July for Loki: Post No. 31 - The Sly-One Strikes Again.

Dear Reader,

I was working on my Filianic transcription project (I'm transcribing a copy of The Gospel of Our Mother God because mine is falling apart.)  when Loki said "Look at the numbers." I was working on transcribing the text of The Way of Simplicity. I was nearly to the end of the passage when I realized that the verse numbers jumped from 23 to 36. At which point, I picked up my Kindle and opened the .pdf of the NCUV and scrolled to The Way of Simplicity. I discovered that this 'authorized' version of the Filianic scriptures skipped approximately half of the text. I adjusted the verse numbering to reflect what it would have been on the page if it hadn't jumped to verse 36. It's a liberty that I feel comfortable taking considering that the editorial staff working on The Gospel of Our Mother God felt comfortable dropping approximately half of The Way of Simplicity.

I feel that this is dishonest of them. I understand that the cost of publication goes up with page count. At the same time, if you have the audacity to claim that you are the authority upon the sacred texts of a faith, you should present the entire text not what's convenient. I am as of this moment, somewhat offended. At the same time, Loki has pointed me out locations where I can buy physical copies of the other major versions of the sacred scriptures of Filianism and it won't break the bank. I'm still going to replace this copy of The Gospel of Our Mother God because I want to keep it in my library. This particular version, however, is going to be getting used for notation and similar things. 

I'm not of a habit of writing in my books. I'm making an exception for this one because the binding is falling apart and I'll be replacing it soon. I find myself asking what is so inappropriate in The Way of Simplicity that they had to completely skip it. And for what reason did they reference the Crystal Tablet but not put it in. If it weren't for the fact that others in the community have created amazing resources and done due diligence to assure the accuracy of their work, I would be stuck wondering if the Crystal Tablet was a reference to the Emerald Tablet of Hermes Trismegistus. (Which I admit, I was confused and wondering if there was a reference there that I was missing because it didn't seem to fit with Filianism.)

July for Loki: Post No. 30 - Untitled.

Dear Reader,

I don't have a quip or any manner of witty catchphrase to slap up as a title for today's post. I've been struggling with enormous anxiety and a good deal of physical pain today. Peter Gabriel's rendition of David Bowie's song Heroes keeps ringing in my ears. It's a good version. It's inspired a good amount of writing in some fiction I've been working on.

The part of the song that keeps running through my head is: 

I, I can remember

Standing, standing by the wall

And the guns, shot above our heads

And we kissed, as though nothing could fall

And the shame, the shame was on the other side

Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever

Loki is with the protesters. He moves among them as does Thor and Odin. As does the other old gods. We live in dangerous times. These gods that we had abandoned collectively a long time ago have not abandoned us. They're here inspiring us to outrageous acts of courage (Naked Athena for example) and compassion. 

Loki wants all of us to remember that we can be heroes, even if it is for just one day. Stand against tyranny. Just your act of existence is an act of protest and is heroic. Support the ones on the lines. Demand justice for the ones who are being assaulted under the color of law and dragged away in vans. And remember that we must love each other with all the ferocity that we have within us.

Books Update.

Dear Reader,

It seems that Amazon and other major online retail outlets have gotten their act together to safely ship books. As such, if you are interested in getting paperback copies of the books I have written, now would be a good time. Here are some links.

Rose Petals: A Filianic Psalter - This is the latest version of my little book of prayers.

Garlands of Grace: Filianic Rosary Meditations

Veiled Witch's Ritual Book: Vol I - Filianic Rituals and Rites

A Year With Dea - This is the daybook of meditations that is the companion to Rose Petals.

July for Loki: Post No. 29 - Center of the Storm.

Dear Reader,

A popular image of Loki is that he is a raging storm that turns everything in his path into tumult. It's been used to vilify him for a very long time. While he is a force of nature ensouled, there is order that comes with his chaos. Looking at fractals are a great example. They're chaotic functions that are random in their manifestation. And yet there is an internal symmetry and a clear pattern to them. Sierpinksi's Triangle is a great example. Or the growth of a tree.

Going back to our storm analogy, it is better to describe Loki as the eye of a hurricane. He is the still point around which the rest revolves. He is the cause and the expression of it. Most people would get out of the way of a hurricane. You can't exactly get out of the way of Loki. He's everywhere. He's in the butterfly effect that effects the entire world with one small action that is seemingly meaningless.

It is better not to run from Loki when he comes calling. He will pursue you if you've caught his interest. Instead, stand boldly in the face of what comes with him and be prepared for change. If you can stand boldly in the face of the storm, you can reach the still place at the center and walk with him to where you need to be, all the while being prepared for the second wave of chaos that comes as he moves on elsewhere.

July for Loki: Post No. 28 - Sexuality of Deity?

Dear Reader,

One of the questions that pops up for godspouses is what's their sex life like and what is the sexuality of the deity they're involved with like. It's a question that rankles me. Loki likes to tease me and call me a prude because I get uncomfortable discussing the intimate details of sex (and yet I write erotica, go figure). I get upset with this question for the same reason I get upset with similar questions about my intimate relationship with Beloved.

This stuff is private. This is something that is between lovers and not for the whole world to criticize and give their opinions on. I wouldn't walk up to a random stranger on the street and ask them for juicy details about their sex life. Random asks like that is exactly the same. It's rude and offensive. Not because of the topic but because of the level of entitlement the person asking the question dares to approach you with. 

Godspouses and spirit-workers don't owe anyone a damn shred of information about what their sex life is like. The assumption that their sex life is the primary model of what all are like is moronic in my opinion. There are as many different ways to have sex as can be imagined. Only limitations are on what you can bring to fruition within the manifest world. Following the rule of safe, sane, and consensual is a must for any flavor of sex you're involved in. If all parties are happy, no one is getting injured, and there's no harm, everyone else can shut their mouths and look the other way.

My experience of the sexuality of Loki is varied and complex. That's because our relationship is varied and complex. At the same time it is simple. Because there's core elements that are the building blocks of the relationship that don't change regardless of what ever activities we've engaged in. There seems to be this idea floating around that if one puts enough pressure on a deity they're attracted to that they'll get to have sex with them. Throwing yourself at a deity and begging them to have intimate relations with you is not a good idea. It doesn't matter which deity it is.

It's like trying to make your way into someone's pants by way of being their friend. You don't put in kindness tokens to get sex out. With gods,  you don't put in offerings and prayers to get sex out. It's a dick move and I can tell you right now that where a person might not see through the ploy, a deity can. And generally, they get offended by this type of behavior because you're attempting to rob them of agency.

(Pro tip: Don't pull this with any fertility deities, they'll ruin your day for it. Especially the twins.)

You may be smitten with a deity. You may lust after a deity. You can choose to offer them sexual energy. That doesn't mean that they're going to instantly come and gratify your desires. Spend some time getting to know the deity and build the relationship. It may be that it becomes an intimate relationship that involves spirit-sex. It may be that it turns into something entirely different that is better for you than that spirit-sex focused relationship ever could have been.

Transcription Project Update.

Dear Reader,

I mean to get more work done on the transcription later this evening. I was comparing the wisdom texts in The Gospel of Our Mother God (as promoted by A Chapel of Our Mother God) with the wisdom texts in the NCUV and discovered something interesting. It appears that the Clew of Love in The Gospel of Our Mother God is a condensed version of the Crystal Tablet in the NCUV. It was an exciting moment to make that discovery. I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of the ECE and see what more I can learn.

