The Filianic month of Abolan began last Saturday (Sept. 5) and with it begins the season of Autumn. Autumn is a season of harvest and preparation. Early Autumn is filled with boisterous joy as the warmth of Summer lingers and the bounty of the Earth shows forth in fullness. Abolan is known as the Apple month by many who practice Filianism and its variants. Partly because this is when apples are ripe in abundance in the zones they grow in. Partly because the Apple is a sacred sign and it is honored as life sustaining and the fruit of divine wisdom. It is mentioned in the Filianic Sutras of the Gospel of Our Mother God.
As the season associated with the Earth, Autumn invites reflection upon Dea as the Ground of All Being. It also is a season of transition, where we are invited to reflect upon Deam Mysterium, the Dark Mother, as the force for radical change. Because Autumn is as much a season of endings as it is a season of harvest. But within those endings, the seeds of new beginnings are planted. Thus, we are given hope of renewal even as things pass out of our lives at this time of year.
It has been difficult for me to do my devotions to Dea over the last several months. The sense that she is standing back, watching over me, is still present but my prayers feel to be a one sided conversation. I thought keeping a devotional journal would help with that. But there have been so very many obstacles to keeping that journal, I feel rather discouraged. I know part of that was because of the challenges that comes with my children being on break from school for the summer. I also know that I spent a great deal of time last season, out of the house and away from my journal. Time for prayer became scant because of everything happening. It saddened me and made me feel like I wasn't an adequate worshiper.
The children start school on Tuesday (Sept. 8) and I am hopeful that I can resume writing in that journal. I have a habit of writing multiple prayers when I am delayed from writing for a period of time. While I find myself tempted to cram three or four days worth of prayers into one day, I know that will not be healthy for me with my illness acting up again. Thus, I am going to aim for two days of work on a given day. It is an adaptation of the way things have been that will be difficult for me.
I am learning to lower my standards so that I can function better during the times when I am unwell. At the same time, I have multiple deities pushing me to resolve my self worth issues and my vulnerability ones. It may simply be idle speculation, but I suspect that Dea played a part into putting this situation in action. This is going to be an ordeal of sorts for me. But it has been coming for a long time. And I feel that Dea, as the gracious Mother she is, has lost some patience with my stalling and is pushing me forward instead of cajoling me. I will strive to do her will and that of the gods who are most intimate in my life. They're all working towards the same goal. I will either walk forward under my own power or be dragged. Between the two, I prefer walking.
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