Blessed Nativity & Sai Herthe's day

Dear Reader,

The past month has been quite challenging. Computer technical issues combined with the chaos of preparing for Nativity & Yule made it hard to find time to blog or do much writing at all. When Mother's Night came, I decided to spend Nativity resting. I have been doing needlepoint by day and crochet in the evening. I am finding it difficult to work around my anxiety and social phobia to go out and do things.

I will be back to my regular posting schedule as of Distaff day (that would be the day after Epiphany, the 7th of January). I am spending Sai Herthe's day doing some light cleaning and then back to the embroidery. When we hit the end of Nativity, I will post pictures of what I've been making and a little bit of the story of some of these projects. Right now, I have to go mind the children and wash up some dishes.

I will be getting back to any inquiries and comments that have been on my blog next week by Wednesday at the latest. Thank you for your patience.

Technical difficulties.

Dear Reader,

I've been having difficulties with my computer. I may disappear for a little bit from the blogosphere as I'm working on resolving this. I promise, I will not light the blasted thing on fire and throw it out a window no matter how frustrated I get with it.

Dear Hacker.

I honestly am amused and almost flattered that you attempted to hijack my account. Kindly go fuck yourself and may a plague of fleas infest your crotch.

Welcome Astraea, Happy Advent.

The Heart of the Orion Nebula, Courtesy of NASA

My Dear Readers,

Today is the first day of Astraea, the Star month of the Filianic calendar. It is the first day of the Advent season. Additionally, it is the first day of the Winter season in the Filianic calendar.

May this day find you warm, happy, and blessed.

Almost Astraea.

Image Courtesy of Pexels.com

Dear Reader,

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the USA. It seems fitting that the first day of Advent is a day of gratitude. I have been struggling with seasonal affective disorder which causes depression during the autumn and winter months (and for me into the beginning of spring). While on the Julian calendar, winter does not begin until the solstice, in the Filianic calendar it begins on the 28th of November for the northern hemisphere, which happens to be the first day of the month of Astraea and the first day of Advent.

I am an anxious mess over the holidays and every advertisement about Black Friday (a major shopping day here in the USA that might as well be considered an unofficial public holiday) and each bit of Christmas music ratchets that anxiety up higher. My silence over the last month has been due to a combination of S.A.D. (even the acronym for this condition sucks) and my attempting to write a novel in a month. I'm going to attempt to post more here over the winter months but the posts may look like this.

Goddess worship?

Dear Reader,

I have seen some consternation and deep concern that the Filianic and Déanic community is being overrun by "goddess worship" and a general complaint that there are people practicing Wiccan style worship. As one of those fringe people in the Independent Filianic community, I have a bit of bad news for these folks who are troubled by this. In all technicality, Filianism and Déanism is goddess worship. The Divine is worshiped as a feminine figure, this makes the worship practice goddess worship.

There are members of the community who would argue that I am demoting Déa by referring to her as a goddess because of some bad linguistics that was presented at one point stating that the term god came before the term goddess and that goddess is the inferior form of the term god. I have held my tongue on this piece because I did not want to kick up a hornet's nest. I think, however, it is time to put out there a few concepts that I have been operating under that are supported by actual linguistic history.

Point number one: the term god and goddess evolved parallel to each other within the English language. If you look at the ancient terms (from an English background), the term for goddess is Dis (the plural being Disir). The gods were identified as Tyr (before this became a singular name for a given deity, the pluralization of this has been lost). After that they were identified by tribe. The Aesir, the Vanir, and the Jotnar were a collective identification for each tribe. Tribal members were identified by their names or as a collective group.The names for masculine and feminine generic members of each tribe were different but related. Much like branches on a tree are related but part of the same tree.

Point number two: Dis is the elder of the identifications for deity as per what I have been able to find in my research regarding the early English language roots.

Point number three: In the post migration period of the Teutonic/Germanic/Norse peoples, the Disir came to include elevated female ancestors and spirits.

The addition of god- to the word Dis came about to distinguish the most powerful Disir. The word god- was gender neutral up until the Christianization of region. Most gods were known by their name, their tribal identification, or their by-names. In many ways, in modern pagan belief systems this has been revived. In indigenous belief systems, the use of the term god and goddess is not found (and this has been something I've spoken to someone with intimate knowledge of the last existent indigenous European religion - the Sami culture, in case you were wondering).

The point of my argument here is that "goddess worship" is exactly what we are doing. Goddess is by no means a slur or a demotion of Déa. If anything, it is restoring dignity to the highest of the Disir. It is bitterly ironic to watch the argument that "goddess worship" is not proper, especially from the Orthodox community. The Orthodox community has lifted passages from ancient goddess worship texts (the Golden Ass for example) and claimed them as their heritage.

I ask, if a child of Isis, the All Mother, comes to Filianism or Déanism, will they find welcome or will they be turned away for their 'goddess worship' despite the fact that Filianism and Déanism is partly founded upon their sacred texts? I ask, if a devotee of Deva comes to Filianism or Déanism, will they find welcome or will they be turned away because they do not worship in the same fashion that the Orthodox community desires? I ask, if a devotee of Marya comes to Filianism or Déanism will they find welcome or will they be turned away because they worship in a fashion that looks suspiciously Christian in nature?

The Chapel of Our Mother God in its wisdom did not dictate that worship should happen in a given way at a given time. It was said that Filianism is a form of Déanism, Déanism is the worship of Déa the mother of all, the supreme creatrix.

Déa reveals herself to us in ways that we might more easily come to her. Hence the Daughter. Hence the Janyati. And, I would boldly argue, hence the plurality of many deities within the world's religions. All gods have a mother. That mother is Déa. She may choose to move through them to reveal mysteries. She may choose to move through people to reveal mysteries. She may choose to move through nature itself. Déa is powerful and benevolent. It would be helpful to remember she is not limited to the iconography of Filianism or Déanism. That was revealed to make it easier for us to reach up to her.

What day is it?

Dear Reader,

Between being sick most of last month and completely disorganized this month, I managed to forget about posting here. I apologize. I'm currently working on getting my ducks in a row (or my squirrels glow sticks for their rave). I'll have some real witchy content coming up soon.

Thank you for your patience.

Divination ... wait, what?

Dear Reader,

I am putting the tarot tour on pause for the month of November so that I can focus on NaNoWriMo. I figure it is better to do it this way rather than to forget completely in the chaos of writing a novel in one month.

I am also trying to decide what to cover next when we finish up the Major Arcana. As such, I would greatly appreciate any suggestions in the comments. What forms of divination are you interested in and would like to see me cover?

Thanks for your patience and help.

♥

Practical Witchery: Make friends with your local spirits.

Dear Reader,

This post was supposed to happen yesterday but life got in the way. There are a lot of spirits in the world. They range in temperment and personality as much as people do, if not more so. It is good to get to know your local area's resident spirits. They can prove helpful allies and powerful protectors. It is a fairly simple process to get to know them.

A simple offering and a statement of who you are and what you hope will come from the relationship is usually enough. Obviously different spirits prefer different types of offerings. And they'll have different things to offer you in return for your gift to them.

The chart below is a good starter guide to offerings for common local spirits.

Spirit	Physical	Incense
Water	clean water	lotus
Land	stone or coins	mugwort
Air	feather, inspired poetry	sandalwood
Fey	milk, honey, bread	any
Elemental	candle	any
Place	clean water, stones or coins	mugwort

Happy Tamala & Samhain

Photo from Mita Juraja at Pexels.com

Dear Reader,

Today is the feast of the dead in many faiths. In Wicca, today is known as Samhain. In Filianism and Déanism, today is the first day of Tamala. Within the Janite tradition of the Filianic faith, today is the Feast of the Ancestors.

