Dear Reader,
As you may know, I am a godspouse to Loki. One of the kennings of this god is World-Breaker. The people who like to point at Loki as the "Norse Satan" like to thump on this kenning like it's a bad thing. They're likely going to take exception to what I'm about to post here. As I was up in the middle of the night, sleepless with anxiety, Loki spoke to me. What he said reassured me so that I could get some sleep. He wanted me to share it with you all. Preface made, let's move on, shall we?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I am Chaos. To some I am misfortune and to some I am not. I am not malevolent towards humanity. I am the force of entropy that keeps the universe from collapsing into nothingness. COVID-19 is a plague upon the earth but it is not my work or the work of some other deity. It is wyrd. It was only a matter of time until another plague swept through humanity. Your faster methods of travel meant that it spread faster where once it would have been confined perhaps to a single continent.
No one knows the full extent of their wyrd. Frigg who knows the fates of all mankind sits and spins her clouds and speaks not upon it. It is just as well. For what would you do if you knew the exact date that you were to die? Would you flail about in despair or give up those cherished dreams?
I am Chaos. I am also a friend of humanity. Some say that I am fickle, and that may be. But I am as much in the random acts of kindness as I am in the random acts of cruelty. It is you who decides if it is kindness or cruelty. I am merely the seed of action, the way you perform is the flower, and the results of your deeds are the fruit.
Your world has grown stagnant in many places. Those structures are beginning to crumble. They have been in this position for quite some time. You can rebuild them or you can build new, better structures. This is an earthquake that would be a magnitude 20. Seek your shelter and then build your lives up out of the materials that have rained down for you to work with. I am in the creative urge as much as I destroy. After all, to plant seeds you must break the earth open.
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
Where are the gods? They're here with us.
Dear Reader,
Some of you may know that I have struggled with the question of divine mercy in the face of tragedy. It is hard to keep faith in it when you watch loved ones die. It is hard to keep faith in it when you thole your own sufferings. It is especially hard to keep faith in divine mercy when a tragedy as large as a pandemic is happening and the uncertainty as to if it will rob you or your loved ones of their lives.
We cry out to the gods "Why have you let this happen?" For too long have we been taught that the gods are not subject to wyrd. For too long have we been taught that they are all powerful. There is a reason why there are many gods of many different things. There is a reason why the gods can not escape their own fated interactions with other beings. (My friends in the Filianic and Déanic community, give me but a moment of your patience and I will explain what I am trying to express.)
Life flourishes when given the opportunity. Life on any scale will do so with the distinct lack of predators or natural checks to the point that it threatens the very environment in which it lives. The COVID-19 situation is the same as an invasive species destroying a waterway. It just happens that the destruction is to humans. We are desperately searching for a way to check COVID-19, just as the local community where I live is searching for a way to prevent the algae blooms on the lake, and restore parity to the system that is being decimated by the invasive species.
The gods have not abandoned us. They are here with us. They are at our bed sides as we fight with COVID-19 and its attendant complications. They are with the medical and safety professionals who risk their lives to help our communities. They are with the grocery store workers and countless other vital professionals who keep our communities alive while we are practicing social distancing.
The gods did not have a choice in which life flourishes and which life withers. That is wyrd. We may appeal to them to intervene somehow and put off when death comes for us. But they are as helpless to wyrd as we are. Even Déa, for the Daughter descended into the world and became subject to wyrd perpetually as part of Her sacrifice.
Do not despair. The gods are with you. Turn to them and unburden your heart to them. Seek out their good will. Pour out offerings unto them if you are able, even if it is but a few drops of water. They will hear your cries. They will comfort you.
Some of you may know that I have struggled with the question of divine mercy in the face of tragedy. It is hard to keep faith in it when you watch loved ones die. It is hard to keep faith in it when you thole your own sufferings. It is especially hard to keep faith in divine mercy when a tragedy as large as a pandemic is happening and the uncertainty as to if it will rob you or your loved ones of their lives.
We cry out to the gods "Why have you let this happen?" For too long have we been taught that the gods are not subject to wyrd. For too long have we been taught that they are all powerful. There is a reason why there are many gods of many different things. There is a reason why the gods can not escape their own fated interactions with other beings. (My friends in the Filianic and Déanic community, give me but a moment of your patience and I will explain what I am trying to express.)
Life flourishes when given the opportunity. Life on any scale will do so with the distinct lack of predators or natural checks to the point that it threatens the very environment in which it lives. The COVID-19 situation is the same as an invasive species destroying a waterway. It just happens that the destruction is to humans. We are desperately searching for a way to check COVID-19, just as the local community where I live is searching for a way to prevent the algae blooms on the lake, and restore parity to the system that is being decimated by the invasive species.
The gods have not abandoned us. They are here with us. They are at our bed sides as we fight with COVID-19 and its attendant complications. They are with the medical and safety professionals who risk their lives to help our communities. They are with the grocery store workers and countless other vital professionals who keep our communities alive while we are practicing social distancing.
The gods did not have a choice in which life flourishes and which life withers. That is wyrd. We may appeal to them to intervene somehow and put off when death comes for us. But they are as helpless to wyrd as we are. Even Déa, for the Daughter descended into the world and became subject to wyrd perpetually as part of Her sacrifice.
Do not despair. The gods are with you. Turn to them and unburden your heart to them. Seek out their good will. Pour out offerings unto them if you are able, even if it is but a few drops of water. They will hear your cries. They will comfort you.
Transcription Project Update.
Dear Reader,
I'm making much slower progress on the transcription project than I anticipated with the kids distracting me a fair amount. I am still working on transcribing The Pillar of Light. It's got me thinking about the state of affairs in the world right now. The world is scary and chaotic right now. I'm not so sure that the idea of it as a mist about the Pillar is comforting. Mist tends to blow away really easily when the wind kicks up and can be dangerous to move through.
Nor am I fining much comfort in the writings that state that all is ephemeral. Still, I am continuing my transcription work in moments stolen from the home schooling that I have been doing with the kids since school is closed for an indefinite time. (We'd be at the middle of the school year right now if it was in session.) My anxiety over COVID-19 is high and I am doing my level best not to let it show around the kids. One thing that is sort of comforting about everything is ephemeral concept is that COVID-19 will not persist forever and we are not doomed to isolation for an excessive period of time.
I am doing my best to focus on the Truth: perfect love and perfect harmony come from Déa. I am doing my best to show my love for my family as often as I can because I fear that COVID-19 will come to our home and steal one of us away. I pray to the gods for the protection and safety of so many people I care about and so many others I know. If you desire to have your name added to my prayer list, please comment on this post. If you are of the inclination to join me in praying for the welfare of others, please keep my family and friends in your thoughts.
We'll all get through this, somehow.
I'm making much slower progress on the transcription project than I anticipated with the kids distracting me a fair amount. I am still working on transcribing The Pillar of Light. It's got me thinking about the state of affairs in the world right now. The world is scary and chaotic right now. I'm not so sure that the idea of it as a mist about the Pillar is comforting. Mist tends to blow away really easily when the wind kicks up and can be dangerous to move through.
Nor am I fining much comfort in the writings that state that all is ephemeral. Still, I am continuing my transcription work in moments stolen from the home schooling that I have been doing with the kids since school is closed for an indefinite time. (We'd be at the middle of the school year right now if it was in session.) My anxiety over COVID-19 is high and I am doing my level best not to let it show around the kids. One thing that is sort of comforting about everything is ephemeral concept is that COVID-19 will not persist forever and we are not doomed to isolation for an excessive period of time.
