Baby Steps: Continuing work on Sacred Texts

 Dear Reader,

I have just finished mashing together the three existent versions of the Clear Recital that I could get my hands on. I have completed my first round of line edits and I need a cup of tea. On one hand, it was fairly easy work because 98% of all three documents agreed with each other. That made me feel a bit redundant and silly as I was working. On the other hand, the language used in each of the texts was heavy and difficult to read in various different sections. 

So, I have been spending my time editing to make things easier to read, weeding out typos, and correcting some stylistic elements (that I hope were stylistic elements and not horrific grammar in a few cases) so that the entire text flows better. I will be taking the liberty of putting the Holy Mythos as its own 'book' and then the Teachings of the Daughter as its own 'book'. I am seriously debating removing the parables at the end of the Teachings of the Daughter and inserting them at the beginning.

On one hand, rearranging the order of the texts with out making major change to the content is a fairly minor process. Each person who has sat down to work on the Clear Recital has had to make decisions as to how to order the wisdom texts. The more I think about it, placing the parables closer to the beginning helps the work flow from the Holy Mythos more clearly into the Teachings of the Daughter. I know that one thing I am going to make sure I do is put the Sermon of the Apple Seed first. Probably then the parable of The Child followed by the Foolish Maiden. I know that the Crystal Tablet needs to be paired with the Pillar of Light to make sense.

I'm still working on this. I'm not sure when exactly I'll have this complete. I just finished my first line edits of the work as it stands right now. I haven't really reorganized anything yet in the wisdom texts. I'm still determining the most logical way they flow from one into the other.

Baby Steps: Cross referencing and copying the Sacred Texts.

 Dear Reader,

My original transcription project had a long term goal. It was to gather as much of the wisdom texts and related texts to Filianism and Déanism that I could get together and work on cross referencing them. Then copying the parts that were present in all sources in gender neutral language (which some of my research had shown that the Madrian community was beginning to move towards before they fell apart in the 80s).

Sifting out some of the false archaic language from one edition resulted in something that correlated with the other two texts that I have. Cleaning up the grammar in another edition made it easier to read and very similar to the third edition that I have. I've found myself leaning heavily upon the New Celestial Union Version and the Eastminster Critical Edition as I have been working. Just because all of the scholarship that went into those two books is astounding and each serves to help clarify the other. The Gospel of Our Mother God is more like a condensed version with vast chunks of really important information missing.

It's really frustrating because that was the first version of the Clear Recital that I had my hands on. I have some pretty strong emotional attachments to that version. At the same time, I want to be as complete and sensitive in my handling of the Clear Recital as the editors of the NCUV and the ECE were. I don't want to take away from the text. At the same time, I recognize that this edition I'm working on is going to be distinctly different because of the focus on gender neutral language and some apocphryal text that is based on things that were revealed to me. (The Elder Kin and the rise of the Dark Queen, to be specific.)

A part of me is really nervous about putting in the account of the Elder Kin and the rise of the Dark Queen. This is something that's been consistently left vague and been a point of major discussion across all branches of Filianism and Déanism. I fear that my contribution to the discussion will be a point of great contention and distress. I fear that my adapting the language of the Clear Recital to gender neutral is going to create a great deal of discord in the community. Even so, I can't shake the feeling that this is as much work that Déa wants me to do as the prayer books were. When I'm not working on this, I can't stop thinking about it and contemplating the passages that I were most recently working on transcribing. I have dreams where I kneel in a chapel of Déa, begging her for forgiveness in what I am doing here. In those dreams, I am surrounded by light and I am told "All shall be well."

I just have to trust my Queen and do as she has directed me.

Parallels.

 Dear Reader,

As I am working my way through transcribing the Clear Recital (again), I am struck by how many parallels it has with the wisdom that was passed on to me in my book of shadows. I sit here reading it and it is like having what I had written while in trance come back to haunt me. It makes me think that I should go through my multiple volumes of my book of shadows and share that stuff. The problem is .. well, I have multiple volumes to go through that are a completely disorganized mess.

I'm going to have to do it, at some point, just because I need to fix Drowning in Light because it is missing material and I'm really not happy with the format. It was literally what I could find out of the mess that is my BoS and could read legibly. Because somtimes I have sloppy handwriting. That, however, is a project for another day.

A Tale of the Elder Kin.

 Come, hear another tale of the first mortal children of Déa and the world that was. The time before beginnings, all was light and, some say, gold and silver. The time before beginnings was a happy time when all was delight. The children of the Mistress of All Things were content to be in her presence. Then came the Sundering. When the Snake had deceived the first daughter of Déa, a great abyss opened between the realm of the mortal children of Déa and the realms above to fair Avala and beyond. The cracks of the abyss went deep into the realm and wormed their way into the hearts of the spiritual forms of these children. The elder kin looked to Déa as they watched their younger, more delicate kin wander deeper into the abyss.

“Go and do good works among them,” Déa commanded, “Guard them and keep them from evil as best you may.” So, the elder kin went through the world that was torn and tattered with the dangerous abyss of khear, seeking out the many children of Déa. They found them gathered in groups about the world, huddled together for fear and grief for the distance of their Mother. The sliver of Déa's light shone upon them all. The younger kin were blinded by tears and were mostly unaware of it. The elder kin gathered their strength and approached the younger kin. The many hues of light of day and the sliver of Déa's light was reflected brightly by the elder kin. In the mirror of the elder kin, the younger kin could see something of their Mother in the distance and took hope. The elder kin wiped their tears and took them by the hand.

