Video posts are on hold right now.

 Dear Reader,

I have been so busy with the kids that I haven't had the chance to write up stuff for videos. I want to have transcripts for you to my videos. I also have been having a hard time getting quiet long enough to record a video (with out the boys photobombing). I do have some topics that I'd like to share. I also hope to do a few recorded meditations based off of ones that I have already posted here. I know that some folks find it easier to work through a guided meditation when there is someone reading it to them.

It is my goal to get a video post up in the beginning of September. School will be starting in the middle of the month, so there may still be some photobombing by the kids. If I can get them into some sort of project, maybe, just maybe, I'll get lucky and have enough time to record a short video for y'all. In the meantime, I am working to get back to daily posting on here. It's been hard because writing time is at a premium right now.

With the new moon, however, comes change and a clearing out of energies from the last month. Perhaps the next month will have greater stability and I can get back into my writing groove.

Sigil to stop crime in progress.

 Dear Reader,

Below is a sigil I developed about a year ago when there were problems and shenanigans of the illegal sort happening for someone I knew. This is a remarkably simple one. Draw a broken circle (if you can draw it counter clock-wise even better). This circle represents the confusion that the criminal party is using to commit their crime. Below the circle put a dot, this represents the target of this spell. Finally put an arrow extending down through the broken circe and over the dot. The arrow represents justice hitting it's mark.

Be Kind but Take No Crap.

 Dear Reader,

Déa calls on us to be kind. She exhorts us to be thamelic and harmonious with others around us. There are times, however, that one must be a note of dissonance in the conversation. We should be willing to stand up for ourselves and others when we see that something is wrong. Thamë is more than harmony, it is also justice. If it is possible to engage others in a way that does not become overly loud and possibly harmful, it is a good practice to have. De-escalating a situation is a great way to restore thamë. 

I do not have the best skill set for de-escalating situations. I tend to get angry and loud. I tend to weild facts as weapons and info-bomb the offender into humilated silence. It is my practice to refrain from wading into arguments unless I have the advantage of sufficient facts to bury my opponent. Sometimes, however, I will passionately throw myself into an argument because I see that there is something desperately wrong and I seek to right it.

Was my engaging in that argument today thamelic? Probably not. At the same time, I was working to defend myself and others who practice the worship practices of godspousery. It is a worship practice that is rooted in antiquity and as deserving of respect as any other worship practice. My argument in defense of this ancient practice and putting myself out as an example of a godspouse was all I could do in an effort to show that it exists and that not all godspouses are deluded.

When the offender in question attempted to continue the argument via a more "private" setting, I elected to ignore them. On the random wheel of chance, they got a Lokean godspouse with mental illness coming back at them with facts to back up the history of godspousery into antiquity who then illuminated the interplay between their mental illness and faith, as well as gave a picture into a day with Flame-Hair as a spouse. I didn't do this to make myself superior to any other godspouse. I did it to show that mental illness is not a prerequisite for faith and that faith can help check some of the problems of mental illness.

Yes, I threw out a challenge after the argument ended. Again, not the most thamelic of things to do. It is, however, part of my nature to do so. I've yet to see anyone attempting to bat it down. The same passion that drives me to defend my community of godspouses and Lokeans drives me to be protective of the Filianic and Déanic community. I can not abide persons who attack others for their religious practices when those practices cause no harm. I have a history of wading into the fray over this. I'm likely going to continue to do so because while I can not go to a protest to defend one's civil liberties or such, I can argue and do what little I can via the internet for the sake of justice. And serving justice is thamelic.

Godspouses and others in relationships with deities are NOT delusional.

 Dear Reader,

I've waded into a fight brewing on Tumblr. There is a person asserting that all godspouses are delusional. They're rather nasty about it. They have gone so far as to imply that if I truly believe that I am in a relationship with a god that I am being decieved by a demon. I laughed. I reminded them that one of Loki's kennings is the Lie-Smith and that he's painted by Snorri Sturlson as the big baddie in the tale of Ragnarok. I said that they had best provide proof that it was some manner of demon.

For my part, I illustrated something of the daily dynamic between Loki and I. I didn't even bother bringing Freyr into the picture because I figured their head was going to explode. Then I addressed their continuing assertion that I was delusional by explaining that while I struggle with mental illness the clarity that comes when I'm not stuck in delusional thinking was intimately tied to my relationship with Loki. I explained what exactly my deleusional thinking patterns are and where they stem from. I didn't bother mentioning that in a manic state, I start panic cleaning and organizing everything in my home, much to Loki's consternation and exasperation. Again, I thought it would be a bit too much for them to handle.

