Loki's Rules of Engagement

1. Don't fight unless you know you can win.
2. Don't write checks your ass can't cash. If you do, fast talk your way into a lower payment.
3. Always keep receipts and a record, even if its in memory.
4. Don't fight "fair," fight efficiently.
5. Keep your eye on the prize, and one eye on your competition.
6. When running from danger, don't be the slowest one in the pack.
7. If you can't be a tank, set them up to run into the tank. (Thor is the tank.)
8. Always keep your wits about you.
9. Laugh in the face of everything, especially the scary things. Nothing takes the wind out of your foe's sails like laughing at their threats.
10. Don't accept a gift with out giving one in return. Never be indebted.
11. Don't give a gift with the expectation of one in return. Not everyone pays their debts.
12. Don't piss off your traveling companions, they WILL fuck with you back. 
13. Don't start a prank war but always end it gloriously.
14. Always be ready for a fight, be it words or otherwise. Do your best to force the fight to happen on your terms. Refer to rules no. 1, 2, & 4.
15. Don't get mad, get even.

Moura - Day 17: Go away, stupid virus.

Dear Reader,

I'm still under the weather. This has put a significant damper on my cleaning efforts. I confess, I have been feeling a great deal of exasperation and like a failure because of it. At which point, I realize, I have more emotional housekeeping to do and baggage to unpack. This seems to be the theme of Moura this year, along with random things going wrong for no apparent reason. I serviced my non-electric sweeper. Now the blasted thing won't work. I'm half tempted to throw it away, but I know that is not a solution to the problem.

The massive pile of laundry is finally under control. Thanks to Beloved's help, the dishes are far more manageable. Thanks to inspiration from Loki and Freyr, I pre-cooked dinner for tonight yesterday. I'm still feeling tired and spending my time doing low impact activities. This includes reading and transcribing Scriptures. I just finished transcribing the Holy Mythos of the Daughter. I have begun work on transcribing the Heart of Water. I'm working from NCUV and The Gospel of Our Mother God. I kinda wish I had hard copy of both because reading text off of the screen is making my eyes bother me. Reading glasses help, but it's still exasperating.

Right now, I'm just tired and unsure what to do. I'm tempted to resume working on the transcription stuff. At the same time, I am feeling a pull to work on the prayer shawl or the two charity projects that I've gotten started (one scarf and one baby hat). I really am tempted to take a nap, but now is not the time for it. If I am going to get anything done before the kids get home, it will have to be now.

Yesterday was a really challenging day with the kids. I don't know what's going on, but they were fighting quite a bit. Loki assures me this is a phase they're going through and a bit of cabin fever. It's the screaming that grates on my nerves. But, this too shall pass. At least they've gotten used to the new rule that the have to clean their room for 30 minutes every day before they get tv time. That made for a brutal two weeks, let me tell you.

I just want this virus I have to go away so that I have the energy to do more stuff. I feel like I am falling behind and this is making me anxious.

Moura - Day 16: I hate my calendar.

Dear Reader,

If you're keeping score, I messed up the dates of the week again. I was looking at the calendar on my phone and it had today marked as Med-Moura. Which is inaccurate because it is a leap year and Med-Moura was yesterday. It's vexing to try to keep things straight when you're thinking through mud at the same time. I'm still sick. Beloved did the dishes for me when he got home from work and was so kind as to pick up dinner for me on the way home. I feel generally awful and exhausted. This makes me feel like I am a morally bad person because I'm not still working on things like housework and such. I wasn't raised in the most supportive environment when I was younger and being sick was treated like an insult against my parents. It's had lasting effects on how I view myself and my ability to get things done when I am sick.

Working through that baggage is part of what Frey and Loki have had me doing for the last several months. It's exhausting work and painful. But, it is necessary and they do help me through the process. As Loki has said to me: If you can't tell a deity, who can you tell? They're both pushing me to focus on rest and recovery while I am sick. Light housework is ok but anything more than the bare necessities gets me a stern look and things going haywire. They don't go haywire to the point that stuff breaks but things just stop working properly and I have to take a break.

I wish that I could set up the calendar so that it had the correct dates of things for leap years and non-leap years. I can only imagine how vexing adjusting the calendar is for folks in the Southern Hemisphere. They have a larger number of dates on the Filianic calendar impacted by the Julian leap year. It's aggravating. I prefer the Filianic calendar because it makes more sense but everybody else uses the Julian calendar. So, in my planner, I have to have the dates for both written out. But, I make mistakes and get things screwed up in my planner because I use my phone to help me set up my planner at the beginning of every month on the Julian calendar. It's a major headache.

I'm rambling now. I can't think very clearly because this virus has me mildly febrile and loopy. Just enough of a fever that it makes me uncomfortable but not enough of one to be concerned. And loopy enough that I have the attention span of a butterfly. So, I'm going to wander along and work on my prayer shawl as I wait for the tylenol to kick in and hopefully make the body aches go away.

Moura - Day 13: The flu, I think.

