Thoughts, lessons, and theology from an eclectic witch from a varied background.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Resting in Holy Arms.

I started this post recounting how I have been struggling. I started talking about how the depressive elements of my present mixed episode was making me view myself. Then the post randomly deleted itself and I had to start over again. While this may be my pointing at synchronicity and saying that the even is driven by the gods when it is not, I'm fairly sure it was.

Earlier today, I was somewhere between a panic attack and just melting down into an utter sobbing mess. After taking some much needed medication, I laid down and attempted to nap. I haven't been sleeping well. Thus, taking the opportunity to sleep a little bit when I have it was only practical and I honestly was exhausted from it all.

As I laid there on the bed, I felt a bitter chill wash over me. Then I felt warmth, like someone wrapped a furred blanket around me with the fuzzy side against my skin. Though I was laying on the bed with a flannel sheet over me and I was clearly alone, I felt someone lift me up and then position me so that my head rested in their lap. A hand settled on my head and smoothed down my hair. It was immensely soothing and I felt viscerally painful guilt for it.

That was when World-Breaker spoke to me. "Do not fight it. You are sick. You need aid. Who am I to deny you what you need when you had lived so long with out it? Freyr would not forgive me if I did," he said with a bit of wry humor at the end. As he held me, he said, "Let yourself rest. Let yourself be comforted. No one will punish you for this."

I almost started crying. I was so afraid that I was going to be hurt for being sick. I was so afraid that I was going to lose everything good in my life because I was sick enough that I couldn't do everything I felt I had to. His arms tightened around me and he said, "I will protect you. We will protect you. You are safe here." That was when the wash of calm hit me. I was able to rest a bit then.

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