I am doing my best to focus on the Truth: perfect love and perfect harmony come from Déa. I am doing my best to show my love for my family as often as I can because I fear that COVID-19 will come to our home and steal one of us away. I pray to the gods for the protection and safety of so many people I care about and so many others I know. If you desire to have your name added to my prayer list, please comment on this post. If you are of the inclination to join me in praying for the welfare of others, please keep my family and friends in your thoughts.
We'll all get through this, somehow.
Monday, March 23, 2020
It's here: The Unabridged Filianic Calendar Devotional
Dear Reader,
That's right, my new book is out and available for purchase. Currently, it is the digital edition that I encourage you to buy for the safety of everyone involved given the COVID-19 pandemic. This is the condensed version. Unlike the paperback (which is still in review over at KDP), the digital edition does not include a one line a day prayer journal for the year. Obviously, you can not write down the prayers you desire on your Kindle or other E-reader. A notebook or a document file is absolutely awesome for that.
That's right, my new book is out and available for purchase. Currently, it is the digital edition that I encourage you to buy for the safety of everyone involved given the COVID-19 pandemic. This is the condensed version. Unlike the paperback (which is still in review over at KDP), the digital edition does not include a one line a day prayer journal for the year. Obviously, you can not write down the prayers you desire on your Kindle or other E-reader. A notebook or a document file is absolutely awesome for that.
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Kala & Covid-19 : Thoughts.
It seems oddly and eerily appropriate that Kala is accompanied by exceedingly visceral reminders of the consequences of the death of Our Lady. For the people who are not familiar with Filianism, Kala is the day that the Daughter is slain and Her body is hung upon the World Pillar in the Netherworld by the Dark Queen. This is the day that the Daughter descends into the abyss of khear farther than any of our souls might go because She has gone there and protects us from it's endless destruction.
Right now, over on Tumblr, I am leading a Novena to the Healer of the World. I recognize that some people would argue that it is inappropriate to continue this Novena through Kala and Hiatus (which is 2 days this year instead of the usual 1 because it is a leap year). This is because the Daughter is dead and this renders the world still, lifeless, and filled with all manner of suffering as per the holy texts. I argue, however, that the Daughter is still sustaining the world because we have not vanished into oblivion today. She is currently engaged in the greatest act of healing for the world - healing the rift between all of creation and Déa. As such, prayers to Her are still appropriate.
I also am of the opinion that now is an especially good time to pray to the Bright Mother to come and rescue not only Her Daughter from the abyss of khear and utter death, but all of us from the dangers of Covid-19. For this reason, I will be reciting my rosary. It is a custom that I have developed to pray the "Catholic" style rosary with my focus on Marya, the Bright Mother. Once a season, I pray a fifteen decade rosary to Marya. I will be doing that today. My focus will not be the entire mythos, which it usually is when I do so. It will be instead for the healing and safety of the world and Our Lady.
Today is day three of social isolation for my children and I. We've been doing our best to get some semblance of a learning schedule and get started on home schooling. It's been challenging. I may add on some prayer time for success in settling into the new normal. My husband had to go to work. I have been praying for their health and safety. If you are willing to send up a prayer for us, I would appreciate it. If you are interested in the Novena to the Healer of the World, check things out over on Tumblr.
Right now, over on Tumblr, I am leading a Novena to the Healer of the World. I recognize that some people would argue that it is inappropriate to continue this Novena through Kala and Hiatus (which is 2 days this year instead of the usual 1 because it is a leap year). This is because the Daughter is dead and this renders the world still, lifeless, and filled with all manner of suffering as per the holy texts. I argue, however, that the Daughter is still sustaining the world because we have not vanished into oblivion today. She is currently engaged in the greatest act of healing for the world - healing the rift between all of creation and Déa. As such, prayers to Her are still appropriate.
I also am of the opinion that now is an especially good time to pray to the Bright Mother to come and rescue not only Her Daughter from the abyss of khear and utter death, but all of us from the dangers of Covid-19. For this reason, I will be reciting my rosary. It is a custom that I have developed to pray the "Catholic" style rosary with my focus on Marya, the Bright Mother. Once a season, I pray a fifteen decade rosary to Marya. I will be doing that today. My focus will not be the entire mythos, which it usually is when I do so. It will be instead for the healing and safety of the world and Our Lady.
Today is day three of social isolation for my children and I. We've been doing our best to get some semblance of a learning schedule and get started on home schooling. It's been challenging. I may add on some prayer time for success in settling into the new normal. My husband had to go to work. I have been praying for their health and safety. If you are willing to send up a prayer for us, I would appreciate it. If you are interested in the Novena to the Healer of the World, check things out over on Tumblr.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
A recounting of the Maid's journey: the Second Gate
The Maid passed from the eerie realm of twilight into deep shadow. As She proceeded onward, she found the souls of the newly dead milling about in lost confusion. In the dimness, the Maid's light was as the first crescent moon shining on the waters of the river of grief. Her fellow travelers were drawn to Her light. The lost found the road through darkness, weeping with relief. No more did they stumble over the hard stones scattered over that place.
The Maid comforted them and She then continued to the second gate. The second gatekeeper came forward. She gazed upon the Princess of the World and her entourage with ire. The keeper of the gate of iron scowled. She knew that the Dark Queen would not tolerate they presence of any higher born than she. Knowing that the gatekeeper would be punished for allowing any of high birth pass with their ornament or insignia, the gatekeeper demanded the Maid's silver circlet.
The Maid removed her diadem and handed it over. The gatekeeper took it and roughly thrust the Maid through the portal before shutting it. Her companions wept anew at the sight of the Princess of the World being stripped of Her crown. The gatekeeper threw the silver circlet upon a pile of such things that had been stripped of princesses and royal born of the world. Though the Maid walked away, something of Her light lingered in that circlet to the gatekeeper's dread, for it shimmered in the gloom.
Alone, into deeper darkness, the Maid walked with the sound of weeping echoing in Her ears.
~*~*~*~*~*~
As I was about to get up and do some chores, I bashed my knee on the desk. While I sat with ice on it, I thought more about the Maid's journey and wondered what she would see besides the gates. This is the fruit of that contemplation. I think that the newly dead would be wandering in a dark place unsure where to go and Our Lady's light guides them to safe passage through that darkness as She journeys on.
The Maid comforted them and She then continued to the second gate. The second gatekeeper came forward. She gazed upon the Princess of the World and her entourage with ire. The keeper of the gate of iron scowled. She knew that the Dark Queen would not tolerate they presence of any higher born than she. Knowing that the gatekeeper would be punished for allowing any of high birth pass with their ornament or insignia, the gatekeeper demanded the Maid's silver circlet.
The Maid removed her diadem and handed it over. The gatekeeper took it and roughly thrust the Maid through the portal before shutting it. Her companions wept anew at the sight of the Princess of the World being stripped of Her crown. The gatekeeper threw the silver circlet upon a pile of such things that had been stripped of princesses and royal born of the world. Though the Maid walked away, something of Her light lingered in that circlet to the gatekeeper's dread, for it shimmered in the gloom.
Alone, into deeper darkness, the Maid walked with the sound of weeping echoing in Her ears.
~*~*~*~*~*~
As I was about to get up and do some chores, I bashed my knee on the desk. While I sat with ice on it, I thought more about the Maid's journey and wondered what she would see besides the gates. This is the fruit of that contemplation. I think that the newly dead would be wandering in a dark place unsure where to go and Our Lady's light guides them to safe passage through that darkness as She journeys on.