Dear Reader,

I have come down with some kind of virus that has my body feeling like I've been beaten all over with a stick, my stomach roiling, and my sinuses in revolt. Now the sinuses thing could be my allergies being stupid. But I'm inclined to suspect that I have some form of the flu. This is very frustrating because I have spent most of my day swinging back and forth between feeling too warm and feeling like I'm freezing. My brain is so foggy that it's like thinking through mud. And the energy is just sapped out of me.

I'm still soaking the altar cloth to see if the vinegar can get the wax out. I haven't seen much progress. I don't know if I should add more vinegar or dump the vinegar out and pour really hot water over it. Some sites recommend dunking the thing in boiling water. I'm not sure if I want to subject my pots to this but I'm at a loss for ideas on how to get the wax out. Theoretically, I can use an iron on it but I am concerned that the iron will melt the acrylic yarn. (Because that is a thing that happens.)

I'm sitting still but feeling like the room is reeling around me. This and the exhausted feeling are what's keeping me from finishing off the dishes and scrubbing that darn tub. Beloved has reminded me of the following: Friend Computer strictly prohibits unauthorized pre-scheduled termination. (We're a couple of nerds. I have no idea how many of you have ever played the game Paranoia but it was something else.)

I slept most of the morning. I'm tempted to go take a nap right now but the kids are coming home from school. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with them. This morning, I passed out a few times because of how exhausted I was and my blood sugar was running high due to being sick. (It wasn't dangerously high, just enough to exaggerate the exhaustion from this stupid virus.) I hate being sick for so many reasons. The biggest one is the fact that it gets in the way of my getting things done.

Gods willing, I'll be feeling better tomorrow and up to making the special dinner that I have planned in honor of Med-Moura.

Moura - Day 12: Revenge of the Dishes.

Dear Reader,

After the last hour, I have managed to battle back the tottering pile of dishes in the sink. I have three pots to wash, two of which need a good soak before I can get to them. So, I am taking a break from that. I got a little more work done in the bathroom today. It smells of vinegar in there right now because I have a basin that I am using to soak an altar cloth in vinegar. According to the Internet, which we know is an all-wise oracle, vinegar will dissolve the candle wax that got into the fabric. I'd try acetone but the fabric is acrylic and I think the acetone would eat the fabric as well as the wax.

This morning, I spent some time writing (check out the post before this one for what came out of my pen). It was an eerie time writing because it felt like someone was dictating it to me. My mood isn't the best because I'm still recovering from a degree of burn out after folding tons of laundry yesterday. I think I pushed myself a little too far. In the process of going through the laundry, I realized that I have to give away about half of the shawls that I have made over the last few years. Beloved came up with a nifty idea - donating them to a local hospital to distribute to new mothers as nursing shawls. I'm debating between that and contacting one of the local nursing homes to see if any of the residents would like them.

It's been a grey, rainy day today. It hasn't been consistently warm enough for me to smell the sap running in the trees yet. I think, however, that's going to happen soon if this weather pattern continues. The property two doors down was filled with trees. Then about a month ago, a contractor came in and cut everything down. There's some debate as to why it happened. One suspicion is that the emerald ash borer beetle got into those trees like it did in the trees on the property that is behind our building. Another suspicion is that some one is going to be building a house there. No one really knows what's going on. I'm just concerned for the birds and wildlife. This is a dramatic drop in tree coverage here and I don't know what is going to happen for them now.

It would be really sad if my Beloved's hobby of bird watching got nuked because those trees had to get cut down. It's one of the hobbies he has that he really enjoys and we can share. Even the kids are getting involved. Just this morning, my youngest and I sat and watched the wildlife as he was waiting for the bus. We had a very involved discussion about how we now have red-tailed squirrels in our yard when we didn't have any last year. At 10 years old, he wants to be a Nature Boy and save the environment. He also wants to grow up to be an astronaut. He's ambitious and I think that'll carry him far. My 12 year old is still fixated on being a fire fighter when he grows up. He's been trying to talk me into getting him a full set of fire fighting gear for his birthday. It's been a hard sell and I know he's not going to be successful, but goodness does he try.

A retelling of the Temptation of the Daughter.

The Maid has traveled far. she walks a road that leads down into the Netherworld. As She walks, She grows weary and saddened for She sees how the world begins to wither with Her passing. She comes to a bower where all seems dead. The Maid knows she is drawing close to the entrance of the Dark Queen's realm.

Exhausted and heart-sick for all the suffering She has seen, the Maid sits in the bower upon a stone. She weeps tears of pity for the life that is fading about her. From her tears, where they land, a spring bubbles forth. About her the frail trees begin to have the sap move and the weary world finds a breath of hope.

Once the Maid recovers herself from the weight of grief that she carries, She rises and sets herself upon the path again that leads into the place below all places where darkness reigns without even the respite of starlight. Though she knows this place is part of the road to the Netherworld and has been fashioned by Her Mother's hand, the Maid can not help her horror at the massive amounts of suffering in this vale. The cries of the anguished are deafening. Somewhere in the cacophony, the Maid realizes that She hears Her own voice.

Then, over the hills, they come. The servants of the Dark Queen seem fair to look upon, each bearing some manner of casket with them. Where all else in the vale of suffering look weak and sickened, they walk tall with a terrible aura of power about them. The souls of the suffering watch these creatures pass wearing faces of humanity. They shrink away for fear of the monstrosity that lurks in their alien eyes.

