: typo corrections because I haven't had enough coffee yet today. LOL