Together they walked over the rent world in tribes scattered for every hue of color. The true-selves of the younger kin were lulled to sleep in the safety of the elder kin's presence. So it was that the Snake saw a chance to beguile them. The Whisperer spoke and said, “Lo, I am the voice of your self. Listen well. The elder kin of your tribe are the true elder kin. All others are false and must be destroyed. All who follow them are false as well.” The elder kin set one of their number to keep watch over the Snake, so that they might warn their charges of the danger it brought. They, however, argued in their council for being in the tattered world, they were not immune to its distortion. Soon, the watcher of the Snake was confused with the Snake. This pleased the Snake and it delighted in the discord that had been sown within the tribes of the elder kin and the younger kin.

One of the tribes were lead by a great queen. She took it of mind to bend all the other tribes to their knees before her. She pitted her power against them but the might of the elder kin cast her down into the abyss. For one brief moment a hue of light was seen falling into the abyss and then utter darkness returned. With horror, the elder kin realized that one of their own had fallen from the ways they were set to. The queen, her court, and her servants found themselves among the realm of the Snake. “All honors and glory be upon you, oh queen,” the Snake said. The queen looked curiously at the Snake. “You have come into the lands that are yours by destiny. I have prepared them and opened the way for your coming.”

“So say you,” the queen said suspiciously, “What do you gain from my remaining here in this place of exile?”

“No,” answered the Snake, “This is not your place of exile but of glory. Come, embrace me and you shall have power over life itself. All places where this darkness abides, your cold hand shall reach.” The queen reached out a hand to the Snake and it slithered upon her shoulders. “I gain an ally and companion. You shall be my completion. I abide within the darkness. With the Sundering of the worlds, I too shattered in to fragments. Within each creature upon this world, I lay. Through me, you shall have power over them.” The queen recalled her desire to unify all of creation under her hand.

“I can not be in all these places, creature,” she said, “In my descent to this place of utter darkness and desolation, I have broken into pieces as have my court. We can no longer mirror the light of She who is Mistress of All Things, from whom our power derives.” The snake looked at the queen and thought. “Your power shall derive of this place and my own strength. Your shattered children and court shall be made whole. They shall gain the strength from you to roam the world over. No longer shall you be mere mirrors of light but whole beings in yourselves. You shall gain sway over the world by way of your army fashioned from your shards and that of your court. None, not even the Princess of the World may resist you if you take the power I offer you.”

The queen who had once been a mirror of Déa's light considered the Snake's offer. She laid a hand upon the Snake's head and said, “I shall not embrace you but you shall give me this power you promise. Though I am not whole, I still have the power to bend you to my will, Tempter.” The Snake, for the first time since time uncounted, felt fear as the queen drew from it the power that had flowed into it from the first mortal daughter. As she did so, the queen changed. She looked upon her court and her children. Broken limbs knitted themselves together. The lesser shards of her being took on forms of their own and became like phantoms upon the wind. The chamber wherein she stood had been in utter silence, save for her own voice and that of the Snake. Now it was filled with voices. Her eyes had become those of death and a terrible aspect came upon her. The Snake realized that the queen had greater power than it had presumed when she fell into the abyss and in taking from it, the queen had yet greater power still despite her diminished state.

The queen looked about her realm. “Go, build gates across the path I had fallen,” she commanded, “Let them be vast and strong.” Her servants sent to their work building fortifications for her realm. “Let none of the living tread my lands,” she said in a terrible voice, “Any soul that ventures here shall become my thrall. I shall gather to me all the souls of the living and keep them in bondage until the end of days, if my power lets me. The Mother of All Life has turned from me, so it is I shall turn from Her. The rebellion of my kin shall not be forgotten. If any of them falls into my hands, I shall keep them forever more and all the world will know desolation.”

Baby Steps: Reinterpreting the Sacred Texts

 Dear Reader,

Because the Clear Recital is a living document, there are different versions available for different sects of Filianism and Déanism. As I have been spending the last several months studying the available texts, I came to the realization that it was acceptable to develop another version of the Clear Recitial that illuminates the roles of spirits and other higher beings in service (and relationship) to Déa. It was a nerve wracking thought to reinterpret the holy scriptures. But then I realized that I would be doing a disservice if I did not contribute to the body of literature that is the Clear Recital with the knowledge that Déa has revealed to me directly and through others.

I'm currently working on the sacred mythos. It is my humble attempt to make the narrative easier to follow and illuminate the darkness that Our Lady passed through to reach her goal. The most upsetting part was writing the confrontation between Our Lady and the Dark Queen's daughters. I'm tempted to just give up working on this for the day because of how saddening it was. I know that the coming chapter of the mythos is a light of hope. So, I will continue my efforts. 

I anticipate minor changes to the wisdom texts. This is because in my readings, it seems that the Lux Madrian community was moving towards an all inclusive gender reading of these texts. I will still use the term 'maid' as they did, a subsitute for all of humankind. But I will be noting this at the forward of that section rather than at the conclusion as others have in their interpretations of the texts.

It is not my intent to take away from the Clear Recital. It is my intent to help polish the mirror we have been given by Déa in this text so that it may more fully reflect her light. My research in earnest over the last month has sown in my heart a deep affection Madrian community. As I compare the ECE and the NCUV, I find gems in them that go back to that community which lifts my heart and tells me that I am on the correct path.

The version of the Clear Recital that I am working on is but a wave that reflects and is filled with the light of Déa. All the works of wisdom of all the religions are like yet more waves that do the same, some with greater success than others. It is my hope that the Truth that is the ocean these waves populate will shine through in my writing.