A recounting of the Maid's journey: The First Gate
The Maid walked upon the downward sloping road through a desolate land. A land where every manner of green thing had died for want of water and proper light, for the vale had deepened so that not even a ray of daylight came into this place. The Maid heard a great roaring of what seemed to be a river echoing o'er the distance.
Soon, the road She walked brought Her alongside it. A deafening din like the clashing of battle came from the waters that ran red as blood and gave not to the lands it passed through. Soon the road met the waters and a ford of broken stones lay across it. On the other side of the ford stood a great oaken gate with iron banded door and iron hinges set into stone gatepost. The river ran round the place where the gate stood in an oxbow and was lost in the fog that shrouded the point.
At watch on the gate was one who viewed the Maid's descent into the vale from afar. The gatekeeper watched the Maid cross the ford and how, for a moment, the turbulent waters became calm and clear. With wonder and dread of who had such power to becalm the river named grief, the gatekeeper cried: Who is it that come of her own free step upon the realm of the Dark Queen?
And the Maid replied: I am the Daughter of She Who is Mother of All. Great fear, nay, terror came into the gatekeeper's heart. She viewed the Maid and beheld the great Moon-axe She bore. The gatekeeper was in great dread of that weapon forged of light. The howling horde that had sallied forth earlier returned blooded by it where none had done before. Thinking of her duty to protect her Queen, the gatekeeper thought to take the axe and hopefully diminish the Maid's power.
The gatekeeper demanded: Give unto me Your axe and You shall pass. The Maid gave the great Moon-axe into the gatekeeper's hands. With haste, the gatekeeper gave order for the gate to be opened. The vast oaken gate groaned upon its hinges, the very gate seemingly resisting the Maid's entrance.
Once it had opened but wide enough for one to pass through, so did the Maid proceed on her journey. As the gatekeeper hastened to close the gate, a servant of the Dark Queen came for that treasured weapon to bear it away to their mistress.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is what came to me as I was meditating upon the mystery of the Maid giving over her Moon-axe to gain access to the Dark Queen's realm.
Soon, the road She walked brought Her alongside it. A deafening din like the clashing of battle came from the waters that ran red as blood and gave not to the lands it passed through. Soon the road met the waters and a ford of broken stones lay across it. On the other side of the ford stood a great oaken gate with iron banded door and iron hinges set into stone gatepost. The river ran round the place where the gate stood in an oxbow and was lost in the fog that shrouded the point.
At watch on the gate was one who viewed the Maid's descent into the vale from afar. The gatekeeper watched the Maid cross the ford and how, for a moment, the turbulent waters became calm and clear. With wonder and dread of who had such power to becalm the river named grief, the gatekeeper cried: Who is it that come of her own free step upon the realm of the Dark Queen?
And the Maid replied: I am the Daughter of She Who is Mother of All. Great fear, nay, terror came into the gatekeeper's heart. She viewed the Maid and beheld the great Moon-axe She bore. The gatekeeper was in great dread of that weapon forged of light. The howling horde that had sallied forth earlier returned blooded by it where none had done before. Thinking of her duty to protect her Queen, the gatekeeper thought to take the axe and hopefully diminish the Maid's power.
The gatekeeper demanded: Give unto me Your axe and You shall pass. The Maid gave the great Moon-axe into the gatekeeper's hands. With haste, the gatekeeper gave order for the gate to be opened. The vast oaken gate groaned upon its hinges, the very gate seemingly resisting the Maid's entrance.
Once it had opened but wide enough for one to pass through, so did the Maid proceed on her journey. As the gatekeeper hastened to close the gate, a servant of the Dark Queen came for that treasured weapon to bear it away to their mistress.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is what came to me as I was meditating upon the mystery of the Maid giving over her Moon-axe to gain access to the Dark Queen's realm.
Monday, March 9, 2020
Moura - Day ??? I am so mixed up.
Dear Reader,
Apparently being sick has completely confused my sense of time last week. I honestly am not sure if today is day 19 or not of Moura. I feel befuddled and a bit down hearted because it was my intent to blog about every day of Moura this year. I think it is clear, however, that Our Lady had other plans for me. I'm finally over the flu. I got a walk and was astounded by how much the world seems to have changed from the bitter cold and such that was here when I first came down with the flu and decided it was in my best interests to stay indoors as much as possible.
I'm partially caught up on housework. I have a few dishes left in the sink to manage, but I'm going to handle it after dinner. I did a lot of work on my prayer shawl. My focus as I have been working is praying to Deam Mysterium for serenity. I have a big anxiety problem and being chronically ill doesn't help it any. Now my kids are getting older and going through life changes, which has me fretting over how to help them.
I have discovered that I didn't write a thing in my day planner which acts as my bullet journal for life at large. I honestly don't know if the date I have written in there for Moura is correct. My food journal got forgotten for the last two weeks because I was too busy being sick and worrying about a medication change with my diabetes medicine (which lead to higher than normal fasting blood sugars on top of the elevation that got caused by my having the flu - it was scary).
I've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not "doing" Moura properly. It's been frustrating for me to keep up with my daily devotionals or to do anything special on top of that. I've been an emotional mess and struggling with my seasonal depression. It's beginning to improve but I still feel badly. I have been trying to do my spring cleaning but its not working out so great because I wasn't well for about two weeks (thanks influenza). Somewhere in the middle of this bucket of suck that I am carrying around, I have misplaced hope that things will get better. I'm just treading water and frustrated with my lack of progress.
I think my big lesson for Moura this year is be more patient with myself. I am wretched at doing that. Seriously, I have a terrible track record for being patient with myself when I'm going through any sort of growth process or stopping to rest when I'm sick. (Which is why when I had pneumonia years ago, my toddler son was regularly ratting me out to Beloved for getting up out of sick bed because I was impatient to do SOMETHING. The compromise was I could teach myself to knit if I stayed in bed unless I had to get up. I'm an awful patient because I keep trying to get up and do stuff when I really should be resting.)
Apparently being sick has completely confused my sense of time last week. I honestly am not sure if today is day 19 or not of Moura. I feel befuddled and a bit down hearted because it was my intent to blog about every day of Moura this year. I think it is clear, however, that Our Lady had other plans for me. I'm finally over the flu. I got a walk and was astounded by how much the world seems to have changed from the bitter cold and such that was here when I first came down with the flu and decided it was in my best interests to stay indoors as much as possible.
I'm partially caught up on housework. I have a few dishes left in the sink to manage, but I'm going to handle it after dinner. I did a lot of work on my prayer shawl. My focus as I have been working is praying to Deam Mysterium for serenity. I have a big anxiety problem and being chronically ill doesn't help it any. Now my kids are getting older and going through life changes, which has me fretting over how to help them.
I have discovered that I didn't write a thing in my day planner which acts as my bullet journal for life at large. I honestly don't know if the date I have written in there for Moura is correct. My food journal got forgotten for the last two weeks because I was too busy being sick and worrying about a medication change with my diabetes medicine (which lead to higher than normal fasting blood sugars on top of the elevation that got caused by my having the flu - it was scary).
I've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not "doing" Moura properly. It's been frustrating for me to keep up with my daily devotionals or to do anything special on top of that. I've been an emotional mess and struggling with my seasonal depression. It's beginning to improve but I still feel badly. I have been trying to do my spring cleaning but its not working out so great because I wasn't well for about two weeks (thanks influenza). Somewhere in the middle of this bucket of suck that I am carrying around, I have misplaced hope that things will get better. I'm just treading water and frustrated with my lack of progress.