The demons approach the Maid, bearing their caskets before them and dressed in fine array. With the demons of temptation who bear the caskets come the demons of suffering who hold sway over that vale. The demons of suffering run ahead and lay siege upon the Maid. They engage Her in mighty battle, sure of victory for they could see Her weariness. Beset on all sides, the Maid did her best to ward off their attacks with Her great axe. For each blow She turned away, ten fell upon her, ravaging her soul with their talons.

As they fell on Her, the demons of suffering cried: Hope is dead, for the light of the Mother has fallen from You. You shall go down to suffering and death and none shall save You. In the illimitable emptiness of the universe shall You stand alone and none shall give You comfort. In the darkness of eternal night shall You kneel to weep and no hand shall be put upon Your shoulder, but every hand shall be raised against You to do You hurt.

The Maid trembled at their evil prophecy and with the pain of the wounds to her soul. Still, she stood in that desolate place with her great axe and answered: Go your ways, for what I have said, that I shall do. The demons of suffering parted as the richly dressed demons of temptation came forward with their caskets. As they approached, the Maid watched them with suspicion. The demons of temptation stood before Her and offered Her their caskets. As they spoke, they opened their caskets to reveal each one bearing wondrous treasures, dainty food and sumptuous treats, and all manner of luxury.

The demons of temptation spoke, saying: Be You lead by us, and You shall have protection and all good things. The whole of the world shall be Your fortress, and You shall have wealth and magnificence that all the children of the earth shall love You. But the Maid answered: How shall you give to Me that which is Mine? For I am Princess of the world, and all the children of the earth have been given into My care by the hand of the Eternal.

Then the demons of temptation said: The light of the Eternal is taken from You, and whether these things are or are not Yours, it is we that have the power of them, and we You must obey if You will be saved. But the Maid saw through their lie and rebuked them. She replied: That which is right in the deepest heart of things, and in the center of all being, that is right and none other, and the Truth alone is true. Nor shall all the powers of the earth count against it, neither all the powers of the seas and skies move it by the smallest fraction in all its vastness. I shall obey none but My Mother, though all your power be turned in fury upon Me.

And the demons answered: Not our power, but the power of one far greater from whom our power derives. And the Maid said: Thus may it be. And the demons were filled with confusion. And they questioned Her: Think You that Your Mother will save You? And the Maid answered: She will do what She will do, and blessed is Her name. And the demons laughed in mockery, saying: Then You are abandoned to the uttermost darkness. And the heart of the Maid fainted within Her. And she said, quietly: Thus may it be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The text of the conversation between the Maid and the demons comes from the Mythos of the Daughter in The Gospel of Our Mother God. The rest of it comes from inspiration. The introductory scene of the Maid in a bower was a vision that came to me as I was praying the other day.

Moura - day 11: The laundry has taken over, please send halp!

Dear Reader,

I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday. My morning was busy trying to make a dent in the dishes and setting up my planner for the month of March. Then it was off to the in-laws to drop the kids off before Beloved and I had a lunch date. We talked about a bunch of things and generally enjoyed a little break from the kids. I think we need to do this more often than every few months but life keeps getting in the way of making that happen.

The weather has been just plain odd. I think we're on the south side of a storm system that's brewing right now. It's about 20 deg F warmer than usual right now. The yard is nothing but mud, but I was able to find all the missing parts to Beloved's nifty new squirrel baffle that got knocked down in the wind storm last week. My boys are frustrated with the fact that they've been stuck indoors from the weather and I think they've got a case of cabin fever. We all can't wait for spring to hurry up and get here.

Beloved did laundry Saturday evening. That was when it became apparent that my dresser was just this side of completely empty and ALL my laundry but what was on my back was in the wash. The couch is covered in laundry right now in various stages of folded. I had to take a break, though. I think I'm going to have dreams of folding laundry. I'm only 1/3 of the way done. And we haven't started on the kids' laundry. This is why I'm folding laundry now because there's no way I could get it done at the same time as the kids.

All that cleaning I did in my kitchen last week has gone to pot(s). We had a fun weekend of cooking but the dishes piled up pretty quickly. So I'm going to be busy this evening instead of writing stuff as I had hoped to be doing. I'm making reasonable headway on getting the bathroom sorted out. I confess, I am intimidated by the state of the tub and I'm working on everything else first. I'm debating washing the walls down before I clean the tub (when I highly doubt that is necessary). I will get the procrastinating out of the way as soon as I get the laundry and dishes under control.

My spiritual discipline of focusing on the moment has been challenging. My c-ptsd has been making that difficult, as has the anxiety problem that I have. But I am doing my best, which is all that anyone (even deities) can ask of me. I prayed the rosary today. On Mondays, I try to pray it at least once. Ideally, I do it three times. Once for Marya, once for Anna, and once for Deam Mysterium. I got my first two cycles done. Then I got caught up in chores and doing things like scheduling doctors appointments. I may be praying to Deam Mysterium this evening before I go to bed, if I am not so brain fried that I forget.