Mabon: Harvest Home

 Dear Reader,

Today is the Wiccan high holiday of Mabon. It is the feast of Harvest Home and the second harvest celebration of the year. Mabon is a joyful time where the abundant fruits of the harvest are shared and we take time to reflect on what joys we are harvesting in our lives. It is also the Autumnal Equinox and considered the time to reflect and begin to take stock of what you need to prepare for winter.

Some households, like mine, will do "autumn cleaning" and make a point of putting away all of the summer goods before the weather turns truly questionable as it does later in the season. While some years we have the good fortune of feeling a bit of summer's warmth still during this time, it is wise to prepare for the lean times of winter that will be soon upon us. 

If a coven hasn't celebrated the sacrifice of the Grain Lord at Lammas (which falls around August 1st), it is typically observed at Mabon. Bread figures heavily in celebrations as does wine. (This should not be mistaken for the bread and wine of Christian communion, though there are some superficial commonalities.) A ritual may be practiced where one casts into a bonfire a piece of bread representing some element of themselves that they are giving away to the gods, usually with a petition for growth in an area of corresponding weakness (i.e. I cast into the fire a bit of bread representing my social insecurities and ask the gods to grant me growth in personal confidence.).

At Mabon, we prepare to enter the 'dark' half of the year. Some of this manifests as magical work. Some of this manifests in practical things like preparing the household for winter storms and (if your skilled and fortunate enough) processing the fruits of your garden (or local farmer's markets) so that you will have that fresh goodness in the dead of winter. It is one last great party that celebrates abundance before it is time to kunckle down for the challenge of winter.

Cuivanya: The Feast of Divine Life

 Dear Reader,

Cuivanya is the Feast of Divine Life within the Filianic and Déanic religion. It falls on the same day as Mabon, generally the same date as the Autumnal equinox. This is the second harvest festival of the year. Where Chelanya is known as the Golden Festival or the Feast of Regeneration, the focus of this harvest festival is different. Chelanya falls near the first of August which is when (in the northern hemisphere) is when the grain is being taken in for harvest. Chelanya celebrates the regeneration of life from the resurrection of the Daughter at Eastre. Grain is the primary symbol of this holy day. It is a spiritual memory of the primordial era when all things were in harmony and bounty was plentiful.

Cuivanya is the Feast of Divine Life and can be celebrated recognizing the entire life cycle story of the Daughter, it is more common to focus upon the Dark Mother as the Ground of All Being and the source of all fruitfulness. In the cosmology of Filianism and Déanism, the Bright Mother (Marya) eminates from the Dark Mother (Deam Mysterium) even as the Daughter (Anna) eminates from the Bright Mother. While they are three, they are in mystical union as one. The Dark Mother does not get as much attention as the Bright Mother or the Daughter. This is because she is the most mysterious of the three and quite literally beyond our comprehension.

Chelanya could be considered a festival of the Dark Mother as well in her action as the First Cause of existence and the Final Completion of its Dissolution. The cycle of the Ages is described as the breathing of the Dark Mother. She exhales existance into being and inhales all things back to their singular point of origin. (I would like to note that this theological argument aligns with several theories regarding the 'big bang' and how our universe came into being, but I digress.) The Dark Mother is the Queen of Mysteries.  She is the one who stands beyond and above the Bright Mother, known as the light which blinds and the darkness that illuminates. The Dark Mother is the root of all being, thus she is known as the Ground of All Being in direct reference to a Filianic scriptural reading.

Let her trust not the ground her feet are set upon and doubt the Ground upon which that ground stands. Let her rather doubt the sea, the sky, the fingers of her hand and the breath of her mouth; for all these things may be illusion, as in some sense they are. - Gospel of Our Mother God, pg. 108, paragraph 2. 

That "Ground" is the Dark Mother who holds all of existence in her hand. The passage above cautions the faithful to doubt all but Déa and place wholly their trust into her. The Feast of Divine Life is a celebration of the Dark Mother and the Bright Mother as the source of Life. The Feast of Regeneration was a celebration of the Daughter and the Bright Mother as the source of renewal of Life. In many ways, this is a reversal of the Eastre mysteries. One enters the Eastre mysteries at Lucaid with the Daughter moving into mortal life as she takes on her fate. Then she dies at Kala and hangs upon the world pillar at Hiatus. After this, she is resurrected and renewed at Eastre. The final festival of the Mysteries of Life comes at Tamala, where we celebrate the union of the soul and the collective body of the faithful including the living and dead. Tamala is a reminder of our mortality and the promise of union with Déa after our time within this world. But, I'll talk more about that at Tamala.

Godspousery Notes: Time to Rest Is Ok.

 Dear Reader,

I've been struggling with guilt over the fact that I have low energy right now. Freyr made a point of telling me that it's ok to rest when you're feeling tired. He reminded me that I was not obligated to spend every waking moment 'working' on something. It's a virtue trap that I fall into on a pretty regular basis. I feel like I must be working on something to prove that I am a good and productive person. Freyr reminded me that my productivity does not determine my value. 

It's hard to keep that sort of thing in mind with the over-culture's attitude that productivity is moral good. There's subtle messages all over the place that tells us that we must be productive some how. They tell us that we're not allowed hobbies for the sake of the joy of them, we must turn them into some form of money making scheme for them to have "real value". The "grind" culture is slowly breaking us. We are not machines. We can not push forward all the time. Somtimes we just have to stop and rest.

♥

The Realm of Midgard.