It is the third harvest of the season. The first harvest was celebrated at Lughnassadh / Chelanya in the beginning of August (in the northern hemisphere). This is the time when the grain is harvested, predominantly. This is a celebration of life's bounty and the fecundity of the earth. Feasting happened with a focus upon the grain being brought in. This was also a time for celebratory games and feats of boasting while the sun still waxed strong in the sky.

The second harvest was celebrated at Mabon / Cuivanya. This celebration comes in the middle of September (in the northern hemisphere). This is much like what one would expect Thanksgiving to be like. The themes of this holiday is the joyous reception of the bounty of the harvest and the blessings of family. One of the names of this harvest celebration is Harvest Home. This is the time when the harvest is in full swing. All manner of produce and fruit are being brought into the home and processed for winter. Great feasts happened because there was (in good years) more produce and goods than one could process on their own and the excess was shared with the community.

The third harvest was celebrated at this time of year. This is one of the 'fire festivals' of the orthodox Filianic faith as well as one of the 'fire festivals' of the ancient Celtic peoples. Daylight wanes during this time of year. Great fires were lit by ancient peoples like the Celts of old for two purposes. One was for the ritual purification of the herds as they were driven past them and the smoke helped to kill off some of the parasites attached to the animals. Second was to extend the amount of light that was needed for the work of culling the herds in preparation for winter.

There were games and celebrations in antiquity just as there are today to celebrate this threshold into the 'dark' half of the year. The fire festival persists in its own way with lighted jack-o-lanterns. The folk memory of the impoverished going from home to home begging for some of the excess bounty of the household persists in children going from home to home requesting treats. And the folk memory of changing one's manner of dress to confuse the spirits abroad this time of year persists in the wearing of costumes.

The intimacy of death with this holy day hasn't been shaken one bit in the passage of time. This is a time of year where the veil between this world and the spirit world is thin. Spiritual beings walk this world with relative ease as they do at other points of the year when the veil is thin. This is also a particularly good time for contacting the dead. That, however, is a topic for another post.

Divination: Major Arcana 15 - The Devil

Dear Reader,

This week's card is The Devil and it comes from the Deviant Moon Tarot deck. True to this deck's nature of turning iconography on its proverbial ear, this card is missing the two kneeling, bound persons on either side of the Devil, who typically is holding a torch pointing downwards.

Some argue this card is the nadir of the major arcana of tarot, others argue that dubious honor is held by the Death card. The Devil has a reputation of a poorly aspected card because it is iconography of a figure of evil from the Abrahamic religions. Strip away this layer of imagery from this card we find that the Devil is a figure of temptation, base desires, ignorance, and bondage. And that is in the most positive interpretations for this card. 

In a direct orientation, this card warns the querent that they are in danger of falling into these traps of the self. They can also warn of an agent acting against them, but that more typically shows up with the card in a reversed orientation. In the reversed orientation, the Devil speaks of being mired in one's base desires at the expense of higher goals, succumbing to temptation at the detriment of oneself, willful ignorance, and being trapped within limiting circumstances.

In the Fool's Journey, the Devil is the confrontation the Fool faces with their lower self and their shadow side. The Devil also speaks of the Fool struggling to rise above these parts of themself.

Scripture Study: Cry Marya v. 7-10

Photo from Pexels.com

7. The Awakened seeth not things, but seeth only the spirit My Mother, for no thing is outside Her, and all things are nothing save She.

8. The unawakened is she who seeth but fragments: who seeth the waves, but not the sea; who heareth the voice, but not the word; who seeth the light, but not the sun.

9. These fragments, contradictory, impossible, these are the severed substances of the world. How should the Awakened see these?

Gospel of Our Mother God; The Filianic Sutras:
Cry Marya Verses 7 - 9

Some of the language here is difficult. The use of the false archaic 'seeth' in place of 'sees' makes today's verses difficult to read. This can be seen in the use of 'heareth' as well. If we replace the with 'sees' and 'hears', these verses read much easier. Also, the femme-centric language is a little difficult for the masculine children of Déa, but let us put aside these problematic bits of language and look at the message behind them.

The verses speak of the "Awakened" and the "unawakened". Who are these persons? The "Awakened" person is they who perceive Déa in all places for their awareness is only of Her reflected in all places and things of the world. The "unawakened" are ignorant of this connection to Déa that is constant and ever present.

The unawakened sees the world but fails to see the spiritual connection between all things in the tapestry of existence. They are aware of Déa but in a partially blind way for the matters of the world cover as a veil the connection to Déa. Thus, one may see the waves upon the metaphorical sea and be unaware of the far larger body of water for their vision is limited.

The wash of seemingly contradictory and impossible to connect elements of the world can overwhelm us. It is possible to become so confused and overwhelmed by them that all seems chaos. For the Awakened, this chaos can interrupt their vision. Verse ten gives us the course of action the Awakened and unawakened should take to live with this confusion and chaos.

10. Cry: Mother, I know that I am one with Thee and all things are one in Thee.

Gospel of Our Mother God; Filianic Sutras:
Cry Marya, Verse 10

We are exhorted to cry out to Déa in our time of confusion and darkness. We are encouraged to reach out to Her and remember despite our difficulties seeing it that we are one with our Celestial Mother, as is the whole of existence. Let us take hope in these times from this fact. The world seems to be set upon a path unwholesome and dangerous. It is a dark wood that we travel through, but we are not alone for we are one with our Mother and she will guide us to clarity and our souls' true home.

Godspousery Notes

I've been sick for the last two weeks (I think, my sense of time is a bit hazy because I've been sick.) and in that time I've been admonished for trying to do too much, scolded for forgetting to eat, and generally cared for and comforted. When I was feeling too tired and weak to go eat something at lunch time the other day, Loki said, "Ok, then, I'll help." He put a hand on my shoulder and this dizzying rush of energy filled me. I felt woozy but like I could do anything. I was firmly told to go eat lunch and not worry about dishes.

Silly me went to start doing dishes so I could cook myself something. That was when I went from having no appetite to feeling like I was starving. So, I made myself a peanut butter sandwich. All that energy drained right out of me and I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down on the couch. As I fell asleep with great frustration, Loki said, "Dishes will keep. You're sick and you need your rest." This pretty much has been the tone over the last week.

So, the housework has been piling up. I have been behind on my blogging. And just generally struggling to keep up with everything because I'm sick. Theoretically, I should be fine after today because today is my last dose of antibiotics. I haven't enjoyed taking these horse pill sized antibiotics but it's taken care of the sinus infection. Now I just am waiting for the lingering cough and sinus drainage to go away. And hoping that I'll have more energy to get stuff done.

I've been feeling discouraged about a number of things. Loki, Freyr, and Beloved all pointedly remind me that no one can demand anything more than my best. Extra emphasis on the 'no one' part and at one point each of the three has explicitly said that I can not demand more than my best out of any situation. It's been frustrating because I see work piling up and I can't do much about it. I keep being told to be patient with myself but that is one of the things I am positively the worst at doing, much to their exasperation.

Why I use the title Lady.

Dear Reader,

If you've read my published works, you will notice that I style myself as a Lady. This is not whimsy or the desire to be aristocracy. Within many Wiccan traditions, Lady is a title given to a fully trained priestess. While this is not a widely accepted practice, it is one upheld in communities that are organized along 'traditional' Wiccan practice as per Gerald Gardner et al. Because my training as a priestess comes along a Wiccan orientation, I use the title Lady to signify that I have completed sufficient training to lead a coven.

Which I did at one point in time and said coven fell apart due to life happening to everyone involved. I do not denote that I am greater than my peers. I do not claim honors that would be due to me if I were somehow royalty. (Though there is a microscopic percentage of a chance that if the Royal Family of England disappeared down to their last number, I could be peerage or possibly Queen.) I treat the title Lady as I would the title Professor, a title earned through education that confers only a modest amount of authority among those who would recognize that title.

After all, not every university in the world is accredited and not every instructor will be recognized by other universities as acceptable for their programs.

Blessings be upon you and yours.