July for Loki: Post No. 27 - God of Trauma Carrying.

Dear Reader,

I'm going to be the first person in line to say that Loki is not the only god who has trauma that they carry. His is, however, some of the most well documented. If you go through the old stories, we have a pretty good sized list that makes me think that if there was a god to turn to for support in carrying your own trauma, Loki would be your go to 9 times out of 10.

First, one must question what reason Loki goes by a matronymic surname. It is my suspicion that his relationship with his father is bad and his rejection of his father by way of being known as Laufey's son instead of Farbuti's is an indication of how toxic that relationship is. This is all UPG, mind you, but when most are known by a patronymic surname, it makes you wonder. At best, Farbuti is an absent figure, worst case... well, we've all read about domestic abuse of children in the news. Add to this the fact that these are deities and I am sure it gets uglier. (This could hint to why Loki is willing to do what seems insanely reckless, like betting his head, because his logic is what the other party could do couldn't be much worse than what he grew up with.)

Then you have the myth where Slepnir is conceived. I've noted a number of people making rape jokes concerning this myth. It seems to be generally believed that Loki didn't willingly conceive his equine son. If we operate upon this presumption, then Loki is most definitely a survivor of sexual assault. He is mocked for this "perversion" in the Lokasenna and a time when he reported lived beneath the mountains and birthed yet more "monsters". It is unclear if the time he lived beneath the mountains was a period of misadventure or not. The ambiguity opens the door to consider the possibility that Loki was the victim of sexual assault multiples times. There's a lot of trauma that goes with sexual assault and it gets compounded if it happens more than once in someone's life.

Next we have to consider the entire myth cycle where he is with Angrboda and their children are taken away. Some sources declare that Loki wasn't a willing partner in their conception. We've covered sexual assault trauma. But let's put this aside for a moment, what level of trauma would it be to have your children kidnapped by your blood-brother? (I have an alternative story that runs counter to the kidnap story and the additional sexual assault story, but that will wait for another day.) All because they're afraid of a prophecy that they bring into actuality with the kidnapping of the children of Loki and Angrboda. (This is not the first time someone does something to 'prevent' a prophecy and winds up fulfilling it. And it is someone who is supposedly smart enough to know better than that.)

Or the myth cycle of the binding of Loki that includes the murder of his sons by Sigyn, Narfi and Váli. How traumatic would it be to witness the murder of your children? And then to be bound for the remainder of time within a cavern with the guts of one? (I would consider the transformation of Váli as a form of murder for he is magically transformed into a wolf that ravages Narfi, whose guts are used to bind Loki to three stones. Váli Lokison is, in my opinion, as much a tragic victim in all of this as his parents. That, however, is something for another time as well.)

The Bound God is subject to slow torture despite Sigyn's efforts to relieve it. Loki carries a mountain of trauma experiences in the lore that we have. Even if we do our best to dust off the influence of Christianity and other elements that have made the stories drift away from their original sources, Loki is still a tragic figure. People in modern heathenry tend to focus on Baldur as suffering the ultimate tragedy because he was such a "good" god who was slain by way of misadventure. But, honestly, Baldur's death as unfortunate as it was/is pales compared to the sheer volume of wrongs wrought against the god of mischief. 

Baldur dies. He is given a proper send off to Hela's hall. He is received with honors. Loki lies beneath the earth perpetually bound and suffering the acid drops of venom falling from the serpent that Skadi puts over his head, watching as his beloved wife Sigyn struggles to keep things together witnessing this and holding a bowl to catch the venom. But at some point, that bowl fills and she must empty it. And one wonders where did she get that bowl, is it perhaps the hollow of Narvi's skull cupped in his mother's hands?

There is a reason why I turn to Loki when my own trauma gets too much to bear, because he's seen some shit and always has a cunning way to help me carry my own load.

July for Loki: Post No. 26 - God of Heart and Home

Dear Reader,

It may sound strange for me to refer to Loki as a god of heart and home, but give me a chance to explain this position. There is this cute little hand towel that I found at the store and brought home. It exactly describes my home. On it is an embroidered motto: This home is built on love and chaos. If you have seen two children in action, you know that they're chaos engines regardless of their age. I seem to have a weirdness magnet strapped to my butt that has a large enough range effect that weirdness happens to my husband too.

Loki has a lot of love to give. He is a deity who is often overlooked because of the bad press he's gotten. He is very devoted to his people. He will move the nine worlds to try to get us what is best for us. Now, his vision of what is in our best interests and our visions of what is in our best interests may differ, but that doesn't change the fact that he's trying his hardest to help us be our best selves. Loki's enormous heart has been wounded and he can empathize with us in our struggles in this world because of it. Parents who are bereft of their children are especially ones he has deep compassion for. 

Going back to the home theme, Loki is a god who can make a home wherever he goes. Skrýmir's glove was like a house to him, Thor, and Thor's servants. Some paint this as a foolish mistake when they tell this tale. I think, however, Loki's inventiveness was such that he was able to make this enormous glove seem a comfortable place to rest. Perhaps it took a little magic and shenanigans, but would we be that surprised if it was the case to take an empty room and make it comfortable? Loki wasn't perfect in this, but the story would have turned out very differently if he was.

Is Loki Thokk in the tale of Baldur's death? Perhaps, and the ability to transform a cave into a cozy place of residence where Frigga felt comfortable entering and speaking with the occupant would be an important thing to note. Caves have a reputation of being dangerous, cold, damp, and generally unpleasant. Thokk's cave has more of an air like a hobbit's hole in the tale than that. 

Loki is one of my family's patron deities. There's always been a bit of strangeness and charm about my little family. Our luck runs in strange directions that don't always make sense. If nothing, this itself is the reason why I can call him our god of heart and home.

July for Loki: Post No. 25 - Godspousery Edition II

Dear Reader,

Sometimes, things get weird. Relationships are weird. You pick one being at random and decide that you like them and then they decide that they like you and poof you're friends or something. Whole cohorts of people that arise from random situations forcing them together forged into a series of life long friendships are just weird. I mean, it didn't have to be those people. It could have been others. You could have all hated each other. It could have be any of a thousand possibilities but that one situation had this one result. That looking back just seems logical. Backwards logic is bullshit.

That's something that Loki taught me and regularly reminds me to keep in mind. Happenstance does a lot of shit. We can look back and trace a path through it and say "This is how it works" but it just shows one of many different paths that take you to the same position in the present.

I've been applying a lot of backwards logic of late and Loki's been calling me out on it. He has really been pushing me to stop and look at family dynamics. I've a lot  of trauma that I've been processing. It's exhausting. And yet, Loki stops me from saying "Well, that's just how it works." He reminds me that what I'm doing with my kids is 1000000x different from what my parents did with my brothers and I.

It was really hard yesterday when I got triggered by a video I saw. I had a few hours where my brain wasn't processing information correctly because of the ptsd crap. Loki walked me out of that mental fog by helping me not do backwards logic and apply the conclusions that came out of backwards logic to the present. Because backwards logic in that flashback moment was telling me that I was helpless, a failure, and in danger. He helped me recognize that I wasn't helpless. He helped me remember the ways that I am successful. And he reassured me that I wasn't in danger. It was a pretty big deal.

July for Loki: Post No. 24 - Just Be As You Are.