I think my big lesson for Moura this year is be more patient with myself. I am wretched at doing that. Seriously, I have a terrible track record for being patient with myself when I'm going through any sort of growth process or stopping to rest when I'm sick. (Which is why when I had pneumonia years ago, my toddler son was regularly ratting me out to Beloved for getting up out of sick bed because I was impatient to do SOMETHING. The compromise was I could teach myself to knit if I stayed in bed unless I had to get up. I'm an awful patient because I keep trying to get up and do stuff when I really should be resting.)
Sunday, March 8, 2020
Moura - Day 19: Starting to feel better.
Dear Reader,
After some rest time, I feel like I can get back into cleaning mode. Which is a good thing because I have about a week's worth of work to catch up on. I'm planning on asking Beloved to put together the vacuum cleaner. It is entirely different from the old one and I don't want to chance putting a part in the wrong place. My sweeper is ... Well, it works, sort of. I may buy another rechargeable electric sweeper if Aldi's grocery gets them in again some time soon (and they don't sell out as fast as they did last time).
This coronavirus business has me feeling a bit anxious. On Friday, there were 44 cases confirmed in my state. Then, yesterday evening there were 77 cases confirmed. Right now, most of them are in the downstate region of NY. There was one potential case in my part of NY that was tested and came up negative. The person in question chose to keep themselves quarantined just to keep everybody safe. I sincerely hope that they are feeling better soon. I am, quite obviously, praying for the health and welfare of everyone who have been effected by this disease.
As I was doing some more work on my transcription project of the Filianic scriptures, I was reading through the latter section of The Heart of Water. It was somewhat grim reading considering the state of the world today. The promise that Déa shall bring us deliverance from the darkness in this world is one that I do my best to keep in my mind as I am looking at the situation. I know that all things move in cycles. We just have to be patient and wait for this cycle to reset itself. In the meantime, I am going to work on doing all the practical things for myself and my family.
May Déa bless you and keep you safe during these trying times.
After some rest time, I feel like I can get back into cleaning mode. Which is a good thing because I have about a week's worth of work to catch up on. I'm planning on asking Beloved to put together the vacuum cleaner. It is entirely different from the old one and I don't want to chance putting a part in the wrong place. My sweeper is ... Well, it works, sort of. I may buy another rechargeable electric sweeper if Aldi's grocery gets them in again some time soon (and they don't sell out as fast as they did last time).
This coronavirus business has me feeling a bit anxious. On Friday, there were 44 cases confirmed in my state. Then, yesterday evening there were 77 cases confirmed. Right now, most of them are in the downstate region of NY. There was one potential case in my part of NY that was tested and came up negative. The person in question chose to keep themselves quarantined just to keep everybody safe. I sincerely hope that they are feeling better soon. I am, quite obviously, praying for the health and welfare of everyone who have been effected by this disease.
As I was doing some more work on my transcription project of the Filianic scriptures, I was reading through the latter section of The Heart of Water. It was somewhat grim reading considering the state of the world today. The promise that Déa shall bring us deliverance from the darkness in this world is one that I do my best to keep in my mind as I am looking at the situation. I know that all things move in cycles. We just have to be patient and wait for this cycle to reset itself. In the meantime, I am going to work on doing all the practical things for myself and my family.
May Déa bless you and keep you safe during these trying times.
Saturday, March 7, 2020
Godspousery Notes: Sit down and rest, dammit.
Dear Reader,
I'm at that awkward point where you begin to feel a burst of energy and like you just might have enough in you to jump back into your usual routine. And then you try and you have to sit down and take a break. Each time you try. I've been doing low impact activity. I even made a point of not dithering and fretting over Beloved working on dinner in the kitchen. (I get like that when ever it isn't me cooking. Yay anxiety issues.)
Now, you'd figure since I was doing things like working on my transcription project and crochet that I wouldn't be quite so worn out. I look around and see piles of things I really need to get taken care of. And each time I start to get up to do so, I've got Freyr giving me a stern look. Then I wonder what to do with myself and either turn back to the transcription project or my crochet.
Apparently their efforts to do Moura stuff with me is enforcing that I sit down and rest when I need it, as well as inspiring some curious things when I meditate. Like my accidental, happenstance related fasting from red meat for a week and they say to me, "Do you feel better for fasting now?" I feel like I'm doing Moura wrong. They keep telling me that I shouldn't be expecting this to be the same thing as Lent, because it is an entirely different animal.
The accidental, happenstance related chastity is frustrating. Again, they ask, "Do you feel better for this restriction now?" The answer to these questions have been, "No, I don't." Then they reply with a simple question: What is the point of Moura? Moura is a time of purification. Moura is a time of spiritual discipline. It is a time to align ourselves with Our Lady in her journey down into the lands of death.
My rote answers, however, gets me a rather arch look and expressions of droll amusement. The forced time of rest and recovery while I am working on getting over the flu has done more for my spiritual discipline than all of the scrubbing that I have been doing. It has forced me to sit down and pay more attention to my spirit. It has forced me to sit down and pay more attention to my prayer life. And it has lead me to deeper study of the scriptures of the Filianic faith.
Loki prods me to work on my prayer shawl. (He insists that the color is perfect for Moura despite the fact that it is fuchsia. Because fuchsia is an optical illusion that happens when you put the colors from the opposite ends of the spectrum beside each other. In the right light, it looks a rather queer lavender sheen or it has a bright pink glow to it. But the light has to hit it at just the right angle for either of these to be apparent. Generally morning light brings out the pink and evening light brings out the lavender.) He sits with me and keeps me company as I work.
Freyr pushes me to work on my personal discipline in caring for my health. He insists that as an incarnate soul, I should take care of my body and mind with great consideration. Freyr insists that it is as much spiritual discipline as it is mundane discipline for the sake of my health.
And then there is the scripture study. As I am transcribing and reading, I find myself drawn deeper into contemplation of the holy text. As I am resting and writing, I somehow find myself praying to see clarity in these words that I copy. Loki and Freyr will sit with me and ask questions of the text. It's an odd thing to have them point out parts that I should read over again and copy with great care. I never had expected this.
I'm at that awkward point where you begin to feel a burst of energy and like you just might have enough in you to jump back into your usual routine. And then you try and you have to sit down and take a break. Each time you try. I've been doing low impact activity. I even made a point of not dithering and fretting over Beloved working on dinner in the kitchen. (I get like that when ever it isn't me cooking. Yay anxiety issues.)
Now, you'd figure since I was doing things like working on my transcription project and crochet that I wouldn't be quite so worn out. I look around and see piles of things I really need to get taken care of. And each time I start to get up to do so, I've got Freyr giving me a stern look. Then I wonder what to do with myself and either turn back to the transcription project or my crochet.
Apparently their efforts to do Moura stuff with me is enforcing that I sit down and rest when I need it, as well as inspiring some curious things when I meditate. Like my accidental, happenstance related fasting from red meat for a week and they say to me, "Do you feel better for fasting now?" I feel like I'm doing Moura wrong. They keep telling me that I shouldn't be expecting this to be the same thing as Lent, because it is an entirely different animal.
The accidental, happenstance related chastity is frustrating. Again, they ask, "Do you feel better for this restriction now?" The answer to these questions have been, "No, I don't." Then they reply with a simple question: What is the point of Moura? Moura is a time of purification. Moura is a time of spiritual discipline. It is a time to align ourselves with Our Lady in her journey down into the lands of death.