Hel vs Hell (Filianic/Déanic version)

Dear Reader,

As you may have noticed, I'm one weird Filianist. For one thing, I'm a polytheist. For another, I'm a godspouse to two deities from Heathenry. And I'm a witch on top of that. (Not to mention busy with mundane things that come along with a marriage, two kids, and being a disabled SAHM.) I don't fit the typical Filianist profile. And that's ok. Because, honestly, diversity is strength.

Now, preface made, I just want to dive a little bit in to how I approach the topic of Hel vs Hell. Hel, or as I prefer to refer to it Helheim, is the Norse underworld ruled over by the goddess of death, Hel. She is the daughter of Loki and Angrboda. Hel (or Hela as some spell it) is a goddess who welcomes the dead to her hall for a time until they are ready to reincarnate. (Yes, I am one of those heathens. Pour the haterade out in sumbel to Loki, if you're so kind to provide. I'm sure he'll bless you with laughter for it.) Now, Hel's hall is not the only place that the dead go to when they die. But I am not going to get into the various halls the dead may go to when they die. I want to specifically focus on Helheim.

In the scriptures of Filianism, we are told of Anna's journey into Hell. We are told that Irkalla fled Hell when Marya came in search of her Daughter and besieged Hell. After the reunion of the Bright Mother and her Daughter, there is little mention of Hell beyond the fact that Anna leads all souls trapped there out. Also, in the scriptures of Filianism, we are taught that there are many underworlds. This is where things get weird.

The underworld is left abandoned and defenseless by Irkalla's flight. Helheim is one of the realms of the underworld. Prior to Odin sending Hel to Helheim, that realm is unclaimed though the dead go there. Hel descends to Helheim to take possession of a portion of the realms abandoned by Irkalla. There, Hel is a just and fair (albeit somewhat grim) ruler who attends to her people and prepares them for Ragnarok.

When Ragnarok comes, the cycle of ages ends. Hel releases her claim upon Helheim and reincarnates as her child self in the proper time of the next cycle of ages, allowing Irkalla to take hold of that realm and reestablish herself as queen. Thus does the cycle perpetuate itself.

See, I'm one of those strange people who thinks that all gods may die and yet be deathless at the same time. I may, perhaps, reveal some of the secrets that Loki and Frey have shared with me about their relationship with Déa, if they agree to it. Let me say that all mothers have a Mother and allow you to draw your own conclusion.

Stupid sickness, go away.

Image from Pexels.com

Dear Reader,

I was hoping to sing for you today. Instead, I'm still coughing. I'm very frustrated with the fact that I am still sick. Yesterday was an awful day because my blood sugar was running pretty high and I slept most of the day due to it. I'm still working on my new Filianic manuscript. I am about half done and it is starting to look pretty good. I will be publishing it through Lulu.com instead of Amazon because Lulu will be less expensive for you and allows me a wider range of publication formats.

This is a seemingly minor detail that will make a big difference in how useful this book will be. What I'm working on is a combination of devotional guide and prayer journal. I want this to be a book that will lie flat which requires something like a spiral bound spine. The prayer journal portion will also be produced separately as its own book. Again, this will be published through Lulu.com because of the reasons I have already stated.

I don't anticipate this project being finished by the end of the month because of factors beyond my control, like the fact that I'm still sick. My revised goal is less ambitious and I'm aiming for the beginning of Spring. If I'm lucky, I will be able to get some artwork into this thing so that it is not just straight up text. I know that nothing but text is tiring on the eyes.

Ugh, still sick.

Dear Reader,

I'm still recovering from that sinus infection/cold. I have been thinking of things to post but finding I haven't the energy to keep up with my blog and my kids at the same time. I cast a minor spell for healing. It seems to be helping because I'm not sleeping all the time. I still am quite weary and having difficulty focusing. I'll be glad when I am over this bug.

Thank you for your patience.

♥

Transmission received.

Dear Reader,

As I have said, I am a necromancer. That means that I talk to and work with the spirits of the dead. One of the dead had a message for me to share. It is getting posted here because I am sure it will get more readership. (If you know me and my family, you'll probably know who this is from.)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What is a woman?

A woman is not her ovaries.
A woman is not her vulva or vagina.
A woman is not her breasts.

Women may have these organs. Women may not.

Where do we find a woman?

In her mind for it is from her mind that she comes forward.
Don't concern yourself with appearances.
Once we all had tails, but that didn't stop us from becoming who we are.

Heads, butts, tails, vagina, penis, these are all parts and not defining of the being possessing them.

Where do we find personhood?

In the mind, because we're just a little body hair away from being classed as great apes.

No video this week.

Dear Reader,

Sorry, I don't have a video for you to enjoy this week. I am still really sick with this sinus infection and coughing a lot. I don't want to put your ears through that. When I am over this damned thing, you'll get to listen to me sing. I'm still writing devotional poetry and songs. Here's the lyrics. Sadly, I don't remember how to write or read music, otherwise I would be sharing it too.

Song 73

Glory, oh glory to the Mother
Glory to the Mother wise
Glory upon the hands that shaped all
To Her we give our cries

Glory, oh glory to the  Daughter
Glory to the Daughter kind
Glory upon the heart that saved all
Upon Her we focus our mind

Glory, oh glory to the Veiled Mother
Glory to the Veiled Mother wise
Glory upon the hidden one who knows all
To Her we give our cries

Glory, oh glory to Déa
Glory, oh glory upon Her
Glory upon the Bright Mother and Daugther
Glory upon the Veiled Mother wise

Spirit Familiar vs. Servitor / Egregore

Dear Reader,

Most folklore about witches in English speaking countries talk about them having familiars. Some familiars are cats or dogs. Some of them are more ... exotic, such as 'demons'. I'm a necromancer. I have a fish but my fish is not my familiar. Though he is sensitive to magical work and gets all hyper when I am doing stuff in the kitchen (where his tank is). My familiar is the same one that I had back when he was alive, my cat.

Re-read that last sentence. It's a weird one. When my cat was alive, my cat's name was Sandy and the body the cat inhabited was female. Sandy was my marginally reformed barn cat who regularly did things like attack my feet in my sleep for fun. Still, when ever I was performing magic, Sandy showed up and stuck around like a fuzzy guardian until the spell was complete. Sandy has been dead now for almost twenty years. Sandy is different now. Instead of a ginger cat running its head into my leg to get my attention, I get a cold spot there. And out the corner of my eye, I can see a dark brown cat prowling around the apartment every so often (more so during hunt season). Sandy now answers to Spooky. Just like when they were alive, offerings of potato chips go over really well.

Spirit familiars like Spooky are actually pretty common. They are spiritual beings with their own independent agenda and intelligence. They are not dependent upon you or continual spell casting by others for their presence. They have it all on their own because they are a being, not a construct. When you start researching familiars in witchcraft, you start to find that there's a pretty strong record of spirit familiars, usually named demons because anything that could be named a demon by witch hunters was.

Now, I'm not saying it is impossible for someone to have a demon as their spirit familiar. I'm just saying it is highly unlikely because demons tend to be rather powerful and have greater agency than most spirit familiars. It's like the difference between a house cat and tiger. Sure, they're both cats, but the tiger is bigger and much more formidable in just about every way. It is highly unlikely that the tiger is going to be willing to be your pet and if it happens, there's still a good chance that they may decide to eat your face some day.

Servitors are spiritual constructs that do a specific job or set of jobs. They're like spiritual robots that do only what they're programmed for. They can be very complicated and do a great many things. But they are, in the end, only capable of what they are programmed to do. Spirit familiars are unpredictable at times. That's because they have their own sense of agency and will not always follow orders. Literally, it's like herding cats sometimes. Servitors are much easier to organize and give marching orders. Egregores are more complex spiritual robots but have the same limitations because they're only as good at doing things as their programming is.