Dear Reader,

I frequently question if I am good enough. I have some major anxiety issues. Loki (and others) remind me that it doesn't matter what my anxiety tells me. I just have to be myself and do what I know is right. I don't have to be some one else's idea of a priestess of Déa. I don't have to be some one else's idea of a godspouse to Loki and Freyr. I don't have to fit the suburbanite mold of what a good housewife and mother looks like. I don't have to fit the toxic mold that my parents did their best to push on to me as I was growing up. 

I just have to be myself. I'm allowed to cry when I am hurt and I don't need to fear someone hurting me for it. I'm allowed to feel insecure and not have to justify my feelings to some inquisitor who believes that I have no reason to feel that way. I am allowed to have my faith with out having to hide it or worry that someone is going to report me to child protective services because I'm not a Christian (a threat that a relative had made before I had kids during a family "intervention".) or because I have mental illnesses that disable me. I am allowed to be who I am in my flawed, struggling way. I don't have to be perfect.

It all cycles back to "Everything's broken, nothing's perfect."And that is liberating. The mental chains of feeling like I have to be perfect at everything to prove my humanity are snapped apart with that statement about the world. It completely changes my paradigm with the world and gets a little disorienting at times. But, this is what World-Breaker does. And this is one of the reasons why I love him. 

July for Loki: Post No. 23 - You can't go backwards.

Mikky Ekko has a song, Smile. Loki likes to use it to remind me that it's rough but we've got forever ahead of us. He likes to use it to remind me that nostalgia for a past that didn't happen isn't healthy for me. I struggle with false memories that tell me the past was better than it really was. I struggle with the idea that perhaps I am wrong and the horrific experiences I lived through didn't really happen.

Some days, I want to go back into the past where nostalgia and false memories tell me that I was healthy and happier. But you can't go backwards. And even if you could, you can't go back to something that didn't exist. Loki makes a point of telling me that it will be ok when these moods hit me and I fear that my best days are no longer ahead of me. Avici has a song, Broken Arrows, that Loki regularly points out to me. He uses it to remind me that no matter how bad I feel in the moment, it will get better.

He tells me that it's a good thing that we can't go backwards. He reminds me that in the past only lies heartbreak. He tells me that my heart was always right to say that the best days lay ahead of me. No matter how low I get, he reminds me that the only direction to go is up. He says that memories are echos but you can't always trust echoes because they get distorted the farther they travel. He says that sometimes the stories that we're told about ourselves by others paint the scene that they wanted it to be, not what was really there. He tells me not to long for that false scene because it is a tissue of lies and can't sustain me.

It's painful when he tells me these things. But I know that he's not doing it to hurt me. It is because he's doing his best to help me heal and become stronger in the face of a traumatic past.

Video Update: Covid-19 madness

I think the look of vexation on my face pretty well covers things. I apologize for a lack of transcript. I spent most of this video lamenting the difficulties that we've been facing over here with distance learning for summer school, lack of social life due to social distancing, and the stress of trying to raise my children with a world view that isn't Christian in a heavily Christian community.

It's vexing.

July for Loki: Post No. 22 - The sun is too loud.

Dear Reader,

As I write this, I am working my way through a migraine. Please forgive any misspellings or odd phrasing that happen as I write here.

Loki is a deity who isn't fixed to a single direction. Some people like to assign directional orientations to deities as they attempt to classify the universe and make sense of it. He's got the essence of Air with his wit and his obvious kenning Sky-Treader. He's got the essence of Fire by the way of his birth (Farbuti is a storm jotun and Laufey is an earth jotun associated with pine trees - lightning + pine forest = wild fire) and he's assumed the position of a fire deity within modern belief systems just about entirely across the board. He has the essence of Water through his invention of the net for fishing and his transformation into a fish. I'm sure there are more stories that are lost that talk about him changing into other water associated animals. He is a shape-shifter after all. Loki has the essence of Earth through his mother Laufey and through his binding beneath the earth. There are some stories that don't mention a binding but that his hall is a cavern with snakes present at a place where the land meets the ocean.

Now, if you're of the camp that says Earth is in the North and such, you're going to have a hard time finding a direction for Loki because he can fit into any of the four categories commonly used. And then there is that fifth direction, the vertical axis. He fits there too either as the Sky-Treader or the Bound-God. Loki defies definition because he is the essence of change and chaos. As soon as you think you have a handle on him, he changes and the entire paradigm shifts.

July for Loki: Post No. 21 - Sky-Treader & Lightning

Dear Reader,

Here's something of an old familial thing in my family. Loki is the lightning and the thunder is Thor's hammer striking its target, possibly Loki depending on how well they're getting on that day. When the days are hot and the air shimmers, making illusions of water on dry ground, that's attributed to Loki through familial stories. 

I honestly don't know how many others have this in their familial background of stories. This came down from my mother's side. Which is a little weird because they're fundamentalist Christians, but pretty much everything about Loki and my family is weird. Sky-Treader would drink with my mother, keeping her distracted from my brothers and I. He would encourage her to leave a bit of drink out for the land-wights. He encouraged her to tell us stories about the Norse pantheon. I learned about the Loka-tattur many years after my mother told me a story about Loki helping a farmer's son outwit a troll.

My mother wasn't a devotee by any stretch of the imagination. She was publicly an atheist. She actively mocked people for their religious beliefs, if not to their face then behind their backs. Yet, at the same time, she had these habits that she had. Like always cooking enough food so that there was enough for at least one more person (in addition to whatever was planned for leftovers) and she called it "god's portion".

But, one of the stories she told me was that Loki was lightning and Thor was the thunder following after. That one stuck with me for a long time.

July for Loki: Post No. 20 - Femme!Loki scares me like Freyja.

Dear Reader,

Femme!Loki scares me in the same way that Freyja does. Waay too pretty. Waay too intimidating. Clearly out of my league. Femme!Loki has all the qualities that I find attractive in women. That makes me instantaneously terrified and bumbling/stupid at the thought of talking to Loki (or Freyja). I worry I'm going to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or be the wrong person somehow and everything goes very bad. I worry that I'll accidentally offend when I attempt to give a compliment. I worry that I'll look stupid when I don't necessarily get the joke or follow what Loki's saying.

It's a small mercy that Loki presents as Masc!Loki most of the time because I don't get hit with that level of anxiety very often around him. Loki, however, has a wicked sense of humor and will switch from Masc!Loki to Femme!Loki just to watch me start blushing and stammering over my cup of coffee. Loki is of the mind that I need to work through my anxiety and such when it comes to interacting with other women. I suspect this means more conversations with Femme!Loki.

Did I mention that Femme!Loki strikes me as way out of my league? Loki finds this amusing.

July for Loki: Post No. 19 - Nothing's Perfect, Everything's Broken

Dear Reader,

The subject line of this post is something that Loki told me when I was fretting over being good enough. He said to me, "Here in Midgard, nothing's perfect, everything's broken somehow. That doesn't make it less wonderful." I struggle to keep that in mind. When I get caught up in a negative cycle of thoughts (usually triggered by some manner of past emotional trauma), I work very hard to remember that fact. 

One day, I was having a particularly bad case of body dysphoria (yes, even cis-gender people can have body dysphoria), Loki sat me down and said, "Are my scars ugly?" I just blinked at him in confusion. I couldn't really conceive of him with out those scars. They were as natural to him as his red hair in my eyes. I just sat there in confusion and he asked me again, "Are my scars ugly?"