My rote answers, however, gets me a rather arch look and expressions of droll amusement. The forced time of rest and recovery while I am working on getting over the flu has done more for my spiritual discipline than all of the scrubbing that I have been doing. It has forced me to sit down and pay more attention to my spirit. It has forced me to sit down and pay more attention to my prayer life. And it has lead me to deeper study of the scriptures of the Filianic faith.
Loki prods me to work on my prayer shawl. (He insists that the color is perfect for Moura despite the fact that it is fuchsia. Because fuchsia is an optical illusion that happens when you put the colors from the opposite ends of the spectrum beside each other. In the right light, it looks a rather queer lavender sheen or it has a bright pink glow to it. But the light has to hit it at just the right angle for either of these to be apparent. Generally morning light brings out the pink and evening light brings out the lavender.) He sits with me and keeps me company as I work.
Freyr pushes me to work on my personal discipline in caring for my health. He insists that as an incarnate soul, I should take care of my body and mind with great consideration. Freyr insists that it is as much spiritual discipline as it is mundane discipline for the sake of my health.
And then there is the scripture study. As I am transcribing and reading, I find myself drawn deeper into contemplation of the holy text. As I am resting and writing, I somehow find myself praying to see clarity in these words that I copy. Loki and Freyr will sit with me and ask questions of the text. It's an odd thing to have them point out parts that I should read over again and copy with great care. I never had expected this.
Friday, March 6, 2020
Loki's Rules of Engagement
- Don't fight unless you know you can win.
- Don't write checks your ass can't cash. If you do, fast talk your way into a lower payment.
- Always keep receipts and a record, even if its in memory.
- Don't fight "fair," fight efficiently.
- Keep your eye on the prize, and one eye on your competition.
- When running from danger, don't be the slowest one in the pack.
- If you can't be a tank, set them up to run into the tank. (Thor is the tank.)
- Always keep your wits about you.
- Laugh in the face of everything, especially the scary things. Nothing takes the wind out of your foe's sails like laughing at their threats.
- Don't accept a gift with out giving one in return. Never be indebted.
- Don't give a gift with the expectation of one in return. Not everyone pays their debts.
- Don't piss off your traveling companions, they WILL fuck with you back.
- Don't start a prank war but always end it gloriously.
- Always be ready for a fight, be it words or otherwise. Do your best to force the fight to happen on your terms. Refer to rules no. 1, 2, & 4.
- Don't get mad, get even.
Moura - Day 17: Go away, stupid virus.
Dear Reader,
I'm still under the weather. This has put a significant damper on my cleaning efforts. I confess, I have been feeling a great deal of exasperation and like a failure because of it. At which point, I realize, I have more emotional housekeeping to do and baggage to unpack. This seems to be the theme of Moura this year, along with random things going wrong for no apparent reason. I serviced my non-electric sweeper. Now the blasted thing won't work. I'm half tempted to throw it away, but I know that is not a solution to the problem.
The massive pile of laundry is finally under control. Thanks to Beloved's help, the dishes are far more manageable. Thanks to inspiration from Loki and Freyr, I pre-cooked dinner for tonight yesterday. I'm still feeling tired and spending my time doing low impact activities. This includes reading and transcribing Scriptures. I just finished transcribing the Holy Mythos of the Daughter. I have begun work on transcribing the Heart of Water. I'm working from NCUV and The Gospel of Our Mother God. I kinda wish I had hard copy of both because reading text off of the screen is making my eyes bother me. Reading glasses help, but it's still exasperating.
Right now, I'm just tired and unsure what to do. I'm tempted to resume working on the transcription stuff. At the same time, I am feeling a pull to work on the prayer shawl or the two charity projects that I've gotten started (one scarf and one baby hat). I really am tempted to take a nap, but now is not the time for it. If I am going to get anything done before the kids get home, it will have to be now.
Yesterday was a really challenging day with the kids. I don't know what's going on, but they were fighting quite a bit. Loki assures me this is a phase they're going through and a bit of cabin fever. It's the screaming that grates on my nerves. But, this too shall pass. At least they've gotten used to the new rule that the have to clean their room for 30 minutes every day before they get tv time. That made for a brutal two weeks, let me tell you.
I just want this virus I have to go away so that I have the energy to do more stuff. I feel like I am falling behind and this is making me anxious.
I'm still under the weather. This has put a significant damper on my cleaning efforts. I confess, I have been feeling a great deal of exasperation and like a failure because of it. At which point, I realize, I have more emotional housekeeping to do and baggage to unpack. This seems to be the theme of Moura this year, along with random things going wrong for no apparent reason. I serviced my non-electric sweeper. Now the blasted thing won't work. I'm half tempted to throw it away, but I know that is not a solution to the problem.
The massive pile of laundry is finally under control. Thanks to Beloved's help, the dishes are far more manageable. Thanks to inspiration from Loki and Freyr, I pre-cooked dinner for tonight yesterday. I'm still feeling tired and spending my time doing low impact activities. This includes reading and transcribing Scriptures. I just finished transcribing the Holy Mythos of the Daughter. I have begun work on transcribing the Heart of Water. I'm working from NCUV and The Gospel of Our Mother God. I kinda wish I had hard copy of both because reading text off of the screen is making my eyes bother me. Reading glasses help, but it's still exasperating.
Right now, I'm just tired and unsure what to do. I'm tempted to resume working on the transcription stuff. At the same time, I am feeling a pull to work on the prayer shawl or the two charity projects that I've gotten started (one scarf and one baby hat). I really am tempted to take a nap, but now is not the time for it. If I am going to get anything done before the kids get home, it will have to be now.
Yesterday was a really challenging day with the kids. I don't know what's going on, but they were fighting quite a bit. Loki assures me this is a phase they're going through and a bit of cabin fever. It's the screaming that grates on my nerves. But, this too shall pass. At least they've gotten used to the new rule that the have to clean their room for 30 minutes every day before they get tv time. That made for a brutal two weeks, let me tell you.
I just want this virus I have to go away so that I have the energy to do more stuff. I feel like I am falling behind and this is making me anxious.
Thursday, March 5, 2020
Moura - Day 16: I hate my calendar.
Dear Reader,
If you're keeping score, I messed up the dates of the week again. I was looking at the calendar on my phone and it had today marked as Med-Moura. Which is inaccurate because it is a leap year and Med-Moura was yesterday. It's vexing to try to keep things straight when you're thinking through mud at the same time. I'm still sick. Beloved did the dishes for me when he got home from work and was so kind as to pick up dinner for me on the way home. I feel generally awful and exhausted. This makes me feel like I am a morally bad person because I'm not still working on things like housework and such. I wasn't raised in the most supportive environment when I was younger and being sick was treated like an insult against my parents. It's had lasting effects on how I view myself and my ability to get things done when I am sick.
Working through that baggage is part of what Frey and Loki have had me doing for the last several months. It's exhausting work and painful. But, it is necessary and they do help me through the process. As Loki has said to me: If you can't tell a deity, who can you tell? They're both pushing me to focus on rest and recovery while I am sick. Light housework is ok but anything more than the bare necessities gets me a stern look and things going haywire. They don't go haywire to the point that stuff breaks but things just stop working properly and I have to take a break.
I wish that I could set up the calendar so that it had the correct dates of things for leap years and non-leap years. I can only imagine how vexing adjusting the calendar is for folks in the Southern Hemisphere. They have a larger number of dates on the Filianic calendar impacted by the Julian leap year. It's aggravating. I prefer the Filianic calendar because it makes more sense but everybody else uses the Julian calendar. So, in my planner, I have to have the dates for both written out. But, I make mistakes and get things screwed up in my planner because I use my phone to help me set up my planner at the beginning of every month on the Julian calendar. It's a major headache.