Divination: Major Arcana 14 - Temperance

Dear Reader,

This week's card is Temperance. Today's card comes again from the Deviant Moon Tarot deck. The angelic figure on the card is pouring liquid from one vessel into another whilst standing with one foot in water and one on dry land. This is a card of balancing difficult extremes with skill and finesse. It is also a card of self control and moderation. In the Minor Arcana, this card can be mirrored in the twos of all suits

In a direct orientation, Temperance speaks of one's managing disparate extremes in their life with skill and grace. It speaks of a person of a mild temperament and a strong sense of fairness. In the reversed orientation, Temperance warns of difficulty in seeking balance and equitable treatment. It warns of a person in a situation where they are torn between two extremes in their life to their detriment.

In the Fool's Journey, Temperance guides them through the passage of Death into new hope and new beginnings through maturity and grace.

Scripture Study: The Pillar of Light Verse 20 - 23

20. Fix then your will upon the Truth and your heart on the Spirit My Mother, for by your love shall the world be redeemed, even to the last blade of grass.  

21. In thy work praise Her and in thy resting, in thy speech and in thy silence. 22. For thou wert made one with Her, and this is thy true estate. It is good for a maid to till the soil, but it is better to live with her Lady. It is good to build and to weave, but it is better to live with her Lady. It is good to serve maids in every way, but it is better to live with her Lady. 

23. She that liveth wholly with her Lady is the servant of all the world; no labour is so great as this, nor so greatly to be honoured.

 The Gospel of Our Mother God, The Pillar of Light

The world tells us we are helpless and that there is nothing we can do in the face of destruction and evil in it. Our Lady teaches us in the scriptures that we are not beyond hope nor are we helpless.  If we fix our focus upon the Truth that Déa teaches us, we may reach beyond the limitations of this world and participate in Our Lady's work to save all from oblivion.

It is good that we focus upon our lives and the work that we engage in. We must remember that we are one with Déa and through this union our work is made holy. Praise and reverence for Déa need not come from formal prayer. It may flow from our love of Her and our devotion to do what is right. It is good that we work in this world to better it and care for each other. It is better that we do so in recognizing that we are caring for Déa in others. When the world seems full of despair and evil, let us not fall for the illusion it presents us.

All that we do is nothing lest we do it through Our Mother's kindness, love, and care. We are called by Déa to love each other. It is greatly important in the face of the cruelty and abuses happening in this world to be that force of love. Kindness and love may heal the wounds of our hearts and bridge the distance forced between us through the cruelty of they who are more distant from Déa and can not see Her in the light of others.

VIdeo No. 22: I haz a Fever

Hi folks,

This is not a transcript. This is a rough approximation of what I said. I'm feverish. I have a cold that's kicking my butt. I wanted to post while I could, because it has been a full season and a half since I posted a video. I'm currently struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Have been since about mid-July. It's just something that's slowly getting worse as the amount of sunlight in my day becomes less. It's exhausting. It is zero fun and makes life a lot harder than it rightly should be.

My spirituality acts like a rope to help me hang on when S.A.D. (worst acronym ever) starts to really kick my ass. I pray. I meditate. I burn candles and incense. It sort of helps. I also keep myself busy with projects (My latest scarf for charity is a fashion disaster, I'll post pics when it is done so you can see it in full glory.) so that I don't perseverate on things that I worry about, my phobias, and all of the other psychological garbage that gets dredged up with S.A.D. symptoms. This may not work for everyone. It's not working too great for me right now. I'm going to be investing in a light box soon, hopefully it will help me like it has many other people.

S.A.D. and other forms of depression and mental illness are nothing to be ashamed of. It's like having this stupid cold. You're sick and you need to take care of yourself so it doesn't get worse. (Again, like my stupid cold which I thing is trying to turn into a sinus infection. Don't be like me, go to the doctor when you catch the virus making everyone else in your house miserable.) If you're suffering from depression or something else in the long list of mental illness, and it is making your life unbearable, get help. Reach out to people around you to help out with things that are too much.

I've been having ptsd flashbacks over housework. I reached out to my husband to help with that stuff beyond what he usually does. His handling the dishes has helped me not panic that I'm going to screw them up and have to wash every single dish in the apartment multiple times in scalding hot water. (A lot of my trauma revolves around stuff like housework for various reasons. That is a story for another time.)

Chaos Magic vs Rules.

Dear Reader,

In my recent post on Egregores vs Servitors, I mentioned that chaos magicians work within a set of rules. It sounds contrary to the very concept of chaos magic. Not all chaos magicians work within a set of rules that most would recognize. I'm one of the more 'in the wind' chaos magicians. I may structure things according to Wiccan ritual format, if I'm in the mood or organized enough to do so. More typically, my spells are about as chaotic in format as they are in manifestation. Let me repeat that for you, my spells are pretty chaotic in format and they are pretty chaotic in manifestation. I don't narrow my spell manifestations down to a single incident that I desire. I set the parameters to a specific window of manifestation opening the options for the solution to the problem I am dealing with to evolve and develop on its own with a healthy nudge from myself.

I've posted previously that there are some rules about how to go about cursing someone. (Let's use cursing as an example because it's Spooky Season.) At the same time, cursing can be as easy as making a vulgar gesture and throwing some energy emphasis behind it. I have been known to use high ritual to cast a curse, complete with a blood sacrifice. That is less common than my flick a stone in the general direction of the person and send some negativity after it. And the flicking a stone after my target is even less common than my summoning my anger and trauma to send the misery after the target.

I don't curse people often. But I tend to use tactics that are on the fly and less than conventional. Chaotes sometimes look at me a bit weird for how I do things.Not many people weaponize their own trauma and terrible experiences as part of their magical practices. The rule that stands out in chaos magic is the same one that stands out in standard magic, what you send out is going to come back to you some how. Basic cause and effect, there's going to be a push back when you throw something at a target. Physics still functions even when you are going into the spiritual realms, it just functions in a cockeyed and weird way.

Divination:Major Arcana 13 - Death

Dear Reader,

This week's card is much maligned as a 'bad' card to come up in a reading. The infamous Death card comes from one of my most used decks, The Witches Tarot from Ellen Cannon Reed and Martin Cannon. Of all the decks I own, I think this is my favorite Death card because of how peaceful it is. If you look at the figures surrounding Death, their expressions are neutral to peaceful, as though they were asleep.

Death is not a hostile card. It can actually be a highly beneficial card. It is a card of radical transition and change. It is the card of endings, but endings that lead to new beginnings. When it shows up in a reading very rarely does it indicate a literal death. In a direct orientation, Death speaks of a complete separation from the old and rebirth into the new. In a reversed orientation, Death speaks of a more challenging separation and reversed. It can also indicate a messy ending of a situation.

In the Fool's Journey, Death is the Fool meeting their mortality and progressing from their prior position of ignorance into one of greater enlightenment.

To learn more about this card and the rest of the Tarot deck, consider picking up a copy of my book, The Veiled Witch's Handbook for Psychics: A Practical Guide to Divination and the Psychic Arts.

Egregore vs Servitor

Dear Reader,

I know that the headline of this post sounds like a combat scene involving Pokemon or something similar. (By the way, if there were Pokemon with those names, I might actually play the games.) These are actually two different spiritual constructs. They can in  many cases be used interchangeably but if you are going to be technical about it, they have different uses and are formed differently.

Let's start with the Egregore. You may have read about some chaos magicians creating Egregores or possibly read some really old stories about Egregores having gone astray and causing havoc. There's a particularly racist and horrible one out there about Golems, which is completely wrong about what a Golem's function is and the story paints Jewish people as horrible monsters. That story dates back to the Medieval period of European history but there are assholes who like to bring it up and use it to scare people. If you want to know about Jewish ritual magic, ask a Jewish person who is into the occult. You may get lucky and they'll actually answer a few questions. Likely, they're not going to because Jewish occult magic is a fairly closed tradition for lots of good reasons.