 Dear Reader,

If we step away from Platonic cosmology, which is the biggest influence upon orthodox Filianism and Déanism, and consider the Norse/Germanic cosmology one can find there is actually a fair amount of overlap between the two. Midgard, in my opinion, is not solely Earth. It is the universe inwhich we exist. When the old tales of Midagard were told, all that we knew was of Earth. Now, our knowledge has expanded and, as a living faith practice, Heathenry and other faiths that adhere to the Norse/Germanic cosmology must adapt to this growth. Failure to do so results in stagnation which only hastens the period of instability that comes before renewal (famously known as Ragnarok).

One may argue that Earth is at the heart of Migard. It may not be the exact center of Midgard but it is where humanity abides and the gods have walked among us. If we take this cosmological view, we are left wondering what of the other nine worlds? We are left wondering where is the World-tree? We must step away from the literal reading of the old stories and consider them as allegorical ones to begin to find answers to these questions.

Midgard is situated somewhere along the center of the World-tree where it runs through the world as an axis. It is a spiritual construct that leads us out to the other worlds upon the tree. The sources that speak of where these worlds are situated upon the World-tree do not clearly state what their relation and orientation are in comparison to Midgard. Asgard is generally understood to be above Midgard and is linked to it by way of the Bifrost (the Rainbow Bridge). The realms of the dead in Helheim and Nifhel are understood to be below Midgard and to the cosmic north, for they are considered by many to be cold and beneath the Earth's surface. Muspelheim is considered to be in the cosmic south  for the icy realms where Yimir and Burri were born are thought to be opposite of them and a gap lays between them. The World tree bridges this gap and has roots that go down into the wells of flowing waters that come from the icy realms that are melted by the heat of Muspelheim.

Between Midgard and Helheim is believed to be Svartalfheim, the realm of the dwarves who live within the earth producing treasures and guarding great wealth within the earth itself. This places the dwarves as part of Midgard, much like the wights who are guardians of places of great holiness and power. Alfheim is considered to be above Midgard by some or considered to be to the east of Midgard by others. It is the realm of the alfar, more commonly known in the modern era as the elves. They are intimately tied with places within Midgard as well, which leads one to conclude that Alfheim is part of Migard in its own way.

How, then, can Midgard over lap with these two realms, if not three (if one considers Helheim as the lowest part one can reach traveling through Midgard). This is where there is overlap with Plato. Alfheim, Svartalfheim, and Helheim are all sublunar realms. The nine worlds, indeed, could be considered sublunar realms nested about and within Midgard. Asgard being the highest and closest to the planetary realms and Helheim considered being the lowest and hidden within Midgard. This nested set of spheres of realms brings the cosmology of Norse/Germanic ancient thought into alignment with the cosmology of Filianism. 

Because the ancient sources are unclear and tainted by the influence of hundreds of years of Christanization before being recorded, we are left to either attempt to rebuild the past (reconstructionism) or revive the essence of the past (revivalism). My education and experiences lean towards the revivalist approach towards Heathenry. I recognize that the world has changed and moved on from what my great ancestors of the Heathen variety would have recognized. Like them, however, I recognize that there are more gods than those of Heathenry and I seek to build a cosmological tale that reconciles the differences as neatly as possible.

The cosmology of Midgard is lost to the mists of time. What we have are but fragments that are colored by the lense of the ones recording the stories. I can not take the Prose Edda or the Poetic Edda as the 'word of god' because they are so far removed from their original sources. For some, this will make me a controversial figure. I already have been the subject of some discussion with my inclusion of Filianism into my worship practices and with my relationships with Loki and Freyr. I'm prepared for others to cast doubt upon my arguments or simply reject them.

It does not change that truth which has been revealed to me by Freyr. It does not change my faith. Let them question and challenge me. I welcome it. An open and free exchange of ideas is how we grow. May our discussions be frithful and prosperous for all.

Is it Athamë to fight injustice?

 Dear Reader,

This is something I've been giving a lot of thought to as I have been reading the Clear Recital. The more I think about it, the more certian I am that we are called to do good deeds and that right action is thamelic. When faced with injustice, we have the option to look away, to observe it with out action, and to take action (in support or in opposition to the injustice happening). It is my opinion that if one simply observes or chooses to look away when injustice is happening before them, they are morally complicit in it. Now, there are circumstances where one is unable to act and are compelled by situation to either observe or look away. Compelled abstinance of action in the face of injustice is not the same as the deliberate choice not to act against it.

If one were to see a person being beaten in the street, one may choose to look away, watch the beating, or attempt to intervene. If they haven't the capacity to intervene, they are not morally complicit in the abuse the person is suffering. If the observer has the ability to distract the assailiant in some fashion (shouting at them, for example), they are acting for moral good in attempting to help the victim in what limited fashion they can manage. If the observer lacks the capacity to distract the assailiant, they are not morally complicit in the abuse. If they choose to look away and do nothing about the assault happening before them, they are morally complicit. If they choose to watch and do nothing, they are morally complicit.

The Clear Recital speaks of tyrants and how we should not partake of their company. We have reached a point where it is all but impossible to avoid those the Clear Recital describes as tyrants. Now is the time to call upon Sai Vikhë to guide us to resist the evil they engage in. I am firmly of the mind that Déa helps the person who works to restore thamë and to resist injustice. We are moral beings and shall be judged by Déa on what good we have done in this world. As such, we should work to do the greatest good we might be able to do in what time we have. This includes working for social reform, working for justice, and working to care for other people around us.