I answered that they weren't, they were a part of him and a part of his story to tell.

He told me to remember that every time I looked at my own scars, physical and emotional.

July for Loki: Post No. 18 - Fear and Mysticism with Loki

Dear Reader,

This is not going to be an easy post to write. It may be a bit abstract in parts. It will also have some content that may trigger someone with PTSD from emotional abuse. I ask that you read with care.

Before I get to the heart of my content today, I have to give some backstory. I grew up in an ugly household. The toxicity of my parents is such that I have fully broken contact with them for the sake of both my sanity and the safety of my children. They were (and remain) emotionally abusive and manipulative. I was frequently gas-lighted by my parents about the physical abuse that happened. There's a stretch of about ten years that I don't remember except in bits and pieces. The memories that I have come up and that I do recall clearly do not mesh with the story that my parents told us about our childhood. My brothers also don't recall this period of time. They act like this is normal and I am the one with a problem because I reject the story that they tell each other.

I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood in fear. When Loki came to me, I was afraid that my parents were right - that I was crazy. When my psychic gifts began to manifest, I was punished for "lying". The starkest memory of the punishment for "lying" was when my parents beat me for insisting that my beloved great-grandma Hazel wasn't dead but standing on the porch of the funeral home. I was accused of just about everything under the sun except for being a whore because we lived in the middle of nowhere. My insistence that I was innocent of their accusations resulted in a range of punishments that included things like having the door taken off of my bedroom, being made to kneel on spilled grains of rice for long enough that the rice was pressed into my skin (which they made me clean up by hand, despite the fact that I hadn't spilled the rice), and being humiliated in front of my brothers.

When memories of those days come up, I get a little spacey and Loki is there to ground me. He reassures me that my memories are real. He helps me focus on the present and the fact that I am safe from them. When I have an unexpected mystical experience, the old,conditioned fears hit me like a sledge hammer. I start to dissociate and Loki helps me get grounded and oriented with the present. It was Loki who reassured me that Déa was real when I had my first vision of her.

Initially, I was afraid that Loki was lying to me. For some reason, I never questioned the reality of Loki except for when I had my first vision of him. I had read about gods and accepted that all gods were real somehow. I just wasn't aware that you could see them, let alone interact with them. What I had been taught about deities were that they were distant and indifferent to humanity, if one were to be so gullible to accept the argument that they were real. My religious inclinations gained me the scorn of my parents on top of what scorn was already there on the basis of the fact that I was a first born daughter when they felt I should have been a son.

When ever my parents were heaping scorn upon me, Loki was there at my side. He continually told me not to listen, not to accept their vision of the world. He continually told me that I knew the truth and I was a good person despite any flaws they claimed they found in me. Loki proved himself to be truthful and honest by confirming reality for me when my parents were attempting to break my psyche. I don't particularly like his kenning of Lie-Smith in the face of how much honesty he put before me. It was Loki's influence that got me into therapy and it was Déa and Loki's influence that got me out of their clutches long enough to see proof that what I knew in my heart about how the world works was real.

My parents called college a "failed investment" and in saying that, implied that I was a failure when I returned home and didn't land a nice job immediately. I had learned from Loki something about freedom. As such, I resisted their efforts to force me back into the box I was in up until I left for college. I believe this is part of the reason why they kicked me out of the house when I was extremely ill. Again, Loki came to my aid by a confluence of luck and unexpected resources, along with my very determined Beloved and my devoted grandparents. Through Loki's influence, I found my way to resources that discovered I had a life threatening allergy to a common medication and was set on the path to greater health. 

When things get desperate, Loki has always been there to support me and point me in the direction of the way out of the problem. It's ok to be afraid. Mysticism feels a lot like you're going crazy. But you're not, you're just becoming more open to the universe and the Divine. If I have learned anything from Flame-Hair, it is that you can be afraid and still walk through fire and come out ok. All it takes is a little faith and trust.

July for Loki: Post No. 17 - Why this string of blog posts?

Dear Reader,

This started as a meme in 2012 inspired by Galina Krasskrova. I have strong opinions on Ms. Krasskrova and her work, but this meme is something else. Way back in 2012, it was more organized. It has waxed and waned over the years. The original list of themes for each day of the month is buried in the depths of the internet. I'm sure some intrepid soul could excavate them, but I honestly don't know if it is worth it.

So, the question remains as to why I do this (or at least attempt to do this) every year? The answer is both simple and complicated. At its simplest manifestation, I am a writer and if I don't write I get crabby and would probably explode. I have had a devotional relationship with Loki for a very long time. Writing about him just makes sense. It would be like writing about my family. He's a big part of my life and I write about him elsewhere off-line. I keep a prayer journal. I keep a book of shadows where I write about my mystical experiences with him. I have a digital version of the prayer journal. I write about him and to him a lot. This is just a natural extension of all that writing.

The more complicated answer is I want to show the world that Loki is not the monster that Snorri and other made him out to be. I want to show the Lie-Smith is actually a truth teller more often then not. I want to show that the Mother of Monsters is the patron of all outcasts and misfits. I want to show that the Wolf's Father is a loving figure in the lives of his chosen people. I want to illustrate how Scar-Lip has a droll sense of humor that goes beyond the slap-stick humor of tying his junk to a goat and playing tug-o-war. I want to present how the Sly One can help you out of sticky situations with nothing but wit and inspired words. I want people to know how the Bound-God walks free among humanity and is down for breaking the wheel of oppression that is grinding us into dust. I want to make sure that people know that the World-Breaker is the bringer of growth and transformation, not just destruction.

I end this post with something that Freyr said to me about Loki.

He is the one who breaks the seed coat open so that the plant may grow.

July for Loki: Post No. 16 - Veiling

Dear Reader,

Some my be a bit curious about Loki's thoughts on my veiling practices. While there is an established practice of covering to signify that you are a godspouse in many communities, Loki doesn't ask that of me. He recognizes that my choice to veil is an expression of my devotion to Dea and my role as a priestess of hers. He sometimes makes silly, playful comments about the style that I choose for a given day. But aside from the playful teasing, Loki finds it to be a non-issue. 

Well, that's not entirely accurate. When I have days that I forget to veil, he reminds me. He sees it as important and when I am wearing my "good" veil for ritual, he is solemn and witnesses the ritual. He encourages me to wear it when I am feeling overwhelmed and my psychic energy is gone off loopy because of stress. He encourages me to explore styles and try out new things. He also is as much of a jackdaw as I am and absolutely delights when I find something particularly eye catching and sparkly.

I asked him at one point if he wanted me to veil for him as well. Loki chuckled and said, "I don't think She would approve of that."

Photo from Pexels.com

July for Loki: Post No. 15 - Loki & Sai Mati

Dear Reader,

One may not realize the connection between Loki and Sai Mati. It's easy to think that Sai Mati is more aligned with Odin on the basis of their mutual association with wisdom.(Odin as a trickster deity is a complicated subject and will have to be covered in another post.) Sai Mati in her trickster aspect is known as Sai Nimwë. She leads one to wisdom by ways of puzzles and paradox. Loki does this as well.

Loki is not often thought of as a teacher but he is. A "school of hard knocks" teacher, but a teacher none the less. As a friend of mine once said, Loki will help you to your feet and then tell you to duck as he starts swinging a baseball bat. Loki's lessons are at times cryptic. He teaches you to face the unwanted truth of a situation. He teaches you the facts about brutal honesty.