I'm rambling now. I can't think very clearly because this virus has me mildly febrile and loopy. Just enough of a fever that it makes me uncomfortable but not enough of one to be concerned. And loopy enough that I have the attention span of a butterfly. So, I'm going to wander along and work on my prayer shawl as I wait for the tylenol to kick in and hopefully make the body aches go away.
If you're keeping score, I messed up the dates of the week again. I was looking at the calendar on my phone and it had today marked as Med-Moura. Which is inaccurate because it is a leap year and Med-Moura was yesterday. It's vexing to try to keep things straight when you're thinking through mud at the same time. I'm still sick. Beloved did the dishes for me when he got home from work and was so kind as to pick up dinner for me on the way home. I feel generally awful and exhausted. This makes me feel like I am a morally bad person because I'm not still working on things like housework and such. I wasn't raised in the most supportive environment when I was younger and being sick was treated like an insult against my parents. It's had lasting effects on how I view myself and my ability to get things done when I am sick.
Working through that baggage is part of what Frey and Loki have had me doing for the last several months. It's exhausting work and painful. But, it is necessary and they do help me through the process. As Loki has said to me: If you can't tell a deity, who can you tell? They're both pushing me to focus on rest and recovery while I am sick. Light housework is ok but anything more than the bare necessities gets me a stern look and things going haywire. They don't go haywire to the point that stuff breaks but things just stop working properly and I have to take a break.
I wish that I could set up the calendar so that it had the correct dates of things for leap years and non-leap years. I can only imagine how vexing adjusting the calendar is for folks in the Southern Hemisphere. They have a larger number of dates on the Filianic calendar impacted by the Julian leap year. It's aggravating. I prefer the Filianic calendar because it makes more sense but everybody else uses the Julian calendar. So, in my planner, I have to have the dates for both written out. But, I make mistakes and get things screwed up in my planner because I use my phone to help me set up my planner at the beginning of every month on the Julian calendar. It's a major headache.
I'm rambling now. I can't think very clearly because this virus has me mildly febrile and loopy. Just enough of a fever that it makes me uncomfortable but not enough of one to be concerned. And loopy enough that I have the attention span of a butterfly. So, I'm going to wander along and work on my prayer shawl as I wait for the tylenol to kick in and hopefully make the body aches go away.
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
Moura - Day 13: The flu, I think.
Dear Reader,
I have come down with some kind of virus that has my body feeling like I've been beaten all over with a stick, my stomach roiling, and my sinuses in revolt. Now the sinuses thing could be my allergies being stupid. But I'm inclined to suspect that I have some form of the flu. This is very frustrating because I have spent most of my day swinging back and forth between feeling too warm and feeling like I'm freezing. My brain is so foggy that it's like thinking through mud. And the energy is just sapped out of me.
I'm still soaking the altar cloth to see if the vinegar can get the wax out. I haven't seen much progress. I don't know if I should add more vinegar or dump the vinegar out and pour really hot water over it. Some sites recommend dunking the thing in boiling water. I'm not sure if I want to subject my pots to this but I'm at a loss for ideas on how to get the wax out. Theoretically, I can use an iron on it but I am concerned that the iron will melt the acrylic yarn. (Because that is a thing that happens.)
I'm sitting still but feeling like the room is reeling around me. This and the exhausted feeling are what's keeping me from finishing off the dishes and scrubbing that darn tub. Beloved has reminded me of the following: Friend Computer strictly prohibits unauthorized pre-scheduled termination. (We're a couple of nerds. I have no idea how many of you have ever played the game Paranoia but it was something else.)
I slept most of the morning. I'm tempted to go take a nap right now but the kids are coming home from school. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with them. This morning, I passed out a few times because of how exhausted I was and my blood sugar was running high due to being sick. (It wasn't dangerously high, just enough to exaggerate the exhaustion from this stupid virus.) I hate being sick for so many reasons. The biggest one is the fact that it gets in the way of my getting things done.
Gods willing, I'll be feeling better tomorrow and up to making the special dinner that I have planned in honor of Med-Moura.
I have come down with some kind of virus that has my body feeling like I've been beaten all over with a stick, my stomach roiling, and my sinuses in revolt. Now the sinuses thing could be my allergies being stupid. But I'm inclined to suspect that I have some form of the flu. This is very frustrating because I have spent most of my day swinging back and forth between feeling too warm and feeling like I'm freezing. My brain is so foggy that it's like thinking through mud. And the energy is just sapped out of me.
I'm still soaking the altar cloth to see if the vinegar can get the wax out. I haven't seen much progress. I don't know if I should add more vinegar or dump the vinegar out and pour really hot water over it. Some sites recommend dunking the thing in boiling water. I'm not sure if I want to subject my pots to this but I'm at a loss for ideas on how to get the wax out. Theoretically, I can use an iron on it but I am concerned that the iron will melt the acrylic yarn. (Because that is a thing that happens.)
I'm sitting still but feeling like the room is reeling around me. This and the exhausted feeling are what's keeping me from finishing off the dishes and scrubbing that darn tub. Beloved has reminded me of the following: Friend Computer strictly prohibits unauthorized pre-scheduled termination. (We're a couple of nerds. I have no idea how many of you have ever played the game Paranoia but it was something else.)
I slept most of the morning. I'm tempted to go take a nap right now but the kids are coming home from school. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with them. This morning, I passed out a few times because of how exhausted I was and my blood sugar was running high due to being sick. (It wasn't dangerously high, just enough to exaggerate the exhaustion from this stupid virus.) I hate being sick for so many reasons. The biggest one is the fact that it gets in the way of my getting things done.
Gods willing, I'll be feeling better tomorrow and up to making the special dinner that I have planned in honor of Med-Moura.
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
Moura - Day 12: Revenge of the Dishes.
Dear Reader,
After the last hour, I have managed to battle back the tottering pile of dishes in the sink. I have three pots to wash, two of which need a good soak before I can get to them. So, I am taking a break from that. I got a little more work done in the bathroom today. It smells of vinegar in there right now because I have a basin that I am using to soak an altar cloth in vinegar. According to the Internet, which we know is an all-wise oracle, vinegar will dissolve the candle wax that got into the fabric. I'd try acetone but the fabric is acrylic and I think the acetone would eat the fabric as well as the wax.
This morning, I spent some time writing (check out the post before this one for what came out of my pen). It was an eerie time writing because it felt like someone was dictating it to me. My mood isn't the best because I'm still recovering from a degree of burn out after folding tons of laundry yesterday. I think I pushed myself a little too far. In the process of going through the laundry, I realized that I have to give away about half of the shawls that I have made over the last few years. Beloved came up with a nifty idea - donating them to a local hospital to distribute to new mothers as nursing shawls. I'm debating between that and contacting one of the local nursing homes to see if any of the residents would like them.
It's been a grey, rainy day today. It hasn't been consistently warm enough for me to smell the sap running in the trees yet. I think, however, that's going to happen soon if this weather pattern continues. The property two doors down was filled with trees. Then about a month ago, a contractor came in and cut everything down. There's some debate as to why it happened. One suspicion is that the emerald ash borer beetle got into those trees like it did in the trees on the property that is behind our building. Another suspicion is that some one is going to be building a house there. No one really knows what's going on. I'm just concerned for the birds and wildlife. This is a dramatic drop in tree coverage here and I don't know what is going to happen for them now.