Some may argue that we are in the Age of Iron and that Sai Vikhë is the prominant janya of this age. If one accepts this argument, then Sai Vikhë is clearly the janya to appeal to for strength and courage to resist the oppressors. One could also argue that appealing to Déa as the protectoress of all worlds from evil is wise. We must not, however, sit this out. We have a duty as Déa's children to protect each other from harm. We are called to honor the light of Déa where it can be seen in this world. The protection of they who are in harm's way is clearly honoring the light of Déa in them.

Approaching the Divine from Trauma

Image from Pexels.com

 Dear Reader,

I was raised in a severely abusive household. It has had lasting effects on my relationships with other and myself. It has especially impacted my relationships with the Divine. Deity as a benevolent parental figure is completely alien to me. The idea that I have value to the gods, that I have value at all is one that I struggle to grasp.

Some may say that the best way to approach this problem is with lots of prayer. The difficulty with this solution is that it requires approaching the Divine and opening yourself up to them. It can be a terrifying experience to be that vulnerable with a figure who has taken the place of your abusers. A part of you expects the abuse to continue on another level and the shifting, unpredictable demands that were part of the abuse cycle will return to your life if you open yourself to this figure. This is not because you are afraid of the Divine but of the past abuse and interacting with a figure that resembles in even a cursory fashion the abuser evokes terror.

Beginning the path of relationship with the Divine as a parental figure was at first a purely abstract exercise. I was not allowing myself to fully engage Déa as Mother. It has taken years for me to begin to emotionally engage Déa as Mother, not as the Great Queen whom I serve. Right now, it's painful. Recent events in my personal life has brought up a lot of trauma memories and old fears from when I lived in my parents house. The scriptures tell me to turn to Déa as my true Mother and to seek comfort in her. I struggle with this because I fear that she will be angered with me for my flaws and human weaknesses just as my birth mother was on a regular basis.

According to theory, I can offer up this fear to her. I can lay my burden at her feet. I am terrified to do so because I was so convinced in my upbringing that my burden is mine alone to carry and to lay it aside is morally wrong. I pray the rosary and pray for forgiveness. It is a small, terrified prayer of a child who is sure they're going to be punished for something that they did, despite not doing anything wrong. I find myself moved to weep but I force myself to remain stoic because I do not want to be weak in my service to the Great Queen. Then I remember the scripture readings about the power of tears. Afterwhich I cycle back to fear that my tears will repulse the Mother and lead to my rejection.

Still, I try to force myself to move past my fears. I try to remember that I am more than a mere creature, that I truly am human and worthy of love. (This is an on going difficulty in many relationships, including the godspousery ones.) Right now, the best I can manage is to admit that I am struggling and hope that Déa will be more merciful than the woman who raised me.

From Consideration to Contemplation: A Process.

 Dear Reader,

When one is confronted with holy mysteries, it is easy to gloss over them when you cannot see their connection to daily life. Sometimes, we just shrug and say "It's a mystery and beyond our ability to comprehend." Other times, we proverbially cover our eyes and whistle past them, trying not to be unsettled by what they might mean if we looked directly at them. It is an easy path to acknowledge holy mysteries but not reflect upon their role within our faith, whatever that faith might be.

It is when we move from considering them on the holy days to contemplating them through out our days that we move deeper into faith. We begin by considering their meaning at the times that are fitting. For a Wiccan, the holy mystery of the Great Rite may become a topic of thought around the time of the Full Moon, when that faith typically celebrates it. For a Filianic or Déanic believer, the holy mystery of the Daughter's death and resurrection may become a topic of thought around the time of high holy day of Eastre. For a Christian, the holy mystery of the birth of Jesus of Nazereth may become a topic of thought around the time of their high holy day of Christmas. Regardless of your faith, there are mysteries associated with days and seasons. It is easier to consider them during those days and seasons because there are reminders about us.

More challenging is to consider the holy mysteries when there are fewer reminders immediately present. Still, with discipline and practice, one can build up a habit of thinking about the holy mysteries in relationship to their own life. One can recognize the cycles of the holy mysteries reflected in their lives and become a participant in those mysteries. For some, this is done by way of ritual prayer such as the rosary. For others, this is done by way of devotional reading and journalwork. Yet still others move along a path that blends both together.

Consideration is the act of observing the mystery and how it moves in your world. Contemplation is built upon a foundation of consideration. Contemplation is the act of engaging the mystery and how you move within it. It is changing the frame of reference from external to internal, from an event to a personal experience. As life is ever changing, the process of contemplation of the same mystery at different times evokes different experiences. Most people are comfortable with consideration. It is a depth of relationship with the Divine that allows them to percieve greater independence from the Divine. This is a socially encouraged attitude within the U.S. because our overculture places great emphasis upon "rugged individuality". Contemplation, however, opens one up to see that they are connected with the Divine through the holy mysteries and connected with the world through the same mysteries. This can be uncomfortable and it can make life complicated.

There is, however, a unique reward to engaging in contemplation. The deeper relationship that one has with the Divine, the more that relationship becomes a two-way relationship. The contemplative relationship enables one to see where the Divine is manifest in the world and the gifts offered by the Divine to the devotee. This is the first step upon the path of the mystic. A mystic is not some elevated being wrapped in human flesh. They are but a person engaged in a deeply personal and powerful relationship with the Divine. While not everyone can have the relationship that a mystic does because it runs counter to their temperment, they can still build a personal relationship with the Divine that brings them comfort and strength during times of difficulty. All it takes is contemplation.

Lessons from Déa in other sources.

