It's here: The Unabridged Filianic Calendar Devotional

Dear Reader,

That's right, my new book is out and available for purchase. Currently, it is the digital edition that I encourage you to buy for the safety of everyone involved given the COVID-19 pandemic. This is the condensed version. Unlike the paperback (which is still in review over at KDP), the digital edition does not include a one line a day prayer journal for the year. Obviously, you can not write down the prayers you desire on your Kindle or other E-reader. A notebook or a document file is absolutely awesome for that.

Kala & Covid-19 : Thoughts.

It seems oddly and eerily appropriate that Kala is accompanied by exceedingly visceral reminders of the consequences of the death of Our Lady. For the people who are not familiar with Filianism, Kala is the day that the Daughter is slain and Her body is hung upon the World Pillar in the Netherworld by the Dark Queen. This is the day that the Daughter descends into the abyss of khear farther than any of our souls might go because She has gone there and protects us from it's endless destruction.

Right now, over on Tumblr, I am leading a Novena to the Healer of the World. I recognize that some people would argue that it is inappropriate to continue this Novena through Kala and Hiatus (which is 2 days this year instead of the usual 1 because it is a leap year).  This is because the Daughter is dead and this renders the world still, lifeless, and filled with all manner of suffering as per the holy texts. I argue, however, that the Daughter is still sustaining the world because we have not vanished into oblivion today. She is currently engaged in the greatest act of healing for the world - healing the rift between all of creation and Déa. As such, prayers to Her are still appropriate.

I also am of the opinion that now is an especially good time to pray to the Bright Mother to come and rescue not only Her Daughter from the abyss of khear and utter death, but all of us from the dangers of Covid-19. For this reason, I will be reciting my rosary. It is a custom that I have developed to pray the "Catholic" style rosary with my focus on Marya, the Bright Mother. Once a season, I pray a fifteen decade rosary to Marya. I will be doing that today. My focus will not be the entire mythos, which it usually is when I do so. It will be instead for the healing and safety of the world and Our Lady.

Today is day three of social isolation for my children and I. We've been doing our best to get some semblance of a learning schedule and get started on home schooling. It's been challenging. I may add on some prayer time for success in settling into the new normal. My husband had to go to work. I have been praying for their health and safety. If you are willing to send up a prayer for us, I would appreciate it.  If you are interested in the Novena to the Healer of the World, check things out over on Tumblr.

A recounting of the Maid's journey: the Second Gate

The Maid passed from the eerie realm of twilight into deep shadow. As She proceeded onward, she found the souls of the newly dead milling about in lost confusion. In the dimness, the Maid's light was as the first crescent moon shining on the waters of the river of grief. Her fellow travelers were drawn to Her light. The lost found the road through darkness, weeping with relief. No more did they stumble over the hard stones scattered over that place.

The Maid comforted them and She then continued to the second gate. The second gatekeeper came forward. She gazed upon the Princess of the World and her entourage with ire. The keeper of the gate of iron scowled. She knew that the Dark Queen would not tolerate they presence of any higher born than she. Knowing that the gatekeeper would be punished for allowing any of high birth pass with their ornament or insignia, the gatekeeper demanded the Maid's silver circlet.

The Maid removed her diadem and handed it over. The gatekeeper took it and roughly thrust the Maid through the portal before shutting it. Her companions wept anew at the sight of the Princess of the World being stripped of Her crown. The gatekeeper threw the silver circlet upon a pile of such things that had been stripped of princesses and royal born of the world. Though the Maid walked away, something of Her light lingered in that circlet to the gatekeeper's dread, for it shimmered in the gloom.

Alone, into deeper darkness, the Maid walked with the sound of weeping echoing in Her ears.

~*~*~*~*~*~

As I was about to get up and do some chores, I bashed my knee on the desk. While I sat with ice on it, I thought more about the Maid's journey and wondered what she would see besides the gates. This is the fruit of that contemplation. I think that the newly dead would be wandering in a dark place unsure where to go and Our Lady's light guides them to safe passage through that darkness as She journeys on.