It would be really sad if my Beloved's hobby of bird watching got nuked because those trees had to get cut down. It's one of the hobbies he has that he really enjoys and we can share. Even the kids are getting involved. Just this morning, my youngest and I sat and watched the wildlife as he was waiting for the bus. We had a very involved discussion about how we now have red-tailed squirrels in our yard when we didn't have any last year. At 10 years old, he wants to be a Nature Boy and save the environment. He also wants to grow up to be an astronaut. He's ambitious and I think that'll carry him far. My 12 year old is still fixated on being a fire fighter when he grows up. He's been trying to talk me into getting him a full set of fire fighting gear for his birthday. It's been a hard sell and I know he's not going to be successful, but goodness does he try.
After the last hour, I have managed to battle back the tottering pile of dishes in the sink. I have three pots to wash, two of which need a good soak before I can get to them. So, I am taking a break from that. I got a little more work done in the bathroom today. It smells of vinegar in there right now because I have a basin that I am using to soak an altar cloth in vinegar. According to the Internet, which we know is an all-wise oracle, vinegar will dissolve the candle wax that got into the fabric. I'd try acetone but the fabric is acrylic and I think the acetone would eat the fabric as well as the wax.
This morning, I spent some time writing (check out the post before this one for what came out of my pen). It was an eerie time writing because it felt like someone was dictating it to me. My mood isn't the best because I'm still recovering from a degree of burn out after folding tons of laundry yesterday. I think I pushed myself a little too far. In the process of going through the laundry, I realized that I have to give away about half of the shawls that I have made over the last few years. Beloved came up with a nifty idea - donating them to a local hospital to distribute to new mothers as nursing shawls. I'm debating between that and contacting one of the local nursing homes to see if any of the residents would like them.
It's been a grey, rainy day today. It hasn't been consistently warm enough for me to smell the sap running in the trees yet. I think, however, that's going to happen soon if this weather pattern continues. The property two doors down was filled with trees. Then about a month ago, a contractor came in and cut everything down. There's some debate as to why it happened. One suspicion is that the emerald ash borer beetle got into those trees like it did in the trees on the property that is behind our building. Another suspicion is that some one is going to be building a house there. No one really knows what's going on. I'm just concerned for the birds and wildlife. This is a dramatic drop in tree coverage here and I don't know what is going to happen for them now.
It would be really sad if my Beloved's hobby of bird watching got nuked because those trees had to get cut down. It's one of the hobbies he has that he really enjoys and we can share. Even the kids are getting involved. Just this morning, my youngest and I sat and watched the wildlife as he was waiting for the bus. We had a very involved discussion about how we now have red-tailed squirrels in our yard when we didn't have any last year. At 10 years old, he wants to be a Nature Boy and save the environment. He also wants to grow up to be an astronaut. He's ambitious and I think that'll carry him far. My 12 year old is still fixated on being a fire fighter when he grows up. He's been trying to talk me into getting him a full set of fire fighting gear for his birthday. It's been a hard sell and I know he's not going to be successful, but goodness does he try.
A retelling of the Temptation of the Daughter.
The Maid has traveled far. she walks a road that leads down into the Netherworld. As She walks, She grows weary and saddened for She sees how the world begins to wither with Her passing. She comes to a bower where all seems dead. The Maid knows she is drawing close to the entrance of the Dark Queen's realm.
Exhausted and heart-sick for all the suffering She has seen, the Maid sits in the bower upon a stone. She weeps tears of pity for the life that is fading about her. From her tears, where they land, a spring bubbles forth. About her the frail trees begin to have the sap move and the weary world finds a breath of hope.
Once the Maid recovers herself from the weight of grief that she carries, She rises and sets herself upon the path again that leads into the place below all places where darkness reigns without even the respite of starlight. Though she knows this place is part of the road to the Netherworld and has been fashioned by Her Mother's hand, the Maid can not help her horror at the massive amounts of suffering in this vale. The cries of the anguished are deafening. Somewhere in the cacophony, the Maid realizes that She hears Her own voice.
Then, over the hills, they come. The servants of the Dark Queen seem fair to look upon, each bearing some manner of casket with them. Where all else in the vale of suffering look weak and sickened, they walk tall with a terrible aura of power about them. The souls of the suffering watch these creatures pass wearing faces of humanity. They shrink away for fear of the monstrosity that lurks in their alien eyes.
The demons approach the Maid, bearing their caskets before them and dressed in fine array. With the demons of temptation who bear the caskets come the demons of suffering who hold sway over that vale. The demons of suffering run ahead and lay siege upon the Maid. They engage Her in mighty battle, sure of victory for they could see Her weariness. Beset on all sides, the Maid did her best to ward off their attacks with Her great axe. For each blow She turned away, ten fell upon her, ravaging her soul with their talons.
As they fell on Her, the demons of suffering cried: Hope is dead, for the light of the Mother has fallen from You. You shall go down to suffering and death and none shall save You. In the illimitable emptiness of the universe shall You stand alone and none shall give You comfort. In the darkness of eternal night shall You kneel to weep and no hand shall be put upon Your shoulder, but every hand shall be raised against You to do You hurt.
The Maid trembled at their evil prophecy and with the pain of the wounds to her soul. Still, she stood in that desolate place with her great axe and answered: Go your ways, for what I have said, that I shall do. The demons of suffering parted as the richly dressed demons of temptation came forward with their caskets. As they approached, the Maid watched them with suspicion. The demons of temptation stood before Her and offered Her their caskets. As they spoke, they opened their caskets to reveal each one bearing wondrous treasures, dainty food and sumptuous treats, and all manner of luxury.
The demons of temptation spoke, saying: Be You lead by us, and You shall have protection and all good things. The whole of the world shall be Your fortress, and You shall have wealth and magnificence that all the children of the earth shall love You. But the Maid answered: How shall you give to Me that which is Mine? For I am Princess of the world, and all the children of the earth have been given into My care by the hand of the Eternal.
Then the demons of temptation said: The light of the Eternal is taken from You, and whether these things are or are not Yours, it is we that have the power of them, and we You must obey if You will be saved. But the Maid saw through their lie and rebuked them. She replied: That which is right in the deepest heart of things, and in the center of all being, that is right and none other, and the Truth alone is true. Nor shall all the powers of the earth count against it, neither all the powers of the seas and skies move it by the smallest fraction in all its vastness. I shall obey none but My Mother, though all your power be turned in fury upon Me.
And the demons answered: Not our power, but the power of one far greater from whom our power derives. And the Maid said: Thus may it be. And the demons were filled with confusion. And they questioned Her: Think You that Your Mother will save You? And the Maid answered: She will do what She will do, and blessed is Her name. And the demons laughed in mockery, saying: Then You are abandoned to the uttermost darkness. And the heart of the Maid fainted within Her. And she said, quietly: Thus may it be.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The text of the conversation between the Maid and the demons comes from the Mythos of the Daughter in The Gospel of Our Mother God. The rest of it comes from inspiration. The introductory scene of the Maid in a bower was a vision that came to me as I was praying the other day.
Exhausted and heart-sick for all the suffering She has seen, the Maid sits in the bower upon a stone. She weeps tears of pity for the life that is fading about her. From her tears, where they land, a spring bubbles forth. About her the frail trees begin to have the sap move and the weary world finds a breath of hope.
Once the Maid recovers herself from the weight of grief that she carries, She rises and sets herself upon the path again that leads into the place below all places where darkness reigns without even the respite of starlight. Though she knows this place is part of the road to the Netherworld and has been fashioned by Her Mother's hand, the Maid can not help her horror at the massive amounts of suffering in this vale. The cries of the anguished are deafening. Somewhere in the cacophony, the Maid realizes that She hears Her own voice.