Dear Reader,

If we accept that the Crystal Tablet and the Clear Recital as a whole is a universal mythos reflected through out the world's religions, it is possible to find lessons from Déa in the holy texts of other faiths. One finds in the Clear Recital that Déa is present everywhere and possesses infinite forms [The Clew of the Horse, v. 35-43]. As such, Déa can speak to her children at any time. She can meet us where we are in life and give to us wisdom, encouragement, love, and hope. 

Many in the Filianic community (myself included) find echoes of Déa's voice in the works of various Christian mystics such as St. Hildegard Von Bingen and Dame Margery of Kempe. Others find those echoes hidden within the holy texts of Islam, Judiasim, and Hinduism. With careful searching and dilligent study, we can find the words of Déa all around us. Holy teachers abound in the most unlikely places. This is before we even discuss the Elder Kin and their influence as mirrors of Déa's light.

When I am going through a period of darkness and trouble, I pick up my copy of the love poems of Rumi. I flip through it randomly until I find a poem that speaks to my troubled heart. It is no coincidence that these poems bring solace. Rumi was not writing to some random person but to his god. I will also flip through the poems of the Beguines, a community of Christian women who devoted themselves to the service of their god and to love and care for the people around them (they were not nuns, which caused some controversy). In the writings of these mystics, I find the luminous presence of Déa as they speak of deity as Love and the holiness of said Love.

I find similar solace in the holy writings of Buddhism when the discussion is of serenity in the face of adversity and the expression of compassion towards all life. There are countless places where Déa reveals herself to the seeker. We need but only open our hearts and eyes a bit to her. She reaches out to us and offers us all manner of good things. She can be found in the Elder Kin, for they are reflections of her light. They are not, to paraphrase a Zen koan, the moon but the finger pointing at the moon. All the teachings in the faiths of the world contain a germ of the Clear Recital and the wisdom teachings of the Daughter. If we are careful in our search, we can find Our Lady's teachings all about us for she is always revealing new things to us.

Work in Progress.

 Dear Reader,

I was unable to wait until my hardcopy of the New Celestial Union Version of the Clear Recital arrived to start reading the Eastminster Critical Edition of the Clear Recital and of the Oxonian Rite. The ECE is just so pretty, I couldn't help myself. I was astonished to find how much that The Gospel of Our Mother God left out. I recognize that they are seeking to condense a great deal of material down to an easier to digest level for the general practitioner of that sect of Filianism/Déanism. At the same time, I can't help but find it intellectually dishonest that they left out things like the primary guidance for conduct and behavior (The Crystal Tablet) and edited the wisdom texts to leave out details that make them more suited to personal reflection.

I have realized that what I have been doing in the light of the lack of information was establishing another sect of Filianism. I'm realizing that my critical analysis of the available texts and work on putting them into context with what I practice is going to result in yet another version of the Clear Recital. My view on the Clear Recital is that it is like a crystal with many facets. Each sect of the Filianic and Déanic faiths are a facet of this crystal given to us by Déa. It is our job as scholars and theologians within our respective sects to polish the facet facing us so that it might most clearly reflect and show forth the light of Déa.

It is a holy document filled with good guidance and great wisdom for the children of Déa. I believe it is inspired by Déa and it must be interpreted through the human lens of faith and wisdom to reach the core truths. Déa is infailable and complex. We, however, are failure prone and lack the vision of Déa to see the core truths where they can be applied universally. Thus, we must review and consider the holy texts carefully, we must consult with each other and share what we have learned so that we may dive deep into the holy texts and find the jewels of wisdom and beauty contained therein.

Baby steps: Formalizing the Practice.

 Dear Reader,

I came to the realization that I was accidentally creating another sect of Filianism through my practices. As such, I have been going through my notes and research in an attempt to put it into words. It will be an open tradition, which means any one can join regardless of their background. I will be taking the same liberty that other traditions have and developing a version of the sacred teachings that is aligned with the universal truth of the Clear Recital while at the same time addressing the truths of this world that are impacted by this tradition.

I haven't a formal name for it. I haven't formal rituals for what I have been doing, or at least nothing written down as a formal ritual. I'm pretty sure that it is going to take some time to organize all of this. At the core of this tradition is the following beliefs:

1. Déa is the prime mover and ultimate sorce of all existence.

2. Other deities exist as children of Déa who serve her will and help with the management of existence.

3. These other deities are not the "highest of the High Ones" and in the celestial hierarcy would rank equal to the greater Janyati.

4. The greater Janyati are both eminations of Déa and 'faces' of her. The other deities are mirrors of Déa's light and share dominion over elements of creation with the greater Janyati. Some could say they are eminations of Déa, this would be the 'soft' polytheist approach here. The 'hard' polytheist approach is that they are separate from Déa but share traits with her as they are her children.*

5. The other deities chose to remain with the mortal children of Déa when creation 'fell' to protect them from the influence of evil. They differentiated as the mortal children of Déa differentiated to better serve and protect them from the Dark Queen.

6. These deities are bound to the manifest world because of their decision to remain with the mortal children of Déa, thus are subject to the cycle of life, death, and rebirth (albeit in much longer terms). They will be liberated from this cycle with the Sacrifice of the Daughter. They are not, however, tainted with khear. Khear, however, can distort their appearance and relationship with the manifest world.