Sai Nimwë is cryptic. Sai Nimwë is the sphinx whose riddles you must answer to proceed forward on the path of enlightenment. She will help you to your feet and then motion for you to duck as that sign swings backwards to possibly hit you in the face again. Sai Nimwë is the janya of knowledge that is necessary but we may not want to hear. She is a playful and yet stern janya who leads you along a twisting path that leaves you dizzy even as it gets you to where you need to be.

July for Loki: Post No. 14 - Attack in the Opposite Direction

Dear Reader,

Sometimes, like now, I feel the urge to just give up. Loki urges me to "attack in the opposite direction." It's not a retreat. It is a tactical maneuver around a problem that is overwhelming. The Sly-Fox has a good point. When things are overwhelming, it is good to take a few steps back and look it over again from another perspective. When you have a hard time changing focus and reframing a problem, talking it over with someone who isn't intimately involved with it and can see the big picture is a good plan.

Loki is one of the deities that I talk about life problems with. When it came to cutting some toxic ties, it took me a long time to reach that point. Loki was right there pointing out how those ties, even when they're inactive, are still toxic to me. Rather than confronting the people whose toxic behaviors were causing me pain, as I had tried in the past and had it turn into a conflagration that ended with me painted as the bad guy for standing up for myself, I "attacked in the opposite direction." I backed off and looked at it critically.

Then, with Loki's blessing, torched the bridge between them and I by just ghosting them. Loki's remark to my deciding to disappear from their social media was "Mmm burnt embers. Time to toast some marshmallows." While I can't have my "victory s'mores", I sleep a bit easier at night for doing what I did. Sometimes, 'attacking in the opposite direction' means retreat. Sometimes it means you do the unexpected. In this case, I did both. 

Loki may not be a god of warfare but he's one heck of a strategist. 

July for Loki: Post No. 13 - Burn Out.

Dear Reader,

The last few days have been rough. Honestly, the last few months have been rough. I feel a lot of guilt over things that I feel I should be doing. Loki's booped me on the nose for it and reminded me "Thou shalt not should on thy self."

I struggle with cyclical depression. It's part of the whole bipolar II thing. I'm at the time of year that the depression starts to hit. Some of it is because of my screwed up brain chemistry and some of it is because of complex emotional trauma. It's just a grab bag of suck. It's made more complicated by the fact that I am still in the process of rewiring my brain and unlearning terrible things (like the "fact" that religious people are delusional or the "fact" that my value is based on what I can do or provide as an economic commodity). 

As these feelings of depression roll over me and these unhealthy thought processes rear their ugly heads, I start having nightmares of drowning. I start feeling utterly burned out and exhausted. And I struggle to keep up with the bare minimum of what I need to do during the day. It seems a bitter irony that this year the depression started to hit me the day after the Summer Solstice. I thought I had a few more weeks before that.

And shufflemancy strikes again as Faun's rendition of Unda begins playing. Loki's reminding me again to just roll with it all. He keeps telling me when I am in this state that I should do what I can not what I feel I should do. 

July for Loki: Post No. 12 - Loki is a patron of the LGBTQ+ community.

Dear Reader,

As one meme that's been going around shows an image of Mjollnir with the caption "This hammer smashes fascists." we should not forget that there is other oppression that the Danger Duo (as a friend of mine at one point called Loki and Thor) takes on. There's a whole swath of marginalized people that the friends of Midgard are going to be interested in. Loki is especially concerned with the LGBTQ+ community. He is gender fluid in his presentation but masculine in his orientation. That means this shapeshifter god can pop up as a Marilyn Monroe-esque Hollywood worthy bombshell figure but still be himself. Loki has multiple lovers of different gender. Loki's been ergi in some relationships (it is my opinion that he's likely switch when it comes to the BDSM question because that makes it even more taboo for him to take on the submissive role). Loki's both sired and birthed children. He ticks of a lot of the LGBTQ+ bingo card points with out any effort just based off of the remaining lore we have after we filter out the Christian baggage and before we start talking about modern gnosis about him.

I know that as a god of transgressions, Loki is immensely supportive of people who are considered transgressions against society simply because they exist. I know that Loki is inclined to help out the marginalized people because he has a soft spot in his heart for the underdog. As such, he is especially concerned with the welfare of LGBTQ+ people of color. 

[...] I had more and a coherent additional point I was going to make here but typing up a post with a migraine doesn't work that well. Especially when there are a couple of pre-teens being rather loud in the background. Ugh. My battleship has been sunk. I'm stuck in a rubber dinghy and spinning my wheels trying to remember what more I wanted to add. Sorry.

July for Loki: Post No. 11 - Finally Caught up, for now.

Dear Reader,

In case it wasn't obvious by the ton of posts that I have been slapping up over the last few days, I was a bit behind on this meme. Somewhere out in the blogosphere there is a list of prompts for the entire month. I had access to it years a go but I lost the link when I had to wipe the computer and reinstall everything. Thank goodness I had the sense to back up all of the important information to thumbdrives.

Loki's patting me on the shoulder and telling me that I've done well with this project so far. I really feel like I haven't been putting out enough quality content but he says that heartfelt is what matters here. A lot of people are scared of Loki and that confuses me. I, however, went through a phase where I avoided him. I suppose I should talk about that for a moment because I can't think of anything else.

It was the early 2000s and Loki was making his presence known more and more. To the point that my roomate at college said that if I didn't at least acknowledge him, she had a feeling things were going to get even weirder and the weirdness that was going on was quite enough for her. An example of the weirdness was watching a plant putting out roots at a terrific rate and literally begin spinning clockwise in the bowl of water I had put the cutting in to root. No one touched that bowl, well, no one corporeal did. Loki just sat there beside me, smug as can be. I still avoided saying his name and did my best to say that he was just my imagination. 

Then a few years later when my life got really rough, Loki made his presence known very clearly. I was still sort of in my phase of "I'll honor you but I'm going to stay over here and you stay over there." Then someone harmful came into my life. They claimed that Loki sent them. At first, I didn't realize how harmful they were and I believed their claim. Then they began to take advantage of me and deliberately trigger my c-ptsd to further take advantage of me. This was when weird stuff began happening that made it harder for that person to be in my area. It culminated in a very large flock of crows roosting in the tree behind where I lived, terrifying the guy into leaving. I forgot to mention, this was a large tree and it was the middle of winter. The tree looked as if it were in full leaf because of all the birds roosting in it, cawing at night. 

The guy and I had another altercation and the Morrigan stepped in, telling me that I should break his neck. The guy laughed and told me to show him how I'd have placed my hands. So I lightly set my hands as Morrigan directed me and the guy blanched because he realized all I had to do was push hard upwards and I could actually break his neck. He left and never returned. Through out the entire year that this creeper was in the picture, Loki kept telling me he was bad news but I just wasn't listening because I wasn't ready to hear what Loki had to say. But Loki kept doing things to make sure that I knew that Loki wasn't the reason why that guy was around.

Number one, when that guy was around and he tried to claim he was a priest of Loki, Loki laughed at him and said that I had a better shot at being his priestess. Loki then began mocking this guy's magical history and telling me how much of a fraud he was. I figured that the guy wasn't as experienced as he claimed and he was trying to impress me. 

