The Opera Omnia wasn't as helpful as I had hoped.

 Dear Reader,

I chewed my way through the Opera Omina (both books) and came up with more questions than answers. Isn't it maddening when you sit down with source material and not only can't you find explanation of material in the other primary work you're reading but a laundry list of other questions pop up. In comparing the Opera Omnia to the Clear Recital (ECE edition because it is the most popular), I couldn't find clarification of a number of things that bothered me about some passages in the Clear Recital. I couldn't help but come to the conclusion that Filianism/Déanism have an incomplete theology. Honestly, the deeper I read into it, the more I find unclear where it is said to be simple.

I know some find satisfaction in the fact that there are deeper mysteries that can not be fully comprehended. But when a statement is presented as fact and there is no follow up or exposition to explain that fact, I'm left wondering what is missing, where do I find it, and how do I present it to prevent the confusion of others. I can't help a measure of grief that much of the sacred knowledge is hidden or lost. We have a portion of the wisdom of the elders and this grieves me, for I see a time coming that we shall have need of it.

Incapacitating Migraines can be Odd.

 Dear Reader,

I now understand the theory that Hildegarde von Bingen had ocular migraines and this was the root of her visions. I have ocular migraines. The aura symptoms for me include pain, food cravings, and my vision going blurry/foggy in my right eye. I usually have to take my medicine and go lay down in a dark room for a few hours. This time the migraine lasted three days. With my eyes closed, I saw colors and wavy lines. It was odd.

When sleep finally came, my dreams were vivid in color and realistic in action. Alas, they were nightmares of past trauma. As I woke up, on day two of this fun-fest, I heard a quiet voice telling me that I am strong enough to thole this as I have other pains. Thole is an interesting word from Anglo-Saxon. It means the ability to endure suffering and continue to act. (I am slowly learning Anglo-Saxon. I don't think I'll ever have a comprehensive grasp on it. I started too late and teachers are few.)

I don't know if Hildegarde's visions came during her migraines. I know that mine do not. But sometimes, the symptoms leading up to the migraine include elements that I had seen before in dreams. It's usually right before a pretty bad migraine. Precognitive dreams are funky. You see something happen and you see yourself acting, but it is all as if it is a movie, you have no control over anything despite the hyper realism of the dream. The hyper realism thing usually happens in lucid dreams, which you can control stuff and do things like fly.

My visions hit me like my flashbacks to trauma do. I get a cold sensation in the pit of my gut and suddenly I'm not here anymore. Flashbacks, I can't act or say anything. I can only relive the trauma in full color and all the sensory awfulness that happened. Visions, I can act and I can speak. They last a minute at most, though they were longer when I was younger and not on psychoactive medication to control my flashbacks. But, given Einstein's law of General Relativity, time is relative to the frame of action. Thus that one minute can feel like an hour. And a lot can happen in an hour. 

Searching for answers.

Dear Reader,

I have decided to re-read the Opera Omnia in an effort to answer some questions that have come up in my regular reading of the Clear Recital. I've cross referenced all the editions I have on a number of quotes, there are some variations in how the things that bewilder me are phrased but nothing more to clarify the sections that keep me asking questions.

So, I am going to chew my way through the Opera Omnia again to specifically look for answers to my questions. I suspect that there will be nothing satisfactory. I, however, am in a gloomy mood and Déa will provide guidance.

As I meditate and pray, I will be working on my latest design for embroidery. It is a quote from the Clear Recital (can be found in all versions). I am not satisfied with how my lettering came out so uneven, but writing on fabric is hard. The color I'm using for the lettering is DMC's 798.
 

Divination: Random Thoughts.

 Dear Reader,

This fan is more than an embroidery project. It is a project begun by my late Grandmother and finished by myself. It has a strand of her hair woven into it, though you can not see where it is located. I still have the mount it and frame it, but I finished it Saturday. I could feel my Grandmother's approval and happiness with the way it turned out. The fan is a literal touch stone to her because of her work on it and the hair woven into it.

When you're starting out practicing necromancy, you need those touch stones to help you connect with the person you are attempting to contact. You also need a touch stone to bring you back to the present. They act as compass guides to bring you to where you want to be. The more intimate the touch stone is, the deeper the contact will be and the more you learn. It is the difference between a mass produced prayer card with their picture on it and a favorite pen they used to write letters. One resonates better than the other because it was an active part of their life here.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Practicing divination when your depressed is a crap shoot. Your depression may block or distort the psychic input of the session. If you're getting accurate results, depression's attendant problem, imposter syndrome, may leave you to think that you are just wrong about everything. If you are depressed and trying to do psychic work, be extra gentle on yourself. And get a second or third opinion, just to make sure that you are focusing on psychic input and not the garbage input that depression creates.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In a little retail therapy a few months back, I picked up this deck. It was made in China. These cards are the most adorable things I've seen in a while. My favorite cards are The Chariot (that cat looks like it's hyper and doesn't care about the rules of the road), the Hanged Man (I can't get over how they took a 'serious' card and made it fun with the character sticking out their tongue at you), and Death (it actually looks friendly and welcoming).