7. The realms of the deities are the subtle realms between creation and Avala. I believe that they're a web through out the sub-lunar realm (aka the astral realm) and these individual realms of deities will interact with each other. They are not entirely equal to the Daughter as Queen of Heaven, but their relationships with her are that of foreign dignitaries visiting another monarch's realm. Thus, Odin as the King of Asgard accords Our Lady the respect of another monarch of a distant land, for example. In someways, Our Lady is the Empress of the sub-lunar realm but she allows them to rule their respective realms in their own fashion until the time comes that all will fall apart. Then she comes as a salvific figure for all of creation and guides the other deities back to their true place in Déa's presence. (I.E. Ragnarok is the in-breathing of Creation by the Dark Mother and the Daughter guides the deities back to the Bright Mother so they might take their place with the greater Janyati once again.)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

* It is my argument that the children of gods are gods as well, lest their lineage is commingled with that of the mortal children of Déa, from which comes demi-gods and legendary heroes.

Cosmology of an Unorthodox Sort.

 Dear Reader,

Here's a tale for you. In the beginning there was nothing but Déa. She parted the waters where she might rest her feet. The music of the waves moved her to dance and she laughed with delight. From her first peal of laughter came the greater Janyati. From her second peal of laughter came the primordial gods of humanity. From her third peal of laughter came the lesser janyati and from her fourth came the spirits of the world. Déa saw her first children and laughed with greater joy. She danced the realms of existence into reality with her children dancing with her, for they were part of her light and will.

Déa cast her gaze upon the waters and saw her reflection there. Again she laughed with delight. She drew the image from the waters upon the land and the first of her mortal children was born. Déa let her child run laughing through the worlds, naming all they encountered and celebrating all the cherished life there was. The primordial gods of humanity watched the child and celebrated the child, for they were the completion of their joy.

All of the realms of creation were beautiful and filled with Déa's light. The primordial gods were pure mirrors of Déa's light and reflected it over even places that lay in shadow. There was, however, a place where there was no light. Not even the primordial gods could reflect Déa's light into this place. It moved between realms and all that existed. It had weight and was the absence of all light. The darkness had existed alongside Déa and hated her for the light she had created and the realms fashioned. It was the Snake and it moved among the children of Déa until it found the weakest of them, the first daughter.

The Snake coiled itself about the first daughter and spoke. "Child of the holy Mother, you have run through realms uncounted. You have danced in the footsteps of your Mother and the elder kin. You know much of this world but there are things that you do not know," the Snake said. The first daughter of Déa looked at the Snake with wonder. She had not seen this being in her travels, though it followed her through the realms and spied upon her.

"What would you teach me, oh Snake?" she asked cautiously.

"You do not know of the peace of rest, child," the Snake said, "Or the wonders of dreams within it."

"What manner of thing are dreams?" the first daughter asked. The Snake coiled tighter about her and lifted its head to see her more clearly.

"You must know the peace of rest before you may know the realm of dreams," the Snake answered.

"How might I know rest?" the first daughter asked.

"But embrace me and I shall give you a gift that may bring that knowledge to you," the Snake answered.

The first daughter held out her arms towards the Snake. The Snake wrapped its coils about her until the first daughter was well and truly bound. She wrapped her arms about the Snake and something of her essence and strength flowed into the Snake. As this happened the Snake's form changed until it looked to be like the first daughter. The new form of the Snake was barren, for it hadn't the light of Déa within it. As the first daughter sagged in the arms of the transformed Snake, she asked, "What of this pleasure of rest you spoke so sweetly of?"

"For you to rest, ask your Mother for there to be a time of darkness," the Snake said. The elder kin who bore the light of Déa within them drew near to the first daughter, sensing great danger. The Snake, in it transformation, robbed the first daughter of her sight of the elder kin and the high ones. The first daughter called to Déa asking her for there to be darkness as the Snake laid her upon the ground.

Déa allowed there to be a period of darkness so that her weakened child might rest. The Snake called to the waters. "Rise and return again. Let all be as it was before in nothingness," it said. The elder kin heard the Snake's words and gathered around the first daughter as the waters rose and began to flood the realms of reality, protecting the child from the waters that washed away many creatures and beings.

Déa beheld the rising waters and the Snake. She set her heel upon the Snake's head, crushing it into the ground. She cast the waters into the sky and thus came the first rain. The rain drops awakened the sleeping child of Déa. With the light of day, the raindrops split the light into wondrous colors. Déa set the great Janyati in governance of the colored rays of light and their powers. Where the world had be beautiful in perfection, it was now colored in every hue but in imperfection.

The elder kin parted, though the first child of Déa could not see her guardians she felt their presence. Déa approached her daughter. "What you have done can not be undone for it has been done in My Spirit. Henceforth, time shall be divided into day and night that you may rest. But I shall keep watch o'er you in the heavens by night and there shall be a silver light that there may never be complete darkness. By this shall I govern the waters so that the earth may never be flooded. The golden light of day will bring great goodness but shall be too great to look upon. The silver light of night, you may look upon."

The daughter grew uneasy with the Mother's words. "The Snake shall keep the form you have given it and you shall be set in governance over it. Remember, though, that it will ever attempt to beguile and destroy you as it has this night. I shall not remain as close to you as I was before, but I will still pour blessings upon you, and you may give me gifts - not in every moment as before, for you now tire, but my light shall give you guidance in this."

And then the Mistress of All Things withdrew herself into the sky until she seemed but a slender crescent of light. And the first daughter of creation fell upon her knees and wept. And these were the first tears shed upon the whole of the earth, much to the grief of the elder kin.

All is not lost.