Number two, Loki made it difficult for the guy to reach me. I think he enlisted some help from his jotun relatives because the guy was regularly stuck driving through awful weather to get to my place. Beloved, on the other hand, usually had a pleasant trip and it was uneventful except for the occasional deer running across the road.

Number three, Loki all but physically manifested to wake me up when someone else was trying to break into my apartment. I, being in my 20s and a bit reckless, took my short sword, flung open the door to the fire escape and screamed at the guy climbing up "What the hell do you want?" I was half naked, weapon in hand, and pissed off. The would be intruder pissed himself and left quickly. 

He began with the stupid jokes and smart ass comments not too long after the third incident happened. He was just there being friendly. It was his idea that I put a really hot pepper into the pot of chili I made for Beloved when Beloved said that my chili was bland. Since then Beloved talks about that chili, the "thermonuclear chili," and giggles. It was a ridiculous scenario from the cooking to the eating. All because Loki said, "Hey, let's really add some spice."

It is the first day of the Filianic Month of Kerea

Dear Reader,

Today is the first day of the Filianic month of Kerea. This is the second month of the season of Summer. The holiday associated with this month is the high holy day of the sacred Feast of Regeneration (also known in orthodox circles as the Golden Grain Festival). This feast day falls on the 22nd of the month (which translates to August 1st, though some celebrate it on the 2nd. More will be written about this celebration when it arrives.

July for Loki: Post No. 10 - Morning Coffee.

Dear Reader,

We all have our little habits and rituals. When I don my hair covering for the day, I invoke Déa's blessing and protection over myself and my home. When I put on my jewelry for the day, I consciously invoke the various forms of blessing or protection associated with the items I am wearing. I have another daily little ritual that I do. I pour out a small cup of coffee that I dedicate to the gods, wights, and ancestors who love and protect my family. As I pour the coffee, I offer the first few drops to Odin. The second few drops are to Loki. Then to Freyr and so forth until the little cup is full. I do this every morning and then set it on the altar. I have an entirely different set of little rituals for Déa, but I'll post about that later.

Odin tends to like his coffee black with a bit of sweetner in it. Loki says that all coffee is good coffee and my coffee is the best. Frey pretty much says he'll have whatever I'm having, provided I have the first sip. It could result in my altar looking like a collection of all my coffee cups sitting on there if I filled each request independently. This is where I take advantage of the fact that you can leave spectral offerings of energy along with physical ones. 

So, as I am pouring out that cup of coffee, I give the essence of a pot of coffee with an assortment of goodies to go in it. I take my memories of things like milk in coffee and real sugar and put them out there on the astral plane. While I am physically placing a single cup of coffee on the altar, on the spiritual plane, I am putting down a tray of coffee with sugar, milk, cream, and other goodies to add to it that I am familiar with. There's a host of cups and spoons for all who want them.  (The art of making spiritual constructs is fairly simple. I'll post something about how to do it soon.)

But my morning ritual of pouring out coffee and giving it to the gods is something that Loki cherishes. He enjoys that I share my precious bit of quiet time in the morning with him. It's usually just quiet companionship as I drink my coffee and try to wake up. Sometimes it is consolation when my morning fasting blood sugar is too high for my liking (and a gentle reproach that I shouldn't have eaten the whole delicious fish fry the night before).  Just being with him is enough, however, because I know that spending time together with someone you cherish is precious.

July for Loki: Post No. 9 - Godspousery Notes Edition

Dear Reader,

Last night - well, early this morning to be precise, Loki sat down and had a conversation with me. He often shows up in my dreams and we will interact more like how you would with a physical person. Because you can do that with deities (and other spiritual beings) in dreams. We were at a park that I frequented as a kid, sitting in the gazebo by the pond. Fortunately, while this dream was realistic there wasn't mosquitoes. We were just sitting there enjoying each other's company and watching the fish in the water for a while. That was when I realized that the water was crystal clear and clean. (The real pond has a fair amount of algae and debris in it, the park isn't well maintained.)

"I didn't realize that there were bigger fish than bluegills in this thing," I said to him. He chuckled.

"There once were, what you're looking at is the past," he answered.

"It's pretty," I replied. Loki pulled me closer to him, so that I was actually snuggled up against him.

"I wanted to remind you that the past isn't just full of ugly things, mistakes, and heartbreak," he said. I smiled up at him and was about to say something when he set a finger on my lips. "You tend to dwell on the heartbreak and the pain when you're depressed. I know it's hard to remember the good things but that's why you keep a gratitude log. You haven't been writing in yours. I know you're mildly depressed and it is slowly getting worse. But you need to start using that notebook again."

I mumbled something about how he was right or something along those lines when he took my hands and looked me intently in the eye. He said, "I take care of my people. I expect them to take care of themselves as best they can. You've been getting sloppy and careless about that again. We don't need another lesson in gravity again, do we?" I blushed and remembered my tumble down a flight of stairs because I didn't listen to his warnings (his repeated warnings) and the fractured rib from the shovel that 'caught' me. He could tell that he had lost my attention and literally went 'boop' as he tapped me on the nose. This confused me and redirected my attention back to him. "Make time to take care of yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You are going to need all those little self care practices you've developed to get through this. Welcome to the rest of your life, dear."

"I kinda gave up on the idea of homeschooling because I'm disabled," I mumbled.

"That's not what I'm talking about and with proper pacing for you and the children, you can do this. You can even get that writing career going too. It's all about using those tools that you got shamed for using in the past. They were wrong about you. You can do this and your method works for you, so don't give it up because of the ghosts of your parents disapprove of them or would call them crutches. You've a broken leg, you need crutches to walk a marathon." He then kissed me on the forehead. 

My dreams morphed into a series of surreal floral landscapes and watching glorious sunsets and sunrises. It was a relief from my usual nightmares of the past. I awakened feeling determined to do all the little things that I needed to so that I could be successful over the next week. If Loki says I can do it, that means I can, right? After all, he's a god with a bit more of a big picture view of the situation than I have right now.

July for Loki: Post No. 8 - Not a priestess?

Dear Reader,

Some people conflate spirit workers with spiritual advisors. And the same mistake may be made in conflating godspousery with priesthood. Some godspouses are priests of their spouse. Others are not. I am not a priestess of Loki. I would be more likely to be described as a nun. A person who has take an oath that bonds them to their deity of choice.

Beloved will joke about Loki being my "employer" (which leads to Loki joking about how I'm his hot secretary) but I don't work for Loki. If Loki asks me to do things I may if I am inclined. Generally, Loki asks of me things like I should do proper self care and such. He gets grumpy when I am not taking care of myself (which I tend to do when I get depressed and then he will let me know in no uncertain terms how he feels about it).

Loki is my spiritual lover. Loki is my dearest spiritual friend when it comes to deities because he's been there the longest. And Loki is one of my biggest supporters. He's not my boss.

That's Déa. Who's also spiritually a mother figure at the same time as boss. When Déa says jump, I don't get cute and ask how high, I just go with it. Not because Déa is going to punish me for not jumping but because it is my job to jump when she says it. If I don't do my job, I don't keep my job. And that's something that Loki (and others) don't want to see happen. So, they get out of the way and do what they can to help when Déa makes herself known.

July for Loki: Post No. 7 - Sassy much?

Dear Reader,

The thing about "godphone" is you don't always have control over it. And Loki has OPINIONS on things that he shares with me regularly. And, because Loki is not generally a demure, delicate thing, those opinions get voiced with a hefty dose of sass and attitude. Some people like to describe Loki in the frame of 'sassy gay friend'. I think that those people are not really getting the big picture and just reducing Loki to a stereotype.

