I am a few days late posting for the holy day that passed recently. I am a bit late for my regular posting. (Well, perhaps a bit is a touch of an understatement.) I wish I could report that the time since my last post has been filled with merriment and activity. It has, regrettably, been a time of much weariness and frustration.
In the days of fine weather that we had prior to Beltane/Exaltation of Our Lady (May 1st), I planted my miniature rose bushes with the hopes they would survive the experience and did some work cleaning up my outdoor shrine. Aside from that, I have been busy with the daily tasks of running my household and attempting to keep myself from getting too caught up in my depression. It has been difficult but I have been making a point of finding at least one thing to be thankful for each day. Recalling that at this time last year, I was in the hospital made me all the more thankful for the fact that I had the capacity to take the children out for ice cream and visit friends today.
It may not sound like much to do in honor of the gods. It was something very small in the grand scheme of things, I will admit, but given what I have been able to do over the last few weeks it was a measurable increase. The evening before Beltane, I was lamenting the fact that I couldn't do anything with the children special for the day. That night, I had a dream where I was walking in a field of flowers that were opening as I passed. Each step was tiring but the sight of the unfurling beauty around me filled my heart with joy. Standing at the other side of the field, I saw Freyr waiting with a warm smile.
Some how, I knew that I didn't need to observe things precisely on the date of the calendar. It helped lift some of the anxiety and guilt that I felt over how much difficulty I had been having in keeping my devotional activities up and my lack of a plan for the holidays. I woke and forgot about that dream until this evening. I think that the gods are patient with us when we are unwell, more so than what we are with ourselves, and even the smallest things done in their honor matter greatly.
I would post more but the words run away from me before I can get them to the page. It is my sincerest hope that all is well with you and that love is close.