I  am still working on getting the deck properly mixed up. My hands are small and the deck is kinda large.

But that Chariot card, though, utterly hilarious when you think about cats.

Divination: Rune Study - Ehwaz/Eoh

 I apologize for how long it is has been since I posted and that I dropped the ball on the Rune Study. Today we are looking at the rune Ehwaz/Eoh. The first spelling of the rune's name comes from Proto-Germanic reconstruction by a whole heap of linguists trying to figure out just how the ancient runes sounded. The second spelling of the rune's name comes from Old English and Anglo-Saxon.

This rune translates as the word horse. While some readers would say the cognate of this rune in the tarot deck would be the Chariot, I would contend it is the six of wands (frequently depicted with a rider carrying a laurel wreath topped want and surrounded by other who carry similar wands). Horses have famously been described as 'untrustworthy at both ends and uncanny in the middle'. Still if you build a good relationship with a horse and treat them well, you'll have a boon companion for just about your whole life. (Horses can live up to 30 years. I have heard rumors of one living to 50 years, but I can't confirm or deny that one.)

The six of wands shows a victorious rider arriving with all honors. It warns, however, that these honors may vanish and the horse will no longer serve the rider if the rider is not prudent. How, one may ask, does this compare to the only existent Anglo-Saxon rune poem regarding this particular rune.

"The horse is a joy to princes in the presence of warriors.

A steed in the pride of its hoofs,

when rich men on horseback bandy words about it;

and it is ever a source of comfort to the restless."

The source of this translation is the Wikipedia link given at the beginning of the article. Comparing this rune poem to the interpretation of the six of wands, we find focus on the arrival in glory and how the horse is a good help-mate to their rider. If one is inclined to read runes as reversed, they would find the result in many ways identical to the reversed reading of the six of wands. Perhaps this is a cultural memory preserved in both systems recognizing the importance, high status, and wealth indicated by horse ownership in antiquity.

A prayer for Moura from my personal journal.

 Dear Friends,

I hope that this prayer brings you comfort and peace as we move through the final days of Moura.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Lady Anna,

I follow your footsteps in to the places of darkness within me. Help me resist the Kheres of despair and terror. Guide me over the frozen, broken ground of depression. Lead me through the maze of khere-thorns to the passage where I face my fear of mortality and the afflictions of the body. Especially help me with my fear of blindness. 

Let me follow you to the edge of the Abyss and cast into it that which is not of Déa. May it be that I hide in the shadows of the false Dark Queen's hall and bear witness to your heroic sacrifice. Let me weep as the heralds for your descent into oblivion.

For Love's sake, so mote it be.

What is the Rule of Our Lady? Pt.2

 In my last essay, I addressed the central rule of Our Lady. Let us expand our view a bit more. In the adapted Madrian rules for a harmonious life a great deal of emphasis is placed on obedience and maintaining the social order of the household. In the Aristasian rendition of these rules, the same emphasis is there but it is expanded to include a larger social hierarchy. With all of this focus on obedience, it is tempting to say it is a slavish, cult like mindset. I suppose one could say that, but what of the free will that Déa endowed all beings with.

Socrates is reputed have said on his death bed - The unexamined life is worthless. Our Lady appears to agree with this sentiment given how often we are called to self examination in the Book of Her Teachings. Between self examination and free will, obedience  becomes a decision based in critical thinking. One may decide to hold up the existing social structures by obeying the implicit rules of the unspoken social contract between the members who create that social structure. One may decide not to obey the social contract and undermine a given social structure. 

Either decision bears considerable weight and should be made from a place of love for oneself and others. If the social structure you find yourself in is doing harm, it is wise to reject it for the sake of your wellness and the wellness of those who depend on you. At the same time, your actions, may by necessity, imitate others who support this system of behavior and deed. Action that is coerced can not be held against you. Remember that before any other being, we are called to obey Our Lady. Her rule is love unto all, including ourselves and those that would scorn us.

Such loving is difficult, especially in the case of those who scorn us. It is wise to love such persons from a discreet distance to maintain your safety. We need not embrace that which is dangerous to ourselves or those who depend on us to prove our transpersonal love. Treating them with respect and courtesy is enough.

Postscript: I currently am operating with a massive migraine. I've had this post on deck for a little while now and then lost it among my children's school papers. When I found it this afternoon, I knew I had to post it before it got eaten by my desk. Please forgive any typos and grammatical errors you find in this. Migraines are horrid things.