Loki speaks fluent sarcasm and his native language is CAPSLOCK. If he's thinking that you're doing something dumb, he'll let you know in a big way. Especially if you can hear him. If he has the idea that you're avoiding something important, same deal. Always quick with a wisecrack and quicker with a comeback, Loki is quite the conversationalist.

I'll admit it, I've had times where he's said "That's something so dumb that even I wouldn't do it to make Skadi laugh." I've had times where he's seriously questioned my fashion choices - "Why are you dressing so conservative? Are you going to a funeral?" (Loki the fashionista is a thing. Just ask around and you'll find out why Loki has the modern kenning Admiral Fabulous. It goes together with him dryly stating the thing that you're avoiding on a regular basis. Also Loki is the god of glitter. Full stop.)

Loki will make jokes and quips about stuff happening in life. When I am going through a period of being grumpy and miserable, he's been known to say that I need "vitamin D" to cheer up. When I've been struggling all day and I just feel like throwing in the towel, Loki comes along an will point out all the little ways that I accomplished things. He won't do it in a snide, sarcastic fashion but there is a bit of sass in how he does it (usually to get me out of my grumpy mood). 

He regularly says that my life needs more salt in it. Usually that's when I'm on social media and I'm getting annoyed with people. That's his way of telling me to go have the argument. He's a bit of an instigator at times. I have lost count the number of times he's told dirty jokes to me at times when I really need to be focused on something else (like helping my kids with math). He'll just air drop this colossally BAD joke on me and insist I share it with people. He is the King of Dad Jokes.

He will inspire me to harmless pranks on my family. The one that Beloved still chuckles about was the day I put in a card with "i believe in you" spelled out with an eyeball followed by words. I then, at Loki's urging, put googly eyes on stuff in his lunch box and put in a note asking him if he felt like he was being watched. Loki likes to get a laugh. He especially enjoys it if the laughter comes from word play and puns. 

For him flyting is as much about humor as it is about being a dick. He wouldn't insult you if he didn't like you. He'd just ignore you if he didn't like you. If he really didn't like you, he'd engineer a mousetrap like situation where you screw yourself over all because you were too proud to not do that one thing that sets it all into motion.

July for Loki: Post 6 - Godspousery? What?

Dear Reader,

As it may have been apparent through my random godspousery posts, I am intimately involved with Loki. This is not, as some may say, a bored housewife living an elaborate fantasy. It doesn't look like most typical relationships because it is with a noncorporeal being. (Though there was that time he showed up in physical manifestation, but that's a story for a different day. Let's just say it was during a very difficult time and he gave me comfort and advice. This was before the godspousery thing even was a gleam in his eye.) Think about the challenges of a long distance relationship. Now multiply them by some random large number and that's about what it's like.

I keep a prayer journal where I write letters to him. It's a hold-over from the days that my Beloved and I were doing the long distance relationship thing and I was writing him letters on a just about daily basis. (Ok, just to make something plain, Beloved and I are polyamorous. He is my primary partner and husband in this world. Our relationship is open but with agreed upon limitations, among them is that the primary relationship take precedent over any others. And, unlike some corporeal partners we've had in the past, Loki thinks this is a damn good thing and wants to see this relationship thrive, to the point of being willing to sacrifice the romantic involvement between him and I for the health of my marriage to Beloved.)

So, there's me writing him letters in a notebook. Sometimes life gets busy and I don't get to write in my notebook. Then I pray to him out loud or quietly. This is more like a phone call. Some days, he'll "pick up the phone" and I can "hear" his response. Hearing him is the equivalent of having a thought that isn't mine in my head. It takes a lot of practice and discernment to tell what is Loki's reply and what is my brain's random babblings. I don't get letters back. But I get signs from him that he's gotten my messages. Sometimes it is hearing him. Sometimes it is things like having something turn out exactly like I needed when all elements of the situation were tending against that result. And, sometimes, I get the phantom sensation of a hand on my shoulder or something similar.

Now, someone may look at this and say "This sounds alot like psychosis or self-delusion." Having experienced both, I can assure you they're entirely different. Psychosis is having your own thoughts get very loud and (in my case) take over your auditory processing center to the point where you are hearing things as if someone is physically there. It's terrifying to experience and I don't wish it on anyone. And self-delusion is something that I struggle with because I was so conditioned to believe that I was worthless as a child. As such, I default to deluded assumptions that I am defective or flawed in someway that makes me sub-human. To say that Loki has opinions on this is like saying that the Sun is kinda warm.

As I have worked on my discernment and reality testing skills, Loki's been there to help me. At one point, when I was hospitalized due to suicidal depression with psychotic features, I was given a strong antipsychotic because the symptoms had become unbearable. I was doubting everything about my spirituality and life at that point. Loki said quietly to me, "Can you hear me now?" And for the first time since the psychotic symptoms had begun, I could hear him. There was silence in my head and I wasn't hallucinating, Loki truly was speaking to me. My gratitude was (and remains) profound.

Loki is a god of chaos. Mental illness is chaotic, or at least the grab bag of disorders that I have is. Every hospitalization, he's made his presence known and reminded me that I wasn't alone in there. Odin has done the same. Loki has been with me through some horrific stuff and regularly validates me when I have a mild flashback or memories surface. Just as Beloved has been a supportive and loving spouse (willing to call me out when I'm about to do something dumb or encouraging me when I'm chasing my dreams, he's always been there), so has Loki. Before the romantic entanglement, there was a long standing friendship, in both cases. It's part of the reason why the relationship works.

July for Loki: Post No. 5 - Giving Gifts

Dear Reader,

Gift giving is a big thing in the Norse culture, especially in the ancient culture. The words of wisdom attributed to Odin warns one is better off refusing a gift if they can not give one in return that it at least equal in weight, lest they be in debt to the giver. (Havamal, line 144) I give gifts daily to Loki and the other gods. In the morning, I put a cup of coffee on the altar for them. When events happen that bear his hand prints, such as strangely good fortune, I offer him alcohol. I've given him the gift of poetry. I've given him the gift of charitable donations made in his name. I've given Loki many gifts over the years.

In return, he has given many as well. He has brought myself and my family good fortune. He has warned us of danger and turned away disaster. For all the fickleness of his sense of humor, Loki has been a true and loyal care giver to myself and my family. Strange things may happen, like when my husband's lucky coin vanished for a week to reappear (after laundry had been done and many trips about had happened) in the exact zippered pocket he keeps it in. Loki is a friend of my family in ways that many people don't think a god can be.

That is because they have forgotten or were never taught that a gift freely given is a blessing and will be answered with an equal gift in due time. Loki has his days where he's grumpy and he's not "happy-fun-ball" Loki. But everyone has those days. When I can tell that his day is not going well, I try to give a little extra kindness to show that I love and support him just as he loves and supports me. I'm not sure how big of an influence it is on his day. He is a god who has a lot on his place as being an elemental force of reality ensouled. But, I try to bring him as much humor and care as he has brought me.

July for Loki: Post No. 4 - Liminal Spaces & Crossing Lines

Dear Reader,

Loki is a god that many point out occupies a difficult to fully comprehend position within the Norse pantheon. He is a god of transgression and reparations. He is a god who speaks truths that no one wants to hear and is well known for his lies. Loki is both part of the inner society of the Aesir and an outsider at the same time. To say that he is a god of contradictions is to over simplify things.