Then, over the hills, they come. The servants of the Dark Queen seem fair to look upon, each bearing some manner of casket with them. Where all else in the vale of suffering look weak and sickened, they walk tall with a terrible aura of power about them. The souls of the suffering watch these creatures pass wearing faces of humanity. They shrink away for fear of the monstrosity that lurks in their alien eyes.
The demons approach the Maid, bearing their caskets before them and dressed in fine array. With the demons of temptation who bear the caskets come the demons of suffering who hold sway over that vale. The demons of suffering run ahead and lay siege upon the Maid. They engage Her in mighty battle, sure of victory for they could see Her weariness. Beset on all sides, the Maid did her best to ward off their attacks with Her great axe. For each blow She turned away, ten fell upon her, ravaging her soul with their talons.
As they fell on Her, the demons of suffering cried: Hope is dead, for the light of the Mother has fallen from You. You shall go down to suffering and death and none shall save You. In the illimitable emptiness of the universe shall You stand alone and none shall give You comfort. In the darkness of eternal night shall You kneel to weep and no hand shall be put upon Your shoulder, but every hand shall be raised against You to do You hurt.
The Maid trembled at their evil prophecy and with the pain of the wounds to her soul. Still, she stood in that desolate place with her great axe and answered: Go your ways, for what I have said, that I shall do. The demons of suffering parted as the richly dressed demons of temptation came forward with their caskets. As they approached, the Maid watched them with suspicion. The demons of temptation stood before Her and offered Her their caskets. As they spoke, they opened their caskets to reveal each one bearing wondrous treasures, dainty food and sumptuous treats, and all manner of luxury.
The demons of temptation spoke, saying: Be You lead by us, and You shall have protection and all good things. The whole of the world shall be Your fortress, and You shall have wealth and magnificence that all the children of the earth shall love You. But the Maid answered: How shall you give to Me that which is Mine? For I am Princess of the world, and all the children of the earth have been given into My care by the hand of the Eternal.
Then the demons of temptation said: The light of the Eternal is taken from You, and whether these things are or are not Yours, it is we that have the power of them, and we You must obey if You will be saved. But the Maid saw through their lie and rebuked them. She replied: That which is right in the deepest heart of things, and in the center of all being, that is right and none other, and the Truth alone is true. Nor shall all the powers of the earth count against it, neither all the powers of the seas and skies move it by the smallest fraction in all its vastness. I shall obey none but My Mother, though all your power be turned in fury upon Me.
And the demons answered: Not our power, but the power of one far greater from whom our power derives. And the Maid said: Thus may it be. And the demons were filled with confusion. And they questioned Her: Think You that Your Mother will save You? And the Maid answered: She will do what She will do, and blessed is Her name. And the demons laughed in mockery, saying: Then You are abandoned to the uttermost darkness. And the heart of the Maid fainted within Her. And she said, quietly: Thus may it be.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The text of the conversation between the Maid and the demons comes from the Mythos of the Daughter in The Gospel of Our Mother God. The rest of it comes from inspiration. The introductory scene of the Maid in a bower was a vision that came to me as I was praying the other day.
Monday, March 2, 2020
Moura - day 11: The laundry has taken over, please send halp!
Dear Reader,
I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday. My morning was busy trying to make a dent in the dishes and setting up my planner for the month of March. Then it was off to the in-laws to drop the kids off before Beloved and I had a lunch date. We talked about a bunch of things and generally enjoyed a little break from the kids. I think we need to do this more often than every few months but life keeps getting in the way of making that happen.
The weather has been just plain odd. I think we're on the south side of a storm system that's brewing right now. It's about 20 deg F warmer than usual right now. The yard is nothing but mud, but I was able to find all the missing parts to Beloved's nifty new squirrel baffle that got knocked down in the wind storm last week. My boys are frustrated with the fact that they've been stuck indoors from the weather and I think they've got a case of cabin fever. We all can't wait for spring to hurry up and get here.
Beloved did laundry Saturday evening. That was when it became apparent that my dresser was just this side of completely empty and ALL my laundry but what was on my back was in the wash. The couch is covered in laundry right now in various stages of folded. I had to take a break, though. I think I'm going to have dreams of folding laundry. I'm only 1/3 of the way done. And we haven't started on the kids' laundry. This is why I'm folding laundry now because there's no way I could get it done at the same time as the kids.
All that cleaning I did in my kitchen last week has gone to pot(s). We had a fun weekend of cooking but the dishes piled up pretty quickly. So I'm going to be busy this evening instead of writing stuff as I had hoped to be doing. I'm making reasonable headway on getting the bathroom sorted out. I confess, I am intimidated by the state of the tub and I'm working on everything else first. I'm debating washing the walls down before I clean the tub (when I highly doubt that is necessary). I will get the procrastinating out of the way as soon as I get the laundry and dishes under control.
My spiritual discipline of focusing on the moment has been challenging. My c-ptsd has been making that difficult, as has the anxiety problem that I have. But I am doing my best, which is all that anyone (even deities) can ask of me. I prayed the rosary today. On Mondays, I try to pray it at least once. Ideally, I do it three times. Once for Marya, once for Anna, and once for Deam Mysterium. I got my first two cycles done. Then I got caught up in chores and doing things like scheduling doctors appointments. I may be praying to Deam Mysterium this evening before I go to bed, if I am not so brain fried that I forget.
I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday. My morning was busy trying to make a dent in the dishes and setting up my planner for the month of March. Then it was off to the in-laws to drop the kids off before Beloved and I had a lunch date. We talked about a bunch of things and generally enjoyed a little break from the kids. I think we need to do this more often than every few months but life keeps getting in the way of making that happen.
The weather has been just plain odd. I think we're on the south side of a storm system that's brewing right now. It's about 20 deg F warmer than usual right now. The yard is nothing but mud, but I was able to find all the missing parts to Beloved's nifty new squirrel baffle that got knocked down in the wind storm last week. My boys are frustrated with the fact that they've been stuck indoors from the weather and I think they've got a case of cabin fever. We all can't wait for spring to hurry up and get here.
Beloved did laundry Saturday evening. That was when it became apparent that my dresser was just this side of completely empty and ALL my laundry but what was on my back was in the wash. The couch is covered in laundry right now in various stages of folded. I had to take a break, though. I think I'm going to have dreams of folding laundry. I'm only 1/3 of the way done. And we haven't started on the kids' laundry. This is why I'm folding laundry now because there's no way I could get it done at the same time as the kids.
All that cleaning I did in my kitchen last week has gone to pot(s). We had a fun weekend of cooking but the dishes piled up pretty quickly. So I'm going to be busy this evening instead of writing stuff as I had hoped to be doing. I'm making reasonable headway on getting the bathroom sorted out. I confess, I am intimidated by the state of the tub and I'm working on everything else first. I'm debating washing the walls down before I clean the tub (when I highly doubt that is necessary). I will get the procrastinating out of the way as soon as I get the laundry and dishes under control.
My spiritual discipline of focusing on the moment has been challenging. My c-ptsd has been making that difficult, as has the anxiety problem that I have. But I am doing my best, which is all that anyone (even deities) can ask of me. I prayed the rosary today. On Mondays, I try to pray it at least once. Ideally, I do it three times. Once for Marya, once for Anna, and once for Deam Mysterium. I got my first two cycles done. Then I got caught up in chores and doing things like scheduling doctors appointments. I may be praying to Deam Mysterium this evening before I go to bed, if I am not so brain fried that I forget.
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