An Egregore is a relatively modern invention. The first recorded description of a ritual to produce an Egregore can be found in the writings of the Theosophical society and of the infamous Alistair Crowley. Some can argue that the modern ritual foundations have roots that go farther back to the writings of John Dee (the somewhat infamous adviser and court astrologer of Queen Elizabeth I). Ceremonial magic records being something of a shit-show between people trying to keep their language coded to keep 'trade secrets' and avoid the ire of witch finders, it's hard to really pin down the origins of the use of Egregores. There are documents that we still haven't been able to translate that date into the Medieval period (I'm looking at you, Voynich manuscript.) that I'm certain describe ceremonial magic as well as alchemical materials.

Egregores as they are used today are entirely different from spiritual constructs from antiquity which is why I say that they are a modern invention. In the case of an Egregore for the modern chaote, it is a construct built upon a set of rules and infused with spiritual energy and the focused mental effort of a group of people. An Egregore being developed is not that different from standard spell craft, except for the focus is on the development of a spiritual entity that is to serve a specific task and last for a predetermined period of time (in the most general sense, there are obviously differences in this from spirit worker to spirit worker).

A Servitor is a similar construct built upon a set of predetermined rules. The Servitor is created by a single individual and works for them for a specific task and for a specific time period. (The term Servitor comes from the word servant.) Servitors have been around for a long time. It is possible that the spirit familiars of witches in antiquity were Servitors. It is difficult to tell because the difference between a Servitor and a spirit familiar is subtle and most won't note it upon initial inspection. A Servitor is fueled by the repetition of focus by the caster, where as the spirit familiar has its own source of spiritual energy - themselves. Servitors operate for a single practitioner and will resist if not out right reject commands from other practitioners. Egregores are similar in this fashion but they have the capacity to interact with a wider range of individuals after a certain point of collective focus and empowerment.

Poorly constructed Servitors or Egregores can have harmful results for the practitioners and people in the immediate vicinity. Stories of seances turning chaotic are more typically cases of an Egregore getting accidentally created with out rules and limitations, thus raw psychic energy is running amuck. (Now this is where if you are working with a skilled psychic who can direct the raw psychic energy of the participants, you can tone down the chaos and actually summon the one you're looking for. It requires the ability to channel and direct the psychic energy into the summoning. But that's a topic for another day.)

Egregores can be tricky to deal with when they get out of hand. There's an old expression, don't summon something you can't lay to rest. It's especially important in handling spiritual constructs. Trapping them in a container of some sort is a traditional method of dealing with them. Banishing them is also an option but you must be prepared for them to pop back up again if the circumstances resemble either those of their generation or the summoning process. Egregores have limited intelligence. Thus they will not entirely recognize that they're not being summoned when someone who is part of the group is doing something similar to the summoning.

There are also Egregores that are part of pop culture and internet culture. They're a bit more powerful than one that is produced by a small coven. They have more intelligence because there is more psychic energy behind them and more intent poured into their existence. Thus, it may happen that someone who is attempting to work with Loki, for example, get the Egregore!Loki and things get weird. Less popular deities have fewer Egregore impersonators out there. Telling the difference between the Egregore and the actual deity you're attempting to contact is difficult. Consulting a priest of that deity or a spirit worker who is intimately familiar with the deity is advisable in these situations. A lot of the 'bad behavior' attributed to deities is actually a result of an Egregore left to run its programming in the wrong environment. In some cases, it is because of the programming of the Egregore to begin with.

Will You Love Me Like This?

Dear Reader,

This is a bit of a departure from my usual content for Tuesdays. I'll be posting something more typical later on. I felt it was important to share the contents of a dream I had in August. It's been haunting me as all the signs of Autumn hit hard and fast in my region.

I was dreaming that I was in a forest in late Autumn. I heard a noise behind me and I turned around. There before me stood Freyr in the guise of the Greenman. As I looked at him, I watched his guise wither and decay. The fruit and flowers in his visage waned and decayed. With eyes solemn and vaguely sorrowful, he said, "Can you love me like this?"

I answered, "Of course. I will always love you."

He then held up a mirror. Light flashed off it and I woke.

I have tumbled this dream over and over in my thoughts. I think about it and believe the message is that I should love myself in all states. If my sense of well being is poor, I should still treat myself with love and compassion. If I am depressed, I should still treat myself with love and compassion. I'm not here just for the summer and spring time. I'm here for all the seasons with Freyr. And I know he is here for me in all the seasons of my life. I need to show up and be here for all the seasons in my life for myself as well.

Divination: Major Arcana 11 - Strength

This week's card is Strength. I chose the most safe for work image from my collection of decks. This is pretty close to the Rider-Waite standard image. The image of a young woman holding a lion's mouth open is the most common interpretation of this card. There are decks with different images for it. The young woman is seen as having power over the lion in the image. There is also some who consider this image to harken back to the fable of Aesop regarding the lion with the thorn in its paw.

In an upright orientation, Strength speaks of the querent in a position of power and security. It is an optimistic card that tells the querent that they have the capacity to meet the challenge before them. In a reversed orientation, Strength warns the querent that they may have bitten off more than they can chew. It suggests that they lack crucial skills or abilities to handle the problem before them and may wish to consider alternate options than a direct assault upon the problem.

In the Fool's Journey, Strength speaks of the Fool's strength of character and ability to navigate the problems that arise from a position of security because of that internal strength.

For more information about this and the other cards of the Tarot deck, consider picking up a copy of my book. I discuss Tarot and many other divination techniques. I also cover the basics of psychic safety and hygiene.

Nope this Week from Orbit, please.

Dear Reader,

This week has been particularly challenging between doctor appointments for the kids, the wee ones having colds, and life piling up problems for me to solve. My stove, for example, is electric and has decided it is not going to turn off even when everything is in the off position. As this is a potential fire hazard, we turned off the breaker to the stove and prayed that the refrigerator wasn't on the same switch. (Luck was with us, the fridge was on a different breaker.) It's been three days with out a working stove and I'm sick of eating sandwiches for dinner.

We had extra laundry to wash this weekend because both boys slept through needing to use the bathroom. The only reason why we didn't have to wash or do something with the mattresses is because they are covered in plastic. I still have a pile of laundry to fold and put away in the living room. I honestly don't think I'm going to get caught up by the time Saturday rolls around and we have to do laundry again.

I have not been sleeping well. If I'm not having nightmares of enormous rodents destroying my home, I am having nightmares of trauma that I experienced. Or I keep waking up in the middle of the night convinced I am late for something very important that I can't remember. I'd be using my weighted blanket but it has been weird weather wise and the blanket has been making me overheat. I am also enjoying the fun of migraines with rapid weather shifts from in the near 80 deg. F. for a daily high to barely in the 60s for a daily high. I hate migraines with a passion but they seem to love me right now.

On top of all of this, I am still struggling with depression and severe anxiety. As I sat down and reviewed past posts I realized I missed some important things. I'm going to attempt to address them (like skipping the post on the tarot card Strength) over the next few days. Please forgive me if my work is a bit rough. I kinda feel like I need my training wheels back for blogging right now.

The Question of Suffering - A Wyrd Perspective.

Dear Reader,

I didn't think I had the energy for this post today. It's been a challenging day for me. However, I wanted to share a different perspective on the question of why we suffer. First, I must explain something. Wyrd is different from fate. Fate are fixed events measured and ruled by the deities of their respective pantheons (most popularly known are the Moirai of the Hellenic pantheon, the Fates). Wyrd is similar to fate where there are fixed events but it is more fluid and adapts to the given person's decisions more often. Wyrd is also a thing that can be connected to others, whereby the wyrd of a single person is influenced by the wyrd of those who they are closely bonded to and vice versa.

Preface made, I have long struggled with the question of suffering. It is a question that I have wrestled with since I was a young child and dealing with the ugliness of humanity on a daily basis. Why do we suffer? Is it because the divine is displeased with us? Is it because we are flawed? Is it because we did something wrong in a past life? Is it just because there is an enormous number of people in this world who are cruel and heartless?