A recounting of the Maid's journey: The First Gate

The Maid walked upon the downward sloping road through a desolate land. A land where every manner of green thing had died for want of water and proper light, for the vale had deepened  so that not even a ray of daylight came into this place. The Maid heard a great roaring of what seemed to be a river echoing o'er the distance.

Soon, the road She walked brought Her alongside it. A deafening din like the clashing of battle came from the waters that ran red as blood and gave not to the lands it passed through. Soon the road met the waters and a ford of broken stones lay across it. On the other side of the ford stood a great oaken gate with iron banded door and iron hinges set into stone gatepost. The river ran round the place where the gate stood in an oxbow and was lost in the fog that shrouded the point.

At watch on the gate was one who viewed the Maid's descent into the vale from afar. The gatekeeper watched the Maid cross the ford and how, for a moment, the turbulent waters became calm and clear. With wonder and dread of who had such power to becalm the river named grief, the gatekeeper cried: Who is it that come of her own free step upon the realm of the Dark Queen?

And the Maid replied: I am the Daughter of She Who is Mother of All. Great fear, nay, terror came into the gatekeeper's heart. She viewed the Maid and beheld the great Moon-axe She bore. The gatekeeper was in great dread of that weapon forged of light. The howling horde that had sallied forth earlier returned blooded by it where none had done before. Thinking of her duty to protect her Queen, the gatekeeper thought to take the axe and hopefully diminish the Maid's power.

The gatekeeper demanded: Give unto me Your axe and You shall pass. The Maid gave the great Moon-axe into the gatekeeper's hands. With haste, the gatekeeper gave order for the gate to be opened. The vast oaken gate groaned upon its hinges, the very gate seemingly resisting the Maid's entrance.

Once it had opened but wide enough for one to pass through, so did the Maid proceed on her journey. As the gatekeeper hastened to close the gate, a servant of the Dark Queen came for that treasured weapon to bear it away to their mistress.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is what came to me as I was meditating upon the mystery of the Maid giving over her Moon-axe to gain access to the Dark Queen's realm.

Moura - Day ??? I am so mixed up.

Dear Reader,

Apparently being sick has completely confused my sense of time last week. I honestly am not sure if today is day 19 or not of Moura. I feel befuddled and a bit down hearted because it was my intent to blog about every day of Moura this year. I think it is clear, however, that Our Lady had other plans for me. I'm finally over the flu. I got a walk and was astounded by how much the world seems to have changed from the bitter cold and such that was here when I first came down with the flu and decided it was in my best interests to stay indoors as much as possible.

I'm partially caught up on housework. I have a few dishes left in the sink to manage, but I'm going to handle it after dinner. I did a lot of work on my prayer shawl. My focus as I have been working is praying to Deam Mysterium for serenity. I have a big anxiety problem and being chronically ill doesn't help it any. Now my kids are getting older and going through life changes, which has me fretting over how to help them.

I have discovered that I didn't write a thing in my day planner which acts as my bullet journal for life at large. I honestly don't know if the date I have written in there for Moura is correct. My food journal got forgotten for the last two weeks because I was too busy being sick and worrying about a medication change with my diabetes medicine (which lead to higher than normal fasting blood sugars on top of the elevation that got caused by my having the flu - it was scary).

I've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not "doing" Moura properly. It's been frustrating for me to keep up with my daily devotionals or to do anything special on top of that. I've been an emotional mess and struggling with my seasonal depression. It's beginning to improve but I still feel badly. I have been trying to do my spring cleaning but its not working out so great because I wasn't well for about two weeks (thanks influenza). Somewhere in the middle of this bucket of suck that I am carrying around, I have misplaced hope that things will get better. I'm just treading water and frustrated with my lack of progress.

I think my big lesson for Moura this year is be more patient with myself. I am wretched at doing that. Seriously, I have a terrible track record for being patient with myself when I'm going through any sort of growth process or stopping to rest when I'm sick. (Which is why when I had pneumonia years ago, my toddler son was regularly ratting me out to Beloved for getting up out of sick bed because I was impatient to do SOMETHING. The compromise was I could teach myself to knit if I stayed in bed unless I had to get up. I'm an awful patient because I keep trying to get up and do stuff when I really should be resting.)

Moura - Day 19: Starting to feel better.