They say "prove that your relationship with Loki is real" so I demonstrated it. Everything from the time he manifested and pulled me out of oncoming traffic to him teasing me about the kids leaving dirty socks hiding everywhere and that my coffee isn't strong enough because you can't strip paint with it. Loki and I have a very 'domestic' relationship. He comes and goes as he will. He's got god-things to do and I do my best to stay out of the way. (This sometimes leads to a bit of getting my ears pinned back when I'm struggling and not seeking out help because I don't want to be a burden.)

But this person is going to scoff at it all and declare it all the over active imagination of a bored housewife. I'm still going to wade into the fray and deal with their repetitive scorn because somebody has to stand up to them. One person in the Lokean community is doing good work on that front. They should have someone to back them up on this. If there are others who are on Tumblr and willing to join this, please do. I suspect that this person is an evangelical/dominionist Christian troll. Their comment about demons and their malformed understanding of how the relationships between oathed clergy and lay people within other branches of Christianity is what has me suspecting this. Their troll game is rather weak compared to what I've seen rank newbie Discordians play.

Godspousery Notes: Just by the damn books.

Dear Reader,

I was fretting and worrying about the nastiness of COVID-19. I was so caught up in my anxiety that I was putting off doing important research and acquiring tools for said research. This had been a sticking point for me, seeing friends and neighbors struggling financially and wondering when it was going to happen to us. Beloved pointed out that I had enough money squirreled away for writing stuff that I could afford the books I needed. Still I persisted in my fretting.

Then Freyr said in a tone of irritation, "Why are you not investing in yourself? Just by the damn books. You need them for your work. Stop saying that it's too expensive to buy the tools you need for your trade."

I ordered the books. Afterwhich, Freyr said, "Next, you're going to work on self-care practices. Because you're allowing your anxiety to ride you like a horse. Between now and when the books show up, you are going to work on yourself. COVID isn't going anywhere. Let that sit and be as it is. You're already doing the practical things to keep yourself and your family safe. Worry isn't going to get anything done."

I felt somewhat chastened by this. I got a stern look from him as I started on my habitual self-blame cycle. "Blame and worry are twin goads that drive you into misery. You should focus on pleasure, joy, and what you can do right now. Stop neglecting your joy out of some misplaced sense of duty to be the pain bearer of everything. That is not your place. Nor is worry going to do you any good but serve to make you yet more ill."

At a loss for words.

 Dear Reader,

I try to have something interesting or inspiring to post. Today, well, the last two days, I have been at a loss for words. I have been depressed and anxious over COVID19 and the upcoming school year. I am struggling to function right now because my brain chemistry (which is well medicated, thanks to my medical care professionals) refuses to cooperate with my will. I feel like I am falling to pieces slowly and that I am, ultimately, engaged in an enormous act of hubris to try to be a priestess, author, mother, and wife all at the same time.

Some Christian authors from the Middle Ages describe this as the 'Dark Night of the Soul.' It is the time where we struggle to see the light of faith and that which is holy. Grief and terror comes in great waves that threaten to swamp our little boats in the great sea of reality, possibly to bear us down into the realms below from which we can not escape but by Divine grace. I'm well acquainted with this period of darkness for it comes over me regularly due to my bipolar's severe depressive episodes.

As I try to forge my way forward through this period of self-doubt, fear, and grief, I do my best to remember that the Truth of it all is I am not alone in this. I do my best to remember the Truth that I will emerge from this stronger and healthier than I was when I first entered into it. As I thole this, it's hard to remember that it will get better. 

This is where I place myself in the hands of the Deam Mysterium and trust her to guide me. This is where I walk with the gods and try very hard to remember that their faith in me is not misplaced, no matter how inadequate I feel.

Basic sigil for general protection.

 This is a very basic sigil for protection that I developed about seventeen years ago. It's worked relatively well for me. It can be combined with other elements to evoke specific forms of protection. The design elements of the sigil are rather simple. The diamond represents a shield. The cross is a sword. The diagonal lines are the manifestation of harm being directed around and away from the person who is being protected.