Well, ask someone who is suffering at a given moment and you'll get just about any manner of answer under the sky because everyone's suffering is different. Thus, we cycle back to the original question, why do we suffer? Suffering is a natural consequence of living. Some suffering is beneficial because it helps us to meet our goals, like 'feeling the burn' when you are exercising to improve your health. Some suffering is just straight up misery. The incidents that cause our suffering are morally neutral, most of the time. Influenza, for example, doesn't have a moral alignment (unless you're playing D&D, then ask your DM what the house rules are on that one).

Wyrd says that some incidents of suffering are fixed events, such as the suffering we endure when we are born and that which we endure when we die. Other incidents of suffering can come as natural consequence of our actions or the actions of people around us (for example, touching a hot stove will burn your hand or a bully chooses to make you miserable). There are times of suffering that are fixed events in our personal wyrd, which is both your 'fate' and what you make it. The fixed events are 'fate'.

Usually, there is some kind of warning before the fixed event approaches. It has been described as nightmares of the event for a period of time before it happens. It can be an intuitive feeling prior to meeting principal agents in the event. In my experience, it is both. The fixed event comes and it feels as though living through a dream sequence, you are carried by your wyrd through the event. You then decide how you will handle the consequences of the event,  be it consciously or unconsciously.

Not all fixed events are bad. Many of them are neutral and quite a few of them are pleasant. The dreams before neutral or pleasant ones are generally not nightmares but recurring along the same theme prior to the event itself. Precognitive dreams are a great example of the dreams that happen prior to a fixed wyrd event happens.

Back to suffering. Fixed event wyrd that brings suffering happens. This is ultimately a thing that is supposed to shape your character into what you are supposed to be. To use an example from my own life, I was in a nightmarishly bad relationship at the time. I was having nightmares of being hit by a tractor-trailer. My then boyfriend took me out on a date. We went to cross the street when I looked over and saw the tractor-trailer of my nightmares. I stopped walking and was then faced with a choice. I could let my boyfriend walk into the path of the truck, push him in front of the truck, or stop him. I chose to grab the back of his shirt and drag him out of the path of the truck.

That truck was terrifying. I almost died but did not because it wasn't my time. I broke down after pulling my then boyfriend to safety, partly because he started screaming at me for 'getting in the way' and blaming me for the decision he had made to step in front of the truck's path and partly because I was still shaken up and afraid. It was an event that caused me suffering. It was also an event the proved the measure of who I was at age 15. It was a fixed wyrd event that had a branching point to different fate lines, with their own fixed wyrd events.

Wyrd is a web that we move along. At each node in the web we are faced with choices. The choices will bring us closer or farther away from our goal. Some choices are unavoidable (fixed). They may be major events (see my story about the truck) or events that seem inconsequential at the time (picking up a fallen pencil at a given moment to return to the owner of said pencil). Either way, a fixed wyrd point moves one closer to the type of person they are supposed to be. Thus fixed wyrd points will almost always lead to the same pathway. They are trail markers that shows us we are on the correct path of development. Mutable wyrd are the random sidequests that can develop our character more if we choose to follow the byways that circularly bring us back to the main thread we are following. Suffering is the price of being alive. Wyrd determines the shape of it.

Still unwell, still not sure what I'm doing.

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for sticking with me. I had things go sideways with my appointment with my psychiatrist. A scheduling bug in their system deleted my appointment for this month.That meant that I drove to his office for a ten second "Here's your prescription and we do have your test results in." discussion with him instead of having the opportunity to address the problems I am dealing with right now. I was highly annoyed. I am going to be confirming my appointment for October is in the schedule.

Because of the combination of my complex-post-traumatic stress disorder, my bipolar disorder, and my seasonal affective disorder acting up, my brain is like scrambled eggs half the time. I am barely keeping up with things like the dishes and laundry right now. Creative work is at a just about standstill because my anxiety is an awful critic and telling me that everything I am writing (or ever have written) is garbage. To say the least, it is distressing and not conducive towards things like daily blog posts.

I have been making plans to observe seasonal holidays but things happen and I feel as though I am a bad devotee because I haven't been able to do so. I have to stop and remind myself, these things are for us, not the gods. The gods are complete in themselves and they don't need us to engage in rituals. The rituals are there for us to draw closer to them.

I still feel badly about not performing the rituals and not being as through in my daily prayer practices. On the godspousery front, my beloveds are concerned about the situation with my depression. They have been pushing me hard to do things like write this post and keep up on my therapeutic journal writing. I'm still struggling to find a therapist who will take my health insurance. Honestly, I'm pretty close to giving up on that front because of how hard it is. I've been looking for a year now and I had one close success. Then the insurance company decided they weren't going to pay the therapist their fees and I was asked not to come back.

I'm doing stupid things on Twitter (my handle is @Lady_Brythwen ) like coming up with bad pitches to an imaginary agent and bad book titles in an attempt to cheer myself up. it's not working so great. I'm still working on my charity knitting. I have a rainbow colored scarf that is almost done. I am hunting through my yarn stash for nice yarn to use for the preemie hats. I don't like using sock yarn because it doesn't do as good of a job for keeping the heat in. So far this year, I have donated around 35 preemie hats and about 5 scarves. (I knit a lot slower than I can crochet.) These are helping keep some of the anxiety I have under control, but it is getting crunchy right now.

Please keep me in your thoughts.

In flux.

Dear Reader,

I have been dealing with mild to moderate depression for several months now. It's been exhausting as has the uptick in my anxiety problems. My doctor ordered a battery of tests to determine what psychiatric medications my body metabolizes properly and what ones I do not. From this, we're going to determine what medication will actually work on my anxiety and who knows, possibly get a better handle on my depression. If I'm lucky, my sleep will improve too.

As I said, this has been exhausting. I have been on the edge of panic going out of the house to do daily tasks. While this has worked well to keep me from getting sunburnt, it has been detrimental to my social life and my ability to stay on top of everything that goes into running a household. I'm dealing with a large number of emotional flashbacks. I haven't nailed down what the triggers are. It is emotionally distressing and exhausting.  On top of this, I have been having intrusive thoughts relating to the trauma anniversaries and general bad things that happened in the past during this season.

I agree with my doctor that at least one of my medications is not working properly. I'm afraid of medication changes because in the past I wound up in the hospital due to them. Please, kindly keep me and my family in your good thoughts and prayers.

Divination: Tarot Major Arcana 12 - The Hanged Man

Dear Reader,
The last few weeks have been extra busy. Today we resume our Tarot Tour of the Major Arcana. This week's card is The Hanged Man from The Witches Tarot by Ellen Cannon Reed and Martin Cannon. This is my favorite manifestation of the Hanged Man because it features Odin hanging upon the World Tree.

In standard tarot decks, the Hanged Man represents a time of forced stillness and waiting. Such as what Odin endured as he hung upon the World Tree as a sacrifice of himself to himself. In the direct orientation, the Hanged Man suggests that the ordeal will not be suffered for too long or be something beyond what the querent can endure. In the reversed orientation, the time of forced stillness and waiting is more challenging and suggests that it will test the limits of the querent.

In the Fool's Journey, the Hanged Man is the fool who has been quite literally baffled (being hung in this pose was once a form of punishment called baffling) and is waiting for their time of punishment to come to a close. During this time, they are encouraged to think about what has brought them to this place.

To learn more about this card or any of the others in the Major Arcana or Minor Arcana, please order a copy of my book.

Thoughts on Love.

Dea calls for us to extend compassion, forgiveness, and love towards they who have wronged us. She calls for us to extend loving compassion and mercy towards people who have offended us. She calls on us to emulate Her perfect, universal love to all people regardless of their stature in the community or their standing in our eyes. Because we are diminished and more distant from Her than we were in the beginning of all things, the weight of the world makes it harder for us to love the whole of creation.