Dear Reader,

After some rest time, I feel like I can get back into cleaning mode. Which is a good thing because I have about a week's worth of work to catch up on. I'm planning on asking Beloved to put together the vacuum cleaner. It is entirely different from the old one and I don't want to chance putting a part in the wrong place. My sweeper is ... Well, it works, sort of. I may buy another rechargeable electric sweeper if Aldi's grocery gets them in again some time soon (and they don't sell out as fast as they did last time).

This coronavirus business has me feeling a bit anxious. On Friday, there were 44 cases confirmed in my state. Then, yesterday evening there were 77 cases confirmed. Right now, most of them are in the downstate region of NY. There was one potential case in my part of NY that was tested and came up negative. The person in question chose to keep themselves quarantined just to keep everybody safe. I sincerely hope that they are feeling better soon. I am, quite obviously, praying for the health and welfare of everyone who have been effected by this disease.

As I was doing some more work on my transcription project of the Filianic scriptures, I was reading through the latter section of The Heart of Water. It was somewhat grim reading considering the state of the world today. The promise that Déa shall bring us deliverance from the darkness in this world is one that I do my best to keep in my mind as I am looking at the situation. I know that all things move in cycles. We just have to be patient and wait for this cycle to reset itself. In the meantime, I am going to work on doing all the practical things for myself and my family.

May Déa bless you and keep you safe during these trying times.

Godspousery Notes: Sit down and rest, dammit.

Dear Reader,

I'm at that awkward point where you begin to feel a burst of energy and like you just might have enough in you to jump back into your usual routine. And then you try and you have to sit down and take a break. Each time you try. I've been doing low impact activity. I even made a point of not dithering and fretting over Beloved working on dinner in the kitchen. (I get like that when ever it isn't me cooking. Yay anxiety issues.)

Now, you'd figure since I was doing things like working on my transcription project and crochet that I wouldn't be quite so worn out. I look around and see piles of things I really need to get taken care of. And each time I start to get up to do so, I've got Freyr giving me a stern look. Then I wonder what to do with myself and either turn back to the transcription project or my crochet.

Apparently their efforts to do Moura stuff with me is enforcing that I sit down and rest when I need it, as well as inspiring some curious things when I meditate. Like my accidental, happenstance related fasting from red meat for a week and they say to me, "Do you feel better for fasting now?" I feel like I'm doing Moura wrong. They keep telling me that I shouldn't be expecting this to be the same thing as Lent, because it is an entirely different animal.

The accidental, happenstance related chastity is frustrating. Again, they ask, "Do you feel better for this restriction now?" The answer to these questions have been, "No, I don't." Then they reply with a simple question: What is the point of Moura? Moura is a time of purification. Moura is a time of spiritual discipline. It is a time to align ourselves with Our Lady in her journey down into the lands of death.

My rote answers, however, gets me a rather arch look and expressions of droll amusement. The forced time of rest and recovery while I am working on getting over the flu has done more for my spiritual discipline than all of the scrubbing that I have been doing. It has forced me to sit down and pay more attention to my spirit. It has forced me to sit down and pay more attention to my prayer life. And it has lead me to deeper study of the scriptures of the Filianic faith.

Loki prods me to work on my prayer shawl. (He insists that the color is perfect for Moura despite the fact that it is fuchsia. Because fuchsia is an optical illusion that happens when you put the colors from the opposite ends of the spectrum beside each other. In the right light, it looks a rather queer lavender sheen or it has a bright pink glow to it. But the light has to hit it at just the right angle for either of these to be apparent. Generally morning light brings out the pink and evening light brings out the lavender.) He sits with me and keeps me company as I work.

Freyr pushes me to work on my personal discipline in caring for my health. He insists that as an incarnate soul, I should take care of my body and mind with great consideration. Freyr insists that it is as much spiritual discipline as it is mundane discipline for the sake of my health.

And then there is the scripture study. As I am transcribing and reading, I find myself drawn deeper into contemplation of the holy text. As I am resting and writing, I somehow find myself praying to see clarity in these words that I copy. Loki and Freyr will sit with me and ask questions of the text. It's an odd thing to have them point out parts that I should read over again and copy with great care. I never had expected this.