 Dear Reader,

As we move through this period of darkness, it is easy to give up hope. It is easy to succumb to the great wave of despair that comes when we see the violence and atrocities being committed. I tell you that all is not lost. Though we move through the darkness and are surrounded by the malevolent forces of those who would deny our basic humanity, we are not alone. Just as Our Lady said last night, the bright host of Heaven surrounds us. They will give us the strength to endure the harrowing period we are living through. They will give us the compassion to reach out to each other and lift each other up. They will give us serenity during times of strife. They will give us the bounty we need to survive.

Do not give up, my friends, we are not alone. We not only have the blessed Ones with us but we have each other. The small acts of kindness we may do for each other echo through the world and grow greater as they pass along. Fix your heart upon Love and all shall be well. It will be challenging and strange at times, but all shall be well.

May the High Ones bless and keep you.

A message from meditation on Our Lady

 As I was meditating on Our Lady, she spoke to me. This is what she said.

Oh, my children, do not fear. I am ever with you. You feel afraid and alone, but I assure you the bright host of Heaven attends you. You are surrounded by love, a love beyond measure. Fear not, my own loves, for I am with you. The hour may be dark but dawn always comes. There is always hope for where there is life there is hope. Fear not, I have not abandoned you. Never shall I do so. Simply reach out and I shall take your hand. Speak your grief and let flow your tears, from them shall come healing. I shall always listen with love and care. Be still and know I love all of you. And be not afrait, for I am with you.

Prepping for major research.

 Dear Reader,

I now have a fresh copy of The Gospel of Our Mother God. (What I had hoped were minor notation errors in the previous edition remain and more evidence as I review my .pdf of the NCUV and other sources shows that they did edit out a great deal of material.) I now have a hard copy of the ECE. Sometime this week, my hardcopy of the NCUV will be arriving.

My plan is to read all three again and start cross referencing material. I want to get to the things that are consistent across all three book. I want to compare and contrast the things that are different and attempt to understand the differences in them. I could be doing this right now with the .pdf of the NCUV but it is hard for me to read it on my kindle because the type font used is so small. It is my hope with a hardcopy in hand, it will be easier to read. 

I want to draw out of the three texts the core belief structure of Filianism and Déanism. I want to clarify the things that were confusing in the Gospel of Our Mother God. And I want to learn as much as I can to be a better priestess to Déa. It is beginning to become clear to me that I am in the process of building another sect of Filianism. This was not my goal. I did not want to be on this path and it makes me very uncomfortable. I go, however, where Déa sends me. I do my best to follow her will.

I just wanted to learn more. And She has given me things to write. I've been busy with the kids and avoiding it, but the pressure is becoming greater. So, I will bend to her will as grass does to the wind and move according to what my Lady desires. I shall not fear for I know that Déa is all good and that which comes from her hand is always good for the world. I ask only for patience because I am moving as a blind person in an unfamiliar room.

What exactly is my relationship with Déa?

  Dear Reader,

In the light of my recent postings, one may wonder what is my relationship with Déa like and how I define it. The answer is very simple, I am an oathed servant of Déa. I was in my early teens when I had a vision of Déa, though I didn't know it was her. I was meditating in the woods behind my parents' house when a vision came over me. I felt surrounded by light. It poured over me and into me. It felt as though I was drowning in it. The light was blinding but I could vaguely make out a feminine form. I was filled with holy terror. 

The terror I felt was like the terror of being a very small being in an immense place. It was an atavistic fear. A voice filled the air. It spoke my name and I felt like I was in a rining bell. The air vibrated and I could feel the vibration from that voice fill me. When my vision returned to normal, I was no longer sitting against the tree that I had sat down by to meditate. I was laying flat upon the ground as though I had prostrated myself before this being of light. I brushed off the leaves and rushed home, as though nothing had happened. 

I kept this vision to myself and tried to make sense of it. I was practicing Wicca at the time. While this deity presence, because I could tell clearly it was a deity, was not offering me harm they filled me with fear because they were so overwhelming. I meditated and searched through the books I had access to in an attempt to find the name of this deity. I was in the midst of this searching when I had my second vision.

Again, I was in the woods, this time sitting on the hill. A vision filled my senses so completely it was as though I was bodily transported to another place. I was kneeling in a garden filled with flowers. At the center of the garden there was a noble Lady. She held lilies in her right hand and roses in her left. A silver circlet was on her brow. She wore a white wimple and veil. Her gown was a dark blue, almost cobalt in color. She held out the flowers to me and said, "Come, my chosen daughter." After she spoke, light flashed into my eyes and the sun was drawing low on the horizon.

I was fourteen. My homelife was less than ideal, to commit a greivious understatement. The benevolence of this Lady and of the One who first came to me had moved me to tears both times. Thus, on the hillside, facing the setting sun, I pledged myself to the service of this great goddess who had come for me in my time of trouble. I threw myself passionately into learning everything I could about a wide range of goddesses, knowing that at some point I would find writings of her.

My heart was filled with love for the goddess whose name I did not know but I could see evidence of everywhere. I offered prayers up to her and to other goddesses who came forward to guide me on my path. Even now, I have a special relationship with the Morrigan who brought me to the Dark Mother as I worked through difficult transitions and traumas in my life. 

I am not one to go so far as to say that I am a godslave (though there are others of different paths who have oathed themselves to this manner of relationship). I have been ordained as a priestess. I have taken a vow to offer love unto the whole world and to do my best to do good for it. I have taken a vow to be the hands of Déa in this world, working to right the wrongs that I see and attempt to bring greater harmony. And, I have vowed that I shall fight to see that all forms of love are respected because they all flow directly from Déa's love.