The Sky-Treader occupies a place where he is in between all these things. He is similar to Janus of the Roman pantheon, albeit only with respect to he is a god of liminal spaces. He is a god of places where transition happens. He is not exactly the one who draws the line in the sand as much as he is the one who stands right on it and says, "So, what are you going to do? I haven't crossed it with more than my toes."

Loki is a god that encourages us to grow past our self drawn limitations. For a time, I was phobic of spiders to the point that I would cry out and cover my eyes if I had even seen a little one. Loki made a point one year of making me face that phobia, that self drawn line in the sand (a subconscious line, but a line none the less). We were inundated with spiders. They were randomly dropping down out of the ceiling. They got into the pantry. They made massive, complex webs across the front porch and in the tree out front. They were, quite literally, unavoidable. I had to force myself to look at what the big deal with spiders was for me.

Through that experience of forced exposure therapy, I have come to where I don't panic at the sight of a spider now. I get uncomfortable and a bit anxious, but I don't panic. The limitation that I had placed on myself was that I had to avoid spiders to be safe. I was thrust over that line in the sand with a hearty push to realize that while I'm not comfortable with spiders, most of them in and around our home are safe. This is but one of the experiences like that which Loki has provided me in facing my fears.

The trick with crossing lines is knowing what the cost is and if it is worth it. And, in some cases, how to talk your way out of someone getting a bit extreme in their interpretation of the line. After all, Loki promised Brock and Sindri his head, not one inch of his neck, and he reminded them of it. Fast talk is one of his gifts, as is a keen wit. Put the two together, you can get out of just about any sticky situation.

July for Loki: Post No. 3 - UPG: He LOVES children.

Dear Reader,

It is my experience that Flame-Hair loves children. And, let's be honest, the little chaos engines are cute. He is actively involved in the lives of his children in the common gnosis of modern Lokeans. He is an affectionate father and, again, as per common gnosis of modern worshipers, he does his best to be an active presence in their lives. Some have argued on the basis of this gnosis that Loki, not Odin, would be the god of fatherhood (or motherhood in some cases, parenting in general?).

When I am at wits end and I am asking deity for help with my boys, Loki is one of the first I call out to. His solutions to problems are unconventional, inventive, and often work just right with my boisterous kids. Déa has solutions as well, and they do work, but Loki's perspective seems to fit better with my kids. (If a deity were to be described as having ADHD, I'd put my money on it being Loki.)

July for Loki: Post No. 2 - Why Loki?

Dear Reader,

People with even a passing familiarity with Loki have asked me why I am devoted to him? It's a very simple answer, Loki's stuck by me through everything. I had a rough childhood and Loki was there pointing out the clever ways I could get myself out of the way and out of mind from the people who were intent on forcing me into being someone I was not. Loki helped me stay true to myself, even when I got all mixed up and wandered off into other random directions away from him. Loki stuck around and waited.

When I got to a point where my spiritual life was more settled, Loki made himself known more often. He has been my luck bringer for a long time. From the time that I was first aware of his presence to recent history, Loki has been an inspiration to grow, adapt, and change to my circumstances. Loki helped me in times of crisis even though the solutions he provided were not as gentle as some would have preferred. 

He is also a protector of my family. Where others have strange and unpleasant things happen, we generally have strange and beneficial (albeit confusing) things happen. He has brought us a great deal of happiness in all to weirdness that surrounds our home. And he has driven away problems before they could really manifest as a difficulty for us.

July for Loki: Post No. 1 - Sai Vikhë and Loki: Parallels

Dear Reader,

Within orthodox Filianism and Déanism, Sai Vikhë is the janya of discord and strife (among other things). Some find it difficult to reconcile Sai Vikhë's discordiant qualities with the fact that she is a Face of Déa. I offer the following in an attempt to show that Sai Vikhë is an engine of creation despite the fact that she is associated with destruction. I also offer the following to give a bit of a deeper view of what I see the relationship between Sai Vikhë and trickster/chaos deities. (Sai Mati is also a trickster, but I will be covering that in another post.)

On the surface of things, Sai Vikhë is a potentially malefic Face of Déa because her presence brings discord, strife, and general inconvenience. She is associated with the decline of the world from the perfection of the beginning, noted as the Janya who holds sway over the Age of Iron that is the nadir of the greater cycle of Ages where things are at their greatest distance from the perfection of Déa. This makes it pretty easy to see Sai Vikhë as a potential "bad guy" or "dangerous figure" when considering aspects of Déa to approach. This is because discord, strife, and all related topics have a connotation that is generally negative.

I say, however, that we forget the positive connotations of Sai Vikhë and other trickster/chaos figures when we focus in this fashion. Loki is more than a god of mischief. He is also a god of inventiveness and cleverness. Like Sai Vikhë, he is associated with discord, strife, and most of the related topics. Sai Vikhë and Loki, however, are the entropy that prevents the universe from collapsing into utter stillness and oblivion. In Filianic terms, Sai Vikhë is a manifestation of Our Lady's saving Love holding things in existence in the face of oblivion. Sai Vikhë is associated with fire and its heat. Loki is a fire deity (his birth is from lightning striking a pine needle if you read the names of his parents literally). Both are unpredictable.

Both are kindly inclined towards humanity. Where Sai Vikhë will defend Déa's children from the demonic servants and children of the Dark Queen, Loki assists Thor (the defender of Midgard, the realm of humanity) in his efforts in an on going series of battles with other jotnar who would do harm to Midgard. There is a tale, the Loka Tattur, that speaks of Loki saving a farmer's child when other gods are unable to do so through cunning and guile. It is my opinion that there are other such tales lost to history because of the complex political environment of the Christianization of the peoples who believed in the Germanic and Norse gods didn't promote a "good guy" chaos bringer.

If you take a survey of Loki's modern worshipers, you will find that they generally describe him as chaotic-good with a dash of chaotic-neutral in the mix. His worship has been shaped by the information that we have gleaned from the post-Christianization period where the work of preserving the tales was more like Jacob Grimm's efforts to save folk tales and adding his own twist to make them more interesting to readers of his period. Sai Vikhë does not have as rich of a body of literature surrounding her thus taking her measure from the writings of historical documents is challenging.

In my experience, I have found that Sai Vikhë is a bit of a fickle janya. She expresses Déa's love in ways that seem counter-intuitive. She is the one who brings the challenges that we must grow through to become our best selves. She is, at the same time, the one who guides us through these challenges. Sai Vikhë has a sense of humor that seems a bit odd at times and a touch grim because she views all things through the lens of her role within the pantheon. Sai Vikhë, as the janya of strife, is equipped to strike down the demons formed from khear. She may be joyous in her work or solemn. Her attitude is difficult to gauge because she is mercurial in her humor (a similarity she has with Sai Mati in her trickster aspect).

And where Loki is associated with Ragnarok (which I believe is a cyclical process where all things are destroyed to begin anew afterwards), Sai Vikhë is associated with the Age of Iron. I don't believe that either of these things make them 'evil' any more than we are evil for sweeping away a cobweb. Loki is the harbinger of change. Sai Vikhë is as well. They are also the essence of change, which is a chaotic and disruptive experience where we are shaken out of our familiar, cozy setting and set upon a new adventure by the Divine.