There are places within and without us that cry out for that love and kindness. Our eyes are blinded by the veil of matter and all the confusion that comes with it. None of us see clearly through that veil, no matter how holy we may be or seem to be. All of our wisdom is but a drop of water in the sea of Reality. The simplest of laws binds all of us together and yet it is the hardest to adhere to in this life. Love unto all beings is our Lady's law. How, one may ask, do you love the very persons who have wounded you to your very soul?

Love can be unconditional while healthy boundaries are kept. One may love from afar. Transpersonal love can be unconditional. It is a more abstract sense of love than interpersonal love. But one can love in this fashion. Transpersonal love or the love of all people is difficult. Very few want to love all people. There are those who stand out from the rest of the crowd and appear to embody wickedness. I tell you, as surely as these people may elicit feelings of rage, disgust, or some other potentially hostile emotional response, you can transform it into love. It takes a great deal of patience and practice.

It requires us to examine what has provoked this response. Just as we fall in love with people who resemble traits in ourselves that we love, we come to hate people who have traits within them that resemble traits that we hate within ourselves. For this reason it is vital to know ourselves as best we may so that we might consciously and deliberately love each other, and ourselves.

Some mistakenly believe that the only truly valid form of love is romantic or familial. The love of one's pets is no less valid than the love of one's friends or the love of one's family. Popular culture is beginning to recognize this with the expression of 'pet parent'. With the rise of friendships with elements of 'classic' romance incorporated in them, these relationships are beginning to get recognition for how important and necessary it is to have loving relationships beyond the single romantic partner model.  In addition to this, we are finding more open evidence of healthy self-love practices in the younger generations.

Our culture is in the midst of a quiet revolution being lead by the younger portion of generation x, generation y, and the millennial generation. They have been fighting for all forms of love to be recognized. In some cases, their struggle is in spite of death. And this is not a strictly 'first world' struggle. We can see these brave people challenging governmental and cultural practice all around the world. In many  places they do so at great danger to themselves and their loved ones. The punishments for challenging theses heavily entrenched cultural beliefs about love range wildly.

The mildest is ostricization. There is the criminalization of things like the open expression of homosexuality, which can result in the leveling of fines, imprisonment, and in some parts of the world execution. Polyamory is illegal in most of the United States unless is done on the sly outside of the "sacred institution' of marriage. Even in that grey area where partners are not married, there is still social condemnation for all parties in that polyamorous relationship. The expectation that one person should meet all of the social and emotional needs of their partners is a toxic and unhealthful claim to how love operates.

Love is patient and kind, as the Christian saint wrote. Love is also respecting the limitations of oneself and others. Love is setting boundaries and protecting oneself from harmful people. Love is fighting for the oppressed people's well being. Love is the kindness that brings the terminally ailing to a good death. Love is the kindness that allows for the parting of partners in an unhappy relationship with respect and compassion for each other. Love is the strength to endure hardship for  the sake of the greater good. Love is the willingness to put aside pride and choose to compromise instead of fighting over who is 'right'.

There are countless ways to love the world and it takes great courage to love the world.There are many who will scoff and name you a fool. Let their scorn be as the rattling of an empty can. For their scorn is born of ignorance. Perhaps, pity them for their narrow vision. But do not be troubled by it.

Life Update.

Dear Reader,

I apologize for not posting more. Life has thrown my family several curve balls and I keep striking out in the attempt to hit them. The kids are officially done with summer school. I have a birthday party to plan. My sister-in-law's husband just had surgery for intestinal cancer. It looks like he is having some serious other health issues as well. We're trying to be the best support for them as we can be, but it makes staying on top of writing stuff challenging. And, then there is the usual business of running a household that's been getting a bit out of hand because I haven't been sleeping well over the last month due to my anxiety running out of control.

In a few weeks, the kids go back to school. I find out the results of the genetic test my doctor ordered to figure out why my psych meds are not working properly. I'm pretty sure there will be a medication change done then and I have no idea how that is going to go. I'm still trying to find a therapist that will take me. I'm not going back to the county clinic after how poor my treatment went there. So, I'm somewhere between depressed and having a bad day most days of late. It's been exhausting.

I pray for guidance and aid. I think that the Divine's intervention is the only reason why I am not a gibbering wreck right now. I will try to post more. I thank you for your patience while I juggle all these things at once.

Practical Witchery: Basic Sigil magic

Dear Reader,

There is a great many posts on how to do sigil magic. It is a highly individualized and artistic form of magic. Some sigils are made using sigil wheel. Others are made by writing out the intention and striking out repeating letters. Once this step is complete, an abstract design is made using the shapes of the individual letters left. Sigils of this design have a great deal in common with bindrunes. Sigils can also be formed using symbolic pictograms.

Activating a sigil can be as simple or complex as the caster desires. One may carve the sigil into a candle and burn the candle completely to activate it. One may write the sigil on a piece of paper and burn it to activate it. Or one may choose to carry the sigil on their person until what it is designed for manifests.There are as many ways to activate a sigil as there are to cast a spell.

A sigil is used to jumpstart the unconscious mind in locating the desired result. Through the ritual of creating and activating the sigil, one impresses the desire into their unconscious mind. With focused attention and a measure of self hypnosis, one may have a highly effective result from their sigil magic.

Divination: Major Arcana 10 - The Wheel of Fortune

Dear Reader,

This week's card is The Wheel of Fortune (or as it is known in this deck, simply The Wheel). The card pictured comes from the Art Nouveau Tarot from Matt Myers. The Wheel of Fortune is best known as a card of change. Its presence in a reading speaks of a cyclical change from favorable to less than favorable circumstances and back again. It reminds us that nothing is permanent except for the fact that things change.

In the Fool's journey, the Wheel speaks of the Fool experiencing this rise and decline in fortune only to rise again. In the direct orientation, the Wheel of Fortune portends positive change and an improvement of circumstances. In the reversed orientation, the Wheel of Fortune warns of ill luck, poor opportunities for improving the situation, and possible embarrassment.

Life Update.

Dear Reader,

It's been a challenging month. August looks to be equally challenging for various reasons. I've been really struggling with my complex posttraumatic stress disorder over the last several weeks. It's been hard to nail down what has been triggering the flashbacks but I'm working on it. My kids have kept me busy with things like daily walks to the park when they get home from summer school and the general business of our daily affairs. Last weekend we celebrated my younger son's birthday (a little late because he had Fifth disease and was unwell for a week) and that party went well though it took some of the starch out of me.

Monday, I had my monthly appointment with my psychiatrist. We discussed my c-ptsd issues. He suspects that one of my anxiety medications is not working properly. He's ordered a test to figure out what medications work well for me and what ones we should avoid. Once we have the results, I suspect there is going to be a medication change. It's been a difficult time dealing with these flashbacks. It has been messing with my sleep and mood accordingly. I'm hopeful that this test will help me avoid something like hospitalization to adjust my medications.

But, suffice it to say, I have wanted to be posting but struggling to do so.

♥

Divination: Major Arcana 9 - The Hermit

Today's card comes from the Barbara Walker Tarot. The Hermit is a card of introspection and inner journeys. Bearing the lantern of truth / lantern of spirit, the Hermit seeks knowledge of themself and the world.

In an upright orientation (also known as direct) the Hermit speaks of a time of withdrawal and isolation for the sake of focus upon one's inner life and spirituality. In an downward orientation (also known as indirect), the Hermit warns one of the dangers of avoiding social contact and disconnection with the world at large.

In the Fool's journey, the Hermit appears to guide the Fool farther along the mysterious path to self knowledge.

For additional details about this or other cards we've reviewed, please read my book: The Veiled Witch's Handbook for Psychics: A Practical Guide to Divination and the Psychic Arts.

Godspousery Notes: Silence.

Silence happens in relationships. It can happen when partners are busy doing their own thing. It can happen when partners are hindered by challenges in communicating (i.e. distance). It can happen when partners just run out of things to talk about at the time. Some times, silence is used as a goad to get you to do something. Some times it is just a natural part of the moment and you can be together and quiet at the same time. And, some times, silence is used as a form of punishment or manipulation (this is different from the 'goad' comment because manipulation is a bit bigger and tends to have more negative connotations than 'goad').

Over the last week, things have been pretty silent between Loki and I. It isn't that I'm being ignored or that I'm getting the silent treatment over something. He's giving me space to handle things like familial obligations and such. At one point in time, Loki went radio silent for a long while. I couldn't make sense of it after years of daily contact (including stupid jokes, pranks, and commentary on what was going on). Finally, I asked someone who was in better contact with Flame-hair at the time to help me figure out what was going on.

That was when I was told that the silence was Loki pushing me to stand more on my own two feet. It made sense as they detailed how I had been leaning pretty hard on Loki for support over the few months prior instead of taking proactive measures to handle the problem. These days, when things get quiet between Loki and I, I stop and ask myself a few questions.

1. Am I handling my problems as best I can?
2. Am I looking to Loki to solve my problems for me?
3. Have I been getting enough 'real world' social contact?

If the answer to all three is yes, then it is most likely that the silence is either because Loki's really busy with something, giving me space to solve problems, or is just off somewhere sleeping. (Gods sleep. It happens.) If the answer to one of the above is no, I then work to address that.

Usually, Loki gets quiet to keep me from getting too distracted to work on things in my life. Being godbothered and having a laundry list of things on my plate at any given moment makes focus a challenge. Times like now, he's quiet so that I can get stuff done and be more efficient at my tasks as a wife and mother in this world.

Sometimes, Loki gets quiet when I am flailing around looking for somebody else to solve problems that I have the capacity to solve. I've come to realize, he gets exasperated with me when I get like that. It's a thing I'm working on. Handling situational overload with out getting into a tizzy is a growth process. Kinda like being in therapy.

And Loki will go quiet because he wants me to focus on my 'real' social contacts. It's his way of helping me with my social phobia. 

Fifth disease, babysitting, and chaos.

Dear Reader,

My plans to have an organized and well written week on here got shot down by a string of unfortunate incidents. My youngest child has come down with Fifth disease. He's been home sick for the last few days and alternating between being his usual self and being upset because of how itchy and uncomfortable he's been. Keeping up with him has been something of a challenge. The boy's got a great deal of resilience in the face of most anything. Fifth disease is only serving to slow him down a bit. We're keeping him home from summer school for the week. While he is technically not in the contagious phase of this disease, he is so uncomfortable that it is hard to get him to focus on things.

Then there was the day that I did emergency babysitting for a neighbor and my writing plans for the day got tanked there. The young lady I was watching was very pleasant and well mannered. But I couldn't simply just assume that she was going to sit and do something like play legos while I sat writing for a half hour. She needed some one to entertain her, hence my not writing and spending my time talking with her.

Aside from that, my computer is beginning to act weird. I've run a virus scan on it. It says it is clean. So, I am beginning to think it may be time to back up documents in preparation for the computer to be wiped clean and have the operating system reinstalled. It's about seven years old. On windows machines, you kinda need to do the wipe everything and reinstall from time to time.  I am not entirely sure how I'm precisely going to go about backing up EVERYTHING but I know it is going to be a project and a half. I will likely be enlisting the assistance of my husband. He knows more about this stuff than I do.

On top of all of this, I have two birthday parties to plan and an anniversary party to start planning. Everything happens all at once, it seems. I'm trying to get back to posting on here more, but life keeps getting in the way.

July for Loki: Who do you love?

Loki has many faces. Loki is a complex deity on top of being gender fluid and a shape shifter. His most well known faces are the Lie-Smith and the World-Breaker. He's however more than just that. Loki is the cunning one and the sly fox of the Aesir. He is a known mischief maker. But he is also an inventive problem solver. Loki is the god of paradox. A bound god and yet walking free (because, clearly, he is some how free to roam if he's still off having adventures with Thor and visiting his people), he is a paradox. Loki is also the mother of witches. He is the father of monsters. Loki is the loving parent of the unloved children. Loki is the ambassador of the Aesir for many.

Loki is all of this and so much more.

People tend to focus only on the 'bad' parts of him. They forget that without Loki, most of the treasures of the Aesir wouldn't be there. (Neither would fishing nets if you go by the lore.) I love Loki in all of his faces and forms. Are there some that make me uncomfortable? Well, yes, but there are things about myself that make me uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that I am any less deserving of love. Just because something or someone challenges your sense of comfort doesn't mean you get to reject them for it. And that's a big part of working with and loving Loki, having your sense of comfort challenged.

I don't know about others, but I know that Loki doesn't want me complacent. Loki has expressed to me many times the sentiment "comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable" and that's been our dynamic.

Divination: Major Arcana 8 - Justice

Dear Reader,

This week's card is Justice and she comes to us from the Sharman-Caselli Tarot which was designed by Juliet Sharman-Burke and Giovanni Caselli. Justice is a card that I have a special relationship with as it is one of the cards associated with my birth name.

Justice speaks to us of consequences and the need to make hard decisions with an impartial and clear mind. She represents legal matters. In the direct orientation, a querent can expect a fair and merciful result. In the reversed orientation, a querent must be careful of impartial cruelty masquerading as justice and the harshness of karmic blow back for past errors.

In the Fool's Journey, the Fool finds themself facing the consequences of their past decisions before they may move forward in their decisions.

For more details about this card and the others we have reviewed thus far, consider consulting my book, The Veiled Witch's Handbook for Psychics: A Practical Guide to Divination and the Psychic Arts.

Godspousery Notes: Just Keep Swimming

Dear Reader,

I was going to post this yesterday but yesterday was as chaotic and busy as the other days last week. Having spent my day running in circles and working very hard to be social despite the heat wave making me want to be a refrigerator based hermit, I just didn't have the energy to post. The recurrent theme over the last several weeks is "Don't give up just because it is hard." It's shown up in tarot readings, fortune cookies, and Loki singing 'Just keep swimming' ala Finding Nemo. (Which is an adorable animated film that I really should watch again, I'm sure the kids will love it.)

It has been very difficult not to fall into despair over things like my ongoing struggle with writer's block, the continuing calamity going on in my country with the manufactured 'border crisis', or the fact that my chronic illnesses are not going to go away no matter how healthy I eat or how much 'good' stuff I do (i.e. exercise, yoga, or meditation). I suppose one could say that I am suffering with temptation right now. Most of the time, people think temptations are things like forbidden food and pleasures. But, right this moment, the biggest temptations that I am facing are to just give up on my dreams and resign myself to remaining insignificant in the eyes of the people around me.

I recognize that this is depression speaking. I recognize that this is my illness, not myself. At the same time, I am in a battle with myself here. My most cunning opponent who is as slippery as a greased eel happens to be 'scumbag brain'. The only means I have to 'win' against this opponent is to refuse to give up. I feel horrible and like I am letting you all down. Loki has strong opinions on this. 900000% of these opinions are that this emotional argument is bullshit. Logical and healthy brain recognizes that this is correct but the horrible feelings are still there. It's challenging to hold space for those feelings.

I tell myself, let myself imitate my gods in enduring this. Odin hung upon the world-tree for nine days and nine nights in agony. I am sure that he suffered thirst, hunger, and no small amount of anguish that he could have ended at any time by coming down from the world-tree, but he didn't. And Lady Anna, Queen of Heaven, suffered the temptations written in the Clear Recital if not more. She could have chosen to do away with them and yet she did not and she endured them. I know that there are countless other stories of suffering endured in the holy writ of all the world's faiths. In all of those stories, bravely carrying through the suffering brings its own reward, relief. So, I live in hope of relief of my present suffering and keep my gaze upon the Holy Ones as I slog forward.